Come on out

It's official
I told my mom
she thinks I'm going through a phase
thinks I'm just doing this because it's easy
it is so not easy
one foot in and one foot out
easy
in some ways I can see that
I don't feel stressed
don't feel obligated and for a change I am happy
I haven't been happy in years
the only problem is my writing is changing
I have turned squishy and it's unfucking acceptable!
and it flip flops between lovey dovey
to oh, my god I've shown you my heart and now
you're going to either
fold it like an origami crane and pull a Dick Cheney
or... You're going to place it in the street(my heart) and run over it repeatedly with your car
or..You are just going to fucking crush me when this ends...
that's the problemI think of relationships as thing that end.
two marriages down, i was unhappy in both are my foundation.
you either settle and are miserable
or you are miserable so you settle
here I am not miserable actually quite the contrary
not settling,
hell I wasn't even looking
so now you can see and understand why I am so fucked up
I have never been happy
so trying this happy on and checking out how wide it makes my ass look in the mirror
and if I can properly accessorize happy
is going to take a minute.
but I gotta stop writing this squishy poetry
I was in this totally racist situation yesterday and normally
I would have lost my shit right then and there
then eviscerated her ass poetically
and all I could think was
she needs a hug
I have turned into
a pussy
a wimp
a softy
the Pillsbury dough boy
and every other pansy ass thing.....ahhhhh
It's fucked up really
not a phase
not miserable
I am happy
and the squishy poetry is not bad
it is however confusing the hell out of people
you know you've pulled a mind scramble when you do a love poem and the audience looks horrified
the pause delay in reaction is enough to give you a fucking complex and the only comment you get is a disappointing....You didn't curse once.
very funny
i guess I've gotta watch more news
someone is bound to do something to piss me of nicely and then I can rediscover my pissed off inner poet
okay
that didn't take long,
how the fuck and why would you try a scam in which the end result is six babies
how do you pull that off?
do stupid people just grow here ?
is there a farm?
that is the most insane thing I have ever heard of
see better and all because
I live in America the land of the depraved and home of the fucked up a lot
maybe the pretendo pregnant stupid woman needs a hug..
doh!

intimidating you say

note to reader
i am again not using punctuation again
i will also not be capitalizing and my subject matter is upsetting to me so i will be cursing like a fucking sailor on shore leave at a nunnery
oh yes and my spelling won't be great

i was told last night by someone that they were intimidated by me
i thought they were kidding
i hear that a lot and don't own it usually as something i exude
i don't wake up for instance and say
you know what i think i will go out and intimidate many
i am aware that i have a strong personality and at times i can be intense
even scary
only sometimes
so the same person then proceeds to hit on the person i happen to be seeing right now
blatantly
they wait of course until i leave the table and while i perform but clearly they were not intimidated enough by me
so now
i'm pissed
and i don't even care if it's not rational
the fact that this person believed i wouldn't be told astounds me
the denial when i confronted astounded me more
the fact that this person had the fucking nerve to raise a voice to me was equally astounding
but by far the most astounding thing is the fact that i resisted the urge to knock this person the fuck out
it's not an ownership thing
i know it is ridiculous to even think you can own someone
i am just happy to have the time to get to know people
owning them is not something i wish to do
it's about respect for others and self
i wasn't respected and my friend is left in a funky ass position of feeling uncomfortable

who crossed the boundary and is this other person was really my friend
i want to let it go but right now
i can't
i'm going to need a wide birth
because i haven't had the urge to pop someone in a really long time
last time i felt this way
didn't go so good there was mad violence at the Masquerade
i tried to beat someone into another century

and we all know i am way too old for this

sanity thy name is elusive

Beautiful

I keep looking for it
and maybe it's not a visual thing
maybe beauty is different everytime you need to experience it
for instance when my children were born
the beauty of hearing them cry out before seeing them
was my beauty
seeing their precious faces
or are their faces
my constant reminder
of where the sound of beauty sprang
is hearing my mom say she's proud of me my beauty
or knowing it
is protecting yourself to the point where no one can reach you
on any level because you've been hurt
self-preservation such a part of you that you don't recognize it
knowing in your heart that if you wanted to be reached
if you allowed anyone to enter protected areas
it would be beautiful
or does beauty begin when you allow those walls to be picked apart
knowing at anytime the rug could be snatched from under you
while bricks in you facade fall away
knowing you could be devastated
hoping you won't be crushed by the debris of falling walls
releasing the fear you've held
hoping it can turn to trust
then maybe it could turn into that very thing
that protects you better than walls ever could
would that be beautiful
I've been climbing over the walls I've built
to protect myself
apparently from myself
that I never took the time to look down
now I've got that fluttering feeling
as I teeter on the edge
of what could be beautiful
and it scares the fuck out of me

Karaoke Poetry!

What a night!
We had a blast and those of you who missed it missed something moving, special, and fucking hilarious! Celebrating Karen G, it's her birthday you know, and the love was there. Those who wanted to be covered sent their poems to me and I created these very cute, very clever (if I do say so myself, and make no mistake about it I do!) playbooks. Participants covered the poet they wanted! Alice (the mom) let me choose hers so I had her do poems from Stacie Boschma and Collin Kelley. Needless to say she rocked the both of them, and having your mom read a poem about sex at Collin's parents house was something that needed top be experienced. Amanda Kail's reading of The Gambler as a spoken word piece would have made Kenny Rogers proud! And you know what because we had so much fun, his ass should have been there. Collin's version of This Ones For You was superb and came with audience participation! Stacie did a great job with Butterflies and Rainbows! Karen G, covering Collin's Why I want to Be Pam Grier was soooooooo good! Phoenix held her own with GIMMIE SUM. Ethan cover The Revolution Will Not Be Televised and I believe he came in 3rd for the Slam! The funniest performance came from our only participant who was not a poet. Cutie Rochelle did a very dirty version of Spice Girls Wanna Be that sent folks running from the theater. My mother hooting and laughing it up ( and the wine may have had a little to do with it) only encouraged more naughtiness. I haven't laughed so hard in weeks. We didn't have an enormous crowd but the cool kids showed up and that's all that fucking matters! Next time you make sure you show up! We'll put you on the COOL KIDS list!
You missed the first of many Karaoke Poetry events.
Miss the next one and Coolness maybe forever beyond your reach!!!!!!!!!!!

Saulutations

I met Saul Williams on Sunday!
Then found out I knew his daughter.
Her name is Saturn.
She came to visit my school in January in hopes of being a potential student.
How small is the world.
How miniscule.
Saul, and Cindy and I talked about school, holding up the line for his book signing.
What a beautiful man.
Very profound.
I read new pieces at Java after the signing. I read a piece that resembles another squishy poem. I read it for a friend. I think it went well, there was slight blushing!
I am in flux again.
Godammit!
I don't mind the sensation of changes and changing what bothers me is the loose control I temporarily have over my emotions.
It throws me off.
I say that and some don't understand what I mean.
When I am thrown off,
it's like there is a break in the electrical impulse
that pushes information to my head.
And where I would normally
say no to something
those seconds of disconnect and I start to,
I think this might feel good.
That's it, decision made.
These are the times when my
inner guy pops up and I am thinking with parts of my body.
Not Good.
I have learned over the last couple months that
I am what you might call insatiable.
Meaning....stop playing
you know exactly what the fuck that word means.
At any rate, I'm beginning to get on my own nerves.
Hopefully I'll settle down soon.
I do have to admit....I am having lots, and lots, and lots, of fun.

Holiday

My son is so funny.
he woke up this morning in a great mood especially
considering the 3am visit to my room where he informed
me again that his leg was broken and needed to sleep with me.
He has said this to me on several sleepy night occasions,
so I am not sure sometimes if he has hurt his leg
or he just dreamed he did.
He walks right into my room.
Standing on both legs.
It's just weird 5 year old thing,
I don't think I want to understand.
This morning we get to school,
he goes into his classroom and then runs back to mine.
"Mom, I'm not wearing green! I don't want to get pinched!
It's Patrick Day, you know Sponge Bob."
This cracks my ass up!
I am laughing so hard I'm doubled over.
Then it dawns on me that he could be serious.
That would be a funny holiday,
I need to find out if he was joking.
Believe it or not his humor is so sophisticated,
dark and twisted sometimes.
He tells jokes all the time and their actually funny!
A chip of the old block!
I think everybody should say to at least one person
"Happy Patrick Day, you know Sponge Bob!"
and see what kind of reaction you get.
That is some funny shit!

wtf

oh my god!
what a crazy couple days.
my ignition switch thinggy went out and i had to have it replaced. damn unexpected expense and now i am unexpectedly broke as in no cash money honey! nada!
i don't have a lunch today so i am eating chef boy are dee.
and all i have to say is.......
why does it taste like shit?
shit in sauce. i don't think i have ever tasted anything quite like it. i am about to break my big old rule about wasting food and throw this shit away. anyhow it's more a sub-food, because it taste like shit and the meatballs look like well you know. one of my students says he loves that stuff!
kid clearly has no taste buds cause, damn!
one of my other students fell off a picnic table last friday. i called her mom and she went to the doctor and came in today with a broken collarbone! wtf!
she's been trying to write, bless her heart.

Slammed

it's like that recurring dream that you have.
you know the one you're there hanging out looking and feeling ok, then you realize you are not naked, but wearing granny panties and your boobies are on backwards! Maybe that's just my dream...Huh.....anyway, something in the cosmos doesn't want me to slam for the monkey. it's to the point of funny. it's amok, then. my personality is probably more like an elephant drunk off her ass tearing shit up, rather than a monkey hyped on coffee. it was the most interesting slam i've been to so far. i really hope the finalist on both teams make themselves familiar with technique and style because a lot of what i heard would be booed off the stage. i can't remember one poem at individuals or at nationals last year where the word bitch was used in reference to a woman. there were no dick poems or vagina monologues. there was cleaver and rarely did you see paper. i suggest everybody go and see slam outside of Atlanta. it will blow you fucking head off, make you chase it across the street (only kicking it twice), pick it up put it back on you shoulder and raise you levels.
i am enjoying the hell out of this!
two slams in one month and in both people confused by the judges and diggin my words!
some pissed some shouting it's all great....loving this!
i love the randomness and the way the listeners connect...well, when they are actually listening.
i have to pace my social life. i've been denied so long i think i'm still in a buffet state of mind. filling my plate even when i am full and still going back for more. makes for a tired body and a foggy mind. i just have to remind myself that i will not starve......ooh dessert!

Friends

Why is it that I look like I am taking a poop in performance pictures? Friends, please give me a heads up when I am doing this. This picture was taken at IWPS in February. I am either harping on rainbows and butterflies or I really gotta go. I am going to have to start practicing photo poses when performing, so I just look like I gotta pee, not poop!

what to do

* note to reader

I am boycotting punctuation marks not all of them only the ones that I don't have use for today

yes, I am using the comma sometimes cause sometimes I don't have issues with comma and there is an exclamation here or there because I am OK with them most of the time, but the other ones can kiss my ass!

cool place
never been here before
exhausted as hell but relaxed and happy
what a concept
tired, relaxed and happy
no wonder I'm not normal
or am I more normal than even normal can be
boggles the mind doesn't it
I am sure there are rules to what I am doing
but I don't really want to get caught up in that
I just want to flow
another hard concept that people can't mesh with
flowing is nice
my only concern with the current flow is that my writing
has taken on this different feel
I am resisting so I am having trouble accessing my angry space
my comfort zone
it's there I saw it this morning when the head idiot was on TV this morning
I will level off soon
I can't wait for Cliterati tonight
I have about three new pieces and they are all over the place
one is all about leave me the fuck alone and go fuck with someone else
the other is all soft and lovey
the last is the rewrites to choose your weapons and ink
this past week end was amazing!
the show at Charis was awesome
and my jedi mind trick is working just fine
my road trip to Vanderbilt was great
they made me feel all celebrity asking for photos and autographs
I sold books and CD's, and aspiring poets recited to me it was good
then the slam an incredible night of poetry
I drew a two, not good, but I was very pleased with my performance and the response from fellow poets and the like
and a friend
all is good

a work in progress

a brief excerpt from a piece I'm working on
I fell off the edge of the world
and landed in your arms
all lips
connected
the warmth of your mouth
on mine engulfs me with a sensation
that begs movement of hips and hands
of what lay ahead
and what lay behind green eyes
watching me
watching you
in a want that singes
passion driven by delight
and the glow of
green eyes
drinking me in all
heat and waves

is this thing on

What an amazing couple of weeks!
More like three weeks.
I am elated in all areas of my life right now and it’s been a long time coming.
It only took a year and a half of stalking Doria Roberts before she did a show with me.
Beautiful.
I have done my third college gig and it was great!
First slam outside of Atlanta! Awesome!
Green eyes that watch me!
Hot!
All in all incredible!
My son was the best damn boa constrictor in the whole wide world in his class play!
My class successfully pulled of the play about nothing that included;
a drug reference,
use of the word pessimist,
pirates, yo-yo’s,
a sword fight,
a rap song,
and a Cheney joke!
I think we are up for a Tony!
Trying to get back into my body.
I have had so many experiences this week end,
and discovered hidden talents.
I think I have successfully blown my own mind and maybe the mind of others.
I’m tired and coffee has stopped working.
After this cup I’m switching to energy drinks.

March 3rd!!

Charis reading
this Friday night8 pm
hosted
by poet
*slam champ
*teacher
*artist
*mom
*performer
Theresa Davis!

Poetry night at Charis is revived & revitalized!
Bring your words, wisdom & kick off the weekend verbally!
Hear you there!~
Cliterati mama, Karen G.
Charis Books & More
1189 Euclid Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30307
Tel: (404)524-0304
Fax: (404)522-6663

Why

I have had a rough day.
I could use a big ole hug,
but instead I'll just get some things off my chest.
I have been teaching for 16 years !
That's a long time.
I have watched so many kids grow, achieve and find their place in the world.
In the past few weeks I have run into so many student who wanted to thank me for being involved in their lives. I taught 2nd and 3rd grade for many years. Try 12 years.
Last week one of my former students called me to thank me for being his teacher.
These are the kinds of moments teachers live for.
He was in my class when I taught second and third.
He couldn't spell to save his life and his stick figures were anatomically correct.
Took me days to figure out what the line between the stick boys leg was
or why he drew w's on the girls. Then I figured out that they were private parts.
But rather than embarrass him I taught him to draw clothes, and color them in darkly so their private parts could not be seen.
While in my class he learned a lot.
I have high standards for my students and have only had to lower it once I began to teach middle school.
What's that about.
When he left me and went public they tested him. Entering fourth grade he tested high school level in Geography and Reading, and sixth grade level in Language, and Vocabulary.
He's been accepted to Stanford.
He's received a scholarship.
Another has a full scholarship to UGA.
Another is going to Brown, and others to Tuskegee, Boston, and Vanderbilt.
My baby girl has her Juilliard on her mind.
I am not the best at every thing I try , but I try my best at everything I do.
I love my job.
I would do it for free, if food, and shelter weren't a must to keep DFACS away.
You can say what you will about me, and you do.
I am not phased because I know that my success is seen in the success of others.
I have made the difference in the world
because I have the courage to be a teacher.
This is who I am and why I teach.

Pop Tarts

The weight has been lifted
the insecurity let out to roam wild in somebody else's backyard
it was all in my head this need to not need
because I needed even though
I didn't need to admit to you or anyone else of my need
to need or be needed
and now all I need is a nap,
and possibly a zima
oh shit, wait ,they don't make that any more
so all I need
all I really need
is a nap and possibly a hug
and definitely reassurance
some snuggling
a touch, well, there
a kiss soft and light
a little comfort
a back rub
permission to need to be needed
and wanted
and desired
an embrace so tight that
it loosens me up
and to be longed for
and put on a pedestal
but not to high
vertigo is a bitch
and no pressure
I definitely don't need that
no, all I really need
is a nap
and a pop tart
maybe two

Tootsie Poop

I knew I wasn't the only one!
When I was a kid I loved some candies.
I Loved Pay Day bars and I would suck all the peanuts off and save them for later then eat the caramel center. Yum!
There were only a few that I didn't get, candy wise, that is. Like Squirrel Nut Chews? This candy should be sold with a dental appointment card .
The one candy that I liked but couldn't eat was Tootsie Rolls.
I didn't quite know why until this week end.
My son was eating a Tootsie Roll from the goodie bag he got from a birthday party.
It's late we're on the highway headed home when he screams," Oh Yuck man I can't eat this! I gotta spit it out it's gross Mom, Mom, Mom, nasty please let me spit this out!"
"You like candy," I said.
"Not this one, Oh my god it feels like I'm eating POOP! It's slimy, Oh God Mom, Please can I spit it out! Poop, I got Poop in my mouth!"
I almost drove off the road.
I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants.
That's what it was! The texture. It's all wrong and it just looks like poop. That's why I couldn't eat it as a child. He was almost in tears before Tia and I got ourselves together enough to get the tootsie poop out of his mouth.
Come on you know you have had the same thought.

Drunk and disorderly

What an insane couple of days.
Clearly I've gone to another level.
I'm not quite centered, cause that's not fun.
I'm not quite, zen, cause that's not fun.
And I have not lowered myself to strike the drunk and crazy.
Thursday's Cliterati was crashed by a woman who was beyond the legal limit.
When I got to the reading, I was met by my buddy Stacie and given the heads up about an employee who was very drunk and upset because there was a cat in the walls. She apparently spent the day drinking and trying to get the cat out and at 8pm was unsuccessful in retrieving the cat, but had the sloppy drunk part very well covered. After watching her come out of the bar and sweet Stacie going up to her to try to comfort her about the cat, where crazy (this is what I will call the inebriated one) started going off and beating the shit out of her car. My car was parked very close to hers. I say was because when crazy went back in to get her keys because, and I quote," I'm outta here. Nobody cares about the fucking cat!" I moved my shit. I'm not trying to have more damage done to orange OK. She has been through enough. Going into the bar crazy decided she wanted another drink, Jagger at that.
Can I just say here Jagger bad!
Very bad when one has been drinking it all day.
It's just bad in general.
No good comes from Jagger.
Just ask my friend who bendered on it one night and woke up with goats!
Don't ask cause what happens in the goat barn stays in the goat barn.
But I can honestly tell you he will never look at a bottle of Bad Jagger the same again.
Crazy, argues with the bartender, she decided to make her own drink.
She opens the open mic with a drunken diatribe about how she loves god, she's worked so long here, nobody care about the goddamn cat, we are all going to heaven, nobody cares about the cat.
And in the middle there was crotch grabbing (her own, thank god) and belly slapping, again her own. When she grabbed her crotch it was accented by a guttural chanting of CLITERATI. Nice.
Only 20 minutes.
It was like watching a train wreck.
I have a theory about crazy.
If you give crazy an audience.
Crazy will want an audience.
If you clap for crazy, crazy will come back.
When you see crazy coming it's best to feign invisibility.
When she finished some folks clapped.
I knew she would be back if she didn't pass out.
In the middle of a poets reading she walks up to the main power box and shuts down all the power. Walks up to the performing poet and starts going on about ,"listen to the cat can't you hear him, who the fuck cares about poetry when the cat's in the fucking wall!" She goes on louder and ruder than I could ever be then she grabs the poets pages. I stand up because I think she's going to grab this woman. She walks up on her, gets real close and I step between them. I try to walk her away from the girl and there is some shoving that happens. My friends grab me before I do something stupid like, knock the fuck out of crazy, or get knocked the fuck out by crazy and they get her out of the bar.
Wow.
You never know what will happen at Cliteratti or should I say Kittyratti.
*please note
no cats were harmed in the writing of this blog.

Super Stupid

I know I'm just on hell of a nice gal and all
but when does nice cross over into dumbfuck
I am very supportive of a lot of causes and often donate my time for anything having to do with politics, children, and ending conflicts of any kind
I have even been known to perform strictly in hopes of getting laid
poet not a saint
but the day when I do a feature where I'm doing it for free plus you want me to give you 40% of the sales of any merch I might be able to push is the day
literally
when my brain leaps from my head and seeks refuge in my ass because I would have literally become a dumb ass, a shit for brain and any other disgusting brain ass reference that can be made
what is that
do they know how much gas is
and how expensive self publishing can be
besides this group as far as I can tell have had issues with my words
can I not curse or can I not say the f word
sometimes when shit is fucked up
fucked up is the only way to describe said shit
they want to use me a friend says
they want young blood
clearly they have no idea how old I am
she says, they know you promote the shit out of yourself and you could provide them with a crowd
I ask
is there even remotely a chance of getting laid ( here only half joking)
is there any chance that there will be any she's like me or any one not politically constipated
or socially repressed
or, or, or
she said, " "
yeah, that's what I thought
so I think I will pass for the time being
and can I just say that some video games should not be made into movie
doom is crap
they are not even blowing up enough shit to keep me interested
I want my money back

more stupid

Ok so know there are mumblings
that people want to protest Bush tomorrow
let me just say
if someone planned a protest at my funeral.....
I would be pissed
and yes I am aware that I would be dead
but my level of pistivity would be supernatural pissy
and Dr. King would not protest, no matter what you think
he would mourn his wife
plan a protest at a funeral
idiots

Holiday?

Okay, I don't get it
and it doesn't make me less black
nor does it make me less unpatriotic,
as if anyone were afraid of that,
but I don't understand why
we are taking the day off of school tomorrow
I don't get it
okay Coretta died,
Bush is coming,
so no school
it occurs to me that Ms. King would be more honored if
every child in the state
especially those who are homeless
and have not had the benefit of school
actually be in school
to me that would be more fitting
but you know what the fuck do I know
I'm just a teacher
already slightly frustrated by the fact that we only have 180 days
to prepare these children and we are adding more and more time off
and when the fuck did Sonny Perdu become such a strong supporter of the civil rights movement
oh I know when, when he remembered the elections are rounding the corner
fucking politicians