Sista Seuss

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

27/ 30 Sista's Grimm

she wants me to tell her a story
one full of dreams and hopes
white knights and fairytale fantasies
but I don't know those stories

I know of hurt and sorrow
sin and sex in and out of closets
tears and healing and what's for dinner
why is this house not clean
and are you going to answer that
with your straight gay face
tone it down bury yourself invisible
claw through your own heart
to surface breathe stuck in lungs
and sweat and fear
these are the stories that haunt me
trip off my tongue bullets and fury

she begs for a story
I warn her with my straight gay face
that my stories are full of guts and vulnerability
lost loves and fallen angels
heartstrings pulled to distortion distraction
shipwrecks, siren songs pit bulls and pirates
that take more than they give
pull you off center scatter your thoughts
break you and pisses on your future
while kissing you on the mouth
some would call them demons
dress them in colors all dark
and fangs shrouded in hind sight
they descend these stories sometimes
from place inside me where I hide
them and they surface all jack in the box
knock me off metaphorical horses
and punch people in their faces

I tell her all the ugly
pick at all the scabs let her watch
the ooze and glitter pull open my chest
show her my soft broken places
the punctures and broken promises
I bare myself naked show her my geography
highlighting the rough terrain trace my
stretch marks connect the dots of every mole
every blemish all the dirt and I wait for her
to walk away show me her polite retreating back
tether myself to the earth so her evacuation
will not leave me depleted

she surprises me
pulls open her chest shows me her
soft broken places guides my hand inside
invites me to stay tells me that those stories
the ones full of dreams and hopes
white knights and fairytale fantasies
without the hurt and helplessness
that real people feel in real time have
always frightened her

she wants the story where the two
heroins bring their hurt together heal each other
in the telling rediscover the beats in their hearts
unashamed of who knows
kissing in the light and pride
holding even when they both are accustomed
to letting go and disappointment and shame
I tell her I don't know that story
she tells me she doesn't know that story either
figures we can write one together
and gives me her pen

Sunday, April 28, 2013

26/30 Cadaver

when you get the time
remove my corpse from the cold
lay me out
like you always do
you know the texture of my bones
my flesh goose under your touch
make sure the scalpel is sharp
so the incision is clean and “Y” perfect
when you cut through my rib cage
don’t go to any expense any
pruning shears you might find
at any random hardware store will do
you will need the leverage
to lift my chest plate and cut through
my heart
my lungs
my liver exposed
put your hands in deep
don’t bother to wear gloves
you have been here before
left you marks and bruises
enjoy the art of it
analyze and weigh
excavate the organs you want to display
frame them
hang them on a wall
walk by and view them from time to time
donate them to a museum
so everyone can see
what messy art you make

Thursday, April 25, 2013

25/ 30 Everything She Wants

it started as a dare
you soon learned not to dare me
to do anything that wouldn't result in death
we became marathon runners
check list risk takers
we would have sex
everywhere

my favorite was in the elevator
both times
the first all concealed and safety
the second all glass open
like we were saying
watch me world as I go up and down
at the same time

it pleased you that I wasn't afraid
didn't know I was supposed to be
didn't know that the idea of two girls together
the way we two girls were together
might cause others to want to harm us
so wrapped up in the magic
I created scenarios to tease the sex out of you
the feathers were fun
adding honey not my best idea
and yes we ruined my sheets
and yes I let you leave for work
a feather stuck to your back
giggled thinking about how you would explain

I still have some of that in me
and there are times when I find myself
in places we made it in
and wonder where you are
when’s the last time you
fingered a girl at a ball game
or made love on a rooftop
I was in that elevator the other day the glass one
memory made my whole body blush
I could feel your breath in my ear whispering
I dare you

24/30 Shining Star

The year I turned ten St. Louis was a recent memory
Georgia red clay under foot mass exodus
to the black mecca of the south I was transplanted.
That year I became a southern bell
scraped knees and too thin.

Music was my everything in those days
my transistor in my pocket shaky reception grooving.
I wore ponytails back then and plastic shoes chasing down
the ice cream man in perfect rhythm.

School days filled with southern drawls that made me question
the English language the letter “r” in words where they did not belong.
The subtle differences of being black in the south
my northern fighting on playgrounds a different kind of civil war.

There seemed to be more sky here more future and forever.
Our roots the same growing in different dirt reshaping our tree.
I used to sit in the window listen to the city sounds my boom box tuned in.
While Earth Wind and Fire sang me into the world.

You're a shining star
No matter who you are
Shining bright to see
What you could truly be

23/30 when the moon is full and you remember

when the moon is full and you remember
those nights when our skin was the same
where you ended I began we could not tell
did not want to know

I was lighter then
my spirit not this weighed down vessel
feeling the best and worst at the same time
when love was simple
and you said it
you said you loved me
and I believed
how could you touch me like this
if you did not love me
stars in my eyes for you
blind and deaf ears

you did not mean it
not completely
I figured this was your way
of punishing me
to prove some point
I would never understand
because you would never explain
and now I do not want to know
the why of it

the aftermath has left me
second guessing myself
happy out of my reach
filled me with the fear
that every next lover
will not love me
the way you did not
even when they say they do
so I am afraid to act
afraid of my own tongue

the sting of rejection
is the gift that keeps on giving
the one you cannot return
it takes up so much space
my heart is full of it
and the scars are fresh
and open and seeping
and sad
and unworthy
and longing
and lonely
and you

when the moon is full and you remember
remember that time you taught me a lesson
I will never forget

sigh

“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”
― Haruki Murakami

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

22/30 Help Me Rhonda

maybe it was an omen
a warning
letting me know from the day I was born
that I would be haunted by memories
of her
of them
the women who once cleaved to me
their truths tattooed on new skin
holding me like secrets
like time and times
like I am free to love the way I love
I don’t want to be rescued from my memories
don’t want to croon it over and over
Rhonda
I am sure you could have fit the bill
I love the feel the skin
could give a damn what color
they are wrapped in
I’m not afraid of losing love
I have lost it before
gender a metaphor
I have lost it by making the decision
to take love off life support
kiss it on the lips
as it goes up in flames
it haunts me like a scent
in my clothes on the wall
in my nose on my skin
in the fur of the pets that watched
gave their approval
licked my face the morning after
so I have lost nothing
and I want to keep
the memories
the feeling I've felt at and under
the hands of love in the moment
those memories
have never frightened me
I keep them
hold them promise
my fear is not that I have loved
it might be that they won’t remember
how much I loved them
so maybe in that respect you could
help me
Rhonda

21/30 A Haiku imagining Eve in modern times if she channeled Rick James and addressing those who blame her for Adams sort comings, their periods and a host of other shit.

Man, woman, apple
I am the beginning of
all life
I’m Eve Bitch

Sunday, April 21, 2013

20/30 Why I Got to go and Make Things So Complicated?

if you and i get together
if you and i get together and like it
if you and i get together and we like it like a lot
if you and i get together and we like it a lot and then claim it
if you and i get together and we like it a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and the claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean but i did kind of sleep with your mom because she's kinda hot and really imaginative and flexible

if you and i get together and we like it a like lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean but i did kind of sleep with your mom because she's kinda hot and really imaginative and flexible and you get so pissed well because you would have rather i kicked your dog

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean but i did kind of sleep with your mom because she's kinda hot and really imaginative and you get so pissed well because you would have rather i kicked your dog can you not break up with me on Facebook

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean but i did kind of sleep with your mom because she's kinda hot and really imaginative and flexible and you get so pissed well because you would have rather i kicked your dog can you not break up with me on Facebook because that is embarrassing

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean but i did kind of sleep with your mom because she's kinda hot and really imaginative and flexible and you get so pissed well because you would have rather i kicked your dog can you not break up with me on Facebook because that is embarrassing I mean I slept with your mom

if you and i get together and we like it like a lot and then claim it and then decide we want to be together so we make promise then change our statuses and let everyone know and then folks start tripping trying to break us up and shit and your mom she's hot and more mature than you she starts doing stuff like flirting with me and something fucked up happened like i kicked your dog or slept with your mom because she's sexy only i really didn't kick your dog because that's mean but i did kind of sleep with your mom because she's kinda hot and really imaginative and flexible and you get so pissed well because you would have rather i kicked your dog can you not break up with me on Facebook because that is embarrassing I mean I slept with your mom can we both just agree that this shit is complicated

oh, and can you ask your mom to call me?

18/ 30 Play

its about the way we fit
the hip and swagger sway of it
the you and me later
call me baby
if we can think of it
it can be done
should be done and
we should do it on a train
we should do it in the rain,
storms are best
skip a bus down town play
secret stranger baby
pick me up in a dive dyke bar
dance dirty with me out loud
shake and shimmy
fuck me senseless
one night stand
in the car baby
the way we play
keeps us honest
keeps us charged
pushing boundaries
binds us ribbon
hold me like a secret
on the tip of you thoughts
hold me in your mouth
and we will create the kind
of memories that magic
is made of baby
it should always be this way
it should always be this open honest
play date dating with you and me
understanding
until you don't
until you heard another woman
laugh in the key of your smile
until you started assuming the worst
stopped telling me your truths
turned trust into dis
you stopped playing with me baby
i felt your attraction slip
when you thought my focus
wasn't focused on you
mistook my busy for misadventure
when you forgot about the way we fit
the hip and swagger sway of it
the you and me later
call me baby
you don't call me baby
no more

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

17/30 Boxes and Stuff

when he asked me out and I declined
in a nice way I thought
he then asks how I identify myself
I think OK here we go again
this is the part where I am supposed
to box myself
make me compartmentalized
and small
enough for him to grasp
my disinterest
my I am just not interested in his advances
and I have to be something other
because he is the shit
and I should want some him on my shoes
because if a woman doesn't want him
she must be on some other
other
she must be a LESBIAN

when I say I’m pirate-queer
he laughs like I've made a joke
like I didn't understand the question
he says so, you identify as lesbian
I say no
I’m pirate-queer
now he thinks I’m fucking with him
and I kind of am but not simultaneously
I ask how does he identify
when he tells me he is
a straight black heterosexual man
I don’t explain the redundancy
of straight and hetero in the same statement
I don’t point out that he has told me
who he is not how he identifies
and maybe I’m wrong
and maybe people do identify this way
but I don’t, I believe who I am
is not always the same as how
I identify myself

I believe when you look at me
you know a few things right off the bat
you know I am female
I am black
and if I’m wearing my glasses
you can safely deduce that my
vision isn't what it used to be
what you can’t see is my sexuality
I and don’t think I have to naked myself for you
I tell him I don’t identify as a lesbian
It is what I am
like I am a mother
an educator
black
feminist
loud mouth poet
I AM a lot of people at the same time
and if I start putting all the people I am in tidy boxes
they start to add up and they start
feeling like so many little closets
I tell him pirate-queer embodies all the people I am
it’s how I identify

so, he says, I’m supposed to call you pirate-queer?
no, I explain you can call me Theresa,
because that is my fucking name
also who I am
and how or why would I stick all that on a label
and what is his point
then he goes on to tell me how he is
sick of women pretending to be lesbians
oh he means pirate-queer
when he’s trying to get to know them
I just kind of stare pensively
like I’m thinking about his conundrum
and not laughing my ass off in my brain

I say, that’s interesting
so how many pirate-queers have you met
you’re my first one he says
and I think not in this lifetime delusional one
and I’m kind of bummed because
maybe I was hoping he could show me the
path to the other pirate-queers
I mean I can’t be the only one
I tell him if I am going to give myself a label
it’s going to be something I can bedazzle
it’s going to be expression, shine and flair
and love of self
it’s going to be something I create
that speaks to all of me
and yes I am a lesbian
and no I’m not pretending
but you might want to consider
why you think women who don’t
want to go out with you
just don’t want to go out with you
and stop creating identity for them
to justify why they aren't interested in you
it may have absofuckinlutly nothing
to do with their sexuality

he just kind of stares pensively
nods smiles
I knew you were a lesbian
that explains why you won’t go out with me
well yes, I say, I guess it does
then I decide to piss him off
so I ask if he has a sister

16/ 30 True Art

when you unsheathe your tongue
check the blade the prickle sharp
make sure the handle fits your grip
so the splitting and slicing brings
you the maximum amount of pleasure
choose scythe or sickle
rip razor or machete
the type of blade is important
you want your lacerations clearly defined
want to make sure it penetrates
the intersection of your lie and the liar you've become
you want to make sure that the nick nip notch
of your scandalous revisionist history
hits the targeted audience
when I turn my back
remember
it’s not disrespect
it’s just me
unveiling canvas
arms splayed like on an easel
and when you stab
make sure you catch the groove in my spine
make it count
bury it to the hilt
make it steamy mental magic
make me monster
cum dripping off my tongue my chin
make me pornographic larger than life
the biggest dick in the yard
make sure you jiggle it some
get it really messy
stick in in deep
I want every single inch
and hold on tight

15/ 30 Suicidal Tendencies

At my worst I am kamikaze lover, reckless in my falling
Two months grounded, you enter the house through a door not a window
Wrapping my sex around your fingers, men are much too easy
I can never come back to you, this bridge has to burn

Two months grounded, you enter the house through a door not a window
Night-light and late love leaves marks that cannot be seen in day
I can never come back to you, this bridge has to burn
Maybe one day you will love me in daytime

Night-light and late love leaves marks that cannot be seen in day
Wrapping my sex around your fingers, men are much too easy
Maybe one day you will love me in daytime
At my worst I am kamikaze lover, reckless in my falling

Monday, April 15, 2013

14/ 30 It Rains Sometimes

in real time
focused
I saw you once
watched you striptease fancy
in my eyes wide open dreams
you, moving like wind and grace
and I don't deserve you
I wore your skin
played undress up with you
our tongues dancing forbidden
fingers wet in wonder
when you left I chased
but you were too fast for me
I could never catch up
moving you were always moving
like the rest of the sharks
afraid that if you slowed down
even a little bit
you might drown in me
still you swam away
you left
I became afterthought
a bump in the road
a misstep
a sneeze
gesundheit

you were my favorite snow globe
on a shelf
out of reach
from hands smaller than mine
high up
on a pedestal
revered
looked up to
you would shake a storm in me
relax as we settled in each other’s arms
the way we did that time
those times
rolling in the magic
of the way the same bodies fit
find the scene calmer that the scene
you created in your leaving
seems the imaginary scene
of the New York's skyline
under glass
covered in moth ball flakes and glitter
were more real the we would ever be

I could see a kind of forever with you
this statement fell out of your mouth
and it could have been the moon
or pillow talk channeling through you
but it made me feel
all spun sugar cotton candy
sweet
like melting in your mouth the way i did
those times that I did
you and me in some kind of forever

it was the sweetest thing you ever said to me

when I am nervous my body tells on me
the tapping of fingers
knees bouncing
could be you are too close
or I am too close to telling you how I really feel
could be I know this is train
waiting to derail and there are flames
and broken promises
the early warning system
my body tells me
but I ignore my body
sometimes
you remind me why
I should not make this a habit

I keep my love in a fist shaped hollow
it bangs on walls steady rhythm
in time
chambered like a weapon aimed in my defense
I listen to it sometimes when I am alone
It seems like I am always alone
Its Morse code reminds me that I am alive
With or without you
You left something broken in me
I touch myself to find the fissures
I listen hard for the skip in the beat
For the I love you I never heard
I sound like an ocean

I used to want to be a fish
all scaly gold mermaid
holding on to my memories of you
while holding my breath
forever

IN A MINUTE

Saturday, April 13, 2013

13/30 Pallbearer

The box will be elaborate. A close fit
snug like your favorite closet. There will not
be enough room to turn or spin. Be prone.
Just lie there. I will do all the work.

Your hair arranged in such a way to cover
the damage from the years when vanity
and too many chemicals made it weak.
I remember your suggestion that I cut mine.

Remember that flash in your eyes when I called
you jealous. I made it a joke. Our first fight was born.
You never touched it gently. You only pulled to steer me
in the direction of your choosing.

The sex was rougher then when you could
rein me in strap me down. I thought of only
the pleasure in the act, the noisy slap and pull
not the fact that I couldn't see your face.

There will be no flowers. Just the sickly smell
of too many lit candles and cheap wine.
I brought you the good stuff once. You turned up your nose.
Another clue ignored.

You turned me cheap paper bag. I was folding
compromising my excellent taste.I bought you flowers once.
You chided me for wasting my money.I never occurred to me
that I was also wasting my time.

You told me you liked fake flowers because they never died.
Another clue ignored. Nothing breathed in your house including me.
Stale air recycling to poison.
Why couldn't I just be fake for you?

There will be no music. No food for consumption.
No one will be invited to this funeral.
Just my memories of you in this elaborate box
with your hair products, cheap wine
sickly scented candles and my favorite strap on.

I will bury these deep.Mark the spot with ugly
but alive flowers and try not to rethink
everything about you.
Everyday.

Friday, April 12, 2013

12/30 Flight 69

The TSA likes to touch me
The TSA likes to touch me in special places
The TSA likes to touch me like a lover, do you love me
The TSA likes feel my hair, feels my hair, thinks I'm hiding stuff up there, thinks me missle launch
The TSA likes reminds me that I can opt out and yet
The TSA likes to remind me that I can’t opt out
The TSA likes my curves, my dangle, my moans of pleasure
The TSA likes my first date, second, third base
The TSA likes my moans, my call me later breathy
The TSA likes my lotion and my vibrator together, wants to know if we can get together
The TSA thinks we are going steady and well maybe
The TSA wants to have my babies and I wonder if
The TSA is part unicorn so we can make that shit happen so I can stop feeling cheap
The TSA and I will have babies that shit glitter
The TSA wants a pre-nup
The TSA is going to be disappointed
The TSA sees me coming applies lip gloss and lube knows how I like it firm and rough
The TSA thinks I'm her girlfriend
The TSA dressed up for me today sent me a proper lesbian when she pats me down she feels me up
The TSA is feeling me up and she is the right build and type and she gives me her number
The TSA will get a call tonight, and I hope she brings those attractive blue gloves

11/30 Lupercalia (part found poem in response to jacked You Tube comment,"It is VALENTINE'S DAY. It should not be VAGINA-DAY. Have your cause on another day!")

very ancient
pastoral festival
avert evil spirits
purify
release health and fertility
februarius in the middle
worship
god of sheperds
founding a temple
wear your goatskin nude
burn the mealscakes
ask Romulus ask Remus
purify new life in the spring
sacrifice two male goats and a dog
anoint your forehead
sacrificial blood
bloody knife
soaked in milk
smile
cut thongs from skins of victims
februa
run around the walls
strike those who crowd near
receive lashes
ensure fertility
prevent sterility
ease the pains of childbirth
be outlawed
be still clinging to Lupercalia
be degraded
run nude around yourself
carry out the mockery
or
be seven men shot down
be Al Capone
be Bugs Moran
be 14 bullets in body and not talking
be so disgusted
be sickened and running away
be dead three hours later
be in love with the idea
be looking for love in wrong places
and held in Lupercalia's arms
early for spring
but cleaned up and ready to mate
be flowers and roses
and sentiment in the moment
be an idiot
ignoring the sex in your sexy
or the blood in your celebration
look at all the red
muse it love
muse it giving freely
blood flowing freely
call it roses and dark
like chocolate
like blood from vagina
carry out the mockery

then take your two hands
place them over your gaping mouth
secure them firmly
and shut the fuck up

10/30 Check Out

i’m done library lending
myself to disinterested readers
who want a story
but not the truth
not the cobwebs spinning
not the tears and bruise
they want to be entertained
and anything other
than that thing they want
they break my spine
re-shelf me crooked
call me liar and spent
hold expectation over my head
watch me jump
but not high and mighty enough
not good enough
to forestall the great waves
of disappointment left behind
above
in front of
it’s all very interesting
until it’s not
until it’s same shit different day
and my arms pinwheel
like I’m trying to hold the reader’s attention
trying to safe land, harbor home them
but my vocabulary strains the tongue
my geography lost on the pages
dog eared never to be revisited

I think I’m done with that
I think my branches have tried too hard
to reach the one who dare not be touched
dare not be this
you
why you try so hard
when you watch those reader
choose horror and chaos comic book
why you gotta be so not that
why do you care?

is it because that is how you are shaped
built
bred
because caring is how you navigate this world
built on other and destruction
so you destroy yourself in understanding
or trying to be understood
when you should care less
because if you did
they’d care more
cherish what’s not there
a quick read saying nothing
maybe you can be best seller
if you said nothing
think about it
what can they learn from you
when you've already been
cliff noted by you cover
why should they read
when they can just watch

tell them a story
one they can believe
one where no truth is evident
footnote the truths
no one reads those
the footnotes
no one cares where you come from