Finders, Looters!!

I was sent an e-mail today with pictures of people wading in the flood water of NO.
The first picture is a black woman.
The captions read " woman wading after looting from a grocery store".
The other picture is a white woman.
Caption reads " woman wades after finding bread and soda in a grocery store".

And it warms my fucking heart to know that with all this devastation,
all this loss,
all this mayhem,
that racism is alive and well in America's media.
It boggles my mind how fucking stupid some people can be.
It makes me wonder about a lot of thing though........
Like, did Dubya find himself a new presidency or did the bastard loot the election?

I can not tell you how fun it was watching the pandemonium at the pumps?
Do people not realize that panic in the populous is like a calling card for gouging?
In a three block radius the price of gas yesterday ranged from $2.89 to 3.79.
Then on the very edge one gashole was charging $4.89.
Can you say CRACKHEAD ?
I think his reasoning was that folks will get tired of the line
and come on over for expensive crap gas.
He had about 8 customers, so I guess it worked.
Not on me though!
I mosied ( how the hell do you spell that word)!
I sauntered my ass over to the QT.
Hard to saunter in a car but I do it well.
There are two entrances.
One sported a line.
The other did not.
I chose the side that did not.
Drove right up to the pumped and watched as the folks in line had blocked it up so
bad that they couldn't get around to the other side where 5 folks fueled up and left in the time I was there. I think people heard that there were lines, so folks would have been disappointed if they weren't in a line.
The line helped to make the panic real and keep the stress high.
Would give them some nice coversation of FUEL RAGE,
as they shelled out over $100 bucks to fill up the ol Suburban.
Interesting.
Don't you think?
Having gone to NO for the first time this summer, the images are hard to believe.
To actually see places I visited, or ate at under water.
Very surreal.
I wonder if the war will let up so some of those funds can be used to help the victims in this war with nature we seem to find ourselves in.
Between Hurricanes, and people being trampled on bridges, a lot of people died this week.
Many didn't have to.
I need to go read and write poetry to clear my fucking head.
I'll try not to loot any beer at the bar. But if I just find it....it'll be okay....right America?

Pat's on Crack!!!

Why can Pat Robertson wish a political leader dead on National TV and I can't?
Why can he plead to a group of churchy type folks to help bring about this leaders demise and I can't encourage my activist friends in the same way by the same means?
I'm sorry not demise he wants them to "Take Out" this leader?
Is it because I'm not a member of the 700,
holier than thou,
bass ackwards,
closet racist,
but not far enough in the closet that we don't notice club.
I'm sorry what he said to me is the equivalent of a terroristic threat!
I guarantee if one of us
( heathen assholes that we are)
went on national TV and said
"Someone needs to take OUT Pat with a George on the side,"
The FBI and the CIA not to mention the homeland security dicks would be so far up your ass you'd be shitting political bullshit for the rest of your life!
So here's what we need to do.
We need to join the 700 Club!
Then we need to become a Holier than Thou, Heathenistic Assholes.
Then we can threaten who ever the fuck we want.
When we want (rightnow)!
Where we want ( on national TV)!
How we want ( dangling on God's sleeve) !
Sorry, I can't do it!
That's way to fucked up... even for me!
Pat you get the MO' FUCKED UP THAN BUSH AWARD!
It's a hard one to get, but you did it!!!!!

National Pictures

That has got to be the ugliest picture I've taken recently. I have taken some bad ones, I guess BUSH IS AN ASSHOLE POETY brings out the ugly in me.

National Poetry Slam
August 2005

Still Up!!!!

School has started back!
I love my new class,
of course we are still in the honeymoon stage
of the 180 day marriage so things could change.
5 boys and 5 girls a nice even mix.
I have just finished with the best summer of my life.
No romance but,
what's love got to do with it.
I traveled,
turned forty,
did all the things I wanted to do and more!
The only things left is to dye my hair.
I can't decide whether to dye it all black to hide the gray, or just do the tips.
The other thing is my tattoo.
I must do this. I
will do this.
I will do this soon.
I will try to do this next weekend!
The show at Theatrical Outfit,
Awakenings,
was amazing.
The experience alone was worth trying this new thing!
People really likes the fusion of dance and spoken word.
Warning Signs was incredibly intense, the dancers equally intense and magnificent!
I can not wait for another opportunity to another project like this.
If you want to check out a clip of the rehearsal of the other piece "Thief" check it out here http://www.fluid-mosaic.com/theresa.html .
I should be getting the other video soon and I will share because it was very exciting!
The IRS came through for me.
Again!
How often can those word be spoken?
I have received something from them or state 4 times in the last two weeks,
and I wasn't killed or horribly disfigured by an insane car accident that happened right in front of me Friday night.
Guess I'm not done tearing shit up here on earth so I get to stay.
Art Amok, Kicks Ass! If you weren't there shame on you!
Don't be afraid to come hang out with the cool kids!
I came in second in the slam!
Then an entire bottle of wine became uncorked in the front seat of my car.
There was a puddle of wine in the florr, so now my car smells like it has a problem.
Sunday the final show at the Outfit was my best,
I have met so many cool people this summer,
I feel cool by proxy.
The the Monkey,
where I hit the wall,
The exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was almost drooling.
The waiter walking by and spilling a very cold liquid down my arm woke me up.
But not for long, I had to leave soon after I shared.
I know this is kind of rambling, but I can do that if I want!
Labry's is considering giving me two pages for poetry in the magazine, please submit poetry to www.poeticheart@labrysatl.com
Thanks!!!!!

First Week Back

My poetry high is finally dwindling. Only to be rekindled by the events of this week end!!!!
Art Amok @ 7 Stages this week end is going to be off the chain.
Saturday at the Stages there is a workshop on how to get published as well as an open mic, slam, Katz from Athens Boys Choir will be the feature Lily Lewis performing in the Cafe, and a whole lot more!!!!
Atlanta's second slam team will be forming from this series.
Also this weekend
Choreographer's Corner 2005
Awakening
August 19 - 21 2005
Theatrical Outfit 84 Luckie Street, Atlanta,Georgia 30303
Featuring new works by choreographers
Antonio Sisk, Lynorris Evans, Kikora Franklin and Dara Steven
sand the collaborative works of Choreographer Dawn Axam,
with Spoken Word Artist Theresa Davis
and Singer/ Songwriter Jahi Kearse.
Premering the much anticipated works of the Dawn Axam Theater Experience
www.geocities.com/axamte/index.html
Friday, August 19 @ 8pmSaturday, August 20 @ 3 & 8pmSunday, August 21 @ 3pm$20 Adults / $15 Children and Seniors

This show is mind-blowing and beautiful!
Hope to see you all out and about!

There Are No Mosquitoes In Albuquerque!

Blue skies, warm, dry air
Nationals rocked
and I wish you were there
every where you turned poetic words flowed
over 75 teams competing
who would win no one could know!
Oh My Deity!
Amazing! 75 Teams,
poetry everywhere!
They were all so kind and considerate...Up until the end but I'll get into that later.
The bouts were amazing. I was almost a sacrificial poet for Atlanta's bout until they found out I was from Atlanta. I told them I was from Earth, then John said hey and gave me a hug.
Then, as a volunteer mind you ,I was fired from that position,
and fired from time keeping because I was from Atlanta,
and again fired from score keeping because I was from Atlanta.
The idiot who fired the school teacher, who can add thank you very much, took on drunk score keepers. Poor Karen G she didn't lose her temper, but the word asshole came up when we recapped the evening.
The team from Del Ray had an incredible group peace that rocked! I was a judge for their bout and damn! And Hawaii Oh My Damn, they did a piece called The Americans Are Coming! Breathtaking and in your face!
They had several smaller readings ( still in front of anywhere from 50 the 150 folks) that I attended. My performance were very well received and even leaving for the air port folks were telling me how much they loved the Butterfly piece. I think it's a hit, I took it on the road and they liked it! They had Queer readings, African American readings, Grief and Remembrance, Geek Slam , and World Peace readings! There were many others that I didn't qualify for like, Hispanic Reading, Idigenous, and Asian to name a few! Amazing!!!!!!!!
ABQ won the Nationals.
In the runnings was, Fort Worth, Hollywood, Charlotte and ABQ.
Everybody was awesome.
The Guy from Hollywood did a piece where he took a line from every poet he performed with and every poem performed that night and worked it into this masterpiece, with the ending line " I may not be the best poet, but I am the best Listener!"
Incredible!
There was boooooing in the audience during the show.
I heard a lot of it and some was from Locals the others however were from other teams.
Now, In my opinion when you make anything a kinda spectator sport that kind of thing is par for the course. When Charlotte went to get their second place trophy, one of the poets took it upon herself to reprimand all of ABQ saying that they needed to teach their people some home training, because it was ABQ who was boooing the other poets. Mind you ABQ Team is on the stage waiting to get their first place. She ruined it for them in my opinion. Then to further protest she proceeded to take this completely defensive stand while one of ABQ youngest poets ( who was not allowed to compete) did her piece. She refused to leave the stage, when they finally got her off she yelled and screamed at people back stage, interrupting ABQ'S poet and their win in my opinion.
It all came out like sour grapes and ego.
My momma has always said," you can't walk up into someone else's house and tell them how to raise their children." It was embarrassing, everything was all good and great, the town was incredibly nice and the police looked the other way on so much illegal shit. She fucked up everybody's mood. The head organizer who worked his ass off and probably kissed a lot of ass had to apologize for her outburst. It was a truly fucked up ending to a beautiful thing!
Next year, I am so going to be there! And compete and manage to not be a bitch about anything so's I don't ruin it for others.

The whole time I was their not one mosquito, but those bastards were waiting for me at the airport!

Icing on the Cake

The good times just keep on rolling along.
The IRS came through.
How many times have you been able to say, Yea IRS!
I know me neither.
But, here it is.
My brother got me a flight to Albuquerque with sky miles for my Birthday.
My pals Karen G and Stacie got me a room, for my birthday.
All I had to do was worry about food, venue fees, and drinking, not necessarily in that order.
I was trying to juggle my car note and even asked my mom for money.
Who wants to do that?
I mean she's the coolest mom in the cosmos, but her interest rates could be like....Damn!
Not only was I able to pay my credit card to a zero balance,
I also paid all my doctor bills from my surgery,
all the household bills... Now sport a zero balance,
back to school clothes for the kiddies,
some swanky very inappropriate T-shirts for me,
new jeans ( as my ass is getting wider, and it's all because light beer sucks),
and I will have a no sweat time(except for the heat in NM).
And I can rest assured, and I think that my finances will not be hampered in the future by a deadbeat,
dad that is!
My oldest turns 17 next week and my 4 year old will turn 5, five days later.
I am diggin the upswing, and I do not take it for granted,
for I know that things can change,
in the blink of an eye!!!!
What an INCREDIBLE summer!
Thanks to all of you who made it possible!
I love you madly,
with icing and a cherry on top!
Now if I get laid on top of all this, I may explode!!!!!!
And I have a room by myself with a king size bed so.....It could happen?
So step back, I wouldn't want you to get any on ya.......That is unless you like that sort of thing?

If Loving This is Wrong I Don't Want to be Right

It seems wrong to be this happy.
I said at the beginning of the summer that if I couldn't cut it with this poetry thing,
that I'd have to give it considerably less of my time.
Cut back on everything and stick to the writing aspects.
Never in a million years could I have dreamed the summer I have had!
You get to a point in your life where you don't necessarily expect the worst but it happens.
It occurred to me tonight that I haven't been this happy with myself in a very long time.
My children are supportive and healthy,
and I am starting my 15th school year,
(mind you this is the only job I've had for more than two years),
My ex and Dubya are fucking up royally, but they make for great writing subjects,
I'm traveling,
and in the same week, I do my first internet radio interview,
I get my own poetry page in Labrys Magazine,
and Word Diversity collective Kicks Off!
In addition, a new dance company will premier and two of my poems are a part of the choreography,
I posed naked earlier this summer( with my fat ass),
and managed to make my mother proud at the same time!

And I can't help but think of Jikki!
I love and miss him so much,
and I know in my soul he's proud of me
and I am grateful,
that before he left this world physically
he gave me the verbal kick in the ass
I needed to realize and understand that
I got in the way of my own happiness,
that I deserve to be happy,
and that I am the only one who could do it for me.
He knew he couldn't hand it to me,
but he released me nonetheless.
Thank you, Jikki!
Now I have to go wash my face,
bawling like an idiot will only result in puffy eyes and a major headache.
I couldn't sleep through the thoughts swimming in my brain, now I think I can.
Good morning!

The Business of Words

I have had a very exciting summer! I have had all kinds of firsts.
And today I added another. This afternoon I met with Collin Kelley, who interviewed me for his internet radio show. Alice was interviewed as well and they will be available at the following times.
Leisure Talk Radio
The Business of Words
Theresa: Aug. 9 - Aug. 20 every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 10, 2 and 6 p.m. and a.m.
Alice: Aug. 23 - Sept. 4. Same days and times as above.
Check it out!!!!

Last night I finally had my 40th birthday celebration.
Not a big gathering but a very cool one.
About 10 of us including Malika and Dion!
And yes naked in the hot tub did happen those of you who missed it.....
I'd like to say too bad you missed an opportunity, but we all know that if there is a chance for me to get naked in a hot tub.... Well, color me naked!
I leave next week for New Mexico, I have no idea how or what to pack.
My next party hopefully will happen soon, and involve fire.

Wrinkles

i thought i was computer stupid.
turns out i am just computer special.
what i needed was collin to teach me how to do some shit on my blog.
i think my picture might actually show up now. and i learned how to link.
i'm tired as hell, feeling cool as hell cause my buddy taught me something new today.
when you learn something new you get a wrinkle in your brain.
i'm feeling really wrinkly right now.
but if the side effect of a new wrinkle is a gray hair ........
damn, like i don't have enough of them.
i am considering coloring my hair next month.
you know how it is you look 40 in the face and you start trying to camouflaged.
what color should i go with?
whole head or tips?
imput goddammit,
i need input!!!!
help a poor, gray haired, old as hell sista out, why don't cha!!!

Stay away from CRAZY!!!

Have you ever heard that saying, "If you see crazy coming, you'd better cross the street."
Why do we not listen?
Why do we mistake crazy for something cute, or rational?
Why can't we just see crazy for the for the insane fuck up that it is?
Why do we marry it?
Have children with it?
Talk to it on the phone where bullshit flows freely and you reach all new levels of pissed!
And then are surprised when we fantasize crazy being struck by lightning, or hit by multiple vehicles, or maybe even abducted by aliens and probed often.
If only had I listened, not only would I have crossed the street, I would have crossed the state line!


Wishing I'd have crossed the damn street!

damn

have you ever walked past a chair
and had one of your locks catch in between the space on the back of it,
and have it snatch your ass back with a force
that leaves you sprawled on the floor laughing your ass off
despite the pain in your hips?
add 2 pitchers of beer,
makes it twice as funny,
has that ever happened to you???

me neither....ouch!

i'm too old for this shit!
i could break a hip, then what?
i can hear me now screaming,
" help i've fallen and i cant get up!"
and hearing crickets.
bad.
who will come to my rescue...
you...
i don't think so.
house of poets was cool despite the fact that there were only 6 people in the audience,
one of them kinda scary, very scary, fucking horrifically scary.
thanks friends,
it occurred to me that you folks have seen way too much of me.
so august i will hit it hard and then fade away until the recording of my CD.
it will be all the way live..........
live audience,
i've found the perfect place.
and i'd invite you but you wouldn't come...as usual.
i won't sweat you with the details,
i'll stick with my tried and true,
you know who you are!!!!
wired as always after sex
i mean poetry....
you know what i mean!

House of Poets

Great week!
My sister got married yesterday, despite me reminding her how evil that institution is.
It's like prison with sexual privileges.
She doesn't believe me, she believes she's found her soul mate.
She might be right lord knows they have been through enough.
I had to leave before the drink kicked in.
My daughter called me saying, " Mom, I think your sister's traumatizing me. She's......she's....Well, I think she's (whispering) drunk."
I said." Is she in the same room that you're in? "
"Yes."
"Can everybody else in the room see her?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you whispering?"
"Cause' if she hears my voice she going to start hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am."
"That traumatizes you?"
"Yes."
"Get over it dude you are beautiful. Don't let her hit her head if she passes out, that would not make for a nice Wedding night, and is likely to really traumatize you."

Dawn Axam-Hocker is incredible!! Last night was a sneak preview of a show she has coming up on August 19, 20, &21. Two of my poems are being performed by dancers!
Very exciting!!!!!
Warning Signs, will be performed by 5 dancers and performed in August.
Thief a new piece written for cancer survivors was rehearsed with a woman, last night she became ill and a new dancer and I were introduced.
His name is Jule, he's beautiful.
We had a whole ten minutes for me to run the poem twice and he get a feel on how he could improv it. He danced behind me, thank god for I have some attention issues, so I couldn't see him. But the response of the audience was great. My buddy Stacie videotaped it and it looks so good.
So needless to say those of you who know me it took till 3 or 4 am for me to calm down.

I am featuring at House of Poets August 1, 2005 @ 8pm!!!

House of Poets takes place at The Red Light Cafe on Amsterdam.
I just found out so I have not had time to advertise. Please, Please, Please if you can come out and support HOP (House of Poets) and me tomorrow!!!
Pretty please with sugar on top!
I'll be your Friend.
Your special friend!
Yes, I will consider putting out if you come to my show??????
There are however stipulations...

Karaoke...The New Crack!

So if some of you don't know, Turner and Bear rock my world.
They had a reading and discussion last night at Charis about gender, gender roles, trans and other terms and shared some of their personal experiences.
I love them.......
Really I do!

After Turner was all like " So let's go to My Sister's Room?"

I was like,"It's Karaoke Night.?"

Bear was all like, " I Love Karaoke."

Melissa was like," I will come but I'm leaving at 11." She didn't leave til after 1. Not her fault it was the Karaoke Crack.

We go to Karaoke night.
Bear and Turner very excitedly hunting for songs to sing, me nursing my Corona.

Then there was lots of singing
it ranged from good to oh my god I'm so embarrassed for you.

Some how Melissa and I get caught up in Karaoke hell and submit songs to sing.
If I have not mentioned it, I can do a lot of things,
singing,
not so much.
So I turned in our songs.
I have never done this before.
Correction, I felt fairly sure that I would never do this in my fucking life.
I karaoke in the shower where only the people in the house at the time have to suffer.
Or in my car windows down so the gushing wing carries my bad tunes up, up, and away.

They call Melissa, who sings 9 to 5, she kicked ass.
Then I realized I could be next!
At the same time I realized that I was no where near enough drunk to do this.
Bear noting my dismay promptly bought me a shot of Tequila.
Still not drunk enough but the smell of tequila on my breath may convince some that I am.

I sing (if in all honesty we can call it that) Lenny Kravits "Fly Away".
I took off my head scarf so the Locks could distract from my actual singing if that is what we agree to call it. Apparently I was better than I thought, because while Turner took Photo's of Melissa (damn camera phones), they got caught up watching and there are no incriminating photos of me in a karaoke induced fit of what I believe we agreed to call singing.

We, Melissa and I actually contemplate singing, (again a questionable description of what we did) another song. But then I did it. There I was having successfully done this embarrassing thing and came out of it with no evidence that it had taken place.
Next thing I know,
and in my defense were just going to say the Tequila kicked in ,
I am on stage with Keisha (who really can sing),
Jocelynn and Turner singing Proud Mary.
When the song gets faster I jump off the stage doing my Tina Turner impersonation.
Lots of jerking motions and gyrations, I'm pretty good at that, next thing I know, the bartender is pulling me on the stage saying "those white girls need to get down, you need to be up there." Coming from a white girl I took this as a compliment. Now, low and behold, there is a video account of that slip, that downward spiral into the scary world of Karaoke. Damn camera phone with video capability!
I think if I stop now I can beat this thing.
It's just like crack.....you know ......Help!!!!!

Hot as hell !!!

I think I am dehydrated.
Not to the point of falling out but enough to make my head foggy.
I often forget to drink water. I must fix that. I always have water in the car.
Right now I have about 5 bottles most half full. I have got to do so much better.

You know how you meet people and you tell them what's going on,
what you're doing,
and they tell you they're going to come and see you?
But basically, they are lying to you, as they are not interested and have no intention to...Whoa big time digression, sorry.
Well, I had a conversation with someone last Friday
in between being confronted by someone who thought
I was competition and accosted by someone else who tried to eat my face
(people should ask before they try to check if you still have tonsils).
In the midst of all that madness and there was more madness that I can't even get into, needless to say if I had actually wanted that much attention,
it most certainly would not have happened,
I had a conversation with someone about what I was doing.
She said she was going to come and come she did!
Not like that, boy I tell you some folks just keep their minds dirty on purpose.

The reading at Outwrite was great.
I was so nervous.
Headgames was a big hit believe it or not I am not the only one who has had to deal with that. Go figure. A lot of people came to support me.
SOVO was out interviewing people about gender roles.
I don't get why people are so focused and distracted by this.
I thought long ago when women braved to get the fuck out of the kitchen and men got in touch with their inner woman, we learned that your gender is just that, it doesn't predetermine you for any role in this jacked world.
People are people.
They live their lives and just because some people aren't afraid to be the person they want to be, those who are get to ask these kinds of questions so that they can judge.
I mean because you are male and church going, wearing your suit and tie, singing your soul out for Jesus, because you do these things does this make you a good man or father?
Or, is it possible for you to be a deadbeat dad, hypocrite, asshole?
And If you were a woman who did the same thing,
Guess What?
You Would Still Be An Asshole!
So it isn't gender we should be fearing or judging...
it's ASSHOLISM!

I am blogging in the nude again,
sitting directly under a fan,
watching Constantine (which is pretty good) and sweating like fiend.
I don't want to move from this spot as uncomfortable as it is.
I have so much shit that needs to,
the phone is ringing...goddammit that means I've got to move, hold on.

It was Sautee Nacooche,
say it three times fast, it will make you smile.
They want me to come back on October 15th!
Yeah!!! Of course I have to check dates but it sounds right.
Very cool.
I have to put on clothes now walk out to my car and get my planner so I can be doing something and feeling productive. When all I really want to do is go to an air conditioned movie theater and eat nachos.
Resist the urge to slack off.....
Resist the urge to slack off..........
Resist...
I wonder when Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starts..........mmmmmmm canned cheese;-)

Rock Star

So......It seems I shall have to reconsider my staunch opposition to exercise.
My baby keg,
I call her Honey,
is out of control and trying to come between me and my feel good pants.
Can't have that.
I prefer exercise of a more close, horizontal, sweating, touchy, feely, tasting kind of way.
Since that shits not happening anytime soon, I may have to go back to my regiments of the long ago days when I was cheering and doing the pageant's.
Dammit,
I was really trying not to go back their,
the flashbacks are awful,
the pyramids and constant clapping,
the smearing of Vaseline on teeth to make a smooth smile,
pivot, wave, turn.
I think I see therapy on my horizon.
That is unless we( me and Honey, that is) find an eager participant to reignite my preferred form of exercise.
I'm not giving up on my mission,
o look good in the feel good pants and find a real exercise partner,
but in the mean time Honey will not be happy with the sit-ups and lite beer,
and neither am I!

Java Monkey was so good last night.
The host, Kodac, always breaks the list down in to gender.
Last night two gender-jammers were there.
Fucked up the method to the madness of Java demographics.
All I could think was Collin would love this!
The gender benders only eluded to their true gender and I believe Kodac loved it!
I have never seen him smile so much!
Turner and Bear Rock my world!

I wrote a new piece called Interview for the Position of Rock Star Poet.
I know the title is long as hell I'll work on it.
I like the piece it makes me laugh.
But we Gemini's have this belief that we have an excellent sense of humor,
and we do,
it's just that occasionally we find that particularly humorous thing,
that oddly is only funny to us.
Go figure.
So I thought that this might be one of my Gemini moments.
I tried it out and wasn't completely happy with my delivery.
I got my buddy Melissa to direct me in the performing of it.
Felt kinda a little stupid in the big theater on the stage reciting a poem that has the word spam in it, it was kinda hard to stay focused,
but I did it.
Her help made all the difference, she has been deemed the Director of Poetry!
I really liked the piece and it was very well received.
Fun, Fun, Fun, you folks need to come to some of these events!!!!
You are truely missing all the goddamn fun!
All work and no play.....You know!

Saute Nacooche

What a week! I traveled to Saute Nacooche.
Not as sexual as it sounds, but it was very fun.
I had several revelations the main one being I have no DAR whatsoever!
I can't tell gay from straight, young from old enough, luckily I can tell boy from girl, but lately that seems about it.

The performance was at a center in Saute Nacooche, I just like typing those words and saying them. They sounds so dirty!!! Say it three times fast. It will make you smile, I promise!

Picture this......... me in WHITE county,
performing in front of about 100 or so WHITE people,
when in the middle of my very political set I realized I am probably standing in BUSH hell!
But I knew my friend Lisa had my back. I made what I hope are a lot of new friends there.

All was well, although, the video dude was so enraged by my performance that he went off on the organizer and said a little something like this," What the fuck is she going on about! You call this Art, you call this Poetry! This is bullshit and she is full of shit!" It made my heart swell with pride! My Daddy would have been proud!!!
They put me up in this beautiful bed and breakfast which could have been so much nicer with a Friend.
Know what I mean?
They want me to come back in October, any takers?
Guess who is on the first page of Labrys?
I don't know who she is but she is fine!!!!

With Every Beat of My Heart!

28,000 pace makers recalled?
28,000 pacemakers recalled?
Models between 1997 and 2000!
How the fuck do you check your model number?
They are offering free replacements.
I beg to differ there is no way that could be free.
Okay they may Lego there way into giving you a pacemaker that will actually work,
they may even be able to hire a Mc Surgeon to put the goddamn thing in,
but this will not be free.
How many people wake up and say to themselves,
" It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, but it's a little hot. I think I'll check myself into a well air conditioned hospital and while I'm there I think I'll get a pacemaker."
No body does that shit!
You can best believe the majority of those people were sick as shit
when they HAD to have it done!
Everytime you open your body up you risk something, the risk makes this shit absofuckinglutely
(since this is not a word it matters not that I spelled it wrong) not free
Free, this country fucks with my head daily,
reminder buy more mental condoms!

28,000, not 50, not 5,000, but 28,000!
I wonder if Bush would fire anyone who had anything to do with this,
has he fired the one who had to do with that other thing?????????????

I want to see the article titled,
28,000 MIND FUCKS RECALLED BUSH FIRED AS A RESULT,
that would make me happy!

Completely unrelated, Is anybody else extremely horny, or is it just me. Cause it could be just me, I was just askin'?

New Poem

I'm Not
c Theresa Davis 2005

Am I the salt in your tears?
The age in your years
The spark in your flame
The ache in your pain

The beginning of your end
The right you defend
The hope in your dream
I’m not at all what I seem

The voice in your ear
The root of your fear
The beat of your heart
The stop of your start

The in to your out
The scream in your shout
The blood in your veins
The dice in your game

The rhythm that moves your feet
The stare your eyes can’t meet
You don’t doubt me at all
Think I’ll catch you when you fall

I’m an enigma, a dream
Not at all what I seem
I’m the lie to what is true
Not the right girl for you

I’m not

Blogging in the Buff

I am blogging in the nude.
It's very liberating I feel a sense of freedom that I don't feel when I blog with clothes on.
I feel like if I want type an x for no apparent reason I can just type an x. Watch x.
Now that's freedom.
I did poetry in Little 5 yesterday.
What an interesting thing. I am not a PG poet and I think folks realized that.
Some happily so, some surprisingly so, those who were surprised also left.
There were several people with picture phones taking my picture, makes me nervous. Especially the one who snapped me calling Bush an Asshole.
Oh well, If I go down for my poetry, I'll go down calling that egomaniac, self-absorbed, world dominator wanna be, fucked-up, liar, cheat who needs to go out on a man date ( get it mandate, man date, like a date with a man...get it). I'll go down for calling him the asshole that he is.

It looks like one of my boobs is slightly higher than the other?
I'll fix it by moving the lap top.
Okay, feeling weird now blogging in the nude,
going to put my clothes on now.
See you!

Alex thanks so much for helping out yesterday!!!

My New Dream

I think I want to be a Fanta girl! I'm thinking mint green. I think I have a good chance the have no dreads represented. Yes, a Fanta girl, it's all so clear to me now. Everything I've done up to this point has been leading up to me as a Fanta chick! Yes, imangine the girl talk, the parties, yes, I am destined to be the Lemon Lime Fanta babe!

It is bovine appreciation day today. This means you must appreciate the cow! Have a burger, have a shake, go out and buy that fine ass leather coat you've been lusting after. Go out be obnoxious claim it's all because of the mad cows of the world!!!

Hypothetically Speaking

So, say you know this person who has been pretty damn patient. She filed all the proper paper work to reclaim her freedom. Then say the other party in this, this, hypothetical situation, drug the paper work out as long as it possibly could. Then say the pretty damn patient one, finally got the attorney of that other person to get off his hypothetical ass and take care of business, and things looked as if they were almost settled. Then hypothetically, say the attorney started dragging her ass, pissing the patient one off in ways that could be dangerous. My hypothetically speaking, my question is this, if the other party was I don't know hit by a bus and the attorney was hit by a bus while standing in a puddle of water that was simultaneously struck by lightning, do you think my paper work would go through faster?
Hypothetically speaking that is.

I forgot?

I forgot to post to tell you if I remembered what I forgot.
I didn't.
I have a lot to do and not really sure how to do it.
Such is life I suppose.
I can not wait to go to New Mexico!
I am so sure that a change of scenery will lighten my mood, I am just giddy with the thought.
Some of you are wondering what a giddy Theresa looks like.
I don't know but I'm sure it's scary!
I saw The Fantastic Four today. Very well done, they tried very hard to stick to the comic and strayed very slightly but all in all, a good job! Thought about sneaking into another movie but that's more fun when you are with someone, sneaking by yourself is unfulfilling cause there's nobody to say" remember when we snuck into like five movies that day!" to,
I mean you could in theory have that conversation with yourself, but if you have it aloud you may insure that you forever go to the movies by yourself! I don't want that for me so I declined sneaking into another movie! I am rebeading my hair. This is the act of replacing or reinserting beads that flew off in the last few months. I may have gone to far as my head is very heavy, very pretty, but very heavy. I never would have thought that I would be into my hair like this. It's not like I look for my reflection in every shiny surface I see, but I really get into decorating it and it makes me feel good when people who know the real me ( not the scary, intimidating, aloof made up me) say "that's new!" I love it when people are aware and observant, it's sexy!
I may however, need a neck brace to accent my artsy hair in the future!

ahhh

The more I clean my classroom the messier it gets.
My Feng shui whatever it's called and spelled is broken.
I have to make a dent in the mess or I will start school crazy,
no one wants that.
I am working hard to stop cursing and more work needs to be done.
I am also trying to quit smoking, now here we have a slight problem.
I am still fighting this funk and my mood is already kinda......whats the word.......
shitty! So quiting vices may be a bad thing.
Cutting back... yes!
Cold Turkey may end up with me on the news.
Think I finally figured out this tax bullshit.
I went to the Sumit Building today and handed them three years worth of taxes.
I am hopeful they the go in order but if they don't more forms will be in order.
It's all crap!
State is another issue, I have to mail it and I know people who filed a month before the deadline who still don't have their returns. Oh well, just do it!
I think I am supposed to do something tonight, but for the life of me I can not remember what it is. If you know what it is please call me and tell me so I won't be late. I gotta start writing stuff down! My mind is not as sharp as it once was, back in the olden days.
I will probably post again tonight when I remember what it was I forgot that I was supposed to do or after I did it?
My spell check isn't working so work it out!

I'm Not Really a Doctor..

I just play one on TV. So I am hormonally phucked up meaning I am all over the place.
Doc says I was supposed to be taking a multi vitamin this whole time...oooops.
I'm on it, should be regulated or regulating as we speeak, or as I type and you read.
I'm not good at routine things like taking a pill the same time every day. Plus it's boring, and predictable. But my Scary Spice impersonation minus the shoes, was starting to scare me.
I shall try to do it . Take the pills not be scary (unless you like that sort of thing).
The IRS refused my claim as an innocent spouse, I filled out the wrong form seems I'm an injured spouse which means I may be able to recoup some of my money taken to pay someone elses debt. Do not marry someone who is in bad with the IRS once they attach you ss# what's his becomes yours and they don't need a form to take you dollars, but you have to file a shit load of them to get it back. Going to read poetry at Barnes and Nobles w/ Collin and after going to go watch women boxing, just cause it seems like a good idea.

Off Balance

by Seve Adigun
It has suddenly occurred to me that, I may not be losing my mind. That this emotional rollercoaster has a source that is merely compounded by the fact that people are trying to make me crazy. Forgot about the surgery. Hormonal stuff has to be missing. The lack of sleep, fitful sleep, and the waking from sleep sobbing uncontrollably has got to go. Calling the doctor in the am, hoping I'm right and there is something I can do about this. If not, we could all be in serious trouble!

OKAY NOW I'M PISSED

I know I have been known to man-bash from time to time.
I am hopeful that the men in my life who I consider to be friends,
have intergrity and are honest beings, know this is not directed at them.
So they really don't have to continue to read this, 'cause I'm 'bout to go the fuck off!!!

How is it that you can share a chunk of your life,
with someone and not notice that they are an incredibly large
ASSHOLE!?
How is it possible to live with someone and not see the body snatcher when they come,
and take away the person you thought you knew
and turned them into an incredibly large Asshole.?
Has anybody heard of Quikstar?
It's Amway cyber crack style.
MY CHILDREN'S daddy is a part of this pyramid scheme for the stupid.
He expected me to spend twice sometimes three times as much for food,
clothing and furniture and make my puchases from the cyber crack joint, telling me that we would get the money back, and be financially free in a year or two.
Not understanding that the only money you get back is a small portion of the amout you over-paid, after those assholes on the top of the pyramid get theirs!
It's been five years, and all he is free to do is kiss my Ass!
He can't, sorry, won't pay child support because there is no paper trail.
He expected me to trail my paper dollars behind this get rich quick pyramid scheme,
but he can't do the same for his own children.
This Asshole is supposed to pay for the kids insurance.
He won't because there will be no paper trail.
He has held up the process that would create a paper trail for more than a year.
To the insurance dilemma he gives this advice,
"They should try not to get sick or anything for a couple months."
What the fuck, exactly does that mean!
Help a sister out because I don't speak Asshole as a second language.
It confuses me how someone who seemed smart,
can turn into an incredibly large, stupid, dumb fuck, Asshole.
I mean do they give special classes?
Is it some secret organization?
Is there a cure for Assholism?!!!
Cause dude needs some help.

A support group maybe?
While he changed and made the leap to Asshole extrodinaire.
I have changed into that crazy bitch who will run over your ass repeatedly with her car!
I know it's outburst like this that make me seem scary and intimidating.
No worries, you are completely safe, as long as you are not a man who is an incredibly large, stupid, ASSHOLE! Then you should be scared!

Sadly, if my son starts to show symptoms of oncoming assaholic behavior,
he may have to be put down.
I will dedicate my life, my love and my good sense, to make sure that the Z-Man, does not contract a fatal case of Assholism!
May the force be with me,
before this Asshole forces me to get Bitchy.
Oh wait,
damn!

Whew!

What a week end!
It was all poetry all the time! I loved it!
I still haven't slept much but,
who needs sleep. Obviously, not me.
Bags under my eyes add character, charm, the look of a psycho.
Which I am sure makes me look more intimidating.
I've been hearing what some folks have been saying about me.
bizarre?
It's truly amazing that the unknown about someone
can be filled in by people who barely know you or don't know you at all.
And it gets taken as fact.
Part of my funk.
I usually don't care what things are said about me,
because I believe that people in general are insightful
enough to make up their own minds about a person.
Not always true.
And now I meet people wondering what they've heard or think they know about me,
and mentally I'm trying to figure out how to do damage control.
Well, I just had to get tough with myself.
Gave myself a thorough mental ass kicking.
Two to make sure I got it,
I can be hardheaded sometimes.
And have decided that if a person or people want to know, really know me.
They will have to be brave enough to venture into the bizarro world of me.
There they will learn that I don't bite
( unless you like that sort of thing)
I don't eat children
( I teach them, they sound similar but they are very different)
I'm not a player
(unless there is a scrabble game involved then yes I'm playing and a kickin' your ass)
I don't look down on anybody
( the vertically challenged will have to forgive me for looking at the top of your heads when I talk to you from now on)
And I'm not unapproachable.
I love meeting new people, sharing ideas, having fun
and I am a normal human being
( given the definition of normal should be loose).
I don't take advantage of people.
If anything just the opposite, I have been known to drive myself crazy trying to please others.
All that said, I now have a gauge on part of what's bothering me.
And now I am hopeful that the funk will start to fade.

Sleep Deprivation

I have tried everything. Well not everything. I am sure there is something out there I haven't tried that would wipe me out. You know exhaust me completely. But I haven't done that in so long I'm afraid I won't remember how. I have not had a full night sleep, in MANY, MANY days. Last night I think I might have slept 20 minutes. I have a lot to do this weekend. I can't afford an episode. I am feeling very touchy and edgy. Not on the verge of tears touchy, but the scary touchy. The one where I open my mouth and verbally jack you.
I've gotten better.
I've only officially gone of face to face once.
By e-mail possibly twice.
I stop and think, did this person say this to piss me off , is this a real question worth answering, can slapping the shit out of someone, get back that loving feeling?
I will not hit.
Hitting is bad.
I'm a lover (not lately), not a fighter (any more).
It helps to write the insane shit I think and feel here, see this way nobody gets hurt!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with me?!
I feel crazy, inside.
Stark, raving out of my motherfucking mind!
I need help.
Everybody thinks I'm ok because in public I'm not a blithering idiot, I am so not!
I can't even put a gauge or finger on what precisely is bugging me. Probably a collection of things. I wish I could get away, maybe being truly alone, this lonely feeling can identify itself and I can regroup. Not going to happen for a while.
I do not like feeling like this.

The Ex- Factor

It's amazing how many folks are struggling with their ex's.
They are pushed to all kinds of peculiar self-destructive behaviors.
last night I met a young lady who agreed to go out with her ex (knowing she still has very deep feelings). I watched her drink three jager (jager bad!) shots in less than 15 minutues.
This concerned me so I asked her what the problem was. She said she was fine. I said no one who drinks three jager shots (jager bad!) in that amount of time is fine.
She proceded to tell me that her she was hanging out with her ex so she needed to loosen up.
I explained that if by loosen up she means pass out, she's well on her way.
What is this obsession that your ex has to be your friend?
When I have an EXterminator come to spray my house, I don't call him later demanding the return of the bugs!
When I have need of an EXorcist.. I don't later demand the return of the evil spirits!
If you get EXcommunicate you can be damn sure they request your return!
EX, done over ! If you can mutually agree to co-exist the do that.
But if you put yourself in a situation where you miserable hanging around hoping to rekindle what is lost, you are asking to be used.
If my EX suddenly burst in to flames,
would I stop drop and roll his ass? Yes, I would right off a fucking cliff.
I believe some EX's have a right to exist.
I also believe that there are those rare occurrences people who should be together ( for a little bit longer, before they break up) get over their differences and can reconnect.
However, if you thought for any reason you should have not been together, the EX Factor is still hovering in the background of your relationship.

Strange Muse

I have not suffered from writer's block in a long time.
When it comes, as I am sure it will, watch out!
Theresa will not be a happy camper.
As it is I am not a happy camper, feeling quite unhappy in fact,
but my brain is buzzing and zooming along like a freight train.
I actually have not been able to capture the words for days.
They are coming so fast and strong and in the strangest places.
While washing my hair in mid-sud ( not a quick thing washing my hair it takes a very long time)
I can't jump out of the shower or even start the voice recorder.
By the time I'm done it's gone.
Only to be recited in a dream where I become aware that this is the missing piece
( sorry Shel for quipping your book title). I wake in a fog scribble it down in low light as not to wake the Z-Man. Wake up. Hung over from lack of sleep, (four days now expecting a psychotic episode any day now) only to read what I've written.
"What the fuck does that say? Is that English?"
Is all I can say.
But today in a flood a weeks worth of glibs, lines, half connected thoughts came together.
I felt this tingling.
I am not exaggerating, it is my only release and sometimes it makes me feel...
well....
sexy in that literary way. The present two books I am writing in stay in the car, like condoms in the wallet of a virgin boy who can't wait to use them.
This afternoon, I met a friend at Java. I was trying to write a Sestina.
But my friend showed and needed to talk. So the tingle was ignored.
I do not advocate the ignoring of tingles! You could go blind!
I left there to see my mother, we had a nice talk and she showed me the crapped out article in the Oafing (I know it's Loafing). It was about the Java Anthology and it seems to me that a lot of crackheads are gainfully employed, continuing their habit, and loafing while they hate.
But I digress.
This is a long one so get comfy.
I left Mom's headed home and only got as far as the Brewhouse when the tingle would not be ingnored. I finished the Sestina, finished a beer, wrote another Rondeau, finished a beer, and "Touched" was born.
As you may have seen, I occasionally put some of the pictures from my photo shoot on this page. When I did the shoot the photographer the fabulous Seve Adigun, took one of the photo's and made it into my soon to be CD cover. It's an amazing photo, if I do say so myself, and I did.
He titled it "Touched" because of the image, you will so get it when you see it.
I told him I didn't have a poem with that title. He said he was just focused on the image and that's what came to him. I could call it anything I want.
Damn skippy I can call it what I want it's my CD, holler!
The image so struck me that I knew it would have to be called that. In the beginning I tried to force the poem.
Note to poets:
Under no circumstance do you try to force a poem. The resulting injury could seriously have your work called a piece of shit!
The poem flowed like water.
My waiter must have thought I was having seizures and small bouts of turrets.
And remarkably no curse words appear in any of the poems.
I think I am fucking cured from potty mouth.
Okay, Maybe not.
I have never had a waiter check on me so often. At one point I zoned back in to where I was and the whole patio was looking at me as if I stood there stupid and naked.
They were only half right!
It was great!
I'd like to say that my funk is over or that the sad feelings have left me for the moment.
The mini breakdown in the car on the way back to Java says it's alive and well and still pressing.
The words aren't running so fast in my head now. They have slowed and I can catch them.
I still feel heavy, and again find myself typing at risk of electrocution.

Sorry I had to leave the Monkey before the show was over. Congratulations to all the poets!

Sleep

Okay, I should be asleep.
I'm not, and I'm not happy about that.
It's all apart of this mode I am in.
I have been writing and I'm happy about that even if it some depressing shit.
I have this propensity to swear. I have been writing in traditional form tonight so there is virtually no cursing in my poems.
I know unfucking believable!
Here is the first one. I'll do the others later, I think I might be sleepy.
Go figure.
It's in the French form it's called a Rondeau.
I actually had fun trying this form.
The depressing words will say otherwise.
I have trouble punctuating poetry.
Bear with me goddammit I'm sleep deprived among other things.

Alone
French Form Rondeau
Theresa Davis 2005

Here alone at night I sit and cry
My pain and misery multiply
This time on earth has made me feel old
If honesty and truth be told

I secretly wish of a clear blue sky
To push out the sadness and solidify
That my meaning and worth should signify
The potential for the love I hold
Here alone at night

My dreams set free on the wing of a butterfly
In reality I constantly try to identify
Ever searching on a lonely road
When will my happiness unfold?
Or will this pain and misery intensify?
Here alone at night

I'm Losing It

It's official, I am depressed.
I didn't recognize it at first.
I knew I was in a funk but I thought I could throw it.
I had an awesome time at the reading on Wednesday.
Left feeling very up and the next day everything crashed.
I have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and thought if I went out last night and danced a bit surround myself with people I wouldn't feel so lonely.
The entire time I was there I was on the verge of tears.
I remember this.
The last time this happened like this, I was not right for a long time.
I have several things to do today.
What I want to do is curl up in a dark room.
Maybe it's the real mid life crisis.
I don't know what they look like as this is my first one.
I feel old, unattractive and like I am destined to be alone.
I thought if I got it out I'd feel better.
I don't.
And I'm afraid that if I continue I'm going to electrocute myself.
Tears and technology not a good mix.
I can't let it grip me like last time.
Last time I scared myself.
And I don't scare so easy.

What Now?

You ever have that feeling where you think you just might lose your mind, up in here, up in here.
Welcome to my world. How many fucking times do you have to sign a get out of my life agreement before it sticks. I am feeling so pulled in so many directions I may have to scream.
I am tired of being pulled in many directions at once. My writing is my only release and it's getting angry again. No wonder people are intimidated by me, the angry shit I imagine makes me seem quit frightening. And I am sure readers and listeners are glad it's a poem and not a damn gun.


Much lighter note!
I did a television interview today for Connect With Kids Network.
Very cool, we talked or rather I talked about the role writing , poetry and the arts
plays in the lives of our youth. How without creative release, some of these kids get into real trouble. I think I sounded ok, and not like a babbling crackhead. I know my face broke out first thing this morning so I may have looked like a crackhead. I guess we will find out one day soon. I'll let everyone know ( of course) when it airs.

looking out for me 

Can U Relate?

Can anybody relate to the high you feel after a performance?
I so need to be sleep now but it won't happen because I am high!
High on words and vibes, just high. The marguerita has absofuckinlutly nothing to do with it!
I have an interview in hours for fucking television and I can not sleep. I will probably look like a total crackhead tomorrow and my eyes won't close. Oh well, it will be what it will be/ Thank the cosmos or the goddess that Duncan informed s about tonight. May I get laid by some one disease free and see the other side.....soon. Trying to sleep now!
Look a picture of me watching my own back, from the erotic shoot.

Beat it!

So M J is innocent or found not guilty.
There is a difference.
Something is not quite right about this.
I don't know exactly what it is.
He is looking creepier by the day.
If he had been convicted he would have
taken himself out. I am sure about that.
And they had Manson's old digs set up for him.
Oh Darn!

Well, Well, Well

Okay, enough already! How intimidating can I be?
I'm going to let it go in a minute, maybe. I'm sure my harping on it
only further intimidates you. Done.

I am getting a weird kinda restless.
I feel like there is something else I am supposed to do.
Things are going well, but something is missing.
It's like I'm disconnected but plugged in. I'm wearing myself out.
Moving, moving, moving, like if I'm not doing something I'll forget what I'm supposed to be doing. Which is what? Feel my pain.

Well, enough of that!
I've got to get back in my own head.

Java Monkey was great tonight.
Kemi Bennings, very cool.
Lots of new readers and great words.
Next week the Java Monkey Anthology will be released and the readers will be from the anthology. Should be very cool.

Haiku thy name is bi@##@!

Why can't I write a fucking Haiku!? I mean it's simple write? (I did that on purpose, homonyms you know write, right... sense of humor please. Whitout that this post will only piss ewe or you off! Are you at least smiling?) Back to the rant!
Follow the damn formula and you get a goddamn poem out of it!
Shit, this process has knocked me down 4 steps of my twelve step stop the potty mouth program.
I keep this up and I'll be in the fucking basement. 5steps

What an exciting weekend of poetry, family and friends!
Java allways a good time. I e-mailed a lot of folks who actually showed up. I'm wearing them down. All a part of my plan to take over the world. Red Light was great! Very nice crowd lots of good poetry. I heard poems from folks I've been hanging out with lately and there were Kodak moments all over the joint! Hasan enjoyed Rupert so much I thought the himelick( why is that a fucking word that I spelled totally wrong. Shit 7 steps). Listening to funny poetry and eating wings not a good combo. Collin Kelley kicks ass!(8) I love his new stuff. If you didn't make then I guess you're going to have to wait till he feels like sharing. Just know that Rupert and I will be saying," Oh yes, we've heard this poem of Collin's, he's our pal!"
You Poetry junkies who don't go out to hear poetry have got to get off your ass! (9 steps, dammit, 10)
OK, I have calmed a bit.
So I will again attempt to strangle hold this Haiku bitch and show her who's the top!
(11, son of a .... 11 1/2)
Haiku Time.....

not a Holler Back Girl 

What???

What exactly is a Holler Back Girl?
I have heard many explanations of what it is, I am not convinced.
One explanation is that Gwen was called a cheerleader and insists that she is not one by making this song with banana cheer included. Having once been a cheerleader this doesn't sit well with me cause it means I may possibly be a Holler Back Girl and need a support group to stop being one.
The other is that it's a respond to the Holler back song and she will not respond to being hollered at or call your ass back cause some guy says so. I like this better because that means I am most certainly not a Holler Back Girl no support group or twelve step program needed.
What's your definition of a Holler Back Girl?

Hasan is here......Yeah!!!!!!!
I love my brother. My mom got the Lifetime Achievement Award last night and it was great.
I like the ideas of an award being functional. The award is a beautiful crystal looking fruit bowl. Talk about functionality. Have bowl, will fill it with fruit.
I have another dilemma.
I have been told that I am a bit intimidating.
What the hell does that mean?
Is being confident intimidating?
Is being somewhat secure intimidating?
Is being a dreadlocked African goddess intimidating?
If these things make me intimidating I have no defense and trying to meet people is going to be harder than I ever expected. Trying to get back into the dating scene is already a nightmare, and if I am going to be further hampered by my personality, I'm phucked.
See how I did that. I cursed without it being a four letter word. Cursing phonetically changed it.
This is step three in the in the twelve step program on how not to be a complete potty mouth.
Mom will be proud. Not sure what the other steps are as I am making this shit up as I go along.
Goddammit I said shit!
Back to step one....Admitting you have a problem!

She's Back!!!!!!

Yeah! Alice is back from South Africa!
She had a blast, and is very jet-lagged.
She shopped like a champ and brought back lots of loot.
MoDaSo will be in town at the same time. Such a rarity we should have scheduled a performance. But alas the world will just have to settle from a poetic assault from three directions. It's going to be great and I can't wait!!!!

I went to the room last night and watched what had to be the most god awful movie in the world. It was called Undertow or something. It should have been called Crap but it did succeed in sucking the energy out of us. Thank god for two dollar drink specials. I told Tasha she should return the movie to Blockbuster and demand an apology or kick someone's ass for labeling that dull ass, boring, bass ackwards, slow moving piece of crap as action packed thriller. Who ever gave it those alcollades was definitely a high octane crackhead. We did however enjoy the hell out of ourselves talking back to the screen. We shall make it a weekly event, Join us. There were only eight or ten folks there but we had a great time!

Summertime

I am finally starting to recover.
I have been running since before I went to New Orleans.
I've been dragging my buddy Melissa with me, poor girl
she has to get up in the mornings, not me!!
This is when it's hard for me.
I wake up in the summertime thinking ...Hey I could call so and so and we could go to the movies or out to brunch or something fun.
And they are at work.
So instead of inviting them at some point it will turn into a taunt.
I'll be like,"Hey, wanna go to this very exciting and cool thing happening in the middle of the day?"
And they'll be like," You Know I'm At Work!"
And I'll be like "Oh, yeah, sweetie I forgot. I'll think of you while having fun. Don't work to hard."
My friends will hate me by July!

My brother is coming this weekend!!! He arrives on Friday hopefully in time to make Collin's open mic at GA Tech Barnes and Nobles. Then there is a new place in Decatur, I have trouble remembering the name of it. Then on Saturday my mother gets the Lifetime Achievement Award. Then Sunday Java and Monday House of Poets with Collin Kelley as the featured poets. If you are not at this show, there are many things wrong with you!

Hey, anybody going to Nationals just to hang out? My friends Karen G. And Stacie B. Got me hotel accommodations ( with a king sized bed just in case I get lucky and laid) and my brother is getting my plane ticket. I can't wait! I have never been to an actual real life slam competition where folks from all over are represented. Can you imagine the words, words, words! IT JUST MIGHT BE POETRY HEAVEN!

Act Your Age

Theresa Davis

I figured it out!! Who says you can't teach an old goddess new tricks. So how does 40 look on me? Be honest, I will not use my goddess powers to smite you. I may singe but I never smite!
I've got lots and lots of things happening this month! I need to create a new web page. I need to begin with a simple free site that I can use and update easily. Any ideas?

Poetry

I love poetry.
No, I really love poetry.
Last night at Cliterati we did kareoke (spelled way wrong i'm sure, i love poetry not spelling)poetry.
I read a couple of my mom and dad's (Jikki) poetry. I also read a poem by Christine Hamm titled My Poetry. The funny thing is I started a poem called My Words almost a year ago and stopped because it got way silly. One line says
"My words have often been mistaken for laxatives cause I got so much shit to say"
I am going to have to dust that poem off and give it a go.
I met a very lovely lady who covered my poem Off-KilterWorld. She invited me to perform at a party next week.
Did I mention that I love Poetry!!!!

Hey why the fuck do the Amish need a Wal-Mart! (is that how Amish is spelled?)
Why aren't the Amish throwing horse shit at that establishment.
Why is Wal-mart the devil,
and why are the fucking prices so reasonable and they are always so well stocked.
Just say no!!!
Mayans just say no!!!
Amish just take your horse and buggy and ride into the sunset. just say no!!!!!

Recovering

New Orleans? The final frontier.
What fun, fun, fun!!
Bourbon Street is an olfactory nuisance, imagine a street that smell constantly of sweat, puke, alcohol and ass. No wonder folks start drinking there and just don't stop.
Heat, heat, and more heat. But it's not just the heat but the humidity.
I am having poetry withdrawal! Can't wait for Cliterati tonight. I have no idea what I will do
but I will do it.
I will speak more about NO, later. Wanted to blog last night but the alcohol poisoning interfered with that plan greatly. I strayed from my friend beer, and got suckered into Long Island Ice Teas, there's no tea in there, especially when your bartender says oops while pouring the stongest liquors. Beer, I will never forsake you again, forgive me!!! Long Live Corona

It's Almost Over!!!!!

Only two more days of school. And it won't be a two days too soon!
I love my class, but they are leaving their mark on my locks.
Gray everywhere, no wonder I'm not getting laid. I look like someone's granny.
We had our graduation today and can I just say, middle schoolers in general are a surley crew. They were all stoic and Goth at the same time, just nutty. I am already in next year mode. Redecorating my class in my head and planning. I love my fucking job!!
I think I should take up racing cause all I seem to be doing lately is running.
This week end I'll be running to New Orleans!!!!!
My birthday is next week the big 40!
I got carded the other day and the guy looked at me and asked me if
I was sure the dates were right, lot of guys flirting with me lately...Creepy,
I said now wouldn't I be a dumb fuck if I made my fake ID say I was 40 when 21 would do it.
He grinned and asked for my phone number.
I told him to go to time out 'cause I was old enough to be his goddamn mother.
He asked if a spanking came with that.
Twisted little crackhead, why are knuckleheads catching me in their highbeams.

I read at the cemetery....and it was tooooooooo cooooooool! I loved it!
Nothing like a captive audience! Hey Collin.?

Something very upsetting to me happened last week.
My nephew was working on Wizzer Pizzer ( @ 7 Stages, go see it NOW).
His mother asked me how the show was. I began rattling on about haw amazing
the work her son is doing and how the show was funny and the political
implications, religious crap to, and so on and so on.
Mind you he has been working on this show for more than five weeks,
so she should have know what the fucking show was about inside and out.
I wouldn't let my child work on a project that kept him out till all hours of the night and not
know what it was about. So, she takes my conversation twists it and pulls him from the project! Does she do this Monday when she faked interest noooooo?!
She waits till Thursday two hours before call and then she doesn't even make the call.
My name gets thrown in the mix like I believed it was inappropriate!
I could have kicked her ass. I did in my dreams and then I had to steer clear of her the next day( we work in the same building) so much so that I blew off a field trip because apparently,
I have completely lost the power to bullshit and my hypocrisy button is stuck on fuck you!
This is a post full of 4 letter words! Damn I gotta stop cursing.
Any who!
Rupert was great at Java Sunday night! The new poem went well and I sold two books and a CD( yeah gas money)! Poor Cherryl was s exhausted she ended up crashing on my couch! Twas' the week for women to run themselves crazy!!
My birthday is coming up!!! My mom's getting me a tattoo.....What you goin' get me?????????

The Call

So, I have had quite a week and weekend.

I may actually have to get over my
allergic reaction to exercise and workout.

Since my preferred form of exercise (sex) happens
too few times and too far between times.

But, I digress. So, between open mics, my mother's performance,

her after party, needing to hang out with Melissa,
getting my mom off to South Africa, opening night of

Wizzer Pizzer and their after party, having an encounter of my own,

very nice I might add.

I was moving every night, and drinking every night,

doing poetry every night in some way or form, Theresa was a beat,
tired, and satisfied woman. Then Sunday, Mother's Day, I get a call.
Now normally I don't get phone calls at home teenagers, you know.

Realizing it was my cell, looking at the caller ID, what the fuck were the only
words that would come out of my mouth. It was my father. My biological father.

It threw me.
This is a man I haven't talked to on purpose for years.

The last time I had to see him was at my brothers wedding.

He pulls me to the side, I was warned to play nice earlier,
and it was my brother's wedding, and the reception hadn't started

so technically showing my ass twice would be redundant although

enjoyable in a de ja vu kind of way, I listened to the lie.

See, the only thing he tells me turns out to be lies.
He expressed that he was worried about me , that I didn't even tell him

about my upcoming surgery(this was in December) and he loved me.

He had this tearful look in his eye and I didn't respond.

To do so would be trading lie for lie, a game I'm not willing to play.

His last words to me on the subject were, " I'm going to call and check on you."
It never happened and I didn't count on it because this is a man

who hasn't remember my birthday in almost 20 years. No big deal.
So he calls on mother's day and if you decide to continue the reading

of this long winded blog you will see why it bugged me.

I tend to not deal with things, or those who don't want to deal with me.

Every once in a while I find myself in a situation where I'm trying to

save someone from themselves, but that shit never works. At Java, my head was full.

The call was fucking with me and I couldn't put my finger or my emotions on it.

When I got home I tried to think of my childhood with my father.

I have no memory of him before age eleven. Some friends think I am suppressing

a lot of shit, and they are definitely right. Let us pray that when I unsuppress (which I'm not sure is a word) that I am to old to pull the trigger and the shoppers of Piggly Wiggly will remain safe.
Here it is. I am going to perform it at the cemetery on Wednesday night, Collin Kelly is hosting an open mic there. I think it's just the right setting. Since I've kept this buried so long, it felt good to get it out. When I droped my poem it change the quotations, and apostrophe's to boxes. What the hell is that! I was going to fix it, but...NO!
Work it out!


May 8th 2005
My Sister's Birthday/ Mother's Day/ And My Last and Only Memory of My Father
© Theresa Davis 2005

"Happy Birthday to you!"
"Uh.........."
"Happy birthday to you!"
"Wait........"
“Happy birthday my sweet baby girl!”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“Hello?”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“Shawnta?”
“No, Theresa, your other daughter
Whose birthday is not today.”
“Theresaaaah!”
“Yeah, that’s me the other daughter
And well it’s not my birthday
But it does happen to be Mother’s Day
If you want to sing a few bars of that song.”
“Hey, baby I been meaning to call you.”
A lie, how unexpected
“Yeah…uh.”
“Yeah, how you doing”?
“I’m fine.”
“Good, good.”
“I just don’t know how I got your numbers mixed up.
Let me try to find your sister and by the way …
Happy Mother’s Day.”

This phone call disturbs me at first
Then I become enraged
And it makes no sense
and I think I don’t care
But it’s not my fucking birthday
And it reminds me that he hasn’t
Remembered my fucking birthday
In what seems like forever
Or at least since that day
I don’t blame him from deleting me from his
Memory of family
The daughter who challenged his manhood
Left him fearful
Of the possibilities of me
The probability of me
The me who would not
Be controlled by him
See, me being the oldest of four
Me who learned at an early age
Exactly what bullshit
Smelled like
Walked like
Lied…….
I mean talked like
“You need to call your daddy”
My sister says to me every once in a while
Since my response never changes
It's become some twisted joke between us
“Call him what” I sometimes reply
In that smart ass way
That I’m told I do quite well
“Call him a … coward."
“A liar”
“The thief that stole my childhood memories
Of him before that day
And holds them hostage?”
Because I have no recollection of him before that day
“ I don’t have a daddy.” I sometimes reply
“My daddy died.”
She understands but only a little bit
Cause she was young
When it happened
The day he snapped and took
My memories of him as daddy away
Threw them away
Like mental garbage
The day I stood up to my biological donor
The day of my right of passage
A right not forged from ancestral beginnings
But urbanized cloaked in domestic violence
As much an oxy moron as friendly fucking fire
That day when he decided
My mother was to be his punching bag
As four children watched in horror he struck her
And the irony of this being Mother’s Day
Brings it back to me in a flood of anger
Sets my brow to frown
The only true memory of my father
Never again to be called daddy
A title he no longer deserves
Not in my heart or mind
No wonder he can’t remember my fucking birthday
Because something undoubtedly changed for him that day
The day he learned his daughter feared no man
Least of all her father
He hit her like she was a man
In full view of his children
Teaching them something
That my eleven year old mind refused to believe
Refused to accept that this was the action of a man
While my siblings cringed in fear
I stepped forward
“Don’t hit her again.”
My voice not quavering in my memory
He looked me in the eyes
His eyes
And I could have plucked them
His eyes
From my head to not see this picture
I think I would have
But then I would have never seen the look in his eyes
When I held the knife to his throat
Reminded him of my request with
“Don’t hit her again.”
First confusion danced in those eyes
He move as if to disarm me
The serrated edge fixed more
Tightly around his Adam’s apple
Fruit easy to slice
Old Gynsu commercial scrambling his reality
Then those eyes, his eyes transfixed registered fear
My eyes, his eyes, remained unblinking
“Call the police!”
I yelled to my brother who stood holding the others
Stuck in horror as though it were quicksand
“Call them!” I said
My eyes never left his eyes
As his eyes, my eyes, shifted in their sockets
He looking toward the door a possible exit
In hopes of fleeing this now tainted space
We all wanted to leave
But my brother couldn’t move
Trapped in the fear
I moved myself to face my brother
Serrated edges plotting a path
Around this used to be daddy's throat
I fixed him my brother with those eyes,
My eyes, my father’s eyes
“Hold the knife on him.” I said in away that would never
Be mistaken as a suggestion or a question
“Or bring me the phone!” my resolve stony
Something about my tone
Or maybe it was the eyes
It’s all in the eyes
My eyes
His eyes
Made him move my way
I fixed my eyes again on
His eyes my eyes on my father’s eyes
The man who no longer held the honor of being my dad
He beat it out of me
Just as sure as if he’d struck me instead of striking my mother
Just as sure as he called me to wish me happy birthday on a day that wasn’t mine
Just as sure as he was a coward and
Just as sure as I called him on it
Just as sure as I reminded him that
He would never lay a hand on my mother again
It's no wonder he's deleted me
I’ve deleted him
Because
No daddy of mine would teach this lesson to his children
No daddy of mine would force me to protect mine from mine
No daddy of mine would be led away by police
No daddy of mine would fear the love I have for my family
No daddy of mine would forget my fucking birthday
And it’s here
Still here
It’s all in the eyes

Damn Tired!!!

Okay, why are there so many
fucked up crazy people in the world?
Why?
Tell me why?
Another stupid-ass,
pretends to be kidnapped!
What the fuck is that exactly,
and answer me this.?
If I pick up the telephone and call the police
to report a crime that is not actually happening,
will the cops not show up and arrest my black-ass?
Yes they will!
Rodney King style,
then they'd take some fucked up picture of me
looking like a prostitute crackhead
and play it on the news for a few days.
Ruin my reputation!
Why are folks deciding whether or not to press charges?
Did she commit a crime or not?
Deciding not to get married.
Not a crime.
Running away to get your head straight, and you're grown.
Not a crime.
Planning the get away for weeks.
Not a crime.
Calling in to the police department,
telling them that you have been kidnapped
and taken across state lines,
that it was a Hispanic male and a Caucasian woman,
that they cut your hair and put you in a blue van.
Hmmmm.... Yeah, that's a fucking priceless CRIME!
And I'm sorry if her skin had color any color,
It would not be up for discussion!!!
She might be a little crazy,
but we all know someone crazy in jail and
I bet if we really thought about it,
we'd have to admit
it's the best place for them.

And now she's got more shit to deal with.
Cause even though she faked an abduction,
ran across state lines,
to get away from the wedding.
He standing by his gal!
Dude did not get the picture and she might end
up marring him out of guilt.
She wasn't even smart enough,
to get engaged to a guy that would be smart enough,
to know when he's been dumped!
And because if she doesn't marry him she will be
regarded as the uncaring, crazy, stupid-ass,
bitch, that if she had the balls to
JUST SAY NO,
HELL, NO, if that's what she was feeling,
and we wouldn't have to hear
about be apart of,
watch,
or even feel the need to blog this shit.
* helpful hint***
This shit has been tried before.
They didn't get away with it either.
Did you Audrey?
Grow a fucking backbone and deal with your shit.
If you're crazy write that shit down and
become a tortured artist type and attract cute
people, who are interesting and fun,
who won't make you kidnap yourself.
Cause you're not good at it!
Get another hobby.
Kidnapping yourself.
Not working!
If you don't want to get married.
Don't
it's an evil institution,
you are better off not getting into it.
But should you find yourself there again.
Just kill yourself.
That way no fines, no apologies,
no TV coverage, no marriage!

I Did it!!

I finally did it! I have taken my first erotic photo shoot.
Not thinking of myself as a sexy motherfucker (as Prince would say), but
they look okay. Lot's of hair. That may actually be the only sexy trait I have.
And I have lots, and lots, and lots of hair.
I got more naked than I thought I would too.
Oh, well... You only live once, twice if you're Egyptian!
I can not believe how nervous and shy I felt.
My friends know how incredibly shy I am.
I barely speak above a whisper.
I don't swear, I don't drink, I don't smoke.
Goddammit, where's my bottle opener and ashtray!
No, seriously, I was so shy.... I am so shy.
More nakedness than intended, very tastefully done.
He took over 100 photos. Dang!!

Javaology

I went to Javaology last night.
It was very cool, coffee a bit expensive, but a nice spot.
The open mic is called The Womb Room.
The name made it a little weird to see all the guys their.
The name makes for a space that kids could come to. You have to keep it clean!
I can do that but sometimes a nicely place four letter word does the trick.
I was good.
The only four letter word that escaped was BUSH!
Now that's fucking profanity.
While there I ran into Lady, John Goode, Abyss and Cocktails.
Also this very nice gentleman drew a picture of me while I was performing.
It was very nice.
I like great open mics! I really like new ones. I should be doing one myself ( with Alice of course) very soon.
It's a great spot! Check it out !!!!!

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

So Mary Grabar has some definite ideas about Slam Poetry,
Java Monkey Speaks and the poets that read there.
Hold up,
Wait a minute,,,..
What's that you say..
She hasn't what?
Hasn't been......
Did I hear someone say she hasn't been there?
But her commentary it was so, so, ......
really fucking insane is what it was.
It's funny because she has no idea how many people she pissed off.
Or maybe she does and it's some twisted republican game ( I hear they are a kinky group).
She was worried and concerned about her favorite shrub being dissed
in an open mic setting,
wait no it was "the liberal setting"
she may as
well show up butt ass naked
(although I can't imagine wanting to see that),
slathered in butter,
with an apple in her mouth.
'Cause soups on and let the roasting begin.
So many of my friends are responding to the letter
and giving her hell.
Way to go fellow poets.
I have not mastered the art of response to letters that piss me off
without lots of colorful
un poetic, slammy like phrases like...
Stupid dumb fuck,
ignorant ass bitch,
and my favorite
goddamn republican crackhead motherfucker!
See none of these will get my letter of response printed
in the Loaf. So I leave it to you my level headed poetry kings and queens to write the response that makes my phrases eloquent.
An I will slam her ass on the stage!!!
And I'll be nice and include her boy Bush!!!!
I'm sure he's doing something fucked up oh.....right about now!

Festival A Success

What a week!!
I have been a running crazy women!
Some of you are thinking and that's different from what.
I understand the love...Thanks.

The Children's Festival was a great success.
It was probably the largest crowd yet. We had wonderful workshops and performances.
Next year however will bigger and more fabulous.
I am still in a bit of pain and it really confuses me.
I have lived to be almost 40 and get my first ear infection.
I know have guilt because if the pain I endured was even half of what they went through
I did not nearly enough to relieve their pain. Cause damn!
We'll talk more later!

The Pain

I have been in pain for about a week now.
It started dull and achy then sort of went away.
I have not slept since Friday. The pain is so excruciating
that I can barely control my expressions. So bad that hydrocodone,
800 Milligrams of ibuprophine, and a shot of tequila did nothing.
So now I have naproxen which helps but now I'm so overly tired
I can't relax. Makes me want to scream. I'll try to give you a heads
up before the psychotic episodes begin. But remember I'm sleep
deprived so no promises. The slam was interesting. I'm glad I participated.
There has got to be a way where it could be better.
Maybe bring out poets or someone who knows what they are listening to.
The old couple who were judges kept saying to each other what do you think, I don't know whatever.
Strange.
Two others were heard to say a participant wouldn't make it past the
second round before it started.
Sounds shady.
We will see how this team does.
See if nationals enjoy a nicely recycled Saul Williams piece.
I will let everyone know because.....I will be there!
There are so many things you can do that don't require you to be on a team.
I can't wait!
You can send more than one team from each state.
I'm thinking an all female team in 06'!!!
I know there is a way to do it.
Let's figure it out ladies!
I Love My Friends!!!!!
I bugged them about this and they came in droves.
37 people came to see me last night and it felt good to have them there.
I am loved!
They were all pissed!
I had to get them outside so some wouldn't cause a huge scene.
It was pretty funny!
They left in a flood after I bombed.
That also felt good.
They are loyal only to me.
I am special and not just on the short bus!
I am so glad this is over. Back to my open mics and features.
I have got two more pieces done. A writing maniac I tell ya!

Count Down to Slam

I have become obsessed.
It's like the time when I was in highschool when this
white girl told me there was no way I could be a
cheerleader. I had no desire to be a cheerleader, but because
that knucklehead said I couldn't I became cheerleader from hell
just so I could make the team become captain and kick her ass off.
Which I did, don't fuck with me.
The whole process took about two months.
I wonder if she learned her lesson.
Probably not.

The maiden voyage of the grill went well.
We were not however able to set up the kiddie pool. Z-man was very
upset by this. Next week I'll set it up and he can take a dip after school.
This spring break has gone by so fast that I want a do over.
It's not right. I think the time change should happen after spring break
to give us the illusion that we have more time.

Last night the poetry at Charis was incredible. I heard a lot of new poets that I'd never heard before. Sunday night will be awesome. I do realize that it is entirely possible that an all
male team could represent Georgia but let's all do our part to make sure that little nightmare doesn't happen. I learned my shit and I will do my best. I will go regardless, but it would be awesome to compete just cause I've never done it before, and it would be the perfect addition to my pre-mid life crises.

Curse of the Grill

Can I just say that Amanda Kail rocks and she is my shero!!!!!
And Phoenix Y Z is amazing!!!
We have such a great time, and Malika, Elliott, and Rachael helped to hold it down!!!
Can I let you all in on a little secret? Get closer....Closer......CLOSER......
Women Poets will one day soon RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't tell anyone I so enjoy the look of surprise on the faces of the dominated.
I crack myself up.
So the new Lowe's in Little 5......SUCKS a lot.
No one there knows what the fuck they are doing.
It's like watching the learning challenged channel.
They called me to tell me my grill was ready at 1 o'clock.
I said I'd be there at 2. So why did I have to wait an additional 45 minutes
to get the damn thing and it was shaky.
They kept walking around like they had no idea where
the grill could be and like they were lost. Kept asking each
other if it was a seasonal or outdoor item. I'm thinking it's an
outdoor item that I'd like to have before next season,
thank you very f*!!%ing much.
The the same chick who first helped me kept asking me
if she could help me. I'm like help me find my damn grill!
Then she wanted me to sign something that said I received
what they couldn't f$&*ing find.
When I looked at her like she was the nut she is, she said "Oh, don't worry we gonna find it and the you won't have to wait to sign this form then."
Yes, I fought the urge no the desire to slap her silly but damn.
And people wonder why I curse!
I know they are new but it would be nice if the employees knew what the hell they were doing.
I tightened up the grill and tomorrow some carcass will be barbecued!!!!

The Countdown Begins

Wow
Wow and more Wow!!!

What a week. We are now on spring break and a much needed one at that.
Java Monkey rocked last night and now we are down to just 1 week till slam!!!
I am going to practice at House of Poets Slam tonight at Mulligans.
I am so ready to take another road trip!
Trying to get some poets together who want to do it!
You wanna hear something strange which also goes to prove my obsession with this slam shit. I dreamed poetry last night.
Freaky right?
But I fucking remembered my dream,
and now I know the shortened version of Chance Encounter.
I timed it this morning, just under three minutes,
I also memorized three other poems the same way and wrote a new one.
I am a freak of fucking poetic nature.
But don't hate!
Poetry through sleep deprivation....... It just could work!
I am also counting down my Birthday!
Can't decide on a performance night party with drums and poetry and music or a drunken orgy party. Both have the strong points but what a decision I have to make.
I really hope my students have stopped reading my page.
I told them it's where I vent which means the occasional explosion of profanity.

I made Zion take medicine last night which he was none to pleased about. He woke up coughing this morning and said " Mom! I told you medicine don't work, and I was right. I don't ever want to take medicine again." By the time I faced him to respond he was snoring. Bossy little sleep talker.
Must go buy grill! Lowe's had a cool one for 99 bucks.
I want to invite some folks over to practice with and drink beer
and grill the carcass of some animal smeared in bbq sauce.
Now doesn't that sound yum?!