16/30 Singe

the morning after I wrote you

the words sticky on the page

I thought of all the things  

I should have kept to myself

the doubt of how much to say

clouded my thoughts just enough

my tongue freed up by my pen

I said more than I thought possible

how could I write about this

I think

how can the words come so easy on paper

an an envelope with a stamp

not from a body standing in front of another body

so, I wrote

about the love and fear of love

lost in translation

about the fire

lodged in my throat

about the way

you only see me in pieces

crack in the foundations

and crumbling wall

I told you the story of how

I was once a dragon lady

my job to keep everything out

burn it away with my flaming tongue

how you were the cool

I needed

the ice on a burn

a calming effect

how with you my hands

no longer clawed at

but

embraced

held strong

I don't miss those days

as much

as I miss

the warmth of your smile

I only crave the flames

when you cover my pieces

in the frost of your cold shoulder

12/30 For the Love of God and Everything Holy, Body, It's Bread. We Love That shit!

I have occupied this body for a very long time

and there are some betrayals I expect 

some of these balance themselves out 

menstruation for menopause  

200 bucks yearly flushed away for decades, 

saved 

in some account I call 

have fun not babies no more 

the stretch marks that replaced smooth skin 

I rationalized that one away 

called it a road map to places traveled 

called it the bumps along the way taught me 

how to navigate better 

called it braille for a lovers touch 

this geographic tongue 

I rationalized it called it 

your tongue has tasted too much bitter 

now time for all the sweet 

called it all the kissing tastes better 

called it whoever, 

whatever you put in your mouth is savored 

in a way that confuses the alphabet 

when my body starts doing the strange

a random elbow rash, 

the phuck? 

bizarre pinking around the eyes and swelling lips 

the hell?

clearly an allergic reaction 

but to what I think

I don't ask my body 

she's on some other shit right now 

if she doin what I think she's doin

the last time I asked my body 

if I was really allergic to something

let's call them oranges 

because I love oranges 

and their cousins all things citrus 

my body said 

"yes, 

yes, Theresa

you are allergic to oranges"

I said, "not today body, 

not today" 

to show her, I ate a bag of oranges 

yeah, I ran a little fever and the rash went away

eventually

but in the way off all vaccinations 

you give yourself a bit of the poison 

your body will provide a defense, 

I am no longer allergic to oranges 

I am however still allergic to the peels 

so I can't peel those fucker

but I will eat them all 

cause my skin does it's own thing and since 

it is the largest of all the organs 

I let her do her what she do

mostly 

but last week, 

last week I noticed the elbow rash 

pink rash around my eyes and lips 

thought, oh hell no 

so like the orange experiment 

I ate all the bread, 

it got worst so 

I denied myself all things delicious 

for 24 hours 

the symptoms calmed 

I went out for dinner 

I want the biggest fucking burger you have 

and it was OK the first few bites 

by bite five 

my lips started burning the swelling began

my elbows were itching as if 

they could scratch themselves 

I remained calm, resisted the urge to 

drop to my knees and scream to the heavens 

"Noooooo, bread! 

Has thou forsaken me? 

Does thee doubt my love 

my devotion you fickle ass delicious lover" 

but bread 

I knew bread wouldn't hear me

she always cheating up in here on everybody's plate

right in front of me

besides my friend works at this restaurant 

hey Anisa

it would have been weird 

and my allergicness to possible police involvement 

is one I have no issue with

so, the scene happened in my head, 

loudly 

as I wondered if it was just bread, 

prayed lord, let it be just bread

next week the beer experiment 

but in the mean time, 

I found this gluten free vodka, his name is Tito, 

as I mourn my lover bread

Tito, tonight he has got my back

unlike this body

10/30 Double Tap

Double Tap

(written while channeling Lee Child’s Jack Reacher Series)

It was never perfect

or quiet as a library

or loud like a bomb blast

and it could never have been mistaken

for a cool breeze,

that’s for damn sure.

The way they stood there

that look in their eyes

focused on a future

they could see so clearly

if they squinted

a ninety degree angle

just right

nothing obtuse about it

at all,

better believe that.

They were acutely aware

intensely, severe and shrewd

experienced implications

and the feelings they feel justified

to have this  complete finality.

This was no love triangle

but a direct flight

a destination only they knew

and not just locals in the area

no,

they were going far with this

like world travel and cruise ships

floating away in a desire that

could never be called listless

but full of everything

including the rain

and all that lightning

and they just sit there

a house looking smug.

Which is to say it was not lacking energy

they didn’t sit in the traditional ways

and maybe set is better

as in the way a cake sets

a specified state,

meaning it was full of enthusiasm

a weather system

they controlled

and the only warming rests

under their skin

embraced in each others steam

which is different than smoke

in that way that it doesn’t burn your eyes

thick and beautiful

just like the first time

serenity in waves

and they drown inside of each other

the perfect

quiet

bomb blast

they set out to be

the shape of something real,

and that’s for damn sure.

6/30 The Difference

The Difference

history is not always on your side

there are tools today not available

some long ago

the rules are no longer

the rules

back then

the peaceful opened arms wide

believing no harm would come

because they meant no harm

over and over again

at some point the peaceful

adapted their thinking

protection their mode of communication

modern day colonizers forget

the memories present in the colonized

because they have no recollection

they couldn’t

they have never been

on the receiving end

of loss of home

by force

being demonized for existing

in their own environments

so moving forward

the mentality of

things will be what I want them to be

is not based in real time thinking

these days the people

know they are being displaced

never trusted your tongue

or

presence in neighborhoods

they’ve inhabited

for decades

and you don’t understand

that you moved into their hoods

you want to claim neighbor

when you do not know them

or care

to

they who are reduced the to thug

because you never read hood life 101

left a laundry list of opportunities to take

the way you took from them

and this is not to condone

but explain

things don’t change because

you showed up

I know your privilege didn’t tell you this part

that yes the native folk will videotape

the crimes against you

the way the cops tape crimes

perpetrated on them

and nothing happens

and nothing will happen

as long as you believe yourself

to be above them

you continue to call them thugs

call the police when you

don’t like the loudness of their music

because it doesn’t have the same

rhythms of your leaf blower

if you want to live in the hood,

you better learn the language

understand that Leroy

been living on that corner

for a decade

and Miss Lillian knows everything

all the time

your presence

doesn’t change

their reality

it changes yours

and you better learn how to adapt

or just like you saw your opportunity and acted on it,

they will do the same

there are all kinds of takers

you no longer hold

the monopoly on that

and that is the difference

4/30 Beam

Beam

she smiled at me

and I thought

what a nice smile

disarming in it slow reveal

a slide across teeth

beaming crookedly adorable

hand slapped on thigh

because

actually slapping yourself

in public

could be seen

as what it is not

and is at the same time

just a stinging reminder

that’s all

that  is all you want

in that moment

a reminder of how sliding

into a smile like that could     bite

like how good it might feel    all over

you have fallen into too many

the saliva stinging memories

you wish you never had

some you wish you had again

but you have no desire to time travel

to be somewhere you have already been

so you feel the sting

the slap

the tread carefully

you have a habit of running

chambers first

maybe this time

this time maybe

you want to go slow

recognize your own navigation

lead with something other than

what’s been broken a time too many

to count

2/30 What the Sick Said

I have been fighting a bug for the last few days and this may or may not be the hot toddy's talking.

What the Sick

The sick said

you invited me here

laid out a red carpet

tempted me into the ring

beckoned me like a lover

the way you opened your immune system

showed me you chin

dared me to punch

didn’t see the combination of

just the right amount of work

but not enough sleep

just the right amount of love

forgetting the power of adolescent cooties

like all that hugging wasn’t transferring

more than memories

didn’t see that counterpunch

never thought you would be on the ropes

forgot I was contender

but you gon learn today

because I didn’t forget to weigh in

stayed in my neutral corner

shadow boxed with silence

chilled ringside

waiting for the moment

I would deliver the first blow

deciding whether this be bare knuckle or gloved up

knowing I could predict each blow I would deliver

you would receive

You fall into rhythms like lullabies

I was going to put you down

Standing eight  count

saw the precise moment

I could deliver my cross

you and your loyalty to friends

you can’t do everything but you do

until I get my window

then you won't

I was called for holding

so you hit a grand slam

knew you didn't have a chance

baseball games have nothing

on a  pugilist like me

we danced you from class to class

and a show and a whatever

me light on feet bobbing and weaving

bees in a hive

My right hook nearly took you down

but you parried won that round

but you forgot about the southpaw in me

the jabs and uppercuts made me famous

tried to throw a sucker punch

something about a meeting and echinacea

I didn’t want a unanimous decision

didn’t want a TKO

I wanted a knock out

then you tag teamed Mr. Boston

said he was old school

said he has been taking out the sick for decades

said he is  smooth and whiskey eyed special  

but this wasn’t wrestling

I know how to take a punch

wasn’t ready for the match to change

didn’t see that take-down coming

didn’t think I could be thrown like that

had no moves for the half nelson

He sleeper-hold put me under

pinned

that’s fine

this match is yours Theresa,

but I’ll rest up

because I know you won’t

overextending your occupational hazard

now that I know with you the tactics of defense change

due to what you need to get done

I’ll be working on my footwork

kidney punches and take-downs

you don’t know how to stay out of schools

you don’t know how to disappoint you friends

you don’t pay enough attention to recognize

when you running on empty

and I am always down for a rematch

ding!