Thursday, November 30, 2006

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

and then there were three

so yesterday was the beginning of reality math, always marked by the births of the sugar babies.
10 students 11 sugar babies, yes one lucky student had twins. there was a 20 minutes of complaining and whining....
"i don't want a boy."
"i don't want a girl."
"i'm going to dress him like a girl anyway cause i want a girl!"
i can see the issues growing. the had a day to decorate their child.
and one of my not so creative sweeties made his baby boy a diaper. he was working so hard. when he got through he proudly displayed the finished garment modeled by his sugar baby. before i could comment,ms. shakur piped in with, " why is your baby wearing a thong? ms. theresa that right there, that's child abuse or pornography or something. he must be getting his designs from r kelly's version of baby gap. that's wrong, ms theresa!"
i had to excuse myself to the ladies room so my laughter wouldn't stifle creativity but damn that girl has a wicked sense of humor.....i'd like to think i had something to do with that......(tear on cheek pride moment).
only two took headers off the tops of desks.
one required a band-aid.
the babies are weighed after the 14 day experiment and the one closest to 5lbs wins points.
they all start with 100 points.
they can gain or lose points based on care. children left unattended for too long will be kidnapped cause shit happens and sometimes it happens to you, the ransom 75 points. i already have the ransome notes.

and it just so happens that the llama had her foal, colt, spawn what the hell are their babies called? i will look it up..... CRIA. a baby llama is called a cria. i have never heard of this..don't lie neither have you. see i told you they want my arms and now there are three of them stalking me......

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thanksgiving?

how do you have a police shoot-out with a 92 years old woman?
how do you kick down the door of a 92 year old woman at 2 am in a drug infested neighborhood looking for a dealer who doesn't have that address?
happy fucking thanksgiving..this woman lived a long time, was a law abiding citizen. her house was riddled with bullets. the police have been shooting a lot of women lately. wtf

lighter note?
so we are having thanksgiving dinner.
3 hours late cause the little popping thing didn't pop on the damn turkey.
i think the damn thing was trying to put up some kind of fight.
no sides that had to be baked were prepared.
my sister...who said to me "I'll cook the mac and cheese this year."
went to the store after it had been run through and could not secure the vital ingredient..VELVEETA.
we ate fucking Kroger brand mac and cheese. wrong, i told her she was going to thanksgiving hell, for her troubles.
it is wrong for mac and cheese to have the consistency of rice crispy treats....wrong, i say!
the kids are getting rowdy.
they are hungry and i am in a coma on the couch. yelling occasionally "no the popping thing isn't broken. no the bird is not done if the popping thing doesn't pop! no, i will not go ask the neighbor who is entertaining at least 20 people if you can put the cornbread in her oven."
did i mention the kids are getting rowdy?
to soothe the children, while the popping thing popped and the bird too large for our group was heaved out of the oven. my mother spun the ancient thanksgiving tale of the "Spider-man Food", you know...the legend of cranberry sauce! yes, she did. told them how Spidey wasn't right unless he ate this special food. that he had to make sure he got it at thanksgiving because that was the time of year that it was served in abundance. that the reason it is red, is cause it is one of Spider-man's favorite foods. " Like ketchup?" Jamal asked."Like Ketchup." my mother beamed.
you have never seen the amount of cranberry sauce consumed.
it was so wrong.
all i could think was the carpet will be colorful later thanks to Spider Man the Patron Saint of Thanksgiving.
when i left no one had thrown up, but the energy of all that cranberry sauce and the cream-cheese pound cake, pineapple upside down cake, sweet, sweet potato pie and the mounds of whipped cream was very evident.
I am so glad my son didn't hear the Spider-man tale.
this kid who routinely sleeps in a spidey costume three years too small( i tried to throw it away twice and he always busts me). but if he asks for any one of the three cranberry sauce cans that have been sitting on the top shelf in the kitchen cabinet for now on three years, I'll know that one of my sister's little spidey disciples, spilled the goods and shared the traditional story of the Cranberry Sauce!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Workin it out

Last night was a HIT!
What a great night. It went a little long but it was very nice.
I gotta work on this hosting thing.
I can be pretty clever but sometimes my clever on the spot
is just twisted at best. I feel silly practicing hosting.
I stood in the mirror last night, after a few beers, and tried to introduce people better.It would help if i had some history. Knew their work or, something.
People seemed to not notice that I sucked at it so it's all good.

It also helped me curb some of my anger. Not all of it. Last night instead of dreaming of killing the woman who grabbed at my son. I only hurt her. The important thing here is that my fantasy violence is not so scary...For now, that is. She touch my boy again and I don't know what I'll do. I just know it will be bad.

So tonight in the next phase of the Charis 32 Birthday bash there is Burlesque at Sister's. Yes, I will be there and I think I have my courage coming back so I am considering doing a burlesque act. Since the depression has set in, I have lost weight and it has redistributed itself somehow. So there are angles of me I don't recognize and if someone were only paying half attention, they could totally mistake me for fine even sexy! I shall test that theory tonight, before the alcohol sets in where then everyone is fine or sexy, or some intoxicated equivalent.

But before then I have to crash Cold Soup Dinner Theater. My mom is performing blues songs and some comedy. My mom is pretty funny except sometimes when she tries to tell a joke. I can't sing but I am going to sing a song with her tonight.
This depression thing has me so wrung out. I have this incredible loneliness even when surrounded by people and I'm doing some really great things, I am afraid that I'm missing a lot too. Because I am so in my head sometimes, pile on the pre-menopause...I'm feeling pretty fucking unstable.

This blog is all over the place..so we have been studying Greek mythology and I have re-stumbled over one of my favorite goddesses. This is who I think I would be and if I were to take a serious stage name other than my own it would be this. I think she may be my next tattoo in a smallish version.

Nemesis

is the goddess of divine justice and vengeance. Her anger is directed toward human transgression of the natural, right order of things and of the arrogance causing it. Nemesis pursues the insolent and the wicked with inflexible vengeance.

That's where I am right now. People lie and I want to smite them on the spot. There are other smite-able offenses but that's the big one in this moment. I talk to people and I feel myself scanning for lies...it's bad. not going to do that tonight. Going to let my hair down, relax, and allow myself to be the charming, sexy motherfucker, I used to be before liars invaded my space, and twisted my perceptions.
In other words..I'm going to have some fucking fun for a change!!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Sandwich Day

As an educator, I feel it is my duty to pass on information that could potentially shape the minds of the young and old. I am a font of useless information and I insist on sharing it with everyone.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY!!!

John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, was a gambler. One night he didn’t want to leave the gaming tables even to eat, so he ordered his servants to quickly bring him some meat between slices of bread. That way, he would still have one hand free to play while he filled his stomach. He was a genius. Yes, he had a problem but where would Subway be without him.

So, in my class today we are playing cards and munching on cold cuts. I'm teaching them how to trash talk and take beating like a man, woman, or child! I start each thrashing with " do you need to make out a will, or call you next of kin or a hug? Do you need a hug?" Then i whip them in gin rummy, war, uno and any other card game we got going on!!
Why am I such a cool ass teacher..........Cause I don't know any other way to be, baby!!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

beyond pissed

i am barely keeping it together
my son's teacher is a freak
and she tried to remove my son from a class
because he disagreed with her and refused to go
you send his ass to the office
you can even come tell me and i'll send his ass to the office
but you do not put you fucking hands on my child
i have not slapped the shit out of her yet but it is around the bend
i don't know what's up with this week
people testing their boundaries with me
i am not in a good place emotionally
i am not in a great place mentally
and i am tired of being pushed up on
and not pushing back
and i am tired of resisting my inner bitch
so i'm not anymore
she's been dormant too long i think
it's time i let her out to play
tread carefully
she has been released