Answer to a question asked by Evan on My Space

when i fell in love with poetry a question from copa

i have always loved words. they were a way to express my views my wants my needs. i abandoned them when it was clear i was expected to be like my parents. i went from writing everyday to not picking up a pen and acknowledging words that struggled to escape for years. the process added weight mentally and physically. i didn't know i was depressed that i was lacking something that resembled a sense of myself. the almost 300lbs should have been an indicator or the fact that i worked my job beyond expectations dotted on my children to the point of spoilage then retreated to dark spaces waking myself in the middle of the night dissolved in tears. the week before a massive stroke ripped my fathers brain in two and took him away i had a conversation with my father. the last real one.

he went off, told me how i was wasting my life, denying who i was, and not utilizing my talents. he accused me of being afraid of my own power and success. he told me my marriage wasn't right, i wasn't who i thought i was but i am who i know i am. society cannot dictate who you are to be and who you want to love unless you allow it. you are not happy and this man will not be there when you need him but you need to be there. you fight for the benefit of others when the fuck are you going to start fighting for yourself. stop disappearing he said because i see you.

the conversation left me empty and confused.

a week later my mother, sister and i take all the grand kids to a puppet show. we leave and mom suggest we go to her house. i said she should check with jikki, his mood had been off, when he didn't answer the phone we went our separate ways. 20 minutes later i get the call my mom walked in the house to his body broken and him semi conscious. at the hospital he on the gurney...he wasn't there he had disappeared the body there was empty. i called my husband, he was away at a meeting i explained that my father had a massive stroke and a decision had to be made by me. the kids didn't know please come home. he told me there was really nothing he could do he'd be home in a few days.

his response did two things

1st it echoed a reflection of my dad's final comment about him not being there when i needed him

2nd i could see me returning to my own body.

i made the decision to take him off life support my mother and siblings by my side. they gave this wonderful man a 13% chance of even being conscious he would never be him again and the percentages were dwindling every hour.

weeks later missing him like a tooth. i had lost over 150 lbs and given notice to my wasben that i was leaving with my children. i went through his closet finding the leather cowboy style jacket i'd bought him for his birthday and several shirts i liked. i took them. wearing one of the jackets one day the scent of him still there i plunged my hand in a pocket and found a strip of paper. it had been washed all i could read was "i love you straightforwardly". i googled it. this is what came up.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. Pablo Neruda



i took it as a sign. i knew this kind of love. i picked up a pen and i have been writing again ever since. i never stopped loving my art, i think i just lost myself and had to lose something more to find me again. rediscovery is a terrible beautiful thing. losing to gain a fucked up concept. but life goes on whether or not you chose to participate. on march 24th 2003 i lost a precious part of me and made the decision to be an active participant in my own life. and i know he's watching me like t.v.






buffalo soldier

dread lock rasta

my dad.

sweet sentiment

Ms. Theresa,

I don't think that I said thank you in the correct way. I will never forget the way you taught and nurtured our daughter while she was a middle school student at Horizons. What was most impressive was the way you encouraged Rachel and other students to analyze and enjoy the written and spoken word. I recall the year that all of your students rebelled during the middle school commencement ceremony. Rachel was going to the 7th grade. She said...oh mom, I do not want to go back to Theresa's class. I told her that she had not yet proven to me that she could be responsible and that she needed to prove to her instructors that she was indeed responsible. At the end of her year in 7th grade, she told me that we had made the right decision. During her year as an 8th grade high school student at Horizons, she referred to you and your "teaching tactics" and remarked about how she missed them. Despite all that you have to deal with...your children, your art, your issues and your public....you still find time and space to" love and nurture other peoples children". It is teachers like you who make the Horizons School a very special place. Thank you for being one of the teachers that Rachel will never forget. We are a Horizons School alumni family. Therefore, you will see us again and very soon. I am suppose to be part of the 30th Anniversary celebration committee. Please keep in touch and keep me informed about your poetry...( I have been writing a lot) and your children. "Again, thank you the way my momma taught me how to say thank you."


Peace and Blessings,


Jea Delsarte

when one door closes....


you should run up to it real fast and deadbolt the shit out of it!

hindsight is a bitch

the party's over

yeah i don't know who's crazier me or her. probably me. i keep getting caught up in trying to fix or save folks. and when i make a fucking rule i should know better than to break it. i do this sick thing where i kinda make a notation when i start getting to know someone intimately. it's kinda twisted and probably acts more as a catalyst for everything that happens afterwards. me fucking around with the power of the written word, i should know better. so after the first couple days of bed games and of hearing about my ex this and my ex that i wrote; three months top, she'll bounce back to her ex, and i'll be lucky if i get through it not hating her by september. if i don't hate her by then we might be able to be friends. that last parts not looking too good.

as i can only focus on one thing at a time my attention was dominated in this fix a chick effort. it boggles my mind. i meet these really attractive, beautiful, talented people, who tell horror stories of how they got fucked over. Some of them really fucked over, abandonment, mental abuse, all kinds of crazy shit. then comes me attentive, accommodating (too much), and they get nostalgic it seems for someone to treat them like shit. i can't treat people i care for like shit. then the horrible ex stories become, well i could have done...or we both did our... and i'm like maybe you should go back and their like no i really care about you and that's not where i need to be....bullshit? my dar seems to be stuck on attracting crazy or like i said maybe i'm the crazy one.

those days are over (she says somewhat confidently, knowing the next beautiful, smart, funny, talented one that comes along will again consume her thoughts, as she is a hopeless romantic in denial). i have made a decision (i think i have at any rate) to be adhd poet for the next two week and let my attentions wonder all over the fucking place. being naked in the hot tub last night helped clear out a lot of shit. the pretty girl from out of town in the hot tub helped as well and added to the clarity. just the change of being around some one who really doesn't want anything from you, instead of the one who claims not to want anything all the time demanding shit they claim they don't want from you. yep, i am definitely the crazy one.

i am so ready to get out of town i can't even begin to tell you. any poets wanting to assist me in the getting into fun trouble in austin, bring it!!

the clot

so lot's of things have been happening and i still feel a little bit crazed.
i had a run of very good shows, getting to know my new sweetie, managing not to totally wipe myself out with all the activity.

when i finished hosting the dixie pistols show, i thought i had a charlie horse. a week later the cramp was still there and moving up my leg. Saturday morning when i got up standing was slightly owie. i went to the emergency room. there the doctor convinced me that it was probably a blood clot that would eventually travel to my lungs or brain and possibly kill me......yeah, color me scared shitless.
when they drew my blood it moved so slowly that in my head the clot was definitely there or my blood would move more freely. begin the freak out. they prescribe me medication that i have to self inject...more freaking, i don't do needles. i have popped a nurse or two for trying to give me shots in the past. i had a crying fit in the parking lot because i was sure i would not be able to do this and as a result would be dead by Sunday. my friend was out of town and i really wanted to hear a kind voice. when we talked she was short with me and and seemed busy so i figured let's not bother her about my pending death.

when i got home i couldn't do the injection. i started calling friends and my mom. thankfully some friends stopped by, my mom ran out of the room during the injection squealing "ewww needles" yes very comforting. i felt disoriented almost immediately. later realizing that confusion and other mental shit are side effects. make the crazy crazier. the banter as retold to me involved my dying and how embarrassed i would be if i died in front of people. there were phone calls. i am not sure how many people think i'm more crazy than my usual. i do know i pissed off my friend. and the fucked up thing is no matter what i say it will sound like an excuse.

yesterday i had to stick myself three times before i could get the final dose before my deep ultrasound to detect the alleged clot. still emotional right after that i get a call from my friend and snap, why, not sure but she is pissed. so pissed..not pretty. when she confronts me face to face, i have no words anything i say will be an excuse and possibly piteous. no winning. as close as i can come to it is she didn't care that i thought i could be dying even though she didn't know i thought i could be dying...confusion thy name is theresa.

i do not have a blood clot and if i'd been allergic to the stuff given to me it could have been very bad the tech said. she said they should have never given me inject able especially with no sound proof of an ailment.

so today i am sore and in and out of my mind and trying to rest still trying to listen to see if i can hear my blood thickening. i'm giving myself a major headache that i can't do anything about because i can't take meds until this stuff is out of my system. hoping to be better tomorrow when i really have a lot of shit to do. maybe my fuck up is forgivable...time will tell.

so

so i'm in publix,
cause i need some stuff.
actually i only need two things and am slightly confused when i notice all the shit i have in my buggy. i must have been having an excellent shopping experience cause there was bob in my step and was humming. i talked myself out of the french horns remembering the last time i had them. it wasn't pretty. talked myself out of the 5lb bag of pistacios. i mean i like them but can only eat a handful before my tongue goes into overdrive. looking at the contents in my buggy if i didn't know better i would have thought i was high....and i wasn't. i end up with 5 things. a rock star energy drink, a bag of tortilla chips, 5 layer dip, those little crab cake things ( cause they must have crack in them), and a six pack of strongbow.

i'm checking out. there is a very eager bagger bagging up my stuff. he is loving his job. an elderly couple is pushing their bag filled buggy towards the sliding doors. mr. eager rushes to aid them. almost knocks the old guy on his ass and bumps his old lady companion into a rack. he explains to them that he wants to take their bags to their car. they say no. he continues to hold on to the buggy pushing it as they are trying to stop him. he explains again that he just wants to do his job well and take their groceries to the car. the old man again says no and adds thanks. the young man then has a slight tantrum and shoves the buggy out of their reach then sulks back over to the register i'm at. you can take my bags if you like, i offer.
he tells me that i only have two bags, they had more and walks away.
i'm sorry, but maybe you had to be there, the shit was funny!

the straw

i have been running for weeks.
this week has been ridiculously busy and full of stress.
working the social forum, managing to make all the performances, worrying if i was going to lose my house,no time to write, post office still fucking up my mail so much so my children's insurance was cancelled and now other things are being seriously effected, putting so much money out and not getting it back, putting my own financial security at risk....lots of stuff....so when snuggling with my new friend trying to relax i don't remember what i did or said to upset her, but her response to it was the thing that broke me the tears started and they haven't stopped yet. i knew i was inching down the road of overwhelmed but i can usually forestall my breakdowns....yeah, not so much anymore. i lost it bad and i have been sobbing uncontrollably for hours. stress mixed with this menopause shit is like a Molotov cocktail and this shit will last for days....so exhausted and spent.....i have to take myself out of the picture for a few days until this passes.

i was kinda maybe drunk at the time

i got issues

what is wrong with me
ok so i made a fucking decision.

i'm going to be single for a while cause damn i need an emotional time out or something. clearly i don't listen to myself. and i should learn that every time i say some dumb shit like....i'm not looking for anyone or anything. someone or something falls in my lap. and this time she's a chocolate goddess.....and i must be tripping cause i got my feeling all hurt today and it wasn't even that deep. i had to give myself a mental lashing. i allowed my mental to work me to the point where i caught myself about to cry...what the fuck is that!!

i'm blaming the heat...yeah that's it it's fucking hot...and maybe i'm tired yeah that's it i am tired as hell...and maybe it's cause the sidewalk is crooked..yeah...and maybe just maybe i'm full of shit and actually falling for this girl...stop the fucking madness oh my damn.

okay don't stop it yet, i'm kinda having fun;-)

My birthday!!!!

Your Birthdate: May 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

who's hot???

i've been mused

Kiss
Theresa Davis 2007

Darkness can conceal
But it can’t hide
Tender feeling deep inside
A gentle tug a gentle urge
Spoken without a single word
Hard to touch
Even harder to hold
Inside a secret to unfold
Come closer don’t resist
Kiss

A closeness never felt before
Like this, not like this
The shape of your face your lips
Cause my pen to skip on the page
Imitating my heart, the catch in my breath
The cool touch of fingertips
Across tattooed skin
Warms, heats, engulfs me
Mangles my words
While I try to find something
To do with my hands
You pirouette and pace
Nervous energy at its most graceful
Watching you watch me
Electricity tingling
My skin of fire
This urge to touch you
A sideways glance
An eyebrow raised
A devilish grin
You stutter through my being
Thoughts locked inside my head
Attempt to escape
To paint pictures
Aching to force its way onto pages
A decision to be made
Frustrated by my own fears
Relieved by your honest truths
I float rooted to the spot
Heart pounding pondering
A forever whatever that could mean
Do I fight this feeling?
This need to want you
Let you flow like ink
An opportunity could be missed
If I resist

Your kiss

party time!!!

Cliterati presents
A Duo of Geminis (that's 4 people)
Birthday Spoken Word Bash -
Thursday May 24th
Featuring the political,
the raucous,
the erotic,
the Queer-spittin' vibes of...

Theresa Davis & kathleen delaney!!!!!
(and yes, we are celebrating both of our birthdays, so come spank us!!!!!! *wink*)

At: The Spot
757 Ralph McGill - next to Tower II - in the ATL.
Thursday May 24th @ 8pm!!!
Bring tip money for the b-day gals
& enough to enjoy the Spot's Soul Food!

if you have ever wondered in your head or out loud
if a man wearing sagging pants
can peddle up a hill
on a bike with two low tires
a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other
while trying to talk on a phone

the answer is well, it takes some work and a lot of wobbling but
yes,
he can

it's not poetry in motion
but he got his ass up the hill breathing hard only stopping to say hold on in the phone take a drag and a drink and pedal on

scenes from my front porch

Fan Mail

very cool way to begin the day after my coffee!!



Okay, yes, I know. It is ridiculous that a grown woman is writing fan mail to a woman she has never met. However, someone sent me your CD - well, to be honest, I had to harangue her into it but, still, I got it. She played me Butterflies & Rainbows and Rockstar Poet over the phone and I had to hear the rest of it. How can I resist someone who uses both "polysyllabic" and "onomatopoeia"? Clearly, I can not. Since I'm in Michigan, which is no where near Atlanta, I couldn't just go buy one of my own. You are officially now My Favorite Poet, replacing the long-dead-thus-isn't-going-to-write-anymore Rumi.

And just so you know? You are SO my Rockstar Poet.

Barbara

This Week!!!

crazyness

they have rounded the bend and are trying to take my with them.
i am refusing.

they have almost made me pee my pants twice so far because they are insane.
they are the happy crazy since they all seem to be in a good mood.

#1
i told him not to bounce the ball off the tree with so much force. it would bounce of and pop a kid in the head. he tells me he is a professional ball tree bouncer. i tell him i didn't know that was a profession. he is throwing the ball harder and harder. i tell him to be careful. he tells me I GOT THIS MS.T! the ball bounces hard comes back on him with a force that whacks the shit out of him. he staggers sideways and tells me he meant to do that. i am on my knees cracking up.

#2
on kid says to the others.
i wonder will i be able to taste this capris sun (juice box) if i snort it through my nose.i say whoa don't. to late. not sure why he ran. in circles. when he got through spluttering. i asked him how it tasted. he said it tasted like pain and how does anyone snort things up their noses. he declares he's never doing coke. i say good for him. he says yeah dr. pepper either man those drinks would really burn.
there is something wrong with that boy.

#3

so he asks me

(him) what is it?

(me) what is what?

(him) you know IT?

(me) i have no idea what you are talking about.

(him) you know it..is IT a muscle or a bone?

(me) what?
(him) i don't think it's a bone cause it bends.

i look confused. kids are giggling.

(him) you know...It he points.

(me) you mean your penis?

they all fall out laughing.

(me) it's your property you should look it up. (more giggles)

(him) oh I can't. i don't want to see one i just need to know. i did an experiment. is it cartilage?

(me) tissue i say. can we stop talking about this now.

(him) are girls the same?

(me) girls don't have penises.


the moon is going to be full tonight the behavior is so wrong in all the classes. 21 more days!!!!

joke

one of my nose always in a book students just told a joke. made my jaw drop, just a little.

how are michael jackson and wal-mart alike?

they both have boys' pants half - off.

soo bad....i swear i didn't teach him that. but that is twisted hilarious!

stop complaining!!!!

response to middle schoolers complaining and being negative.


To help you look on the bright side, here are some things that could be worse:
Your Butt could fall off.
You could be sucked into a black hole, never to be seen again.
You could be sitting at a table with an apple in your mouth, ready to be eaten.
You could be a mime.
You could like Karaoke.
You could be one of those perky people who smile all the time.
Your head could spin around like that possessed chich in the movies.
on top of everything,
You could permanently itch.
You could be shanghaied into outer space to become some bratty little alien's new pet.
You could discover that your whole life has been meaningless- That all along you've just been a part of somebody else's multiple personality.
You could have NO FRIENDS,
NO BLADDER CONTROL, AND NO SENSE OF HUMOR-
NON OF WHICH, THANKFULLY YET, KNOCK ON WOOD IS TRUE!
Now doesn't that make you feel just a little bit better?

these dreams

i want to have an event in the fall called the slamlympics. i dreamed about it last night. it was funny and fun as hell but i only remember a few events on was the onomatopoeia slam, the anagram slam, word wizard slam and then the award ceremony. prizes were a bronze, gold or silver engraved pen..... don't steal my fucking idea...and that's all i have to say about that!

Slam Amok

interesting.
i blogged weeks ago about a second place winner in the slam slammed art amok at a different venue. the way i went off i'd have thought he would not show his face. he showed his face. i went off again. i let him know that i would not bar his competing but that i would not put up with any shit. period. i tore him a new ass and he humbled himself. said he wanted to make amends, he was better than that. he was just mad at the judges. i again explained that if your ego is so wrapped up in what 5 random people thought of your hard work and dedication then you should not fuck with slam.
i have not been apologized to that much in a minute. he bought me coffee and i though damn he is really trying to repent all praises to the carmel latte. when he left to get my coffee a poet i am just loving lately Stefen came up and said, "that took some balls!" "from him or me?" i asked. " it took balls for him to take the tongue lashing you just gave him. hell, i would have left semi-humiliated. remind me never to piss you off." i give him props for staying. for competing and making the team. we will see if he follows through on the practice and fund-raising schedule. i think he is going to try his best to follow through, the last thing he wants is me in his face, being right. and angry. and righteous anger conjures up my other goddess
NEMESIS
the spirit of divine retribution against those who succumb to hubris, vengeful fate personified as a remorseless goddess...NEMESIS



Hubris is exaggerated self pride or self-confidence (overbearing pride), often resulting in fatal retribution and .....NEMESIS


she can't be bribed with coffee.........she probably could after a full night of kicking ass this might be what she needs to pick her up in the a.m.
Goddess knows lots of ass needs be kicked!!




was way wired after the slam last night drove my ass across town to get into trouble....
as winter returns to the ATL, it is cold as fuck here!
oh yeah and who made a hot guy????

Girly T reclaiming her V

Sim Crack

i am re hooked on the sims.
now they have this action where they can free style. it's like a spoken word rap kinda fusion thing spoken in siminese. hilarious
who cares if my friends fall out or off the radar? i can re-create them with scary accuracy and not let them pee. i can make them the crazy old cat ladies they are in their heads. i can make NEW FRIENDS!! And now that i have seasons and pets you can be left in the rain or sucked up into a terrible tornado you and your little dog too!

fun, sad but fun.
back to school. omg
three droolers and one who forgot that you need stuff like pens, paper, your textbooks, a lunch. holy crap. they will become sims now for their sins.

my mom called me six times today asking me to pick her up. each time giving me a different time. i asked her, "are you aware that you keep asking me the same thing?" yes, she says like it makes perfect sense for her to continue to do so. finally calling me with a rapid fire of three different times . i said can you just pick a time any goddamn time. she thought this was hilarious. then she called back still laughing, she forgot she had a ride already............i decide it's not Alzheimer's, she's incredibly busy organizing the U S Social Forum yes it's that, she's not just fucking with me. she may have to become a sim for her sins............???

April?May

unfucking believable

This is long and I'm pissed, get a snack, and some coffee.

so last night i was supposed to be a featured performer at Jazzman's Cafe on the Morehouse campus. The program was to address the issues between Spelman and Morehouse and was sponsored by Men Stopping Violence. Very cool and I was honored to be asked to use my voice to speak out against violence against women and the misogyny that runs ramped.
This was the first event that this brother had organized so I knew there might be bumps. Turns out he didn't secure a spot in the show that already happens at this venue. OK
The young man hosting the event refused to give up a block of time for Men Stopping Violence. OK
Our feature turned into signing up on the open mic list. OK
So basically I would be paid to read one poem..OK
Phoenix Y Z and I arrived at 7pm for a show that began at 7:30 that really didn't start until almost 8:30. OK

When we arrived I realized that the young man hosting this show was the same young man who came in last at the Art Amok slam last weekend.I have worked with him before but he never remembers me. He won't have that problem again.
I have a theory about clicky spots, and If I know the spot tends to be clicky I don't mind it can be entertaining at times. Our names are being pushed down the list. For a moment I think is he pissed because he didn't win? Is he doing this cause he's piss that this other group tried to insert themselves?

The third poet up is a young man who came in second at our slam. He gets on the mic and says he was in the bogus slam last weekend, and he lost to a white girl who did a poem about breezes blowing across the earth and under her bed. He butchers her name quite on purpose. Proceeds to tell the crowd of more than 80 folks not to support Art Amok because we are racist and not down with the black man. That he knows he should have won the 50 dollars and the all-expense paid trip to Austin(what? no fucking body rides for free)? They gave me some CD and a book talkin bout how its so good book by patty somebody. That he was going to do the same piece he did then and they tell him if he should have won. He proceeds to do his piece. as misogynistic as it was they loved it.

I am pissed.
Then the host gets all embolden and says yeah, can the crowd believe that he came in last and they even forgot to say my name. Don't support wack poetry spots. Don't support Art Amok. Pho and I are livid. Two more poets go. I seethe. They call my name. I get on the mic.

I say, You know brother I apologized to you when I didn't say your name in the right order at the slam.
His mouth gapes,"That was you?"

"Yes,(in the mic) I was in drag and I am aware that I make a damn good looking man but that was me, I am Theresa Davis the (I took liberties here for effect) captain of the 2006 Art Amok Slam Team. I stand her(I look at my skin) black so I don't think the conspiracy theory holds. Slams are random and the venue has nothing to do with the scores you received from the judges. Brother who came in second you told a great story you left out some details, the most major being that at no time was an all expense anything promised, the book I gave you was by Patricia Smith a damn near legendary slam poet, you didn't lose based on the judges you could have won had it not been for the time penalty. There are rules in slam those being poems must be 3 minutes, the poem is too long for slam, and if you chose to let the judging of five random people dictate the worth of your words, you ego is not suited for slam. It's a game and if you don't know the rules maybe you shouldn't play. Judges, judge based on content, style and performance, I am a slam poet."

I get back on the topic of Men Stopping Violence. Talk about the different kinds of violence including verbal for the sour poets. Then I step away from the mic and proceed to slam the shit out of Lepidoptery. I have never performed that piece like that. The noisy coffee house was dead silent except for the sound on my big ass mouth. The line "can you trust a system fearful of butterflies" directed at the host. His mouth still gaping. The crowd erupts at the end. My parting word don't believe the hype come check Art Amok out for yourself, form your own opinions!

Pho goes after me. She explains how she was supposed to be here for this because if someone had told her that another poet would diss the venue like that she wouldn't have believed them.She can only imagine what was said at The Apache when he (the 2nd place dude is the host at that venue) was freshly pissed that he didn't win. Blasted them for putting down the women who organize and work hard for Art Amok and the irony of us being there to speak on the topic of misogyny. She nails her piece.

Then we do what I never do. We get our cash, blatantly pick up our shit, and leave. The host trying to recover as we are leaving, yes he sees us, trips over his tongue and knocks over the mic.....something about knowing you are wrong..let's call it Karma.

Coffee $ 3.75

1 Poem $ 75.00

Calling motherfuckers out as liars in their own spot at their own mic AND proving them to be the self absorbed, ego-maniacal , assholes that they are in the process.....priceless!
link

April

Tommorow Night!!

yikes

so you know how i have this fear of stuff hauling stuff
my near misses
death by chirstmas tree
death by port - o - potty
" by matress and washer dryer combo
when i saw this i was so glad i wasn't behind it
i have never seen a marta train hauled in this manner
yikes

well at least we get a pool??

So this was the view this morning!!






And at that very moment, we heard a loud whack!
From outside in the fields came a sickening smack
Of an axe on a tree. Then we heard the tree fall.
The very last Truffula Tree of them all!

You Know You Want to Be There

in progress

there must be a way of making
the transitions smoother
experiences more pleasant
my life as this women
salted
peppered
with pains and delight
events that dance
through my psyche sugary sweet
or leave me wiping de ja vu tears
of drowning sorrow
wet faced remembering the present

losing my virginity
not at all what is was built up to be
took three tries to find my rhythm
only to switch dj’s in my thirties

a car accident in the third trimester
with my second child
rear view mirror terror
struck from behind
i saw it coming
warned my passengers of the pending impact
twisting my roundness to grip my first
in her piece of shit car seat
the gnashing of metal
fingernails on chalkboard
my belly ate the steering wheel
my first slips
slides under the seat
car still in motion
belly lodged
i grab her up
remove a French fry from her hair
deposit her in my sister’s lap
she sitting shotgun
they screaming in unison
before the car stopped
seat belt disengaged
rage filled tears
throwing open his door
my words yelled slurs
he takes in my form
his cell phone the size of a block of cheese
falls to the street
the call dropped for sure
he reaches for me
i watch the clouds

this memory always
brings a hand to my belly
tattooed wheel marks
replaced by the kind that stretch
a now empty vessel
a womb once invaded by renegade cells
removed
a residual memory where my children once lived
a long lost x ray
film you don’t want developed
a piece of my puzzle
slips out of place to complete
a picture of me
this woman in this life

i’m here again
familiar surroundings
again hearing the tale of marauding cells
that seems to have retreated, regrouped
found a new battle field
cleverly disguised as my left breast
a war not confirmed
cold harsh instruments seeking
malignant masses
poked prodded
tired
another piece of me under threat

they tell me no battle is raging
within the flesh amour
holding in the ribs
that wrap my heart
for now they add
as seriously as
a backwards glance
i never want to be here again
six months from now
i’ll have no choice
i will make my transition smoother
for if peace talks fail
and the war begins
hand over my left breast
following the heart beat within
i’ll be ready to fight

My God Boy!

this shit is funny

This is the video that dead presidents is linked to on you tube. ha!

Wild Women

mom and i

finally i decompress.

what a weekend!

i spent it doing what i love surrounded by the folks i love.

poetry and karen g, ami mattison, collin kelley, rage, vagina jenkins, stacie b, pho yz, heather, mom and the finale with miss doria (fine-ass) roberts!

who needs sleep?

me actually and lots of it.

Thread

the thread stretched
near the breaking point
i've been here before
hell i live here
my strings always taut
stretched and stretched
leave marks on my body
adds a swagger to my step
implying a guttural coolness
cause saying you're tired is too cliche
i can do this
spread thin
i won't stick to bones
this mask around my eyes
the bandit
stealing my time and
i don't want it back
i want to get it all done
now and lotus position my way
back to myself
stretching like the minutes
that pass too quickly
the days that should come with meters
so i can drop my pennies to add
more time
and time again creeps me into submission
my kingdom for a pillow
my crown for comfort
i can do this
it's what we do
we women
we mothers
we keep it going
cause who else is going to do it
eyes heavy with accomplishment
my reward
the looks on their faces
baptized by their gratitude
falling backwards into love
pouring down
like summer rains
drenched in my dedication
a deluge the washes away doubt
reminds me why i am here
kneeling sometimes
not cause i'm weary
praying for the strength
absorbing
why i do this
i can do this
for them
for my children
the thread will hold

until it doesn't

i can do this

until i can't

i can't wait around for that day
i don't have time

TONIGHT!!!

The AWP Conference is in full swing, and one of the big off-site
readings
will be happening Friday (March 2) night as part of the monthly Poetry
at
Portfolio Center reading/open mic. Our special guest features will be
award-winning poets Peter Pereira and Ann Fisher-Wirth (more on them
below).
Sign up for the open-mic portion will begin at 7:30 p.m. and the
reading
gets under way at 7:30 p.m.

Also during the evening, poets featuring on Saturday at the AWP reading
"OUTspoken" will also perform, including Theresa Davis, Franklin
Abbott,
Larry Corse and Robin Kemp.

Portfolio Center is located at 125 Bennett St., just off Peachtree
Road, in
Buckhead. Mick's restaurant is on the corner, so you can't miss it.
Come all
the way to the end of Bennett and PC is on your right. Plenty of free
parking. And the event is FREE! Visit www.portfoliocenter.com if you
need
directions.

After that

I got Tubed!!

Saturday

Theresa Davis Featured Peforming Artist





Come Share Your Love with LLL and Theresa Davis This Saturday

The event you've heard about, read about, can now be experienced first hand this Saturday, February 24th at Aphrodite's Toy Box. In collaboration with Aphrodite's Toy Box, Felicity Nuance, and Labrys Atlanta Magazine, Nghosi Books is bringing you its Ultimate Pleasure Series with the premiere of Sexy Saturday Storytelling!

One of our featured spoken word artists for the evening will be Theresa Davis. Theresa is one of Atlanta's best known performance poets, giving voice to the things that you've been thinking but never could articulate. She has gone on to forge an impressive career as a solo performer, winning poetry slams, and featuring at spoken word venues around Atlanta and the nation, as well as leading writing and performance workshops and headlining conferences across the southeast. She is a member of The Word Diversity Collective/Art Amok and represented Atlanta as a member of the 2006 Art Amok Slam Team in Austin, Texas last summer. Theresa continues to document her poetry as a staff writer of Labrys Atlanta Magazine. Her children Imani (18), Tia (17) and Zion (6) are her constant sources of energy and inspiration.


So please join Theresa Davis this Saturday, February 24th from 8:00p.m. - 10:30p.m., as she and the other talented artists share their blessings with us.

ART AMOK & CLITERATI!!!

Cliterati & ART AMOK!
present
AMY WEAVER
Thursday, February 22nd, 8pmat THE SPOT
736 Ralph McGill Blvd.
ATL (between block Lofts, & Tower II)
Because open mouths need food & words!
$5 for the artist
AMY WEAVER is introspective, fearless, and dynamic. She is a survivor whose work covers literacy, feminism,
diversity and biting social commentary. She loves to perform, was born to teach and hopes to someday
be worth her weight in poem.She's so brave, she can talk about her Vag in a room of hundreds.
PS (THIS IS HER BIRTHDAY WEEKEND!!!) Audio samples of her work can be found at www.myspace.com/amyweaver.
THEN
ART AMOK! Slams w/ Amy Weaver!
Saturday, February 24th
$6, FREE to slam,
first come first served slam sign-up 9.30pm
7 Stages Theater
1105 Euclid Ave.
ATL, 30307 (next to Variety Playhouse in Little 5 Points)
404-523-7647 box office
AMY IN SLAM POETRY:
As a part of the Dallas SLAM poetry scene, Amy's accomplishments in the past 5 years include:

2001—Team Dallas (rookie year) wins the National Poetry Slam, bringing the first championship to Texas.
2004—February, represented Dallas at the first Individual World Poetry Slam
in Greenville, South Carolina
2004----August, Team Dallas, takes 3rd place over more than 70 Teams at the NPS held in St. Louis, MO.
Her poem achieved the highest score of the evening in the team finals round.
2006—Competed and coached a 1st year team from Dallas--Pugsley's Library at the NPS held in Austin.
The team was highly acclaimed for their group work, and Amy's performance as an individual poet
landed her on the Individual Finals stage, placing 10th in the nation.
She is only the 3rd Dallas/Fort Worth poet to reach the Individual Finals at NPS.

Other credits

Since 2004, Amy has been mistress of all things poem at the Annual Deep Ellum Arts Festival. She schedules all of its performers and volunteers for the poetry stage for this 3-day outdoor event, uniting readings across the DFW metroplex with slams and readings held throughout the weekend, as the on-site coordinator. She also hosts many of the events held throughout the festival.

Amy has been featured at numerous Slam venues, poetry events, and festivals across the nation, including the Nuyurican, Bar 13, and Bowery Poetry Club in New York City, some of the most prestigious venues in the country. She is the author of 4 poetry collections, Snapshots and Confessions(2000), Naked (Snapshots and Confessions (2003), and Look Both Ways Before Jumping Off This Cliff (2005). She has also released 2 spoken word CD's, Naked (2001) and People, Places, and Things (2005). She is available for Feature Performances, event hosting, writing and performance workshops, and lectures.
In May of 2006, Amy graduated from the University of North Texas earning a B.A. in both English Literature and History. She worked on-campus for 3 years in the Office of Disability Accommodation as the Lead Test Proctor and Assistant Testing Coordinator. She was also active in the local chapter of GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance of Denton).

--
Because open mouths need open mics.
http://cliterationline.com

Celebrate Good Time

HAPPY FORCED AMERICAN ROMANCE BRAINWASH CONSUMERISM DAY!!!





Yes, I said it.
What happened to the days when you just knew someone was your Valentine.
They didn't have to be exclusive just allow you to give them a little card that said something clever like,"I CHOO CHOO CHOOSE YOU!"
Now there is built in rejection.
I watched helplessly as countless middle schoolers were shut down by potential valentines. Sad! I became default valentine for a few meaning the chocolate gods were kind!

I didn't ask my valentine to be my valentine officially, sorta just assumed valentineship. Hopefully shut down is not in my future!

the true test

Empathy for Anna

i just finished having a pretty good conversation with my students. it's always interesting when pop cultures offers up a teachable moment. one of my students is pretty upset about anna nicole. she says she just feels so sad and she's not sure why. of course the calloused child in the classroom took this as an opportunity to try to make her feel stupid so i felt it was my duty to step in. i asked her what she was feeling and what did she know about anna nichole.

she said,"i knew that she had done a lot of scandalous things like marring a really old man and being labeled a gold-digger. i know she would grant interviews and appear at events drunk or high slurring her speech. Her reality show was pretty embarrassing. she was the first girl who didn't look like she'd blow away to be a model for guess jeans. that makes me proud of her."

"is that all?" i prompted.
her voice cracked she said, "i also know that she had a baby and lost a baby a few days from each other. that she was being sued for paternity and other stuff. that she was unhappy and had fought so hard to maintain some kind of dignity. i think she gave up because all of a sudden life seemed to hard. it was easier not to be here. i mean even looking at her baby girl something that makes people happy had to bring her pain. a constant reminder of what she'd lost. i really think she died from complications of a broken heart. this world, people, love can break you. she was broken."
she started to cry.
hell i cried.

i stood hugging her for a long time. the other kids were glassy eyed but to tough to let the tears spill. i told her, "while i don't know everything about everything and i am no authority on anna nicole, i think you reaction is normal because you are human. the human in us allows for sympathizing with others. what you are displaying with your emotions is empathy."

she asked what that was.

"it's an attribute that young people are often accused of not having. it makes me proud that you are human and that even when others are broken you can feel the human in them. very admirable. please don't lose it. it doesn't make you weak or crazy to empathize with others it makes you human, reminds you that you are alive and you value other alive things and that you feel a connection when they are gone. being human is a good thing."

Tomorrow Night!

boob alert

it is my opinion that somethings
shouldn't happen to nice boobies.
my boobies aren't the best boobies in the world,
but they are nice. the mammogram machine. not nice.
boobies don't fold.
i found it difficult and uncomfortable to
stand facing one direction while
my boobie was forced to play twister with
a machine whose sole purpose is taking pictures
while squashing said nice boobie.
i was told my boobies are dense.
not dense meaning dumb and i realize
dumb people are often called boobs,
but my boobies are quite intelligent as boobies go i think.
for instance they know instinctively
when i am attracted to someone and
get perky kind of a go for it thumbs up..
only with nipple action.
i was told that with dense(not dumb)
boobie tissue a more accurate test would be a sonogram.
then the bastard man sends the order for a mammogram.
now if a sonogram will do the same thing
without the squishing it would seem that
that would be the main form of testing.
if men had to stick their willies into
a machine that twisted and smashed,
someone would come up with a better fucking test.
i feel for the flat-chested.
i was one of them before having children.
the things that machine could do to flat-chested women
....i shudder to think.
i took an extra mammo-wipe because..well it's funny.
now that i am over forty i get to have one of these every couple years!


ouch!

i googled myself

it's me and karen g!!!!

oops

ever have a dream so vivid and real
that you wake up pissed
and the more you think about the more pissed you get
then you pick up the phone
call the offending dream wrecker
and go the fuck off!!!?

so when that happens.....
is chocolate or flowers the appropriate apology?
and exactly how long does it take for them to stop thinking you insane.
and if you do a flower chocolate combo will that make it better?
damn my vivid dreams
and creative mind
and quick trigger cell phone dialing finger.....
did i mention the bass ale????

Ladyfest South this weekend!!!

Ladyfest South is here !!!

Yes!!!
Starting this Thursday the 25th.
Our venues are
EYEDRUM
IF Coffeehouse,
The EARL
The Five Spot
and Grandma Lukes.

Schedule
*schedule subject to change slightly, if you can't access links to artist pages
or venues, they're also up on our website (see below)

Friday, January 26, 2007
IF Coffeehouse - http://www.ifcoffeehouse.com
in Little 5 Points corner of Euclid and Morland Ave behind BOND Credit Union, in parking lot across from Charis Books & More on Euclid
7:00 PM - 10:00 pm
------------------------------------------------------------
Gypsee Yo
Amena Brown
Juliana Finch
Sabrina
Barb Carbon
Valencia Bey
Rana
Nicole Reynolds



Earl - http://www.badearl.com
488 Flat Shoals Ave Se, Atlanta, GA
8:00pm - 2:00 AM

Theresa Davis
Stacie Boschma
Corey Houlihan
Katz of Athens Boy's Choir
Amy Weaver
Oriflamme
My Siamease Self
Box
8 inch Betsy
Sonia Tetlow/STB


Saturday, January 27, 2007

Grandma Lukes (Little 5 Points) http://www.grandmalukes.com
1156 Euclid Ave Atlanta, GA
Across from Finley Park

2:00 pm - 6:00 pm
-----------------------
Meet n greet the artists 2pm - 6pm
Lunch and a Movie 2pm - 4pm
FOUND - Sherri Larsen
What Don't You Understand About - Amy Lynn Kazymerchyk
Airplanes - Jen Heck
Screw The Van - Maggi, Pierce, and EJ


5 Spot - http://www.fivespot-atl.com
1123 Euclid Ave. Atlanta, GA 30307
6:00 PM - 2:00 AM
----------------------------------------------
Maggi, Pierce and EJ
Simply Sil
Beki Buchanan
Iron Roses
Christina Rubino
Ryka
Kendall Roark
Mel Gordon
Corey Houlihan
Weaklazyliar
Kelcy Mae
Sonya Renee
The Drexlers
Giddy-up, helicopter!
(S)HE
Lisa Hahn and the Dot Com
Marla Hooch
Beehive


Sunday, January 28, 2007
Eyedrum - http://www.eyedrum.org
290 MLK JR. DR., Suite 8, Atlanta, GA 30312
Look Up Our Shorts (Film):
6pm running throughout the night
FOUND - Sherri Larsen
What Don't You Understand About - Amy Lynn Kazymerchyk
Airplanes - Jen Heck
Screw The Van - Maggi, Pierce, and EJ

PERFORMANCES: 6:00 PM - Midnight
---------------------------------------------------
Louisa Merchant
Manisha Shahane
Dr. Madelyn Hatter
Mare Wakefield
Phoenix YZ
David & Roselynn
Lady Lace
Leah Morgan
Theory
Three 5 Human
Small Framed Boy

(Poet’s Lounge Cypher throughout. Open-no mic)




This is a great deal-- you can see all 50+ performers, bands/films & poets for $30 OR a day pass is $10 each night.
Tickets can be purchased at http://www.ladyfestsouth.org
All access passes can also be bought at Charis Books & More.
Day and all access passes will also be available at the door.


Creative Loafing article - http://atlanta.creativeloafing.com/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A184785
Southern Voice article - https://www.sovo.com/2007/1-19/arts/feature/feature.cfm


Lad/yfest South is a non-profit, Southern-based, four-day festival that showcases, celebrates, and promotes the artistic, organizational, and political talents of women in order to raise money for social service projects that assist women. Lad/yfest South occurred in 2002 and 2004; and benefited organizations such as Project Safe in Athens, Georgia; Refuge House in Tallahassee, Florida; DeKalb Rape Crisis Center; Women's Resource Center to End Domestic Violence; Youth Pride in Atlanta.
Featuring talented women from diverse backgrounds, Lad/yfest South includes live music, spoken word, theatrical performances, films, workshops, and meetings. It is an empowering endeavor built upon a foundation of activism and information, and resource sharing mixed with entertainment and fun.

Volunteer-driven and organized by women, Lad/yfest South welcomes everyone-of all ages, genders, backgrounds and communities- to attend and participate.

http://www.ladyfestsouth.org

Road Rage

so my 6 year old son has the best sense of humor in the world.
i know most mom's think their children are the cutest, smartest, most talented and most beautiful children in the world.
it just happens to be true in my case.
so i am merging into highway traffic doing at least 50 when it comes to a sudden halt before the end of the merging ramp. i curse. i am trying to get in the left lane and these bastards won't let over and i say,"damn bastards, let me over!"
a truck pretends not to see me and i have to lay on the horn. i believe i called him an asshole.
my son says,"mom, maybe this movie should be restricted."
i look in the back seat where there are at least 4 movies, the whole dvd in the car thing.
"what movie?"
"this one."
"which one?"
"THIS ONE!"
i am craning my neck to see which movie and trying to change lanes at the same time and i see that he is pointing around the car.
"which movie?"
"the one we are in, because you're cussing!"
he's hilarious...i heart him!

the stars say...part of my horoscope for today

Keep in mind that nothing around you is very stable so you can't really rely on other people to ground you at this time. Instead you need to shut the rest of the world out for a moment and focus. Close your eyes for a minute and get centered. Calm your mind and let go of your responsibilities for the time being.

egads

You breezed in to my life
Took my breath away
Stole my heart,
Scrambled my senses
Made me feel new
Wrapped up in you
I fear nothing
I fear everything
I fear you

This feeling is not real
And I don’t trust it
I’ve never been here before
I don’t trust my instincts
I’ve been here before
Vulnerable and self destructive
I believe everything
I believe nothing
I believe you’ll turn your back

Trying to hold on to something
That squirms from your touch
Is never a good thing
I’ve been here before
I’ve never been here before
Words leave my lips
And I look for the speaker
To explain why I should be exposed
I am afraid of nothing
I am afraid of everything
I am afraid of you

You breezed in to my life
Left me cold
Took my breath away
Choked me with regrets
Stole my heart
This empty vessel condemned
And unworthy
Scrambled my senses
Made the impossible seem real
Made me feel new
Left me feeling old
Used and unwanted
Wrapped up in you
I suffocate myself
The realization that you can not
Lose what you’ve never had
Brings me to my knees
Struggling for breath
As I beg heartbreak
Not to come near
Dreams get stuck
On the broken edges of reality
And can be used against you
Or taken away
On a breeze

Divorce Party

We had fun like we do at home we just added shiny shirts;0

you know

Free Myspace Pictures from drewpydraws

a work in progress

Splintering
Sharp edges slicing through timelines
Wrapped in barbed wire
Placed in capsules
Never meant to be opened
Ever
Locked away
Rusty keys
Fist gripped
Hidden
Like angry words
There’ve been times
When I’ve held my tongue
Denied my voice
Spared others
A regurgitation of heartache
Messy and filled to the brim with anguish
My past
A gag reel exposing soft parts
Weaknesses that long to be protected
The lighting is bad here
My imperfections look better in low light
Flashes of what was etch stitches of pain on the present
These images of you tattooed on my eyelids haunt my dreams
I try to rid myself of memories of you
This persistence depiction
Of me splayed while you hack me to pieces
With my dreams
Disorganize my thoughts
Mugging me
Leaping forward
At moments to divest me of my peace
When I am vulnerable
These thoughts of you
Our past
Amplify the present
And this present
The on without you
Is bad enough
Without reverb

it has been a long couple of days.
we slammed against knoxville last night.
it was great!
i love knoxville, they are incredible people.
we were supposed to stay but i had ex-husband drama.
and suddenly remembered why i was so fond a the running him over with my care daydream. i knew i would be tired but my goddess, my thought was an understatement. i do not recommend being up for more than 24 hours and making a turn around trip to anywhere. i was so hyped on rock star and coffee that when i finally went to bed, my skin was tingling. remember that cartoon with the therapist where he was drawn to look like he was jittery? i felt like that looked. i was ok on the drive until i dropped off the last passengers. my peripheral vision was beyond blurry and oncoming traffic seem slowed and close. was very relieved to make it home.
i slept until 6pm.
i have never slept that long.
the end

i lied.
i feel drained.
the only good things in my life right now are my kids and my writing. even though my writing of late has bee sporadic and crap.
being miserable is not something i do well.
i have to go find some happy, hell at this point i'll even take the band-aid kind.
i've been trying to be more honest about my feelings with the people i care about.
it makes me feel vulnerable.
i don't like feeling vulnerable.
so i won't do it anymore, besides, it changes nothing.
i'm still ignored.
still re translated.
still lonely no matter how many people are around.
and still unhappy.
the only difference communicating my feelings has made id that more people know how i feel....and it doesn't matter because they really don't care about me.

Twinge

it has been a little over a year since the flaming fan of death incident.
last night i had vivid dreams of the fire stepping on the flaming melted plastic and metal over and over again.
then the hot flashes kicked in. not sure if they were authentic or dream induced but i had twinges all night. i found myself limping this morning.
right now there is an ache that's not really there.
phantom pains.....strange wondering if it will be one of those injuries that flairs to warn me of something ahead.

for those who don't know but want to, in October 2005 at about 2-3 in the am the box fan in my daughter's bedroom catches on fire. they yell out FIRE!!! i stagger into the room and pick up the flaming fan. the flames go for my face, as i am duck walking it to the bathroom to put out in the tub, and i realize my hair is loose. i step backwards and my foot lands in a puddle of melted plastic and metal. i get the fan in the tub, put it out. fling open windows and go back to sleep. later the burn has turned into something else well it's still a burn but it's really bad, 3rd degree. i try to go to work. i am retarded. i end up at the emergency room, and leave with crutches and one of those funky boot shoes that make everything you wear look bad. the shoe lasted two days.the burn several months.

The coolest flyer ever!

no commando here

What Item of Clothing Are You?
Underwear You're sexy and fun! You go, girl!
Take The Quiz Now!	Quizzes by myYearbook.com

Last Night

what a great way to kick off a new year in spoken word.
the event was amazing!
i got to release my inner pirate in front of clergy and two of them want me to do spoken word sermons at their church. wtf
katz and i began the evening having a conversation with a priest.
we were talking shit to each other and he was trying to edit his poem so as not to offend the preachers. the priest walked by, we put on our good little poets faces and the priest pulled out a cigarette. we both wore faces of ...huuuuuuu
i lit him up.
katz asked if he could say what he wanted to say and if the priest would tell him if it was offensive.
the priest was like," that's the shit some people need to hear."
our jaws are dropped and there might have been drool.
he gives us a mini sermon where we find out he's queer and god made him the way he is and he wasn't going to let the bullshit of the church stop him from being a preacher.
we jawed for a minute then katz and i were called to begin.
i opened, bad idea.
i have never had standing o's while still performing. the priest sitting up front was glowing so and digging every word.
kats won he cursed way more than me and people up on their feet throughout.
after, the priest walks up to me and say, " i had no idea who i was talking to, you are fucking incredible! you are saying all the things that need to be said. i started my church because i got tired of hearing all the bullshit. would you be interested in doing a sermon at my church. my congregation would love you."
i asked if the sermon was like an open mic.
i think I'm going to do it.
i said this year i wanted to try new things.
this i think definitely qualifies!

art of politics

very nervous
i haven't performed since last year
do i know how to do it....?
kidding i think.
i love katz not the animal but the spoken word animal.
that will make the diff.
yeah, art of politics
i shall let the pirate out and wreak some havoc
what a great word havoc
i shall incorporate it more in my vocabulary
www.gps2007.org

hmmm

January 2, 2007
A rush of optimism and enthusiasm could propel you into a more positive frame of mind, Theresa, and while in this state of mind you could accomplish wonders. Your circumstances in life could be totally turned upside down; a change in residence is possible, as is a change in your working circumstances. Don't cling to the banks, flow with the tide. Success and good fortune are on the way - as long as you let it happen!

07

rough beginning
day two of the new year
i joined an online dating thing
not sure what that means
plans i was making have to change

very upsetting

so

change has to happen differently
i just have to figure it out
if it looks like what i have now
i will have to flee

07

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Slap stupid people in the head. Get your resolution here.

survey

WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME?
Diane, but if you call me that...i'll have to cut you.

WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING NOW?
salmon...not pink that's girly

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
the sounds of silence

WHAT ARE THE LAST TWO DIGITS IN YOUR PHONE
NUMBER?
35

what was the last thing you ate?
grilled cheese with tomato yummm


if you were a crayon what color would you be?
purple

HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
fucked up and foggy

who was the last person you talked to on the
phone?
Rochelle...don't ask

the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
nothing?

FAVORITE TYPE OF FOOD?
usually there's cheese involved unless it's dessert the there's whipped cream involved unless it's sex then there could be whipped cream or cheese involved...that's gross just threw that in to make myself giggle...it worked

do you drink?
you buying?

What's your favorite drink?
coffee unless i'm out and about then there is beer or long island iced tea

ever so drunk you don't remember what you did?
yes, don't ask, i don't remember


hair color?
black and brownish...a little grey cause i'm old

eye color?
brown

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
not yet, but i have a check up soon, so that could change

FAVORITE HOLIDAY?
the one where christmas trees don't tear up your car

favorite month?
may, my birthday month where i party allllllllll month long

have you ever cried for no reason?
in the middle of it right now, thanks for the distraction

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
my super ex girlfriend with my ex girlfriend....ironic no... fucking demonic and masochistic

FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
my birthday...tells me that i'm here

are you too shy to ask someone out?
sometimes, but not usually

if you could say something to someone right now..... what would it be?
stop...this hurts

hugs or kisses?
hugs....kisses lie

chocolate or vanilla?
i like both

what books are you reading right now?
nothing exciting, books i assigned my middle school class
things not seen and star girl not terribly exciting...i told you

piercing?
just the ears

Fun and Good Times

last night was fun!!
friends, friends and family.....kwanzaa......
cleo's sweet potato cheese cake
oh my damn it was some good with or without whipped cream
chocolate fondu
cranium....didn't know my humming skills were not up for the challenge
stacie, karen, melissa, kathy, tana
two exes and a missed op in the house
my kids having fun
turning heidi's hands purple
slightly tense vibe
the rum helps
house is a mess
going to go work in my classroom now
release some pentupness

Tonight

TONIGHT@ CLITERATI!!!!
Hasan Davis my brother extrodinaire!
8pm at The Spot next door to Tower Two
Be There or you'll be sad!

stay home

must not leave the house again today
i have never seen a person get hit by a car
that was my christmas present about 2pm
i scream and slam my breaks like i was the one who hit him
dialing 911 watching the person who hit this guy almost drive away
myself and the three other motorist who stopped in their tracks yelling at him to fucking stop and shouting locations to 911 operators
i want to believe that if it was the middle of the night
no cars on the road
that he would have stopped
checked on this poor man
i want to believe that people care
and that he is one of those people.....
or would he have gone about his day
like he didn't impact someones world
they moved the man
his head was in the street
feet resting on the sidewalk
he almost made it across
when i saw blood i got no closer
i just kept saying i don't think you should move him
he was dazed, bloody and talking when i drove away
i could hear the ambulance in the distance
i looked the driver in the eyes before i pulled away
if he hadn't had an audience
if no one else had stopped
he would have driven away
his eyes told me so

Merry Christmas already

so, i remember why i don't do the holidays
aside from the attack of the would be killer Christmas tree of 2001
the expression of joy flying at me
ripping a gaping hole in my car but leaving a smattering of tinsel
to complete that holy shit intensity that overtakes you when your life flashes before your eyes Saturn emblem flying skyward
defensive driving rocks!
for two days i've been forced to leave my home to do odd tidings here and there for family
no i don't mind sitting in highway traffic for hours on end
no i don't
so today i had to go to wal-mart
not particularly because i want to be in any store
especially that one
in the pre countdown shopping nightmare that is this season
3 items
all i have are three items
i learned that 10 items or less means nothing
15 or less means even less
but i also learned that if you work at wal-mart
get off work
decide to shop with the rest of us fools
that there is a secret express line for you
that you can roll up with your 32 items( i counted)
in the 10 items or less line
pull up on the wrong side like you're in England or something
look like you are supposed to be there
take over the cashiers register
commandeer the little wand thingy
ring up your shit
never making eye contact with the customers you've usurped
only offering a sidelong glance as that one
dreaded (in more ways than one)
customer in the dyked out jacket
pirate head scarf
t shirt emblazon with the smiley face
with duct tape over its mouth
with the caption
silence is golden,
duct tape is silver
who is in fact counting out your order
loudly
to the tune of some jingle that has left my brain
cause clearly counting as well as good manners have eluded you
i comment that i think all wal-mart employees should benefit from the
secret express lane and i am going to suggest it to the managers
black people blush and turn colors
i wished her a merry whatever
don't tell me i'm not just dripping
with sentiments of merry fucking Christmas

kunundrum

today is global orgasm day??
gonna need some help to celebrate properly....call me

tongue tied

damn 1 minute poem
i will be victorious
wait till the next slam

a haiku for the one minute poem

so, tell me if this has ever happened to you.
you are walking down the street.
you hear some one coming up behind you saying," hey, hey you. I know you!"
you turn in the direction of the approaching voice, no recollection.
i have no poker face...at all.
"i knew it was you," she says.
still no recollection, but i smile cause she's smiling.
"we are friends."
my expression doesn't change much because i still have no fucking idea who she is and my metal rolodex is spinning to the point of dizzy.
then she says, " i recognize your hair from my space."
seems my hair is more popular than i.
well i have put lots of new trinkets in so it is quite dashing.
ya gotta love my space.

Mr. stripey gone from this world

as we find ourselves gathered
on this beautiful day in December
to say goodbye to our aquatic friend Mr. Stripey.
he was a good fish, no he was a great fish.
his living space was always clean.
he was always polite in the mornings without coffee unlike many of us.
he never called anyone names but kept a smile on his face.
we now will say goodbye to mister stripey.
i go to flush him.
a scream.
it's dark in the toilet!
how do you know i ask?
cause?
that's not an answer, have you ever been flushed in the toilet.
nooooo. many voices.
i imagine it to be liberating like the final roller coaster ride your life.
i'm scared to ride roller coasters so the toilet will be scary.
somehow i've proved her point. don't fuck with first grade logic....no...don't do it.
so they build a fishy coffin.
the dig a fishy grave.
a student presides over the grave side ceremony.
it's very cute, sweet and twisted at the same time.
we watch them pretend to cry, holding on to one another. one kid pretends to faint.
mr. stripey will be missed for about 5 minutes only remembered before the next fishy funeral.
we average about three a year.



Today!!!!!

gary's getting a bad rap.
the first and second grade have accused
gary the snail of killing mr. stripey the gold fish.
i told them snails are decomposers not killers and assured them that gary wouldn't have eaten mr. stripey's eye if he had not been dead.
morning gross out...sorry.
gary the snail's reputation has been soiled.
he may need representation before this scandal is over.
poor gary!!!

Art Amok Slam 1-2-3-4

7 Stages & ART AMOK! SLAM
present a 4-round slam
of 1, 2, 3 & 4 minute original sonnets, limericks, stories, poems
based on the Individual World Poetry Slam format!

Saturday, 12/16
sign up at 8.30, slam at 9pm
slots typically fill up fast
(max. 12 poets)
$5, free to slam
Location: 7 Stages Mainstage
Come and watch some of the Southeast's premiere voices in performance poetry
as the 2007 Art Amok Slam Team comes to life.
Or, even better, come out to Slam. $50 cash prize.
7 Stages Theatre
1105 Euclid Ave. Atlanta, GA 30307
404-523-7647 (box office)
http://www.7stages.org/

folks

so, during music class i ducked out to get some lunch
i have a looooooong day today.
i stop in at a bp to get gas and there is a man there going off on the cashier.
he is shouting at the man because the water at the store is to expensive.
he's shouting things like,"this is the same water they sell at home depot and lowes and it's cheaper there!" then he makes a comment about folks from the middle east under his breath just loud enough for me to hear it.
i have been crunchy for several weeks.
for those of you not hip to the theresanary book of internal definitions, crunchy is a state of irritation that doesn't differentiate or discriminate which means pretty much anything can flip my switch.
this comment flipped my switch. so after sizing him up I clear my throat loudly
cause he's holding up the fucking line and he says to me..excuse you,
my eyebrow shoots into my hairline. i clear my throat again and say," if you would like cheaper water sold to you buy americans then take your not so happy ass down the street to lowes, you are holding up the line. either buy the fucking water or leave and please feel free in the future not to excuse me. you need to apologize for your slur!"
"i'm not slurring my words, you trying to say i'm drunk."
"would explain the need for water, but no. i'm talking about your racial slur, which might be taken as racism. you buying the water or not cause i'd like to pay for my gas and get the hell out of here."
he bought the water and glared at me.
cheap ass. i am not offended by the prices of water, water should be free so the fact that it's not offends me.
in crunchy mode i am unaffected by idiots, assholes and dumb-shits. and a dumb-shit and an idiot have lots in common, but they are different.

The Sugar Babies

These are two of the cutie sugar babies!!!

and then there were three

so yesterday was the beginning of reality math, always marked by the births of the sugar babies.
10 students 11 sugar babies, yes one lucky student had twins. there was a 20 minutes of complaining and whining....
"i don't want a boy."
"i don't want a girl."
"i'm going to dress him like a girl anyway cause i want a girl!"
i can see the issues growing. the had a day to decorate their child.
and one of my not so creative sweeties made his baby boy a diaper. he was working so hard. when he got through he proudly displayed the finished garment modeled by his sugar baby. before i could comment,ms. shakur piped in with, " why is your baby wearing a thong? ms. theresa that right there, that's child abuse or pornography or something. he must be getting his designs from r kelly's version of baby gap. that's wrong, ms theresa!"
i had to excuse myself to the ladies room so my laughter wouldn't stifle creativity but damn that girl has a wicked sense of humor.....i'd like to think i had something to do with that......(tear on cheek pride moment).
only two took headers off the tops of desks.
one required a band-aid.
the babies are weighed after the 14 day experiment and the one closest to 5lbs wins points.
they all start with 100 points.
they can gain or lose points based on care. children left unattended for too long will be kidnapped cause shit happens and sometimes it happens to you, the ransom 75 points. i already have the ransome notes.

and it just so happens that the llama had her foal, colt, spawn what the hell are their babies called? i will look it up..... CRIA. a baby llama is called a cria. i have never heard of this..don't lie neither have you. see i told you they want my arms and now there are three of them stalking me......

Thanksgiving?

how do you have a police shoot-out with a 92 years old woman?
how do you kick down the door of a 92 year old woman at 2 am in a drug infested neighborhood looking for a dealer who doesn't have that address?
happy fucking thanksgiving..this woman lived a long time, was a law abiding citizen. her house was riddled with bullets. the police have been shooting a lot of women lately. wtf

lighter note?
so we are having thanksgiving dinner.
3 hours late cause the little popping thing didn't pop on the damn turkey.
i think the damn thing was trying to put up some kind of fight.
no sides that had to be baked were prepared.
my sister...who said to me "I'll cook the mac and cheese this year."
went to the store after it had been run through and could not secure the vital ingredient..VELVEETA.
we ate fucking Kroger brand mac and cheese. wrong, i told her she was going to thanksgiving hell, for her troubles.
it is wrong for mac and cheese to have the consistency of rice crispy treats....wrong, i say!
the kids are getting rowdy.
they are hungry and i am in a coma on the couch. yelling occasionally "no the popping thing isn't broken. no the bird is not done if the popping thing doesn't pop! no, i will not go ask the neighbor who is entertaining at least 20 people if you can put the cornbread in her oven."
did i mention the kids are getting rowdy?
to soothe the children, while the popping thing popped and the bird too large for our group was heaved out of the oven. my mother spun the ancient thanksgiving tale of the "Spider-man Food", you know...the legend of cranberry sauce! yes, she did. told them how Spidey wasn't right unless he ate this special food. that he had to make sure he got it at thanksgiving because that was the time of year that it was served in abundance. that the reason it is red, is cause it is one of Spider-man's favorite foods. " Like ketchup?" Jamal asked."Like Ketchup." my mother beamed.
you have never seen the amount of cranberry sauce consumed.
it was so wrong.
all i could think was the carpet will be colorful later thanks to Spider Man the Patron Saint of Thanksgiving.
when i left no one had thrown up, but the energy of all that cranberry sauce and the cream-cheese pound cake, pineapple upside down cake, sweet, sweet potato pie and the mounds of whipped cream was very evident.
I am so glad my son didn't hear the Spider-man tale.
this kid who routinely sleeps in a spidey costume three years too small( i tried to throw it away twice and he always busts me). but if he asks for any one of the three cranberry sauce cans that have been sitting on the top shelf in the kitchen cabinet for now on three years, I'll know that one of my sister's little spidey disciples, spilled the goods and shared the traditional story of the Cranberry Sauce!

Workin it out

Last night was a HIT!
What a great night. It went a little long but it was very nice.
I gotta work on this hosting thing.
I can be pretty clever but sometimes my clever on the spot
is just twisted at best. I feel silly practicing hosting.
I stood in the mirror last night, after a few beers, and tried to introduce people better.It would help if i had some history. Knew their work or, something.
People seemed to not notice that I sucked at it so it's all good.

It also helped me curb some of my anger. Not all of it. Last night instead of dreaming of killing the woman who grabbed at my son. I only hurt her. The important thing here is that my fantasy violence is not so scary...For now, that is. She touch my boy again and I don't know what I'll do. I just know it will be bad.

So tonight in the next phase of the Charis 32 Birthday bash there is Burlesque at Sister's. Yes, I will be there and I think I have my courage coming back so I am considering doing a burlesque act. Since the depression has set in, I have lost weight and it has redistributed itself somehow. So there are angles of me I don't recognize and if someone were only paying half attention, they could totally mistake me for fine even sexy! I shall test that theory tonight, before the alcohol sets in where then everyone is fine or sexy, or some intoxicated equivalent.

But before then I have to crash Cold Soup Dinner Theater. My mom is performing blues songs and some comedy. My mom is pretty funny except sometimes when she tries to tell a joke. I can't sing but I am going to sing a song with her tonight.
This depression thing has me so wrung out. I have this incredible loneliness even when surrounded by people and I'm doing some really great things, I am afraid that I'm missing a lot too. Because I am so in my head sometimes, pile on the pre-menopause...I'm feeling pretty fucking unstable.

This blog is all over the place..so we have been studying Greek mythology and I have re-stumbled over one of my favorite goddesses. This is who I think I would be and if I were to take a serious stage name other than my own it would be this. I think she may be my next tattoo in a smallish version.

Nemesis

is the goddess of divine justice and vengeance. Her anger is directed toward human transgression of the natural, right order of things and of the arrogance causing it. Nemesis pursues the insolent and the wicked with inflexible vengeance.

That's where I am right now. People lie and I want to smite them on the spot. There are other smite-able offenses but that's the big one in this moment. I talk to people and I feel myself scanning for lies...it's bad. not going to do that tonight. Going to let my hair down, relax, and allow myself to be the charming, sexy motherfucker, I used to be before liars invaded my space, and twisted my perceptions.
In other words..I'm going to have some fucking fun for a change!!

Sandwich Day

As an educator, I feel it is my duty to pass on information that could potentially shape the minds of the young and old. I am a font of useless information and I insist on sharing it with everyone.

ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY!!!

John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, was a gambler. One night he didn’t want to leave the gaming tables even to eat, so he ordered his servants to quickly bring him some meat between slices of bread. That way, he would still have one hand free to play while he filled his stomach. He was a genius. Yes, he had a problem but where would Subway be without him.

So, in my class today we are playing cards and munching on cold cuts. I'm teaching them how to trash talk and take beating like a man, woman, or child! I start each thrashing with " do you need to make out a will, or call you next of kin or a hug? Do you need a hug?" Then i whip them in gin rummy, war, uno and any other card game we got going on!!
Why am I such a cool ass teacher..........Cause I don't know any other way to be, baby!!

beyond pissed

i am barely keeping it together
my son's teacher is a freak
and she tried to remove my son from a class
because he disagreed with her and refused to go
you send his ass to the office
you can even come tell me and i'll send his ass to the office
but you do not put you fucking hands on my child
i have not slapped the shit out of her yet but it is around the bend
i don't know what's up with this week
people testing their boundaries with me
i am not in a good place emotionally
i am not in a great place mentally
and i am tired of being pushed up on
and not pushing back
and i am tired of resisting my inner bitch
so i'm not anymore
she's been dormant too long i think
it's time i let her out to play
tread carefully
she has been released