Who's sexy???

Photos by Teri Rice

can o whup ass

so last night i went to java monkey.
always good for some solid words some not so solid and lately there are some eclectic types mmm maybe more like special people..so special. one is this drag kinda queen who wears this matted white wig, it's never straight and he scratches his head obsessively and like he may have brought little hopping friends with him. he always sits next to the people who won't say anything to him directly...last night he sat right up front. kodac was in a nostalgic mood, understandably as the atlanta arts community has lost one of its beloved and amazing poet and activist. ronnog seaberg was the co-founder of seaberg acrobatic poetry.

this couple would pose themselves in acrobatic poses while steve(her husband played the sax, most of the time) and she would if upside down or balanced in the air would red poems from little books. they would sometimes do this nude as well.
kodac dedicated the night to her, then did a poem she said was one of her favorites by him. he's reading and drag queen is just a giggling and laughing out loud. mind you draggy as i like to call her is sitting one seat away from ronnog's husband. kodac snapped, "we appreciate all kinds her at java and we don't stop you from expressing yourself. but if you (points at draggy) laugh again at anything in reference to her, i'm gonna kick your ass!"....all i could think was well done, then wow...so many witnesses. he apologized later but i understand that moment when a switch is flipped.
bryan from neo soul austin just happened to be there for the feisty side of kodac. i think he had a blast.

Cliterati Thursday Night

rockstar

So I don't get many perks in my classroom but here's a little something I do everyday to keep the fabulousness moving. My students have to have their homework signed by me and their parents everyday so i dress up!

Come on OUT!!

hindsight is a bitch

so i'm driving along running late for work. not rushing cause late is late there are no degrees so once the state of lateness has been reached no matter how soon after that you arrive you are still late. i knew my students first class today was dance. driving along listening to a book on tape. very aware of my fellow georgians who apparently got their licenses off the back of cereal boxes or dug from the bottom of a box of cracker jacks. i saw her. she turned around twice completely looking in the back seat. i said zion brace yourself, she's going to hit us. traffic ahead slows i slow and she slams into me with a force that scare the shit out of my son. i think i may be a little jammed up from bracing myself for the impact.

saturn's are the best cars on the planet. she hit ne so hard the impact crumpled her front end and she probably has a couple thousand dollars worth of damage. i have three scratches in my bumper.
bad drivers suck!
saturn's rock!!

stargazing in kentucky

clear kentucky skies inspire




the sky here invites me to dance
on my back staring into the face
of the moon and she looks familiar
her aura spelled us in the stars
her blackness so engulfing
excitement fills me
at the thought of such a heavenly demise
she seems so close
a million miles away
on earth as she is in the heavens
i raise my arms to play in her hair
if i think hard enough she'll
feel me nudge her heart
light years from now
she'll feel my hands on her skin
her falling stars a hello
she winks
her sky so black i can see the future
i imagine where ever she is
she lies on her back
looking into a sky so black
she sees my face

Chocolate Day

The big day!!
Chocolate day observed!
We dipped everything and out of all the madness only two items sparked my gag reflex.
first...the fountain



then the items....





more..







so here is what we learned. while chocolate is a goddess it does not enhance the flavor of everything.

for instance, spam and chocolate should never come into contact with each other. this one sparked my gag reflex.

sardines - the mustard flavored sardines kinda balanced the chocolate not delicious but not terrible.

slim Jim's - DELICIOUS dipped in chocolate

olives- a nice salty sweet mix

dill pickles - an amazing reaction happened when we mixed pickles and chocolate. at first it's the sweet salty mix and then it gets spicy like add pepper spicy...strange, when we make our own pickles for pickle day we will investigate this phenomenon more.
string cheese - yes, no...never cause damn i thought i was going to puke on everyone.

Finally we have concluded that I am indeed the most incredible, most awesome, most fun teacher in the universe and even chocolate couldn't make me better.

Next Pirate Day!!!

ask and ye shall get it

i think she's stalking me
she's been dogging my trail all day
what!!! i say to her
" i can't help but notice the chocolate milk in your fridge
i love chocolate milk and i heard you say you didn't like chocolate milk...can i have that chocolate milk."

"i didn't say i don't like chocolate milk, i said i don't like yo-ho."
"it's the same thing."
"it's actually not. you can have it though."
one sip on the change of the face face.
"this is nasty."
"i told you that."
" it doesn't even taste like milk."
"it's not milk. i like chocolate milk."
"you said you didn't like this though."
"i can't talk to you. you don't speak english."
"you said you don't like milk and i could have it."
"read the label."
"chocolate drink? what does that mean?"
"it means not milk."
"i don't like it."
"sounds like a personal problem, because you bugged me for it, you begged me for it so you will consume it. cheers!"
pouting, "this is bootleg. chocolate drink."

juxtaposition

this constant movement
shifting spaces
retracing paths carved in the dark
everything has changed
including my mind
i thought this time would be different
i was wrong as usual
picking myself up from
a foundation that cracked in the settling
a fault line that broke something in me
something i thought was stable
i break under the strain
of unknown expectations
keeping afloat by sheer will
my motivation dwindles
and dawns
in this darkness that
shades my thoughts
and hardens a heart once
so malleable it could fold into anyone
i'm afraid now
a fear that grips me
leaves a smile on my lips and a feeling of emptiness
that seems like it could
go on forever
it makes me think i'm sick
fevers that come from nowhere
dry heaves that bring up nothing
but this overwhelming emptiness
i constantly try to fill with other things
to no avail
it seems again i've chosen a path
not suited for me
wrapped my faith in the unfaithful
tossed my tongue at the feet of one
who knows me but pretends not to
tramples my words
and in all this change i end up in my past
knocking on doors that refused to open
the first time
attempting to fling open soulful windows
nailed down like they were
the last time
a glimmer is all it would take to dispel the darkness
a glimmer
unseen by eyes that refuse to open for fear of what she'll find
shifting spaces
where my matter won't fit
changing to remain the same
locked in my head
locked out of my heart
constantly moving
going nowhere
fast

September 13th

SEE YOU THERE, PLEASE

Answer to a question asked by Evan on My Space

when i fell in love with poetry a question from copa

i have always loved words. they were a way to express my views my wants my needs. i abandoned them when it was clear i was expected to be like my parents. i went from writing everyday to not picking up a pen and acknowledging words that struggled to escape for years. the process added weight mentally and physically. i didn't know i was depressed that i was lacking something that resembled a sense of myself. the almost 300lbs should have been an indicator or the fact that i worked my job beyond expectations dotted on my children to the point of spoilage then retreated to dark spaces waking myself in the middle of the night dissolved in tears. the week before a massive stroke ripped my fathers brain in two and took him away i had a conversation with my father. the last real one.

he went off, told me how i was wasting my life, denying who i was, and not utilizing my talents. he accused me of being afraid of my own power and success. he told me my marriage wasn't right, i wasn't who i thought i was but i am who i know i am. society cannot dictate who you are to be and who you want to love unless you allow it. you are not happy and this man will not be there when you need him but you need to be there. you fight for the benefit of others when the fuck are you going to start fighting for yourself. stop disappearing he said because i see you.

the conversation left me empty and confused.

a week later my mother, sister and i take all the grand kids to a puppet show. we leave and mom suggest we go to her house. i said she should check with jikki, his mood had been off, when he didn't answer the phone we went our separate ways. 20 minutes later i get the call my mom walked in the house to his body broken and him semi conscious. at the hospital he on the gurney...he wasn't there he had disappeared the body there was empty. i called my husband, he was away at a meeting i explained that my father had a massive stroke and a decision had to be made by me. the kids didn't know please come home. he told me there was really nothing he could do he'd be home in a few days.

his response did two things

1st it echoed a reflection of my dad's final comment about him not being there when i needed him

2nd i could see me returning to my own body.

i made the decision to take him off life support my mother and siblings by my side. they gave this wonderful man a 13% chance of even being conscious he would never be him again and the percentages were dwindling every hour.

weeks later missing him like a tooth. i had lost over 150 lbs and given notice to my wasben that i was leaving with my children. i went through his closet finding the leather cowboy style jacket i'd bought him for his birthday and several shirts i liked. i took them. wearing one of the jackets one day the scent of him still there i plunged my hand in a pocket and found a strip of paper. it had been washed all i could read was "i love you straightforwardly". i googled it. this is what came up.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep. Pablo Neruda



i took it as a sign. i knew this kind of love. i picked up a pen and i have been writing again ever since. i never stopped loving my art, i think i just lost myself and had to lose something more to find me again. rediscovery is a terrible beautiful thing. losing to gain a fucked up concept. but life goes on whether or not you chose to participate. on march 24th 2003 i lost a precious part of me and made the decision to be an active participant in my own life. and i know he's watching me like t.v.






buffalo soldier

dread lock rasta

my dad.

sweet sentiment

Ms. Theresa,

I don't think that I said thank you in the correct way. I will never forget the way you taught and nurtured our daughter while she was a middle school student at Horizons. What was most impressive was the way you encouraged Rachel and other students to analyze and enjoy the written and spoken word. I recall the year that all of your students rebelled during the middle school commencement ceremony. Rachel was going to the 7th grade. She said...oh mom, I do not want to go back to Theresa's class. I told her that she had not yet proven to me that she could be responsible and that she needed to prove to her instructors that she was indeed responsible. At the end of her year in 7th grade, she told me that we had made the right decision. During her year as an 8th grade high school student at Horizons, she referred to you and your "teaching tactics" and remarked about how she missed them. Despite all that you have to deal with...your children, your art, your issues and your public....you still find time and space to" love and nurture other peoples children". It is teachers like you who make the Horizons School a very special place. Thank you for being one of the teachers that Rachel will never forget. We are a Horizons School alumni family. Therefore, you will see us again and very soon. I am suppose to be part of the 30th Anniversary celebration committee. Please keep in touch and keep me informed about your poetry...( I have been writing a lot) and your children. "Again, thank you the way my momma taught me how to say thank you."


Peace and Blessings,


Jea Delsarte

when one door closes....


you should run up to it real fast and deadbolt the shit out of it!

hindsight is a bitch

the party's over

yeah i don't know who's crazier me or her. probably me. i keep getting caught up in trying to fix or save folks. and when i make a fucking rule i should know better than to break it. i do this sick thing where i kinda make a notation when i start getting to know someone intimately. it's kinda twisted and probably acts more as a catalyst for everything that happens afterwards. me fucking around with the power of the written word, i should know better. so after the first couple days of bed games and of hearing about my ex this and my ex that i wrote; three months top, she'll bounce back to her ex, and i'll be lucky if i get through it not hating her by september. if i don't hate her by then we might be able to be friends. that last parts not looking too good.

as i can only focus on one thing at a time my attention was dominated in this fix a chick effort. it boggles my mind. i meet these really attractive, beautiful, talented people, who tell horror stories of how they got fucked over. Some of them really fucked over, abandonment, mental abuse, all kinds of crazy shit. then comes me attentive, accommodating (too much), and they get nostalgic it seems for someone to treat them like shit. i can't treat people i care for like shit. then the horrible ex stories become, well i could have done...or we both did our... and i'm like maybe you should go back and their like no i really care about you and that's not where i need to be....bullshit? my dar seems to be stuck on attracting crazy or like i said maybe i'm the crazy one.

those days are over (she says somewhat confidently, knowing the next beautiful, smart, funny, talented one that comes along will again consume her thoughts, as she is a hopeless romantic in denial). i have made a decision (i think i have at any rate) to be adhd poet for the next two week and let my attentions wonder all over the fucking place. being naked in the hot tub last night helped clear out a lot of shit. the pretty girl from out of town in the hot tub helped as well and added to the clarity. just the change of being around some one who really doesn't want anything from you, instead of the one who claims not to want anything all the time demanding shit they claim they don't want from you. yep, i am definitely the crazy one.

i am so ready to get out of town i can't even begin to tell you. any poets wanting to assist me in the getting into fun trouble in austin, bring it!!

the clot

so lot's of things have been happening and i still feel a little bit crazed.
i had a run of very good shows, getting to know my new sweetie, managing not to totally wipe myself out with all the activity.

when i finished hosting the dixie pistols show, i thought i had a charlie horse. a week later the cramp was still there and moving up my leg. Saturday morning when i got up standing was slightly owie. i went to the emergency room. there the doctor convinced me that it was probably a blood clot that would eventually travel to my lungs or brain and possibly kill me......yeah, color me scared shitless.
when they drew my blood it moved so slowly that in my head the clot was definitely there or my blood would move more freely. begin the freak out. they prescribe me medication that i have to self inject...more freaking, i don't do needles. i have popped a nurse or two for trying to give me shots in the past. i had a crying fit in the parking lot because i was sure i would not be able to do this and as a result would be dead by Sunday. my friend was out of town and i really wanted to hear a kind voice. when we talked she was short with me and and seemed busy so i figured let's not bother her about my pending death.

when i got home i couldn't do the injection. i started calling friends and my mom. thankfully some friends stopped by, my mom ran out of the room during the injection squealing "ewww needles" yes very comforting. i felt disoriented almost immediately. later realizing that confusion and other mental shit are side effects. make the crazy crazier. the banter as retold to me involved my dying and how embarrassed i would be if i died in front of people. there were phone calls. i am not sure how many people think i'm more crazy than my usual. i do know i pissed off my friend. and the fucked up thing is no matter what i say it will sound like an excuse.

yesterday i had to stick myself three times before i could get the final dose before my deep ultrasound to detect the alleged clot. still emotional right after that i get a call from my friend and snap, why, not sure but she is pissed. so pissed..not pretty. when she confronts me face to face, i have no words anything i say will be an excuse and possibly piteous. no winning. as close as i can come to it is she didn't care that i thought i could be dying even though she didn't know i thought i could be dying...confusion thy name is theresa.

i do not have a blood clot and if i'd been allergic to the stuff given to me it could have been very bad the tech said. she said they should have never given me inject able especially with no sound proof of an ailment.

so today i am sore and in and out of my mind and trying to rest still trying to listen to see if i can hear my blood thickening. i'm giving myself a major headache that i can't do anything about because i can't take meds until this stuff is out of my system. hoping to be better tomorrow when i really have a lot of shit to do. maybe my fuck up is forgivable...time will tell.

so

so i'm in publix,
cause i need some stuff.
actually i only need two things and am slightly confused when i notice all the shit i have in my buggy. i must have been having an excellent shopping experience cause there was bob in my step and was humming. i talked myself out of the french horns remembering the last time i had them. it wasn't pretty. talked myself out of the 5lb bag of pistacios. i mean i like them but can only eat a handful before my tongue goes into overdrive. looking at the contents in my buggy if i didn't know better i would have thought i was high....and i wasn't. i end up with 5 things. a rock star energy drink, a bag of tortilla chips, 5 layer dip, those little crab cake things ( cause they must have crack in them), and a six pack of strongbow.

i'm checking out. there is a very eager bagger bagging up my stuff. he is loving his job. an elderly couple is pushing their bag filled buggy towards the sliding doors. mr. eager rushes to aid them. almost knocks the old guy on his ass and bumps his old lady companion into a rack. he explains to them that he wants to take their bags to their car. they say no. he continues to hold on to the buggy pushing it as they are trying to stop him. he explains again that he just wants to do his job well and take their groceries to the car. the old man again says no and adds thanks. the young man then has a slight tantrum and shoves the buggy out of their reach then sulks back over to the register i'm at. you can take my bags if you like, i offer.
he tells me that i only have two bags, they had more and walks away.
i'm sorry, but maybe you had to be there, the shit was funny!