Javaology

I went to Javaology last night.
It was very cool, coffee a bit expensive, but a nice spot.
The open mic is called The Womb Room.
The name made it a little weird to see all the guys their.
The name makes for a space that kids could come to. You have to keep it clean!
I can do that but sometimes a nicely place four letter word does the trick.
I was good.
The only four letter word that escaped was BUSH!
Now that's fucking profanity.
While there I ran into Lady, John Goode, Abyss and Cocktails.
Also this very nice gentleman drew a picture of me while I was performing.
It was very nice.
I like great open mics! I really like new ones. I should be doing one myself ( with Alice of course) very soon.
It's a great spot! Check it out !!!!!

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

So Mary Grabar has some definite ideas about Slam Poetry,
Java Monkey Speaks and the poets that read there.
Hold up,
Wait a minute,,,..
What's that you say..
She hasn't what?
Hasn't been......
Did I hear someone say she hasn't been there?
But her commentary it was so, so, ......
really fucking insane is what it was.
It's funny because she has no idea how many people she pissed off.
Or maybe she does and it's some twisted republican game ( I hear they are a kinky group).
She was worried and concerned about her favorite shrub being dissed
in an open mic setting,
wait no it was "the liberal setting"
she may as
well show up butt ass naked
(although I can't imagine wanting to see that),
slathered in butter,
with an apple in her mouth.
'Cause soups on and let the roasting begin.
So many of my friends are responding to the letter
and giving her hell.
Way to go fellow poets.
I have not mastered the art of response to letters that piss me off
without lots of colorful
un poetic, slammy like phrases like...
Stupid dumb fuck,
ignorant ass bitch,
and my favorite
goddamn republican crackhead motherfucker!
See none of these will get my letter of response printed
in the Loaf. So I leave it to you my level headed poetry kings and queens to write the response that makes my phrases eloquent.
An I will slam her ass on the stage!!!
And I'll be nice and include her boy Bush!!!!
I'm sure he's doing something fucked up oh.....right about now!

Festival A Success

What a week!!
I have been a running crazy women!
Some of you are thinking and that's different from what.
I understand the love...Thanks.

The Children's Festival was a great success.
It was probably the largest crowd yet. We had wonderful workshops and performances.
Next year however will bigger and more fabulous.
I am still in a bit of pain and it really confuses me.
I have lived to be almost 40 and get my first ear infection.
I know have guilt because if the pain I endured was even half of what they went through
I did not nearly enough to relieve their pain. Cause damn!
We'll talk more later!

The Pain

I have been in pain for about a week now.
It started dull and achy then sort of went away.
I have not slept since Friday. The pain is so excruciating
that I can barely control my expressions. So bad that hydrocodone,
800 Milligrams of ibuprophine, and a shot of tequila did nothing.
So now I have naproxen which helps but now I'm so overly tired
I can't relax. Makes me want to scream. I'll try to give you a heads
up before the psychotic episodes begin. But remember I'm sleep
deprived so no promises. The slam was interesting. I'm glad I participated.
There has got to be a way where it could be better.
Maybe bring out poets or someone who knows what they are listening to.
The old couple who were judges kept saying to each other what do you think, I don't know whatever.
Strange.
Two others were heard to say a participant wouldn't make it past the
second round before it started.
Sounds shady.
We will see how this team does.
See if nationals enjoy a nicely recycled Saul Williams piece.
I will let everyone know because.....I will be there!
There are so many things you can do that don't require you to be on a team.
I can't wait!
You can send more than one team from each state.
I'm thinking an all female team in 06'!!!
I know there is a way to do it.
Let's figure it out ladies!
I Love My Friends!!!!!
I bugged them about this and they came in droves.
37 people came to see me last night and it felt good to have them there.
I am loved!
They were all pissed!
I had to get them outside so some wouldn't cause a huge scene.
It was pretty funny!
They left in a flood after I bombed.
That also felt good.
They are loyal only to me.
I am special and not just on the short bus!
I am so glad this is over. Back to my open mics and features.
I have got two more pieces done. A writing maniac I tell ya!

Count Down to Slam

I have become obsessed.
It's like the time when I was in highschool when this
white girl told me there was no way I could be a
cheerleader. I had no desire to be a cheerleader, but because
that knucklehead said I couldn't I became cheerleader from hell
just so I could make the team become captain and kick her ass off.
Which I did, don't fuck with me.
The whole process took about two months.
I wonder if she learned her lesson.
Probably not.

The maiden voyage of the grill went well.
We were not however able to set up the kiddie pool. Z-man was very
upset by this. Next week I'll set it up and he can take a dip after school.
This spring break has gone by so fast that I want a do over.
It's not right. I think the time change should happen after spring break
to give us the illusion that we have more time.

Last night the poetry at Charis was incredible. I heard a lot of new poets that I'd never heard before. Sunday night will be awesome. I do realize that it is entirely possible that an all
male team could represent Georgia but let's all do our part to make sure that little nightmare doesn't happen. I learned my shit and I will do my best. I will go regardless, but it would be awesome to compete just cause I've never done it before, and it would be the perfect addition to my pre-mid life crises.

Curse of the Grill

Can I just say that Amanda Kail rocks and she is my shero!!!!!
And Phoenix Y Z is amazing!!!
We have such a great time, and Malika, Elliott, and Rachael helped to hold it down!!!
Can I let you all in on a little secret? Get closer....Closer......CLOSER......
Women Poets will one day soon RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't tell anyone I so enjoy the look of surprise on the faces of the dominated.
I crack myself up.
So the new Lowe's in Little 5......SUCKS a lot.
No one there knows what the fuck they are doing.
It's like watching the learning challenged channel.
They called me to tell me my grill was ready at 1 o'clock.
I said I'd be there at 2. So why did I have to wait an additional 45 minutes
to get the damn thing and it was shaky.
They kept walking around like they had no idea where
the grill could be and like they were lost. Kept asking each
other if it was a seasonal or outdoor item. I'm thinking it's an
outdoor item that I'd like to have before next season,
thank you very f*!!%ing much.
The the same chick who first helped me kept asking me
if she could help me. I'm like help me find my damn grill!
Then she wanted me to sign something that said I received
what they couldn't f$&*ing find.
When I looked at her like she was the nut she is, she said "Oh, don't worry we gonna find it and the you won't have to wait to sign this form then."
Yes, I fought the urge no the desire to slap her silly but damn.
And people wonder why I curse!
I know they are new but it would be nice if the employees knew what the hell they were doing.
I tightened up the grill and tomorrow some carcass will be barbecued!!!!

The Countdown Begins

Wow
Wow and more Wow!!!

What a week. We are now on spring break and a much needed one at that.
Java Monkey rocked last night and now we are down to just 1 week till slam!!!
I am going to practice at House of Poets Slam tonight at Mulligans.
I am so ready to take another road trip!
Trying to get some poets together who want to do it!
You wanna hear something strange which also goes to prove my obsession with this slam shit. I dreamed poetry last night.
Freaky right?
But I fucking remembered my dream,
and now I know the shortened version of Chance Encounter.
I timed it this morning, just under three minutes,
I also memorized three other poems the same way and wrote a new one.
I am a freak of fucking poetic nature.
But don't hate!
Poetry through sleep deprivation....... It just could work!
I am also counting down my Birthday!
Can't decide on a performance night party with drums and poetry and music or a drunken orgy party. Both have the strong points but what a decision I have to make.
I really hope my students have stopped reading my page.
I told them it's where I vent which means the occasional explosion of profanity.

I made Zion take medicine last night which he was none to pleased about. He woke up coughing this morning and said " Mom! I told you medicine don't work, and I was right. I don't ever want to take medicine again." By the time I faced him to respond he was snoring. Bossy little sleep talker.
Must go buy grill! Lowe's had a cool one for 99 bucks.
I want to invite some folks over to practice with and drink beer
and grill the carcass of some animal smeared in bbq sauce.
Now doesn't that sound yum?!

Rain Rain Go Away!!!!!!

What a dreary day!
Rain, rain, and more rain.....
Java Monkey was so empty combination crappy weather and holiday kinda mucked up the works. I have been a writing fiend.....I am so not complaining.
Four new pieces! WooHoo!!!!
I have been very busy this weekend.
My friend Toby had his going away party this weekend. He will return to Germany next week.
And damn!
Tap a keg and they will come,
and they will pass out, and the cops will show up.
All signs of a kick ass party.
Except when the host disappears and passes out in the barn with the goats (don't ask), and wakes the next morning with no recollection of how he got in bed and why he reeks of goat droppings. There's a poem in there somewhere and by damn I will find it!

The final slam at Java Monkey is coming up!!
It should be an awesome event. My only hope is that one of the final four(out of 13) is a woman.
There are only 3 women in the finals.
Come out and support the women!!!!

Wow!!!!!!!!!

I feel like I have arrived, by leaving it's all very cryptic allow me to explain.
I had my first performance out of town and it was awesome!
I traveled to Antioch University in Yellowsprings, Ohio (not sure if the town should be one word or two). My traveling companions were the very brilliant and talented Amanda Kail and Phoenix YZ. What a weekend, on Friday we left 'bout noonish and arrived in Ohio a little after midnight. You would think that we would have been tired but no we were wired and stayed up talking poetry, barley and hops with the amazing Ami Mattison. When you get two or more poets in a room you may not get them out.
The performance on Saturday night was refreshing, fabulous and too much fun to be real. The feeling of doing something you love in front of people who have no idea who the Fuji you are is very empowering. They loved us and not just because we were three hot babes but mostly because we are three hot babes.
After the show we partied till they kicked us out of a club in Dayton, and I mean snatch the drink out of you hand , then the light weights had to go night, night. But those of us who could continued to hang. The conversations we had will save the world. Because of the massive amounts of libations consumed the secrets are temporarily lost but when Ebonie, Ami, and I regrow those lost braincells we will share the secret to all.
I really want to thank those folks for bringing us to the university. It rocked and now I am ready to slam, slam, slam.

Changes

It's been a year solid that I have pursued my poetic dreams and I am happy.
I also really, really, really want to make the Atlanta Slam Team. IF you love me you will come out and support me on April 10th as the four team members will be selected. Out of 13 only 3 are women. Hello, that's wrong. At the very least one of us has to be on the team.

What is the deal with people who try to date new people when they are still in deep with their ex's? Why is it necessary to draw others into their drama? I have had several people approach me wanting to get to know me and just when I let my guard down they bounce back to their ex. Color me confused. It's very tiring this is why I will only focus on those things that don't send mixed messages and makes you want to choke them. Me and my poetry.
I have my first out of town gig this weekend! Antioch here I come! I am so very excited!

What the Fu@!!%!!!!

How is it possible that a person can shoot up a court room in this day and age of heightened security. Why would you have an older woman by herself securing a man known for violence against women and not give her back up. Somebody fucked up big.

Change of subject......
I had a very busy week. I wrote two new pieces and did several open mics. I met this guy at the Yatch Club who wanted a woman's perspective on his relationship. He is with this woman that he thinks he loves. When he met her she had a child and he took care of him as if he were his own. Then he had a child with her. She broke up with him and now she wants to get back with him and guess what she's having yet another mans baby. Can you say doormat?
I don't doubt that he cares for her. He broke down and cried several times during our conversation. He's going to go back to her I just know it. I wish him the best but it makes me sad to watch someone struggle over whether or not they can live with being used because their love is so strong. He believes that if he loves her hard enough she'll realize that he is the one. Love can be a beautiful, warm, sexy, breathtaking, vicious, uncaring bitch.
What can you do? You can run, but unfortunately you will be bodyslammed by love repeatedly. Make sure you're wearing head gear.

And what the hell is Michael doing?
Or thinking?
PJ's in court?
Maybe they can get him to hang out with Martha she can help him, if nothing else she can help him coordinate so at least he matches his PJ's match.

Back Again!!

Howdy,
I'm back at school and wow!
It is a different kind of tired.
I am about to start back hitting my poetry stomps next week.
I've only got a few weeks before the finals for the slam team,
which means I have got to memorize my shit!
So there will be Java on Sunday
House of Poets on Monday
Cliterati on Thursday and who knows what then.
I actually think I have a gig or two before I leave for Ohio
but I spoke to people while on hydrocodone and as I said before
it is not conducive to memory. Hopefully my mom knows or
I'll be late for those shows if I show, know what I'm saying?

THE D WORD!!!

Okay I have finally recovered from the dreaded seminar for divorcing parents which is really all about common sense. Now I realize that everyone doesn't have common sense and with all the technology we have today there should be a test to figure that shit out. Have a class for those with sense and those without.
Anyhow this thing is supposed to be this positive thing and they start off by labeling.
What fun a labeled paid for by me. And I have a nifty certificate with my name vs the other name. Wouldn't that be a nice reminder for the kiddies, should I just hang it on the wall. It is the most insane thing I've enountered lately. Stamp a sheet of paper and mark it done don't give me a fucking plaque.

So, because I initiated the divorce I am the" leaver". So the other person the "leavee" may be in shock so it is my responsibility not to send mixed signals.
If the signals were not mixed in the first place,
ever stop to think that there may not be a divorce happening.
Dammit the world is dumb!!

I wrote a poem about my label as the Leaver. Like to hear it here it go!

The Leaver and The Leavee

The Leaver said she'd had enough
she simply couldn't, wouldn't stay
she simply couldn't stand to be here
not another goddamn day

The Leavee didn't have a clue
never took the time to see
that the lovely Leaver wasn't happy
well, not as happy as the Leavee

The Leaver often had dreams
some would call the, well nightmares
that the Leavee got hit by a bus
or fell down a flight of stairs

But the Leavee thought that things were great
and getting better all the time
but the Leaver felt the Leavee
was trying to make her lose her mind

So as time went on the Leaver
felt she'd surely go insane
if she didn't leave real soon
put an end to all the games

So the Leaver found the courage
yes, she really got the nerve
she sat the Leavee down and suggested
they consider the dreaded "d" word

The Leavee was excited
at the thought of a possible date
The Leaver said " You've ignored me for years,
a date now! Hell, it's too late."

The Leavee seemed shocked and surprised
that she would take this course
that she would even have the nerve to utter
the dreaded word divorce

But the Leaver didn't falter
The Leaver stood her ground
determined not to let the Leavee's
poor attitude get her down

The Leavee said it was indeed
all the Leavers fault
and if the Leaver actually left
then the leavers promise was surely false

The Leaver saw immediately
that the truth the leavee wouldn't tell
so the Leaver packed her shit
and told the Leavee to go to hell

Then the Leaver relocated
settled down finally at last
and if the Leavee leaves the Leaver alone
she won't have to kick Leavee's ass

Sista Seuss 2005

Don't steal my shit!
Enjoy

Too Much

I am almost done with my recovery and you would think things would be glowing all around.
But I have come to learn that in this life if it is not one thing it is most definitely another.
Are we in a world full of predators?
Do we or have we created a society where predatory behavior has become the norm?
Does the government not want sex ed taught in schools so that the future predators of America continue to have victims?
How in the hell does a grown ass man find pleasure with children?
Why on earth would a school teacher have sex with a student in her car in the parking lot of a school with her fucking baby in the back seat?
What planet are we all living on?
Has it occurred to anyone else that this existence could be a cruel joke and we are all the butt of it?
What difference does it make if children give Valentine's to their classmates?
Why do religious groups want to make something as all inclusive as children sharing candy or cards with friends a question of sexuality?
They start with saying Sponge Bob is gay and end with saying that if a four year old boy exchanges a Valentine with another four year old boy he may be showing homosexual tendacies.
What the fuck does that mean?
I am convinced that these groups are the problem.
That they sit around pulling out the sickness in themselves an try their best to make it our reality.
I am a little more than pissed this Thursday.
Cause it's just too much!!!

Got My Fix

I was having serious poetry withdrawal so I joined my daughters and mother for a night of poetry at Java Monkey! It was nice, I was over excited to the point of drooling.
Sad, really. But fun.
I guess I pushed it a bit this weekend cause I am beat.
Last night I was in arts and crafts hell and realized it was after midnight.
Didn't get to sleep till after 2.
I finished HeadGames my new chapbook!
I am very proud of myself.
After the final edit, it can be yours for 10 bucks!
Yes, I take checks.

This week I have to take a seminar for divorcing parents.
It bugs me that I have to pay 30 bucks for someone to remind me that I am getting a divorce and I have children.
Hell, I know I have children they eat over 250 dollar in groceries a month.
The Mt. Everest of laundry I constantly have climb,
the water bill, electric bill, phone bill and gas bill yes I know I have children.
But in Dekalb county you can't get a divorce until you take this class.
It's a scam one more thing to delay your escape from hell!

What the Hell Was I Thinking?

You know how when you were a kid,
not a kid but teenager you thought you were so hip and cool, much like the teenagers today? Well I can't wait for them to have the very sobering experience that I had today, cause damn!
Okay, when I was a teen I was very much into Prince.
Very much into is a huge understatement.
I was a fanatic!
So much so that I saw Purple Rain in the theater over 80 times ( not lying it had a Rocky Horror moment where it played constantly in a couple theaters for months) I would cut school to sit in the theater all day watching this flick.
I made ( yes, I am an accomplished seamstress) at least 12 pair of the pants that he wore in the film, buttons galore and wore them proudly. I took my fashion statement to college where I was kicked out of (or should I say, encouraged to leave) many classes for wearing lace outfits, my chocolate skin showing clearly through the lime green and fushia lace. Bolero hats and lace gloves were staples to my wardrobe. I often only made up half of my face and wore hoop earrings so big they could double for bracelets. All the time I thought I was very hip and cool. And at the time I think I was. But today I had a Prince film festival and I watched all two movies and Graffiti Bridge is the dumbest movie I've ever seen. I wish I could say I was on drugs when I saw it and enjoyed it but sadly, I wasn't. Purple Rain still rocks, if only for the music. All in all the day left me reminiscent of my youth and I still don't know ...................
What The Hell I Was Thinking?
And I wish I knew where my wardrobe was today cause I could recycle a trend!

Good News

I went to the doctor yesterday and I can start moving around a bit. Yeah!
I can drive my car! Yeah!
I can go on short outings! Yeah!
All in all good news.
I tried to go on a short outing after my appointment and it wiped me out. Walking around made me dizzy and want to throw up. I didn't fall down or puke up, but the sensation to do both was quite alarming.
Can I just say that Netflix is the bomb!
I have to decide if I am going to continue it after my gift subscription is over.

I'm a little nervous about driving my car.
I mean what if I forgot how?
And what if I get all dizzy and pukey while trying to remember
what I forgot about driving a stick. That could be ugly.

On the Drugs Again

Well, It seems I didn't wean myself properly from the pain medication, which resulted in my bizarre sleep pattern. So I have to take the medication so that I can correct my sleeping patterns.
What kind of shit is that!
Take them to get off of them.
Well it worked and for the last two nights I have been able to go to sleep.
Except I stayed up till 4am watching movies Friday.

Guess what? I may have my first gig out of own in March! I am very excited and can't wait!
I have been having some serious poetry withdrawal happening.
Not pretty.
Not as bad as crack withdrawal.
But still, not pretty.
I have my check up this week and hope I can begin to resume my normal activities.
As I am going bonkers.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and here I am Valentineless.
Sob.
Maybe next year.

Happy American Forced Romance Brainwashed Consumerism Day!

It's Official

I have definitely entered the land of insomnia.
Not a cool place, I am very tired but it feels like it felt last night and I know sleep will not come soon. So instead of laying there in the dark, I will attempt to be productive, clean the kitchen, do some laundry, create in arts and crafts hell. Maybe if I eat the fat free cream cheese it will break the spell of insomnia. Do I dare try?
Hell no, cause we all know that fat free cream cheese taste crappy!
I will not buckle so easy oh ye purveyors of fat free crappy cream cheese!
I really need to sleep, it's the only way to keep the insanity away for a while.
Sleepy vibes please, send them.

Ok, What's Going On!

It is 4:33am and again I can't sleep. What is going on?
I am very tired but my body will not shut down.
I am already dealing with the fact that I have missing pieces,
and I am in arts and crafts hell,
and I am stuck in the house,
and Sally has taken my coat,
and the fat free cream cheese people are stalking me,
to add insomnia, well that's just wrong.
I will surely go mad, and probably sooner than I've planned.
Send sleepy vibes my way please...
I'm begging.
AND IF THE WHOLE INSOMNIA THING IS A PLOY BY THE FAT FREE CREAM CHEESE PEOPLE TO MAKE ME BREAK DOWN AND HAVE A SNACK OF RITZ CRACKERS AND CREAM CHEESE SETTLING FOR THE FAT FREE CRAP CAUSE THAT'S ALL PEOPLE KEEP BUYING ME HOPING THAT I'LL DEVELOP A TASTE FOR YOUR FAT FREE CRAP, WELL I'M WIDE AWAKE AT 4:42 AM TO TELL YOU THAT I AM ON TO YOU AND IT'S NOT HAPPENING!