Saturday, September 29, 2007

stargazing in kentucky

clear kentucky skies inspire

the sky here invites me to dance
on my back staring into the face
of the moon and she looks familiar
her aura spelled us in the stars
her blackness so engulfing
excitement fills me
at the thought of such a heavenly demise
she seems so close
a million miles away
on earth as she is in the heavens
i raise my arms to play in her hair
if i think hard enough she'll
feel me nudge her heart
light years from now
she'll feel my hands on her skin
her falling stars a hello
she winks
her sky so black i can see the future
i imagine where ever she is
she lies on her back
looking into a sky so black
she sees my face

Monday, September 17, 2007

Chocolate Day

The big day!!
Chocolate day observed!
We dipped everything and out of all the madness only two items sparked my gag reflex.
first...the fountain

then the items....


so here is what we learned. while chocolate is a goddess it does not enhance the flavor of everything.

for instance, spam and chocolate should never come into contact with each other. this one sparked my gag reflex.

sardines - the mustard flavored sardines kinda balanced the chocolate not delicious but not terrible.

slim Jim's - DELICIOUS dipped in chocolate

olives- a nice salty sweet mix

dill pickles - an amazing reaction happened when we mixed pickles and chocolate. at first it's the sweet salty mix and then it gets spicy like add pepper spicy...strange, when we make our own pickles for pickle day we will investigate this phenomenon more.
string cheese - yes, no...never cause damn i thought i was going to puke on everyone.

Finally we have concluded that I am indeed the most incredible, most awesome, most fun teacher in the universe and even chocolate couldn't make me better.

Next Pirate Day!!!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

ask and ye shall get it

i think she's stalking me
she's been dogging my trail all day
what!!! i say to her
" i can't help but notice the chocolate milk in your fridge
i love chocolate milk and i heard you say you didn't like chocolate milk...can i have that chocolate milk."

"i didn't say i don't like chocolate milk, i said i don't like yo-ho."
"it's the same thing."
"it's actually not. you can have it though."
one sip on the change of the face face.
"this is nasty."
"i told you that."
" it doesn't even taste like milk."
"it's not milk. i like chocolate milk."
"you said you didn't like this though."
"i can't talk to you. you don't speak english."
"you said you don't like milk and i could have it."
"read the label."
"chocolate drink? what does that mean?"
"it means not milk."
"i don't like it."
"sounds like a personal problem, because you bugged me for it, you begged me for it so you will consume it. cheers!"
pouting, "this is bootleg. chocolate drink."

Thursday, September 06, 2007


this constant movement
shifting spaces
retracing paths carved in the dark
everything has changed
including my mind
i thought this time would be different
i was wrong as usual
picking myself up from
a foundation that cracked in the settling
a fault line that broke something in me
something i thought was stable
i break under the strain
of unknown expectations
keeping afloat by sheer will
my motivation dwindles
and dawns
in this darkness that
shades my thoughts
and hardens a heart once
so malleable it could fold into anyone
i'm afraid now
a fear that grips me
leaves a smile on my lips and a feeling of emptiness
that seems like it could
go on forever
it makes me think i'm sick
fevers that come from nowhere
dry heaves that bring up nothing
but this overwhelming emptiness
i constantly try to fill with other things
to no avail
it seems again i've chosen a path
not suited for me
wrapped my faith in the unfaithful
tossed my tongue at the feet of one
who knows me but pretends not to
tramples my words
and in all this change i end up in my past
knocking on doors that refused to open
the first time
attempting to fling open soulful windows
nailed down like they were
the last time
a glimmer is all it would take to dispel the darkness
a glimmer
unseen by eyes that refuse to open for fear of what she'll find
shifting spaces
where my matter won't fit
changing to remain the same
locked in my head
locked out of my heart
constantly moving
going nowhere

September 13th

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Answer to a question asked by Evan on My Space

when i fell in love with poetry a question from copa

i have always loved words. they were a way to express my views my wants my needs. i abandoned them when it was clear i was expected to be like my parents. i went from writing everyday to not picking up a pen and acknowledging words that struggled to escape for years. the process added weight mentally and physically. i didn't know i was depressed that i was lacking something that resembled a sense of myself. the almost 300lbs should have been an indicator or the fact that i worked my job beyond expectations dotted on my children to the point of spoilage then retreated to dark spaces waking myself in the middle of the night dissolved in tears. the week before a massive stroke ripped my fathers brain in two and took him away i had a conversation with my father. the last real one.

he went off, told me how i was wasting my life, denying who i was, and not utilizing my talents. he accused me of being afraid of my own power and success. he told me my marriage wasn't right, i wasn't who i thought i was but i am who i know i am. society cannot dictate who you are to be and who you want to love unless you allow it. you are not happy and this man will not be there when you need him but you need to be there. you fight for the benefit of others when the fuck are you going to start fighting for yourself. stop disappearing he said because i see you.

the conversation left me empty and confused.

a week later my mother, sister and i take all the grand kids to a puppet show. we leave and mom suggest we go to her house. i said she should check with jikki, his mood had been off, when he didn't answer the phone we went our separate ways. 20 minutes later i get the call my mom walked in the house to his body broken and him semi conscious. at the hospital he on the gurney...he wasn't there he had disappeared the body there was empty. i called my husband, he was away at a meeting i explained that my father had a massive stroke and a decision had to be made by me. the kids didn't know please come home. he told me there was really nothing he could do he'd be home in a few days.

his response did two things

1st it echoed a reflection of my dad's final comment about him not being there when i needed him

2nd i could see me returning to my own body.

i made the decision to take him off life support my mother and siblings by my side. they gave this wonderful man a 13% chance of even being conscious he would never be him again and the percentages were dwindling every hour.

weeks later missing him like a tooth. i had lost over 150 lbs and given notice to my wasben that i was leaving with my children. i went through his closet finding the leather cowboy style jacket i'd bought him for his birthday and several shirts i liked. i took them. wearing one of the jackets one day the scent of him still there i plunged my hand in a pocket and found a strip of paper. it had been washed all i could read was "i love you straightforwardly". i googled it. this is what came up.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. Pablo Neruda

i took it as a sign. i knew this kind of love. i picked up a pen and i have been writing again ever since. i never stopped loving my art, i think i just lost myself and had to lose something more to find me again. rediscovery is a terrible beautiful thing. losing to gain a fucked up concept. but life goes on whether or not you chose to participate. on march 24th 2003 i lost a precious part of me and made the decision to be an active participant in my own life. and i know he's watching me like t.v.

buffalo soldier

dread lock rasta

my dad.