a very bad love poem;-)

this is a possible submission to the bad love poem competition. you cant use profanity, dammit!! and you only win tickets for the Shakespeare Theater Company for "As You Like It"

so, judge if you must, i think it's kinda funny


you are the pop tart of my dreams
all chocolate and fruity filling
I get all choked up when I see
your frosting covered eyes
you move me like
like that little blue thing on X-men that can be anything
you are like that to me
anything
I want, anything I need
you are the remote to my control
that flip in my flop
when I think about you baby
I just know I love you like
that
you know
that
not like this
but like
that
that thing that makes my heart
vibrate to the sounds
of our hearts beating together
but separately
In unison

when we are apart
my plan feels like its slipping
my minutes don’t roll over
and I want to sprint
so I can again be caught up in your verizon
you are the hello to my kitty
the pica to my chu

Kasuntyke

before our love blossomed
I was never in bloom
dormant
like I was sleepwalking through dreams
never rested like my spirit
an unruly poltergeist
haunted by the thought of never meeting you
but now I’ve met you
and am stuck to you like posted notes
there but not permanent
cause permanent means forever
and like that’s a long time
but I love you
you know like that
you are the jumbo to my shrimp
that yin in my yang
but you we need to use some lube before we do that
cause you know it could have the opposite effect

you are the power to my ranger
the pinky to my brain
the night in my rider
I just wanna bathe
in your sweet succulence
and have people asking me
"did you die!"
and I’ll respond
"why yes I did"
I was dying to be in love with you
the magazine subscription I never paid for
the restraining order I ignored
the authorities will never understand our connections
while we are connected
no DSL baby we went wi-fi
I think that the stars had you in mind
when they decided to shine
and now they’re jealous
because you baby,
outshine them all
cause you,
you are the pop tart of my dreams
even when i'm awake
now
that's
love

a brief history

it's very interesting this thing going on with me. i know dreams come true , hopes and wishes are achieved or granted, and the poems i write about me are truth based but i've never had a poem come true until now. it's funny how life drags you along by the collar as we stumble through it. i have stumbled through a lot. i made so many bad decisions in my youth it's a wonder i have two sane braincells to rub together let alone think forward with. i submerged myself in self-denial in baby steps, and still managed to dig myself pretty deep. like in most stories of high drama, courage, slap stick and romance, it started with a girl.

this girl has been discussed at length. the topic covered by layers of really excellent poems and some really crappy ones. and even though i know Rodger probably doesn't remember, i mean why would he, but his workshop was the beginning of the excavation of my inner self. not only did it change what i write but how i write. the layer removed then i think was vulnerability. i was afraid to appear so before that workshop and then because i do nothing half way i fell into it.

the first time i cried in front of my children, ever, they thought i was dying. they panicked and cried inconsolably and i realized how much i cheated them out of. they cried and their world didn't end and they couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that yes i was crying their world was still in tact. if you've asked me back then if i thought i was emotional aloof with my children i would have called you, many names none of which would have been nice. in my relationships romantic or sexual with other people i knew i was distant, never sharing more than i wanted, never opening my heart completely. cause the last time i did that i fucked myself over.

so, full forward long ass story short girl meets girl, girl falls in love with girl, then girl denies her love for girl because to do so would make her gay and she is not. girl panics seduces a stupid boy, breaks him beautifully has a deep sense of guilt so when dumb boy asks her to marry him she says nothing so her mother accepts for her, then girl seeks THE GIRL out spends a weekend where i am sure new worlds are formed then tells girl, no they aren't getting back together because she's getting married to stupid boy, girl goes into a kinda rage and says she's done. then girl gets married, girl gets pregnant, girl gets divorce, girl has baby, girl meets another guy girl gets pregnant, then again, then girl gets divorced, falls out of a closet, has been secretly trying to find girl for all those years, takes a workshop, writes a poem, then girl goes on face book does random search like the other countless random searches she's done for years and she finds girl.

reconnecting with her has been very interesting. i don't think it will end up being some amazing reconnecting love affair but it will be something. the lightness i feel is very new. like i've been holding all of this in my shoulder and they have finally released after twenty years of holding them tight. i finally feel free.

Lesson Learned

I’ve been holding my breath for so long
the exhale makes me high
then I sober
wipe the condensation from my eyes
things are never as clear as they seem
never as close as you want them to be
the saddest light
is sunset
when you realize that everything precious
can slip from the hinges where you hung them
haphazard and in a hurry
we rush through
pass the beauty
before our own eyes
unable to stop the flow
or even
recover from it
waking with the slowly rising sun
I felt the earth turn beneath my feet
knew simple was better
so
I sought it out
I never pictured myself wild
even when I threw things
sometimes
threw them away
believing if they were meant to be with me
they would return
if only life were that simple

it seems life could be that simple

I’ve been listening to the chaos of my heartbeat
for more moons than I can count
and still
there is a flutter in my chest
one that quiets the noise
if I take the time to listen
like the way I once listened
to the vibration of my name on lips
I wanted to hang around my neck
a talisman
a reminder
of what not to over look
my vision
is blurry
sometimes
it takes time now to understand
the colors on my walls

define kismet

define forward

words I know well but shadow me
have me checking rear view mirrors that don’t exist
this haunted alienation
like dying amidst spectacular geography
the amethyst bruising around my heart
reminding me
I love the color purple
I loved they way I looked wrapped in your skin
and maybe it was not an illusion

lips peeled back in a ridiculous grin
I peer at my past
the photos not quiet yellowed
but the melancholy feeling
surging through me
wreaks of jaundice
no longer reluctant

I’ve been holding my breath for so long
but now I can see that space beyond fear
lungs relaxed
my breathing
is fine

for Suk Maya

Number 132
a rant (rough)


when you force fed her the bumper of your car
did you know her rag doll six year old body
wouldn’t arrive to her first day of school
to the first day of her better life
that she’d never learn the language
so she could tell the story in baby glory
about the American in such a hurry
her life got in his way
so he Lincoln Navigated her out of it
only in America for twelve days
refugee camp born
exiled from a country who never knew her
but wanted her ethnically cleansed
penniless and baby-faced human
her slight frame didn’t stand a chance


Gregory,
I wish you nightmares in a language you don’t understand
clinging to bumpers to keep yourself upright
eyes wide and expectant so you can see it coming
I wish you more than misdemeanors
more than blunt force trauma, head injuries
and murder in two languages
will our justice system recognize the damage you have done
or will they slap you on the proverbial wrist
give you twelve months in exchange for her twelve days


will you have a moment of reckoning
see her face plastered on eyelids as she haunts your dreams
will you learn a few words in Nepali
recite the name Suk Maya slowly
offer an apology to her in her tongue daily
will you decide you’ll never get behind the wheel of a car again
spare the others your navigator terror

or

are you out for a spin right now
speeding to another destination

good thing there’s no school today

Randomness

funny, i didn't realize how many Rolodex i have in my head. whenever someone approaches me grinning broadly i instantly try to get context, rarely obtained. kids throw me, school, camp, rally, was i at your school, or do you know my kids? based on the wideness of the grin it helps narrow it down. the i get the do you remember me?

dude, i want to say, i've been teaching and working with kids for over 20 years?

I don't say that.

i say, of course i know you???

no i don't say that either, that would be a lie.


instead i smile and say where did we meet. she says you performed at my school with a guy named heath i think. ayodele i remember. yes i remember you, i say. she grins then runs and points me out to her mother, sister, possibly a cousin....and i realize...


i am the zoo;-)

hats

funny how once you get over the fear of your own success you can see that fear in others. trippy

my son's allergies are really out of whack. i let him go on the trip with his grandma Alice but i am bugging the shyt out of them calling every couple hours to check on him. as the mom i expect to be fully held accountable for the plants blooming, the mold growing or whatever other allergen is out there attacking my baby. it will be a rough week waiting, then i will only see him for a few hours before the advance on Florida.... too many hats sometimes, i'll wear them. they are not always on straight (god forbid), sometimes they don't match, and sometimes they make my brain sweat. but i will wear them till my head falls off..

consequences

i'm sorry if i saw a man looking like he was breaking into a house i would call the police and if i was the police who responded and checked it out then walked way and you decided it was a good idea to call me names and be an asshole i would arrest you. yes we do have the freedom of speech, yes you can speak your own mind, but when in your entire life has talking back to authority figures not brought consequences?
and if I am a professor a teacher what exactly am i teaching, in that moment?

i think we've arrived at that crux. that tit for tat crux where any and everything done by a white person to a person of color depending on the level of negativity will be racist. And now that black is the new presidential, we've all been upgraded to potential racist based on that bullshyt of position of power, so anything done by a person of color to a white person will be deemed the same.

we also, not all of us, but a general us, seem to think that bad taste, rudeness, and disrespect are acceptable forms of communication. this is how and why derogatory cartoons make the new york times. how a man at a town hall meeting can fix his mouth to call any woman a bitch, let alone the first lady.
these times will get a whole lot more interesting, and worse before they are over.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Moments

number 116 Moments



there a moments within moments
times locked away
no safer than when first born
they beckon
willing truth to rise like cream
scratching at eyes once veiled
in melancholy
smoothing memories once too close to touch
an unspoken presence
as tangible as removing shoes
willing ourselves to walk on the water of tears
collected in the worn wells
of tarnished souls
those moments show themselves
buried like treasure
unearthed in the remembering
acknowledged in the living
anger released
jaws unclenched
some windows aren’t windows
just reflections of what we close
away from ourselves
no vertical hold
our perceptions lurch
laughing becomes hard
when realization crashes
against the privacy of our own ears
when the whole world is bad reception
those moments
if embraced can realign hopes
cushion the throb behind temples
allow us to pray to personal gods that we can again
make our beds out of self respect
stop hiding from our own skin
lift the fog clouding our truths
clear our throats
embrace the emotional hangover
the mental roadblocks
focus on the space beyond our fears
our literal truths
they reside in those moments
our purist definition
no matter what the moon says

sorry

it seems my pc is under some strange attack where in no pictures at all are displayed. including the ones you have to click on in order to advance.then no internet at all without a long ago assigned password an attempt to reboot or whatever they call it the system... i called the att rep for tech support. he seemed shocked that i couldn't remember the password assigned to me years ago, then he told me that he would send me an email with my password..? when i asked him how exactly i retrieved email without the internet, he seemed stunned. speechless. then agreed it made no sense (reluctantly I might add)and set me a temporary password.. it still wouldn't work...so thank the goddess for my trusty MAC!

For an Olympic Champion

Number 110 (a poem for Teresa Edwards Living History)

there’s a magic here
one that speaks Morse code mysteries
dreams that live in daylight
hoops like halos
gold like medals
talismans of living history
her story
she dreams eyes wide open
future fixed on nimble fingers
she doesn’t know her place
tightrope walks baselines
a historical moving violation
carrying-over
to the next generation
a fade away jumper
she knows the love that
has surged through veins
every since the day she
fell in love with the game
a globetrotter by necessity
it’s amazing how far outside
some have to give-and-go
to move forward while avoiding
flagrant, personal fouls
follow I imagine
Spain blushed in her presence
Italy fell at her feet
and Russia embraced the
poetry in motion that is she
and she stands a finger roll away
sharing her wide awake dream
to wide eyed smiles
goal tending on her every syllable
she has the home court advantage
and her hang time mesmerizes
she’s like water and they drink her in
she seems to speak their language
double dribbles her way into their hearts
their heads pick- and – roll they are captivated
and so am i
I see she who shares my name
holding court,
the way I do
I wonder if we are twin souls
set on different courses
academic, athletic
different post positions
watching the same shot clock
counting down to five, four, three, two
one on one
like living history
her story
hoops like halos
gold like medals
talismans
full court press
we dream the same dreams
eyes wide open
focused on our youth
our futures

~Theresa Davis

WTF

i am so much better in my old age. the guest speaker just explained to the homophobic youth that and i quote "men wanting to be women and women trying to be men, that whole homosexual tip. that's demon possession, plain and simple. can you imagine how strong the demons are in those kinds of people. i was addicted to drugs and sent to prison but the lord saw fit for me not to have those other demons."

now, they are hearing that it is far better to be a prison hopping, pimp, drug dealer, addict than to be demonically possessed homosexual???? huuuh, i do miss the head spinning! it kills me (figuratively) when people parley (yes, i said it they are a different kind of pirate)a discussion about drug abuse into Jesus outreach. now he's advocating that the problem is school don't teach about god, so they have to seek out god on their own......whew

my face must look constipated from all this crap i'm hearing! egads

arrrghhh

it's like sleep walking backwards...
everything you react to is off cause you didn't see that shit coming??? not sure if that makes sense but i think you get it. i've felt very light the last week or two a foreign feeling and i realize how taxing some of the situations time has allowed me to extricate myself from really were.

and then there is she, we may actually be too smart for each other... lots of thinking, nah... that's not it. second date jitters no doubt is what it is.

you know how every relationship/acquaintance/alliance/shipwreck you've had since you came out has been flirt, kiss, fuck and all before the first date? sometimes before the last name? and definitely before the first orgasm?? yeah, i don't want this to be that. and that's what i'm used too. hummm, i think i'm good since we managed to stay on our feet through the first date, and i know i don't want anything similar to what i've had in the past, with her or any other person i might get involved with, besides it's been a minute and i'm almost positive i've forgotten how. being interesting and ignoring sexual tension is proving difficult, but oddly stimulating which feeds back into that tension thing. so as you can see it's a big sexy mess. i want us to go dancing tonight.... but whatever we do it will be fun i am sure.

and a child shall.....

i love these kids. they are so funny and anxious to be heard. i heard one of the kids saying to new camper, "you're going to like ms. theresa's class she let's you like have a voice." today we talked about stress and what causes stress. i helped them categorize the main causes of stress, major life changes, catastrophe, everyday problems, and environmental problems. so many divorces and deaths it makes my head spin. kids today have to be so tough all the time and they suffer from so much stress. i can't wait for tomorrow's discussion at how they cope with and manage their stress. i mentioned the topic for tomorrow and one young lady was like, "oh i can answer that one all ready, kick their butt!" i asked, "how exactly do you kick an upcoming test or an eviction in the butt?" she said, "oh, my bad, i thought we were talking about people who piss us off." I said, "do you think being angry and stressed are the same thing?" she said, "yup, being stressed makes me angry and being angry stresses me out." how you going to argue with logic like that?

Will Ferell owes me 20 bucks!

You know how sometimes you go to a movie and after the first scene it starts going wrong. You sit there thinking any minute now it's going to get better, any minute now it will stop being shity. You repeat this to yourself for nearly two hours and it doesn't get better. Land of the Lost is that movie. So full of mistakes like wardrobe and plot. It was a bad choice for a first date. So bad in fact I felt compelled for us to see another. Determined to not have her thoughts of our first date to be "she took me to that god awful movie!" You know it's bad when after a moment of silence you both say "that was really bad" in unison. Lesson learned but I'm still thinking Will owes me 20 bucks.

let ex be ex

i was trying to maintain a semblance of friendship. i listened to the constant bitching and complaining, the constant it's all about her banter. while she goes on and on and if i talk about me i'm self-centered. well i tried, but last night she pissed me off to the point of half considering driving the fucking hour and a half to her house to kick her ass. so while i was a propnant of amicable break ups and tried to demonstrate that while you are no longer together you can still be friends, my view has change. fuck 'em if you were supposed to be together and for whatever reason you broke up, it probably means you shouldn't be together. things i've learned from this ex.

1. not all people can change
2. people who scream the most about fighting fair seldom fight fair themselves.
3. not all people can or are worth to be a friend
4. people who have to be right all the time are a ginormous pain in the ass
5. if i have to gear myself up to deal with someone, that's my sign to walk the fuck away

those are the top five.

ask and ye shall...

i have been struggling with my tongue. so skilled at ranting and doing the teaching, poet thing completely tied when asking someone out. it's funny to get to this place in my life and be inhibited when in the past if i wanted something or to be with someone i simply made the declaration. when did i develop this fear of rejection? i found myself asking a question today in such a round-a-bout way that by the end i didn't even know what i was asking for. somehow through my verbal meandering the message was received and in the receiving so did i. the answer was yes! and now the question is ...what should i wear??

Redemption

so i have been a bad blogger and this must stop. some of my best venting comes from blogging and i'm feeling a little suppressed. so much happening and yes writing a poem helps but a down and dirty blog where I give not a shyt to how it is received, yes this is what I need to get back to… opps, I’m cooking a very late dinner but I will be back soon!!!

Just so you know

I am going to work up a review of the year but that could take a minute so I’ll give you the play by of the past few weeks.


iwps was amazing!!! the blast I had was memorable. I was deemed the best wing-man ever by Cuban and did the poems I wanted to leave there. yeah!!!!


I opened for R.I.S.E. on Friday. awesomeness!! my good friend Meadow was finally able to road trip with me. we had a great time! we had dinner at her favorite vegetarian restaurant, the 9% beers a nice finisher. then we, the amazing navigators of the south, left the parking deck to drive to the venue only to park back in the same lot…I blame the beer, and the quirky Asheville streets that are closer to things than they appear. we opened for the band and Meadow was meadowfabulous as usual and now all of Asheville loves her…i'm sooo not surprised.

guess what?

we’re in the band!!!!!



so, i've decided that once a month i will offer up new info about me. you know, things you may not know. hidden fears, lustful longings, meandering memories, some shyt you could care less about, that sort of thing.


so, this thing happens to be three of my fears.


my bathroom fears…..



oh yes,it's about to go down (no pun intended..or was it?)



#1. my hair touching toilet water or even the seat.



as my hair is too long, considering a trim, I have to do a certain amount of preparation before going. if loose this is usually accomplished by twisting it in a knot on top of my head, which has a tendency to shift especially when navigating the port o potty...eeewh! when braided much easier. if you ever see a dread headed woman shrieking at the top of her lungs ripping locks out by the handful this is what happened. please stop me. i don't think ripped bald is a good look for me.

I remember once maybe two years ago my hair touched toilet water, thank the goddess after flushing, but still I felt it necessary to strip down and hop into the awaiting shower. ok, I was at a party, and I didn’t know where the towels were, and people were waiting to go. still it had to be done.no i haven't been invited to another party there......go figure



#2. dropping my cell phone in a toilet.



I think I am not the only one who has this fear. this is why I purchased a pouch for the phone as this almost happened and in my lunge to catch it and #1 almost happened…would have been disastrous.



#3. dropping my wallet in the toilet.



yes, this is why I stopped carrying a wallet. once while standing after a mission completed my wallet slipped from my back pocket and narrowly missed falling in the toilet. Two weeks ago my mom yelled at me for not carrying a purse. i stared at her uncomprehending and we settled on a wallet. so I put my stuff in a wallet. was working out ok until….



so my hair is still in tact, my phone moisture free…..but I’ve learned what money laundering means on a gross level..


so I’d like to leave you with this gross but true fact,

because I am sure I am not the only one to have done this…



DO NOT PUT MONEY IN YOUR MOUTH AND WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER HANDLING..YOU REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DON’T KNOW WHERE IT MAY HAVE BEEN!!!!



Happy Holidays!!!

tHIS weekend!!!

This weekend!!!!

a finny thing happened on the way to the strip club

I am sure people think I make this shit up. I really don't. I am finding it incredibly ironic that I am always in a place where something incredibly fucked up is happening, at least once a week. This blog while describing the event will also offer up some nuggets of knowledge. Common Sense for Dummies type shit. So on ward….



The first little nugget of thought wrapped in a lesson sort of. When you learn a language, and I could just be talking about me and some friends of mine, you leaned the inappropriate stuff first. How to say asshole, fuck you, hey baby you fine, bullshit... You know stuff like that then you continue eventually incorporating all the stuff, that stuff being knowledge, you have accumulated. Right?



Now here it is important to understand this is a multi-lingual thing, I am sure when folks learn English they also learn these words and phrases. Remember English is a foreign language to most of the people in the world, hell, for most of the people in the US.



So, on to the drama. I had a thing this morning. When I got done I thought,"There is no way in hell I am cooking tonight." My plan was to go home take a nap and finish my commitments. So blogging wasn't even in the mix and because I more peck than type this is taking longer than I expected and eating into my nap time.

I digress, back on task poet! Peck Poet Peck!



So I see it my tummy does a happy little flip and I enter the building hearing a very robust "WELCOME TO MOE'S"!



They always make me feel smiley when they do that. Then I hear the side talk, in Spanish, in very snarky tones. I glance around to see who they are talking about. They are talking about a black guy who is at the soda pump. A big black guy. I make out asshole, and stealing I think I hear something that sounds scarily like nigger. The man hears it as well and snaps.



He goes off with such a blast that the woman happily making my burrito jumps spilling beans on her shoes. The other customers (mostly white) are looking terrified as fuck. The man calls the staff out on the name calling, makes it known he isn't stealing shit and will have no problem going to get a few friends to explain this to the staff. Over the commotion I tell my server…chicken, I'd like chicken.



All the employees are wearing that face. You know the one. The one you wear when you say something about someone in hushed tones and they hear you. It a combination "you heard that", "oh shit" "fukitty fuck, fuck" face. You know you know it. One of the employees finding his manhood decides to move in front of the man and laugh at the man while he is in mid tirade.



Note to reader: This is not a good idea for many reasons. Especially when you have already been threatened by the bringing of the peeps. The bringing of the peeps is never a good thing. This is that split second moment between ass whipping and police lock up. Avoid this at all costs. Walk the fuck away.



The man moves closer to the stupidly brave one. The woman fucking up my burrito is yelling call the police in Spanish. Another one of those phrases you learn first. The entire staff has been turned mute and stupid except for frantic cries of call the police. I look at the man. a combination of, "damn, let's just pull out all the stereotypes" and "there are two black folks in here and one of us has lost our minds if this continues we will have arrived together in the police report", look on my face.


I clear my throat loudly and say to shrieking girl, "YES, I WOULD LIKE CHICKEN, BLACK BEANS, RICE, PICO, GUAC, SOUR CREAM, RAW ONIONS, IS THAT SALSA HOT, YEAH NO I DON'T WANT THAT, AND I D LIKE TO ORDER THE MOO MOO FOR MY SON!



The man's stops mid stream and looks around. I say without looking back at him, "No he's not here thank God, it is Sunday right?" I say finally looking his way. He looks around at the startled people food held half way to their mouth in a stuck stupid kind of way. He threatens the staff one more time and stomps out the building. The son thing doesn't always work, but I saw he was dressed like he had been to church this morning, and clearly he was having one of those out of body experiences when your pissed levels supersedes rational thought. I don't think he wanted to hurt anybody, but if it had escalated I think he would have.



I pay for my food. The staff is a mess. All eyes fixed on the door. One of the guys start talking to the other guy, I hear the word "comprender" it means understand. When the guy answers he was too stupid to understand. I say but I understand you, why wouldn't he. Your language stopped being exclusive a long time ago.I put the top on my drink and left.



I'm sure when I left they had some choice things to say about me. Probably in Spanish. But they waited till I left see, they learned……..


And that my friends is Common Sense for Dummies Lesson one of many I'm sure!!

Holding my tongue

not an easy thing for me to do. i've conditioned myself not to do it but i do understand that if by letting my words fly i'm not helping a situation best to keep quiet and watch. unfortunately, i was not born with a poker face accessory pack. my face tells on me constantly and because i can't see my face unless glancing in a mirror i am not sure what expression displays that look of "what the fuck" that many have told me they see. oh well, at least i hold my tongue right. well that is until some one asks me based on what ever expression i'm donning if i have a problem with what ever is being said or done, then no more tongue holding.

rough

there are some questions no one wants to hear the answers to, better recognize!

so, i had to pull over today to take a call and while talking i watched this guy attempt to paddle his bike up a hill. there were several things working against him the tires were low, the hill was steepish, he had dangly chains hanging off his britches which kept wrapping themselves around his knee. the thing working most against him was the fact that his pants were sagging so bad that the belt he was wearing was cradling his thighs so that the chains were dangling lower and lower, catching his knees more often, the profanity was entertaining, nice combinations, and the hill was winning. GO HILL!!!



so caught up was i, in watching the spectacle that my conversation was limited to me saying, "uh huh, and ok and uh huh and nodding", which i'm pretty sure can't be heard. i sat for at least five minutes and his progress had not improved by much. by the time i ended the call i forgot who i was talking to or what i had agreed to do. gotta love caller id.



as i passed i asked if he needed a lift or if he thought that if he lifted his pants he could get better traction. shit, forgot to hold my tongue, dammit! he swore at me, gave me the finger (two in fact) and then some new gesture that i'm pretty sure meant fuck you as well. so redundant, but i didn't say that. i held my tongue.


see i can do it, sometimes.


i did notice in my rear view mirror him pulling up his trousers, tightening his belt and place the dangling chain in a pocket. grinning, i told him to have a nice day and he flipped me off again, but he kinda smiled.

southern hospitality, ain't it GRAND!

slam tonight @ spelman's cosby auditorium at 5:30 come out if you can!

train wreck (repost from myspace)

before i get in to the saga, can i just say that meeting Teresa Edwards yesterday was so incredible and her speech was inspiring and did what it was suppose to do INSPIRE, MOTIVATE, and a couple other things i'm sure were just happening to me.



back to the saga..... not back to..

here goes the saga may be better..how can i go back to something not yet started...over explaining mode..i'll try to turn it off..yeah there's a switch, somewhere.?

i have long passed concluded that not everyone should talk to children. well, in a professional way. you should speak to the children in your life that's not what i mean, sure you know that, i appear to be in over explaining mode. it kicked in about four hours ago as i talked the middle schooler's down from a mini mutiny. they were very pirate and i dug the way it came about but my pirate and my teacher went head to head and the teacher won. as she should have the pirate wanted to jump in there and tell the speaker what he was doing wrong but his defenses were way to high and i find in my old age i have a hell of lot less patience with adults these days.

the discussion was about drug awareness. it should have been called use scary statistics, nasty pictures, watery facts and package it to try to scare the hell out of kids awareness. i could see how it works on a certain group. but what i know about working with kids is you have to mix it up. you have to listen to gauge the maturity of the audience and which voice will work, kinda like slam , except they don't throw tens when you get it right but the can sling some venomous attitude if you get it wrong.

they were broken down into two groups. and the talk went over better with the younger kids. most of them disengaged early and he made the mistake of answering questions that were way to irrelevant to his point. the older kids not so much. they have a tendency to listen. now mind you it's mostly to catch you in a mistake or to dispute what you're saying, but they listen.

while i was listening i caught several skewed facts. he was harping on smoking pot, a lot. underestimating their knowledge of this particular drug.

what was done wrong.....

1. he started off ok, then made a blanket statement.

my definition of a blanket statement is one that is vague and covers too much to make your point stronger.

he was talking about inhalants and how dangerous they are. the kids were with him until he said that anything you inhale through your nose besides air is probably bad for you. now knowing the middle school mind i knew immediately what would happen and before i could say anything it started. "i inhale the smell of coffee every morning when my mom makes it. i smell my food. i guess i should tell my dad not to smell the flowers i bought him for father's day. omg, i can smell your perfume, it's damaging me, go away." the giggles started. the point was lost. his body language changed and said he was irritated. then his tone changed saying that he IS irritated.

2. he then made a statement about how damaging pot is and that people will say that they got a prescription for it but they are lying because that is just what people who like to smoke pot say. another blanket statement with loop holes this time. one kid says they prescribe marijuana for aids patients who suffer from side effects of their medication. he said they do not. now maybe what he meant to say was the prescription is not called marijuana. maybe what he meant was you can't get a prescription for marijuana plants in this state playing technical with the wording and leaving out that marinol (legal thc) is prescribed. but telling them only part of the information contaminates the information. at this point most are not listening, because they don't believe him and he's using his slightly ticked voice so now they are responding to it by becoming defensive.

3. then because they are talking amongst themselves disputing the information he just gave them he decides to shame them.. fyi, middle schoolers can be shamed into doing the right thing but not usually in large groups. he tells them that he gave the same talk to a group of white students and asked them to guess how many times he had to ask them to be quiet. NONE, he blares and the are now mutinous. shaming not highly recommended there are better ways to get their attention. comparing a group of black urban youth to white children in an effort to make them conform has never worked by anyone i've ever seen trying to execute it. just saying.

4. then because they are really not listening he switches to incarcerated youth and pulls up stats highlighting the statistics referring to black youth and acting like they can't see the stats for whites. then he says "Georgia gave a test called the crct. over 53% of the students who took it failed it asked them if they knew why." hands were raised. he ignored them and went on to say it was because they were either on drugs or in jail.

oh, snap!

did you hear that?

it was the straw that broke the camels back.

hands flew into the air. he looked at them ignored them turned his back ignored them then announced he wasn't taking any questions. pandefuckingmonium.

one girl insists says "the reason those kids failed had a lot more to do with the curriculum than anything else and why didn't he mention the number of white kids in jail or on meth? and not only black children go to school in the state of Georgia and how many of that 53% was white? (he should have never brought race into the conversation, and the fact that he was black did not help)

here i have to admit, my pirate was like you tell him girl, get the answer to your questions. but when he got in her face and started trying to shout her down with "we are not discussing this, and you don't know what your talking about" her body language matching his it was clear the discussion was over.

i pulled her aside and told her there are better ways to get your point across. just being right can't be your bottom line. if you know you're right sometimes that will have to do, because there will be lots of times when you are right and arguing that with some adults will not be to your advantage.

crazy...it was.. i guess i get it when some people cringe when i proudly say..i teach middle school, they can be a handful, especially when you DON'T know how to speak their language..i am fluent in mad middle schoolese;-)

MARCH 6TH!!!

SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

Cliterati has a new venue!!!

My Poor Angry Spoon

So, I can’t beat the children. For many reasons like, they are not mine and we live in the land of litigation. So, I have a few tools to deal with things like the ever existing time out. I am also creative and the idea that I may exact one of my monstrous creations keeps folks in check on big things. The fact that I’m the teacher that on a whim will call a field trip and if someone has been in trouble they know they won’t go and like my hot flashes they never know when the mood may strike me to just up and go. I also have the angry spoon. The angry spoon is a wooden spoon with angry eyes. Much like the angry eyes I wore that Halloween when I was a Mad Cow and harassed the good people at Mc Donald’s and Wendy’s..whew that was a funny Halloween…I digress. So the angry spoon is that thing I can grab and wave when they are talking too much or too loud and I can bang it on the desk to get their attention. My daughter was helping in my class one day and she thought the angry spoon could be angrier. She added a mouth. Now my angry spoon creation merely looks irritated, confused or slightly disgruntled. The other angry spoons would laugh at it and he has lost his effectiveness in assisting in matters of behavior. The kids’ sort of snicker now when I wave it around. Any suggestions on how we can restore the awesome fierceness of the angry spoon please help…remember angry spoons need love too!

funny

fuzzy and the fuzz

i am in a better mood but a strange place. letting things go is liberating but then the pangs of regret start. i gots pangs, ya'll... but if i can stay away for two weeks i'll be over the hurdle. with other vices i can't quit cold turkey proven by the fact that i'm still smoking and other things but with the three letter word.... cold turkey is best, well not best but necessary. one week down...whew... i think it'll be easier this time to extricate myself from the past. if i'm truly seeking the future attempting to see her face then i think i might need to focus...until it gets boring.... part of the problem i think is i don't act all older...that's fucking boring. i don't like to be bored..in case that wasn't clear.. and i don't mean i have to be entertained constantly, a movie, a play, strip scrabble, creating art....a drive to the mountains, .. so there are a lot of non-boring activities that don't include the three letter word;-) i would like to do something fun this weekend i want a passionate discussion about every fucking thing like worked up passion then mindless laughing hysterical even...

and i gotta stop reading my horror scope..not that i follow them so much i just think it's ironic when they sum up my week. i was practicing on my porch last night in the rain.a police car went by. then another, or maybe it was the same one? then it went by again. slowly. then it stopped and he flashed a light at me and said
do you live here?

i look at my clothes i'm sporting the Judy Jetson flannel pajamas set that is bright as hell pink and fuzzy slippers.

Yes, officer i live here.

what are you doing?

i'm practicing my poetry for a slam on Saturday night.

for a what?

a poetry slam.

what the hell is that?

i explain. he laughs. and drives away.

fucking philistine. dude i am cursing so much today. I slipped in class twice and made fuck, fudge and shit shyite which Will said was still the same word but like in medieval times. Which made me think of Heath Ledger………

who wants to go out tonight!! call me cause well....i'm bored... i swear i am not high maintenance i just require stimulation and you can wrap that one around your head any way you like because that's probably what i mean.....just sayin!


come to the slam this weekend and judge me....you know you wanna!

Sesame Street

so my class wants to do a parody of the sesame street shows of the past the shows that were deemed pg-13 and not suitable for today's preschooler. we've talked about it at length and they have some good ideas. now, make no mistake about it their production will actually be pg-13. i bought the set so they could research what issues they want to address and see if they think the pg-13 rating or the disclaimer before the episode is accurate. i can already see the reason, i still think it's a bit ridiculous but i can tell we are going to have some interesting conversations.

stranger still, i remember this episode brought to you by the numbers 2 and 3 and the letters e, w and s. i was four and remember thinking i wanted to go outside and play. watching the intro which shows the kids playing on jungle gyms, skating, hide and seek and other outdoor activities might be more confusing to today preschoolers or those children who may see this as a radical thing i mean playing outside? where's the plug for the ps2 or game cube.

the anything people are the puppets who chose their identity. whether they want to be a girl or boy. man or woman, blond or brunette... scandalous. we learned that milk comes from cow? what? ernie starts by taking a bath and asking bert to bring him a bar of soap. he instructs bert to drop it (the soap) in his rosey? claims its the name of his tub? bert hangs out while he bathes... then later ernie is drying himself in the company of bert? he doesn't even turn away??...screams domestic partnership or THE GAY..

z is painting and counting to ten with enthusiasm. he's asked for a glass of milk. he's being hypnotised clearly this is an evil tool. i mean i grew up drinking milk and riding my bike without a helmet and never broke a bone? i had a kid fall over last year off of a picnic bench she might have fallen a foot or two, broke her collarbone..milk does an old school body good?

i often hung out with the neighbors to have snacks... gordon has a little girl with him and he explains that she is new to the neighborhood and is introducing her to all the people in the neighborhood. she's not lost or abducted. she meets big bird (who looks a little scary. his eyes to close and he seems a little off), oscar the grouch is orange in the early episodes. then she's alone in a room with two men and a frog...disturbing. cookie monster is eating the letter w and if i'm not mistaken he tries to eat kermit... eating frogs is bad, unless you're french. but now kermit is fighting with the letter w....weird.

i'm going to go guess which thing is not like the other. this blog brought to you by the letters e, s and w and by the numbers 2, 3!

join us

January

Tonight!! Click to make larger

Next Week!!

COMING SOON!!!

merry WHAT!!

Java Monkey

Tommorrow and Sunday!!

this weekend

TOMORROW!!!

November / December

sexy thanksgiving

wtf

what do you do when someone you've cared about suddenly tells you they resent you but not in a negative way?

what the hell does that mean?

to me resentment is like one step away from hate. how do you not take that negatively? i really must listen for the disdain. and now i'm questioning everything. not in that i can't function way but in the way of what a great liar this person was not only to me but to themselves. how strong they must be to hate me and be with me at the same time? it bloggles my mind!

Who's sexy???

Photos by Teri Rice

can o whup ass

so last night i went to java monkey.
always good for some solid words some not so solid and lately there are some eclectic types mmm maybe more like special people..so special. one is this drag kinda queen who wears this matted white wig, it's never straight and he scratches his head obsessively and like he may have brought little hopping friends with him. he always sits next to the people who won't say anything to him directly...last night he sat right up front. kodac was in a nostalgic mood, understandably as the atlanta arts community has lost one of its beloved and amazing poet and activist. ronnog seaberg was the co-founder of seaberg acrobatic poetry.

this couple would pose themselves in acrobatic poses while steve(her husband played the sax, most of the time) and she would if upside down or balanced in the air would red poems from little books. they would sometimes do this nude as well.
kodac dedicated the night to her, then did a poem she said was one of her favorites by him. he's reading and drag queen is just a giggling and laughing out loud. mind you draggy as i like to call her is sitting one seat away from ronnog's husband. kodac snapped, "we appreciate all kinds her at java and we don't stop you from expressing yourself. but if you (points at draggy) laugh again at anything in reference to her, i'm gonna kick your ass!"....all i could think was well done, then wow...so many witnesses. he apologized later but i understand that moment when a switch is flipped.
bryan from neo soul austin just happened to be there for the feisty side of kodac. i think he had a blast.

Cliterati Thursday Night

rockstar

So I don't get many perks in my classroom but here's a little something I do everyday to keep the fabulousness moving. My students have to have their homework signed by me and their parents everyday so i dress up!

Come on OUT!!

hindsight is a bitch

so i'm driving along running late for work. not rushing cause late is late there are no degrees so once the state of lateness has been reached no matter how soon after that you arrive you are still late. i knew my students first class today was dance. driving along listening to a book on tape. very aware of my fellow georgians who apparently got their licenses off the back of cereal boxes or dug from the bottom of a box of cracker jacks. i saw her. she turned around twice completely looking in the back seat. i said zion brace yourself, she's going to hit us. traffic ahead slows i slow and she slams into me with a force that scare the shit out of my son. i think i may be a little jammed up from bracing myself for the impact.

saturn's are the best cars on the planet. she hit ne so hard the impact crumpled her front end and she probably has a couple thousand dollars worth of damage. i have three scratches in my bumper.
bad drivers suck!
saturn's rock!!

stargazing in kentucky

clear kentucky skies inspire




the sky here invites me to dance
on my back staring into the face
of the moon and she looks familiar
her aura spelled us in the stars
her blackness so engulfing
excitement fills me
at the thought of such a heavenly demise
she seems so close
a million miles away
on earth as she is in the heavens
i raise my arms to play in her hair
if i think hard enough she'll
feel me nudge her heart
light years from now
she'll feel my hands on her skin
her falling stars a hello
she winks
her sky so black i can see the future
i imagine where ever she is
she lies on her back
looking into a sky so black
she sees my face

Chocolate Day

The big day!!
Chocolate day observed!
We dipped everything and out of all the madness only two items sparked my gag reflex.
first...the fountain



then the items....





more..







so here is what we learned. while chocolate is a goddess it does not enhance the flavor of everything.

for instance, spam and chocolate should never come into contact with each other. this one sparked my gag reflex.

sardines - the mustard flavored sardines kinda balanced the chocolate not delicious but not terrible.

slim Jim's - DELICIOUS dipped in chocolate

olives- a nice salty sweet mix

dill pickles - an amazing reaction happened when we mixed pickles and chocolate. at first it's the sweet salty mix and then it gets spicy like add pepper spicy...strange, when we make our own pickles for pickle day we will investigate this phenomenon more.
string cheese - yes, no...never cause damn i thought i was going to puke on everyone.

Finally we have concluded that I am indeed the most incredible, most awesome, most fun teacher in the universe and even chocolate couldn't make me better.

Next Pirate Day!!!

ask and ye shall get it

i think she's stalking me
she's been dogging my trail all day
what!!! i say to her
" i can't help but notice the chocolate milk in your fridge
i love chocolate milk and i heard you say you didn't like chocolate milk...can i have that chocolate milk."

"i didn't say i don't like chocolate milk, i said i don't like yo-ho."
"it's the same thing."
"it's actually not. you can have it though."
one sip on the change of the face face.
"this is nasty."
"i told you that."
" it doesn't even taste like milk."
"it's not milk. i like chocolate milk."
"you said you didn't like this though."
"i can't talk to you. you don't speak english."
"you said you don't like milk and i could have it."
"read the label."
"chocolate drink? what does that mean?"
"it means not milk."
"i don't like it."
"sounds like a personal problem, because you bugged me for it, you begged me for it so you will consume it. cheers!"
pouting, "this is bootleg. chocolate drink."

juxtaposition

this constant movement
shifting spaces
retracing paths carved in the dark
everything has changed
including my mind
i thought this time would be different
i was wrong as usual
picking myself up from
a foundation that cracked in the settling
a fault line that broke something in me
something i thought was stable
i break under the strain
of unknown expectations
keeping afloat by sheer will
my motivation dwindles
and dawns
in this darkness that
shades my thoughts
and hardens a heart once
so malleable it could fold into anyone
i'm afraid now
a fear that grips me
leaves a smile on my lips and a feeling of emptiness
that seems like it could
go on forever
it makes me think i'm sick
fevers that come from nowhere
dry heaves that bring up nothing
but this overwhelming emptiness
i constantly try to fill with other things
to no avail
it seems again i've chosen a path
not suited for me
wrapped my faith in the unfaithful
tossed my tongue at the feet of one
who knows me but pretends not to
tramples my words
and in all this change i end up in my past
knocking on doors that refused to open
the first time
attempting to fling open soulful windows
nailed down like they were
the last time
a glimmer is all it would take to dispel the darkness
a glimmer
unseen by eyes that refuse to open for fear of what she'll find
shifting spaces
where my matter won't fit
changing to remain the same
locked in my head
locked out of my heart
constantly moving
going nowhere
fast

September 13th

SEE YOU THERE, PLEASE

Answer to a question asked by Evan on My Space

when i fell in love with poetry a question from copa

i have always loved words. they were a way to express my views my wants my needs. i abandoned them when it was clear i was expected to be like my parents. i went from writing everyday to not picking up a pen and acknowledging words that struggled to escape for years. the process added weight mentally and physically. i didn't know i was depressed that i was lacking something that resembled a sense of myself. the almost 300lbs should have been an indicator or the fact that i worked my job beyond expectations dotted on my children to the point of spoilage then retreated to dark spaces waking myself in the middle of the night dissolved in tears. the week before a massive stroke ripped my fathers brain in two and took him away i had a conversation with my father. the last real one.

he went off, told me how i was wasting my life, denying who i was, and not utilizing my talents. he accused me of being afraid of my own power and success. he told me my marriage wasn't right, i wasn't who i thought i was but i am who i know i am. society cannot dictate who you are to be and who you want to love unless you allow it. you are not happy and this man will not be there when you need him but you need to be there. you fight for the benefit of others when the fuck are you going to start fighting for yourself. stop disappearing he said because i see you.

the conversation left me empty and confused.

a week later my mother, sister and i take all the grand kids to a puppet show. we leave and mom suggest we go to her house. i said she should check with jikki, his mood had been off, when he didn't answer the phone we went our separate ways. 20 minutes later i get the call my mom walked in the house to his body broken and him semi conscious. at the hospital he on the gurney...he wasn't there he had disappeared the body there was empty. i called my husband, he was away at a meeting i explained that my father had a massive stroke and a decision had to be made by me. the kids didn't know please come home. he told me there was really nothing he could do he'd be home in a few days.

his response did two things

1st it echoed a reflection of my dad's final comment about him not being there when i needed him

2nd i could see me returning to my own body.

i made the decision to take him off life support my mother and siblings by my side. they gave this wonderful man a 13% chance of even being conscious he would never be him again and the percentages were dwindling every hour.

weeks later missing him like a tooth. i had lost over 150 lbs and given notice to my wasben that i was leaving with my children. i went through his closet finding the leather cowboy style jacket i'd bought him for his birthday and several shirts i liked. i took them. wearing one of the jackets one day the scent of him still there i plunged my hand in a pocket and found a strip of paper. it had been washed all i could read was "i love you straightforwardly". i googled it. this is what came up.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. Pablo Neruda



i took it as a sign. i knew this kind of love. i picked up a pen and i have been writing again ever since. i never stopped loving my art, i think i just lost myself and had to lose something more to find me again. rediscovery is a terrible beautiful thing. losing to gain a fucked up concept. but life goes on whether or not you chose to participate. on march 24th 2003 i lost a precious part of me and made the decision to be an active participant in my own life. and i know he's watching me like t.v.






buffalo soldier

dread lock rasta

my dad.

sweet sentiment

Ms. Theresa,

I don't think that I said thank you in the correct way. I will never forget the way you taught and nurtured our daughter while she was a middle school student at Horizons. What was most impressive was the way you encouraged Rachel and other students to analyze and enjoy the written and spoken word. I recall the year that all of your students rebelled during the middle school commencement ceremony. Rachel was going to the 7th grade. She said...oh mom, I do not want to go back to Theresa's class. I told her that she had not yet proven to me that she could be responsible and that she needed to prove to her instructors that she was indeed responsible. At the end of her year in 7th grade, she told me that we had made the right decision. During her year as an 8th grade high school student at Horizons, she referred to you and your "teaching tactics" and remarked about how she missed them. Despite all that you have to deal with...your children, your art, your issues and your public....you still find time and space to" love and nurture other peoples children". It is teachers like you who make the Horizons School a very special place. Thank you for being one of the teachers that Rachel will never forget. We are a Horizons School alumni family. Therefore, you will see us again and very soon. I am suppose to be part of the 30th Anniversary celebration committee. Please keep in touch and keep me informed about your poetry...( I have been writing a lot) and your children. "Again, thank you the way my momma taught me how to say thank you."


Peace and Blessings,


Jea Delsarte

when one door closes....


you should run up to it real fast and deadbolt the shit out of it!

hindsight is a bitch

the party's over

yeah i don't know who's crazier me or her. probably me. i keep getting caught up in trying to fix or save folks. and when i make a fucking rule i should know better than to break it. i do this sick thing where i kinda make a notation when i start getting to know someone intimately. it's kinda twisted and probably acts more as a catalyst for everything that happens afterwards. me fucking around with the power of the written word, i should know better. so after the first couple days of bed games and of hearing about my ex this and my ex that i wrote; three months top, she'll bounce back to her ex, and i'll be lucky if i get through it not hating her by september. if i don't hate her by then we might be able to be friends. that last parts not looking too good.

as i can only focus on one thing at a time my attention was dominated in this fix a chick effort. it boggles my mind. i meet these really attractive, beautiful, talented people, who tell horror stories of how they got fucked over. Some of them really fucked over, abandonment, mental abuse, all kinds of crazy shit. then comes me attentive, accommodating (too much), and they get nostalgic it seems for someone to treat them like shit. i can't treat people i care for like shit. then the horrible ex stories become, well i could have done...or we both did our... and i'm like maybe you should go back and their like no i really care about you and that's not where i need to be....bullshit? my dar seems to be stuck on attracting crazy or like i said maybe i'm the crazy one.

those days are over (she says somewhat confidently, knowing the next beautiful, smart, funny, talented one that comes along will again consume her thoughts, as she is a hopeless romantic in denial). i have made a decision (i think i have at any rate) to be adhd poet for the next two week and let my attentions wonder all over the fucking place. being naked in the hot tub last night helped clear out a lot of shit. the pretty girl from out of town in the hot tub helped as well and added to the clarity. just the change of being around some one who really doesn't want anything from you, instead of the one who claims not to want anything all the time demanding shit they claim they don't want from you. yep, i am definitely the crazy one.

i am so ready to get out of town i can't even begin to tell you. any poets wanting to assist me in the getting into fun trouble in austin, bring it!!

the clot

so lot's of things have been happening and i still feel a little bit crazed.
i had a run of very good shows, getting to know my new sweetie, managing not to totally wipe myself out with all the activity.

when i finished hosting the dixie pistols show, i thought i had a charlie horse. a week later the cramp was still there and moving up my leg. Saturday morning when i got up standing was slightly owie. i went to the emergency room. there the doctor convinced me that it was probably a blood clot that would eventually travel to my lungs or brain and possibly kill me......yeah, color me scared shitless.
when they drew my blood it moved so slowly that in my head the clot was definitely there or my blood would move more freely. begin the freak out. they prescribe me medication that i have to self inject...more freaking, i don't do needles. i have popped a nurse or two for trying to give me shots in the past. i had a crying fit in the parking lot because i was sure i would not be able to do this and as a result would be dead by Sunday. my friend was out of town and i really wanted to hear a kind voice. when we talked she was short with me and and seemed busy so i figured let's not bother her about my pending death.

when i got home i couldn't do the injection. i started calling friends and my mom. thankfully some friends stopped by, my mom ran out of the room during the injection squealing "ewww needles" yes very comforting. i felt disoriented almost immediately. later realizing that confusion and other mental shit are side effects. make the crazy crazier. the banter as retold to me involved my dying and how embarrassed i would be if i died in front of people. there were phone calls. i am not sure how many people think i'm more crazy than my usual. i do know i pissed off my friend. and the fucked up thing is no matter what i say it will sound like an excuse.

yesterday i had to stick myself three times before i could get the final dose before my deep ultrasound to detect the alleged clot. still emotional right after that i get a call from my friend and snap, why, not sure but she is pissed. so pissed..not pretty. when she confronts me face to face, i have no words anything i say will be an excuse and possibly piteous. no winning. as close as i can come to it is she didn't care that i thought i could be dying even though she didn't know i thought i could be dying...confusion thy name is theresa.

i do not have a blood clot and if i'd been allergic to the stuff given to me it could have been very bad the tech said. she said they should have never given me inject able especially with no sound proof of an ailment.

so today i am sore and in and out of my mind and trying to rest still trying to listen to see if i can hear my blood thickening. i'm giving myself a major headache that i can't do anything about because i can't take meds until this stuff is out of my system. hoping to be better tomorrow when i really have a lot of shit to do. maybe my fuck up is forgivable...time will tell.

so

so i'm in publix,
cause i need some stuff.
actually i only need two things and am slightly confused when i notice all the shit i have in my buggy. i must have been having an excellent shopping experience cause there was bob in my step and was humming. i talked myself out of the french horns remembering the last time i had them. it wasn't pretty. talked myself out of the 5lb bag of pistacios. i mean i like them but can only eat a handful before my tongue goes into overdrive. looking at the contents in my buggy if i didn't know better i would have thought i was high....and i wasn't. i end up with 5 things. a rock star energy drink, a bag of tortilla chips, 5 layer dip, those little crab cake things ( cause they must have crack in them), and a six pack of strongbow.

i'm checking out. there is a very eager bagger bagging up my stuff. he is loving his job. an elderly couple is pushing their bag filled buggy towards the sliding doors. mr. eager rushes to aid them. almost knocks the old guy on his ass and bumps his old lady companion into a rack. he explains to them that he wants to take their bags to their car. they say no. he continues to hold on to the buggy pushing it as they are trying to stop him. he explains again that he just wants to do his job well and take their groceries to the car. the old man again says no and adds thanks. the young man then has a slight tantrum and shoves the buggy out of their reach then sulks back over to the register i'm at. you can take my bags if you like, i offer.
he tells me that i only have two bags, they had more and walks away.
i'm sorry, but maybe you had to be there, the shit was funny!

the straw

i have been running for weeks.
this week has been ridiculously busy and full of stress.
working the social forum, managing to make all the performances, worrying if i was going to lose my house,no time to write, post office still fucking up my mail so much so my children's insurance was cancelled and now other things are being seriously effected, putting so much money out and not getting it back, putting my own financial security at risk....lots of stuff....so when snuggling with my new friend trying to relax i don't remember what i did or said to upset her, but her response to it was the thing that broke me the tears started and they haven't stopped yet. i knew i was inching down the road of overwhelmed but i can usually forestall my breakdowns....yeah, not so much anymore. i lost it bad and i have been sobbing uncontrollably for hours. stress mixed with this menopause shit is like a Molotov cocktail and this shit will last for days....so exhausted and spent.....i have to take myself out of the picture for a few days until this passes.

i was kinda maybe drunk at the time

i got issues

what is wrong with me
ok so i made a fucking decision.

i'm going to be single for a while cause damn i need an emotional time out or something. clearly i don't listen to myself. and i should learn that every time i say some dumb shit like....i'm not looking for anyone or anything. someone or something falls in my lap. and this time she's a chocolate goddess.....and i must be tripping cause i got my feeling all hurt today and it wasn't even that deep. i had to give myself a mental lashing. i allowed my mental to work me to the point where i caught myself about to cry...what the fuck is that!!

i'm blaming the heat...yeah that's it it's fucking hot...and maybe i'm tired yeah that's it i am tired as hell...and maybe it's cause the sidewalk is crooked..yeah...and maybe just maybe i'm full of shit and actually falling for this girl...stop the fucking madness oh my damn.

okay don't stop it yet, i'm kinda having fun;-)

My birthday!!!!

Your Birthdate: May 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

who's hot???

i've been mused

Kiss
Theresa Davis 2007

Darkness can conceal
But it can’t hide
Tender feeling deep inside
A gentle tug a gentle urge
Spoken without a single word
Hard to touch
Even harder to hold
Inside a secret to unfold
Come closer don’t resist
Kiss

A closeness never felt before
Like this, not like this
The shape of your face your lips
Cause my pen to skip on the page
Imitating my heart, the catch in my breath
The cool touch of fingertips
Across tattooed skin
Warms, heats, engulfs me
Mangles my words
While I try to find something
To do with my hands
You pirouette and pace
Nervous energy at its most graceful
Watching you watch me
Electricity tingling
My skin of fire
This urge to touch you
A sideways glance
An eyebrow raised
A devilish grin
You stutter through my being
Thoughts locked inside my head
Attempt to escape
To paint pictures
Aching to force its way onto pages
A decision to be made
Frustrated by my own fears
Relieved by your honest truths
I float rooted to the spot
Heart pounding pondering
A forever whatever that could mean
Do I fight this feeling?
This need to want you
Let you flow like ink
An opportunity could be missed
If I resist

Your kiss

party time!!!

Cliterati presents
A Duo of Geminis (that's 4 people)
Birthday Spoken Word Bash -
Thursday May 24th
Featuring the political,
the raucous,
the erotic,
the Queer-spittin' vibes of...

Theresa Davis & kathleen delaney!!!!!
(and yes, we are celebrating both of our birthdays, so come spank us!!!!!! *wink*)

At: The Spot
757 Ralph McGill - next to Tower II - in the ATL.
Thursday May 24th @ 8pm!!!
Bring tip money for the b-day gals
& enough to enjoy the Spot's Soul Food!

if you have ever wondered in your head or out loud
if a man wearing sagging pants
can peddle up a hill
on a bike with two low tires
a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other
while trying to talk on a phone

the answer is well, it takes some work and a lot of wobbling but
yes,
he can

it's not poetry in motion
but he got his ass up the hill breathing hard only stopping to say hold on in the phone take a drag and a drink and pedal on

scenes from my front porch

Fan Mail

very cool way to begin the day after my coffee!!



Okay, yes, I know. It is ridiculous that a grown woman is writing fan mail to a woman she has never met. However, someone sent me your CD - well, to be honest, I had to harangue her into it but, still, I got it. She played me Butterflies & Rainbows and Rockstar Poet over the phone and I had to hear the rest of it. How can I resist someone who uses both "polysyllabic" and "onomatopoeia"? Clearly, I can not. Since I'm in Michigan, which is no where near Atlanta, I couldn't just go buy one of my own. You are officially now My Favorite Poet, replacing the long-dead-thus-isn't-going-to-write-anymore Rumi.

And just so you know? You are SO my Rockstar Poet.

Barbara

This Week!!!

crazyness

they have rounded the bend and are trying to take my with them.
i am refusing.

they have almost made me pee my pants twice so far because they are insane.
they are the happy crazy since they all seem to be in a good mood.

#1
i told him not to bounce the ball off the tree with so much force. it would bounce of and pop a kid in the head. he tells me he is a professional ball tree bouncer. i tell him i didn't know that was a profession. he is throwing the ball harder and harder. i tell him to be careful. he tells me I GOT THIS MS.T! the ball bounces hard comes back on him with a force that whacks the shit out of him. he staggers sideways and tells me he meant to do that. i am on my knees cracking up.

#2
on kid says to the others.
i wonder will i be able to taste this capris sun (juice box) if i snort it through my nose.i say whoa don't. to late. not sure why he ran. in circles. when he got through spluttering. i asked him how it tasted. he said it tasted like pain and how does anyone snort things up their noses. he declares he's never doing coke. i say good for him. he says yeah dr. pepper either man those drinks would really burn.
there is something wrong with that boy.

#3

so he asks me

(him) what is it?

(me) what is what?

(him) you know IT?

(me) i have no idea what you are talking about.

(him) you know it..is IT a muscle or a bone?

(me) what?
(him) i don't think it's a bone cause it bends.

i look confused. kids are giggling.

(him) you know...It he points.

(me) you mean your penis?

they all fall out laughing.

(me) it's your property you should look it up. (more giggles)

(him) oh I can't. i don't want to see one i just need to know. i did an experiment. is it cartilage?

(me) tissue i say. can we stop talking about this now.

(him) are girls the same?

(me) girls don't have penises.


the moon is going to be full tonight the behavior is so wrong in all the classes. 21 more days!!!!