Freedom

Join me for a drink to toast my official freedom!
It's about goddamn time!!!

The Brewhouse October 25th @ 9pm!!!!!!
If you can make it please do, The home of The Big Ass Beer, cause this is a Big Ass Deal!
Hope to see you there!!!!!
Theresa Davis
Single woman

OH MY GODDESS

My whole class is suffering from some kind of adolescent reflux crossed with kiddy alsheimer, add a touch of rainman. Definitely, definitely strange. They just keep yelling out random crazy shit. I have no idea what they are saying. One actually had the nerve to answer his cell phone during a math lesson. I came so close to cursing.
instead I said
"Do you have a problem?"
" I thought it was my dad?"
"why would your dad call you at school?"
"his car might have broken down?"
"what kind of sense does that make? If it did break down what could you do?"
"he could pick me up and I could help him." (in a whinning voice)
" are you injured?"
"huh"
"are you injured? Did you hit your head or ingest some mind numbing substance?"
"huh"
"if your dad's car broke down how could he come to pick you up? And what mechanical skills do you have that would make your help more important than say.... A mechanic?"
"huh"
"answer the phone again in school and it becomes an archeological artifact buried in the bottom of my desk never to be found again."
"huh"
the entire class,"TURN OFF THE PHONE, STUPID!"
"Huh"
Never a dull moment in middle school.

What's Going on!!?

Pirate Pic

I made a damn good PIRATE if I do say so myself!
We couldn't plunder on an empty gullet....arrrr So we cast off to Steak a Shake me harty!

Emergency Room

This is an oxy moron.
I know I should have gone to the emergency room this morning, but my kids were spent and I didn't think it was that bad. Daylight showed something different. I let the kids sleep in. I told them to get there when they were rested. I went to class.
I know I am stubborn.
I know I should have gone to the doctor right away.
I also know that I take my responsibilities very seriously and my class, is mine.
I didn't want to try to arrange a sub, freak them out because they know I don't miss school. Up until this year I only missed three days of school.
I was having a baby, and we were both in class on the fourth day.
I had a good time with my class today.
They made me realize how lucky I was.
When I told them what happened my favorite kid in the world,
that I didn't birth, was upset.
He said he was mad at me.
He was glad I saved my kids and home but he was mad and wondered why my arms and face weren't burned.
I hadn't thought of that.
They should have been.
The plastic was melting in my hands and the only reason I stepped on the hot plastic was because I had to turn my face away from the flames.
I am lucky. Possibly insane.
I was ok until the throbbing started.
Josh, my favorite, made me smile through all my pain.
He was being questioned by another student about why he was still in my class.
Josh decided when I was his fourth grade teacher he decided tha he needed to stay in my class another year.
His father said it was his decision, and when Josh decides something that's it.
When Josh wouldn't answer him the kid asked me.
I said it was because Josh loved me and felt he needed more time to learn in my class.
I told him I was honored by his decision and it has made me a better teacher.
Josh blushed a rainbow.
Made me smile.
Later I wanted to take an aspirin and asked Josh to go to the Highschool and get me a soda from the machine. He asked if he could get himself one.
I said yes.
There is a rule about using the machines and when the other students saw he had one they started complaining.
"Why does he get to get a soda and we can't," they demanded. The largest protestor a Vegan who doesn't even drink soda.
Josh slammed his soda on the table and said, " Because she LOVES me more than you!"
The soda coming from my nose took my mind off the pain and the aspirin, and the stunned silence of my class, cracked my shit up.
Later on one asked," You love us all, right?"
"Yes," I said.
Josh explained to them that of course I would say that,"Theresa is a nice person, she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but don't get it confused," he said.
The phrase I have been trying to teach him is "Don't get it twisted".
He says you should say what you mean, I say it's less funny that way. I still have a few months to work on him.
I said "Josh, I do care about everybody in this class, you know that."
He nodded, and winked at me when the class looked away.
He is a great kid.
This is a long one.
Soon after that the pain was too much. I announced that I had to go to the emergency room.
Just then my mother came in and yelled at me to take my asbutt (that's what yo say when you realize that you are about to curse in front of a bunch of kids) to the emergency room.
I said OK I'm going.
When she left the kids remarked that it was cool the way I made her think it was her idea, and realized that even when they are grown their parents may still yell at them.
I waited two hours before they saw me.
I waited in a room for another hour before the doctor came in.
I waited some more while she ordered a Tetanus shot.
Can I just say that is a painful shot and she was trying to give it to me in the fresh ink.
And it hurts like hell! For days!
Then she cut the blister drained it and dressed the wound.
Gave me an ugly shoe and crutches.
What she did took about 10 minutes.
I wonder if I was bleeding they would have seen me sooner?
I think all this stuff is happening to send me a message, it's not don't write, my hands are fine, it's not don't talk, my face wasn't burned. It's sit your ass down, because now walking is painful.
I was supposed to do a lot of things this weekend.
I am sorry but I can't.
My goddess is telling me to sit my ass down and when my goddess speaks I listen..... Well sometimes, she knows I'm hardheaded.
Please come out to HOUSE OF POETS on Monday Gypsee-Yo will feature and I should have several new pieces. But I do have groovy pain killers so they may not make much sense.
They are kicking in right now, It's almost nighty-night time......quick someone come tuck me in!

Fire

I am not sure what's happening in the cosmos.
I am not sure why so many potentially dangerous things have moved into my circle.
I am not sure why at 4:00 this morning when the fan in my daughters messy bedroom caught on fire, we weren't all killed. Except for maybe it wasn't our time.
I stepped barefoot, as I carried the flaming fan to the bathroom, on melted plastic and metal. My foot is burned really bad.
It won't all come off.
I suppose a doctor's visit is in order.
A very deep limp.
It really hurts, I really want to cry, but I think my kids have been freaked out enough.

Hindsight

I think I was targeted last night.
I have no real proof, but in hindsight and taking into account all the e-mails received telling about the ways women are tricked into victimhood, I believe I was targeted. Unfortunately for the asshole or assholes ( don't want to leave any of them out), I am an unusually pissed off, black woman, when the air is deliberately let out of my tires because it appeared I was alone and the only car in the lot. Before Melissa and I got to my car some dude was approaching asking if I needed help, before the flat became apparent to me.
How the fuck did he know I needed help?
I know what I believe.
What would have happened if I were alone?
Would there be a news report of a missing goddess with a bad ass tattoo,
or some dude with his ass royally kicked
and the only reason I got caught was because
I had to wait for the cops to help me remove my foot from his ass?
I have had some bizarre shit happen to me in the last couple of weeks

• My daughter was reunited with the father she's never know, who is also displaced by Katrina.

• I was ripped off at a church. Instant get into heaven card. Can I get an AMEN?

• Some idiot dude sits at a table with me (uninvited) where he tells me he is sure that I am to be the mother of his children, even though I explain in detail my hysterectomy and assure him that in this space and time men don't interest me in the least. I gave him someone's phone number to make him leave....hope it wasn't yours:-0

• I almost experienced death by port a potty, a surely shitty way to go!

• Then the air is mysteriously let out of my tire

I believe I shall plat lotto tomorrow and see what happens!

INK

So, it's done!
I have finished the list I created for myself as I approached my 40th birthday!
Ink!
I have decided through a pemanenet display on my person to accept my alter ego, Sister Seuss.
Ink!
So I had this dream the other night, I was creating a line of journals and my new book of poetry all a Sister Seuss Production. I talked to my ace, my buddy, my good friend Cindy. I told her what the tattoo was to look like and she drew it.
Perfection!
Just what I wanted.
Ink!
All day I anticipated getting my tattoo.
I was a fucking nervous wreck!
Melissa, my partner in most crimes, was on board,
because I am a wimp,
and would be in need of some Jet I form of support.
Who ever told you that it doesn't hurt,
whoever told you that it's a good kind of pain,
whoever said oh it's no big deal in that nonchalant way...
Whoever they were,
they fucking lied to you!
It hurt like a mother fucker!
My impulse to scream was only drowned out by the fact that during the pain
I was not breathing,
trying to keep the profanity under control,
which produced tiny,
sparkling stars....
A sure sign that I was about to pass the fuck out!
I did not pass out, but I did, with the help of Melissa, drink two pitchers of beer after.
Much needed in light of the fact that I felt so loopy after.
Adrenalin,
my ass,
pain, pure and simple!
I experienced ink, I don't think I will ever do that shit again!
But now I must take another photo shoot!
Naked with the tattoo!
Yes, this must happen as soon as this bitch heals, OUCH!!!!!!

Summer Promises

I am having a silent fit!
OK, it's not so silent, but it is very much a fucking fit!
I made promises to myself this summer,
Take erotic photo shoot, check
have a one night stand, check
Go to new Orleans, check
do at least two gigs out of town, check
go to the national poetry slam, check
try to maintain a certain level of cool,
okay so on this one I might be fucking up a bit,
my frustration levels are causing me to be a bit more bitchier than usual,
for I am a sexual being having no sex,
and let's face it the world is fucked up,
so uncoolness via,natural disaster
or associating with those who call your bitch demons to the surface don't count right?
So, check
tattoo.................................................
Did you notice there was no check!
Here it is the first day of Fall and there is no tattoo!
Not on my arm or on my ass, and I am not happy!
I want to go out tomorrow and get my damn tattoo!
Who's with me!!

Oh, by the by, today is National Ice Cream Cone Day!
Go out get a scoop and give yourself a big ole hug from me!!!!!

Talk Like a Pirate

Arrrrrrrrg!
Yes it is International Talk Like a Pirate Day!
And yes, I dressed and talked like a pirate all day,
and my class was great.
Yes, sure most of them were embarrassed as my pirate attire was very over the top.
Including the facial hair I added.
We plundered through Target, then off to The Pirate's Cove to face Blackbeard's Challenge.

Who knew they would be so bad at miniature golf.
It took a bit longer for some, and many balls ended up in the water.
I was thoroughly entertained.
It's all a part of my educational scheme, where I tie in my themes:
Hispanic Heritage Month ( a week was not fucking nearly enough)
Then a glimpse of Piracy,
so when Columbus Day rolls around we can discuss the greatest and most ruthless pirate celebrated in America ( aside from the one currently in office),
then I show the effects of the European Explorers on the Hispanic regions of North and South America. That takes me to November where I can then talk about how the Native Americans were devastated by the same Encounters!!!!!
If our children don't learn their history, they will repeat it!!!
You know when I started doing the poetry thing,
I ran up on people who strongly disagree with my opinions,
but couldn't quite put it into words the parts I got wrong.
Just want to tell me I'm not looking at the situation right.
I have no vision problems when it comes to bullshit.
Idiot people who react to what I say as if it were the gospel truth.
These same folks are offended that I am a teacher.
They say education is not political................................fucking idiot freaks!!!
Of course education is political.
I bought a shirt today that kinda sums up my feelings on the subject of people who can't sort opinion from fact and even write that
"parents should opose me being a teacher"
That's right the dickhead spelled oppose wrong.
Guess it's because his teacher didn't think the educational system in this country is political. Well, I would have at least taught him to spell...
My shirt says," Never underestimate stupid people in large groups".
Which is probably what folks were saying when my class stepped out as pirates today.?
I'd rather think they were saying to themselves," What a cool ass teacher! I wish I were back in school so she could be my teacher!"
Yes, that's totally what they were saying!!!!!
You know it's true!

Poetic Exorcism

Up all night in and our of dreams, consisting of words.
Rough stuff, and yes I look crazy after only 3 hours of sleep.
Walking into a middle school classroom sleep deprived
gives them an edge that you wouldn't believe.
Working this morning the banter a little louder than usual
didn't really register, until it sounded like they were screaming at each other.
So I had to pull the Mad Insane Teacher Card,
and outshout them into silence.
I am not firing on all thrusters.
But I wrestled the two new poems out of me last night.
A kind of poetic exorcism.
Sounds painful doesn't it.
Both pieces are so squishy, not my normal shit.
Oh well, it is what it is.
Here's one:



Unlit
© Theresa Davis 9/2005


A candle sits on my bedside table
And I want to strike a match
To kiss the wick
To watch the flicker
The glow
Nothing moves as beautifully
As flame dancing
But
Unlit it remains
I've owned it for almost a year
Earth toned inspiration
Waiting to be realized
Waiting for a spark from me
But it remains unlit
You see, I have this five-year old
He's this amazing man-child
Who reminds me of me
Smart, funny, a little twisted
He comes by it honestly
But he has been conditioned
Conditioned to believe
That a lit candle means
A party
A birthday party to be exact
And no matter the month
The birthday must be his
So in good conscious
I can't light it
I'm a mom
I mean, imagine the guilt
If lit and blown out
When the smoke clears
There is no cake

But in my mind
I light the candle
Every time hardship comes
It's lit
The flame flickers in my minds eye
Offering up a blessing
Of peace,
Of hope
In my mind I watch the flames
The glow inspires me
My inspiration feeds the flame
And in my mind it glows
Restoration
Even though it remains unlit
It brings me comfort
Brand new it sits
On my bedside table
Rotund it bears 3 wicks
Fearing yet awaiting flames

In my heart I light one
Whispering a prayer for those in need
Basking in the glow of potential joy

I light another
In the glimmer I find myself
Looking forward to better days
Looking forward to the future

I light the third
In it's illumination
I murmur a secret wish
A simple wish that bring a smile to my face
And then a hope as I breathe in
That when I blow out the flames
There will be cake

Tattoo

I am now very anxious to get my tattoo.
Been thinking about it all day.
I think next week end maybe.
I am a total pussy when it comes to pain, so if you want to come see me cry like a baby, please do.
This poem has been haunting me.
I dream it vividly and can only retrieve snatches of it when I wake.
The recurring line is I Know,
and it rhymes then breaks over and over again.
Like it wants to follow some form and then break ranks just for the fuck of it.
It's a rowdy little poem.........


Teasing my tongue,
whispered in the dark
caressing me like a lover
under the cover of night
touching me deeply
leaving only slight impressions on my skin
in my mind
waking twisted sheets hold me down
it looks like we made love again last night
and again
fading memories
of sweet nothings in my ear
the words on my lips
like the goodbye kiss you never give me
as you fade into morning


She's a sexy little poem as well.

I'm feeling this

I tried to put one of those moving pictures on here but it didn't work.
More to come after Writing, then spelling, then math.....dang!

Sixth Sense

You know I went through most of the day yesterday not registering that it was September 11th. I didn't realize it last night until Java Monkey. I decided to do Warning Signs because it speaks directly to that day. Two poets before I was to read my friend Cindy called.
Cindy is great!
She's one of those people who make you smile.
I can feel like crap, but she greets me every work morning with a tone in her voice that makes me feel light.
" Hey Theresa, how you doing?"
And I always smile and sometimes the answer is ,
"Did you say how or who I'm doing?"
Or " I had a fucked up evening. Thanks for asking."
Smiling the entire time.
She has a laugh that makes it all better, on my down days I find myself trying to be witty so her laughter will lift me up.
I'm totally using her.
We both benefit.
Any who.
She called me while I was at Java, and I answered it, something I try not to do while poets perform. It felt urgent that I talk to her, because it was 9/11.
Cindy's brother Vernon Cherry, was a New York Firefighter.
He was one of the first firefighters who entered the Towers, and was one of the last bodies they found the following May.
It's unfortunate, but Cindy and I share a lot of loss.

On 9/11, when the first plane struck, we were on our way to a memorial service for a student we both loved who was killed in a senseless car accident. We lost three students that year.

Then in November or boss Dr. Lorraine Wilson passed away.

After her brother's body was recovered, her mother passed away.

The following spring, my father.

But with all that loss, we, she and I, have found a friendship that is solid and strong.
She knows I will bend over backwards, drop everything if she needs anything. And I know she'd do the same. I have truly been blessed to find myself surrounded by people who inspire me and love me, unconditionally. She's late to work today and I sit here at my desk trying to think of something to make her smile, because I know the first thing she will do is say, " Hey Theresa, how you doing?"
And I'll get to tell her how I've been thinking about her.
Of course I'll figure out a way to make it sound dirty.
She will smile give me a blushing giggle.
I will smile because her presence demands it,
and we will both have an excellent day!
All because of my dirty mind, and her infectious laughter!
What a great combo!

draggin' my ass

i will not be using capital letter and my punctuation may be sketchy my spelling will in some cases be wrong because the u and p keys on my comter, computer stick from time to time.
i can not get my shit together,
it's like i'm moving through jello all slow and slower.
i don't seem to have any energy and it occurs to me that a doctor's visit may be in order.
i drank an energy drink the other day and was knocked out to the point of drooling 30 minutes later,
that would be the opposite of energy.
still feeling helpless and unmotivated wanting to help all those displaced but not really knowing how.
i am doing some benefits but it hardly seems enough.i wish i were a mega church, not so much the god thing but the money thing,
hey have they stepped up yet?
the dollars and the longs?
can i vent a minute?
of course i can,
it's my blog and i can bitch if i want to.
bitch if i want to,
bitch if i want to,
you would bitch to if this happened to you!
that made me grin,
so i went to uhaul to rent a storage space and the peson who was helping me....
i guess we could call it that,
drug this 30 minute process out to an hour and a half.
i was transfixed by her lack of everything.
i watched her like one would watch maybe a car crash just morbid curiosity seeing how long this would take and how she managed to look efficient while not accomplishing much.
it was surreal, between the gold donning most of her front teeth,
the nails that threatened to skewer me,
and the fact that her phone rang no less than seven times while she was not helping me,
by helping me.
the ring tone some obnoxious rap tune calling me a hoe,
seven times,
which she answered everytime telling me after every call that if it wasn't important she wouldn't have taken the call. when what i could deduce from the one side of the conversation was the where and what club would be hopping seemed to be the topic.
i love a party scene as much as the next gal,
so she was right it was very important.
i would feel bad if my acquiring a storage unit from her at work
interfered with her party plans after work.
i tried not to look confused, and couldn't,
which she took as me not understanding as she slowed her speech and talked louder
i almost laughed (it would have been an insane laugh)
as i signed my possessions soul over to the uhaul underlord.
my entire week seems as strange as that moment.
i did hear some awesome poetry at cliterati
and collin rocks my world.
madeline will set java's ears on fire.
i've taken to being reserved in my reading so much so that i didn't even recognize my own words, i've got to not do that in the future.
i have not felt this sensitive in like forever.
sex.
that's what i need,
and not the battery operated kind.
sadly i'm not even motivated to meet people,
and how are you going to sleep with them if you don't meet them.
no one's interested any way.
i've turned into this boring old person.
it had to happen.
okay i'm watchin my daughter play the willie wonka ps2 game. and insane squirrels are attacking her character and it is fucking funny. she's screaming "rabid squirrel" and "get him off, get him off". a good cleansing laugh, that felt good.... there she goes again...haaahaaahaaa
check ot my lame ass web site and please offer up suggestions.
also if someone would like to write a bio for me that would be cool, when i talk abot myself i sound stid, stuid, stupid, shit...see what i mean.

An attempt to clear my head

I have been on the verge of tears for days. Knowing you live in a society deeply rooted in racism, inhumanity and short-sightedness, somehow doesn't prepare you to stare it in the face. I am sickened by the language used, by the lack of respect and leadership. Our government doesn't have our back, and our security doesn't exist in this homeland. I visited New Orleans this summer, I turned 40 in New Orleans! It will be forever changed. The following is an attempt to clear my thoughts, although, true clarity and understanding may never be gained.

Water
Theresa Davis © 2005

Water, water everywhere But not a drop to drink,
Not pure enough to make you holy
But real enough to make you think
Not clean enough to quench your thirst
Falling tears make levels rise
As those perched safely on dry land
Morn the many who have died

Flooding emotions make my head spin
As I dog paddle towards the air pockets in my mind
That don't exist
This drowning sensation that presses On my lungs
as I Choking on fear, on sorrow
And my lack of understanding of how
I could be drowning without the presence of
Water

Trickling through my fingers
I stand before a mirror
My reflection not quite right
Tortured expressions that can't be washed away with the
Water
I use to Wash away the tears
it seems redundant
Seems wasteful
Seems wrong
And I'm afraid that it won't work
I saw you in May for the first time
Because I wanted to know your face
The road I traveled
Gone,
In the aftermath of Katrina's fury
Sanctioned by Mother Nature
And those who could have prevented chaos, death, desperation
The road I traveled
Washed clear
As clear as the liquid flowing through my splayed fingers
Water

This element
This necessary libation
That can take on many forms
This wonder of nature
That sustains Gives birth to new generations
More of it in our bodies
Than the blood that flows through our veins
Like
Water
Everywhere
But not a drop to drink
Not pure enough to make you holy
But real enough to make you think
Not clean enough to quench you thirst
Falling tears make levels rise
As we perched safely on dry land
Morn the many who have died
And the many who will need us
as they struggle to survive

Insanity

I can not stop thinking about how unsecured we are in our new state of so called Homeland Security. And this dumb ass quote from the head dumb ass boggles my mind.

"I'm not looking forward to this trip," Bush said as he toured Alabama and Mississippi and headed for Louisiana. "It's as if the entire Gulf Coast were obliterated by the worst kind of weapon you can imagine," he said.

I'm sure American citizens weren't looking forward to this tripped out scenario,
and you didn't have to imagine this disaster,
you were told.
Maybe if someone had drawn a picture and labeled it so you could understand it,
you would have understood that the facts were the facts and not a fucking suggestion.
When you get the information then you begin long-term planning time not after.
Duh, I mean Dubya.

I wonder what the spin will be?
Who will have to take the blame for this?
How many times can "we didn't know?" and "help is on the way" be acceptable answer from the powers that be?
Is Osama behind it? Well I'm sure he'll be connected.
The eighteen year old young man who borrowed (not looted) a bus to save people, may be prosecuted? Where the fuck are we?
Did we just land in the Twilight Zone or were we here to begin with?
How long did it take relief efforts to get to Bushland Florida? Was the storm even off the radar before help was administered?
Again black people wading in the waters.
This time to be freed from fear, death, starvation, and the short sighted stupidity, that is the signs of our times. Racism is not and has never been dead, It lives well, shoe shopping and chocking on pretzels in the White House.
Thinking about the idea of troops, fresh from Iraq, firing on Americans thrown into desperation from their own government frightens me.
Will New Orleans become the new battle ground?
Will we have Soldiers shooting poor, frightened, panicked, civilians that shouldn't be there?
People who don't earn much money but still pay taxes?
People who have watched bodies floating in water and dying on the streets?
Can you imagine the trauma?
Scary.
Very Scary.

American Refugees

American Refugees in America. Never thought I'd see the day.
This is a situation that should never have happenend. We were lulled into believing that disasters in America come in the form of planes crashing into buildings or weapons of mass destruction that may or may not exist.
Mother nature is pissed.
And seems to be purging.
Does anybody else think that this extreme weather hads gotten worst over the last two years?
Could there be a correlation to the bombs being dropped daily?
Can the earth withstand constant bombardment and it not throw something off balance?
Where do the fumes go?

Listening to the news this morning watching the images of babies barely conscious is truly frightening. Learning that all those budget cuts ( some designated to fix the or prevent the flooding problem) went to do more worthwhile things like?????
Why five days into this are people still there? Where are the fucking rock stars singing their songs of relief?
Where are the big businesses so willing to provide assistance to other nations at the drop of a hat? Dubya planning to go and what?
Tell these people what lie?
It's much easier to lie about what the fuck you are or are not doing in another country, not so much when the devastation is sitting in your backyard!
People are desperate, he will need lots of protection.
I don't think they want to be talked to they want action.

Finders, Looters!!

I was sent an e-mail today with pictures of people wading in the flood water of NO.
The first picture is a black woman.
The captions read " woman wading after looting from a grocery store".
The other picture is a white woman.
Caption reads " woman wades after finding bread and soda in a grocery store".

And it warms my fucking heart to know that with all this devastation,
all this loss,
all this mayhem,
that racism is alive and well in America's media.
It boggles my mind how fucking stupid some people can be.
It makes me wonder about a lot of thing though........
Like, did Dubya find himself a new presidency or did the bastard loot the election?

I can not tell you how fun it was watching the pandemonium at the pumps?
Do people not realize that panic in the populous is like a calling card for gouging?
In a three block radius the price of gas yesterday ranged from $2.89 to 3.79.
Then on the very edge one gashole was charging $4.89.
Can you say CRACKHEAD ?
I think his reasoning was that folks will get tired of the line
and come on over for expensive crap gas.
He had about 8 customers, so I guess it worked.
Not on me though!
I mosied ( how the hell do you spell that word)!
I sauntered my ass over to the QT.
Hard to saunter in a car but I do it well.
There are two entrances.
One sported a line.
The other did not.
I chose the side that did not.
Drove right up to the pumped and watched as the folks in line had blocked it up so
bad that they couldn't get around to the other side where 5 folks fueled up and left in the time I was there. I think people heard that there were lines, so folks would have been disappointed if they weren't in a line.
The line helped to make the panic real and keep the stress high.
Would give them some nice coversation of FUEL RAGE,
as they shelled out over $100 bucks to fill up the ol Suburban.
Interesting.
Don't you think?
Having gone to NO for the first time this summer, the images are hard to believe.
To actually see places I visited, or ate at under water.
Very surreal.
I wonder if the war will let up so some of those funds can be used to help the victims in this war with nature we seem to find ourselves in.
Between Hurricanes, and people being trampled on bridges, a lot of people died this week.
Many didn't have to.
I need to go read and write poetry to clear my fucking head.
I'll try not to loot any beer at the bar. But if I just find it....it'll be okay....right America?

Pat's on Crack!!!

Why can Pat Robertson wish a political leader dead on National TV and I can't?
Why can he plead to a group of churchy type folks to help bring about this leaders demise and I can't encourage my activist friends in the same way by the same means?
I'm sorry not demise he wants them to "Take Out" this leader?
Is it because I'm not a member of the 700,
holier than thou,
bass ackwards,
closet racist,
but not far enough in the closet that we don't notice club.
I'm sorry what he said to me is the equivalent of a terroristic threat!
I guarantee if one of us
( heathen assholes that we are)
went on national TV and said
"Someone needs to take OUT Pat with a George on the side,"
The FBI and the CIA not to mention the homeland security dicks would be so far up your ass you'd be shitting political bullshit for the rest of your life!
So here's what we need to do.
We need to join the 700 Club!
Then we need to become a Holier than Thou, Heathenistic Assholes.
Then we can threaten who ever the fuck we want.
When we want (rightnow)!
Where we want ( on national TV)!
How we want ( dangling on God's sleeve) !
Sorry, I can't do it!
That's way to fucked up... even for me!
Pat you get the MO' FUCKED UP THAN BUSH AWARD!
It's a hard one to get, but you did it!!!!!

National Pictures

That has got to be the ugliest picture I've taken recently. I have taken some bad ones, I guess BUSH IS AN ASSHOLE POETY brings out the ugly in me.

National Poetry Slam
August 2005

Still Up!!!!

School has started back!
I love my new class,
of course we are still in the honeymoon stage
of the 180 day marriage so things could change.
5 boys and 5 girls a nice even mix.
I have just finished with the best summer of my life.
No romance but,
what's love got to do with it.
I traveled,
turned forty,
did all the things I wanted to do and more!
The only things left is to dye my hair.
I can't decide whether to dye it all black to hide the gray, or just do the tips.
The other thing is my tattoo.
I must do this. I
will do this.
I will do this soon.
I will try to do this next weekend!
The show at Theatrical Outfit,
Awakenings,
was amazing.
The experience alone was worth trying this new thing!
People really likes the fusion of dance and spoken word.
Warning Signs was incredibly intense, the dancers equally intense and magnificent!
I can not wait for another opportunity to another project like this.
If you want to check out a clip of the rehearsal of the other piece "Thief" check it out here http://www.fluid-mosaic.com/theresa.html .
I should be getting the other video soon and I will share because it was very exciting!
The IRS came through for me.
Again!
How often can those word be spoken?
I have received something from them or state 4 times in the last two weeks,
and I wasn't killed or horribly disfigured by an insane car accident that happened right in front of me Friday night.
Guess I'm not done tearing shit up here on earth so I get to stay.
Art Amok, Kicks Ass! If you weren't there shame on you!
Don't be afraid to come hang out with the cool kids!
I came in second in the slam!
Then an entire bottle of wine became uncorked in the front seat of my car.
There was a puddle of wine in the florr, so now my car smells like it has a problem.
Sunday the final show at the Outfit was my best,
I have met so many cool people this summer,
I feel cool by proxy.
The the Monkey,
where I hit the wall,
The exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was almost drooling.
The waiter walking by and spilling a very cold liquid down my arm woke me up.
But not for long, I had to leave soon after I shared.
I know this is kind of rambling, but I can do that if I want!
Labry's is considering giving me two pages for poetry in the magazine, please submit poetry to www.poeticheart@labrysatl.com
Thanks!!!!!

First Week Back

My poetry high is finally dwindling. Only to be rekindled by the events of this week end!!!!
Art Amok @ 7 Stages this week end is going to be off the chain.
Saturday at the Stages there is a workshop on how to get published as well as an open mic, slam, Katz from Athens Boys Choir will be the feature Lily Lewis performing in the Cafe, and a whole lot more!!!!
Atlanta's second slam team will be forming from this series.
Also this weekend
Choreographer's Corner 2005
Awakening
August 19 - 21 2005
Theatrical Outfit 84 Luckie Street, Atlanta,Georgia 30303
Featuring new works by choreographers
Antonio Sisk, Lynorris Evans, Kikora Franklin and Dara Steven
sand the collaborative works of Choreographer Dawn Axam,
with Spoken Word Artist Theresa Davis
and Singer/ Songwriter Jahi Kearse.
Premering the much anticipated works of the Dawn Axam Theater Experience
www.geocities.com/axamte/index.html
Friday, August 19 @ 8pmSaturday, August 20 @ 3 & 8pmSunday, August 21 @ 3pm$20 Adults / $15 Children and Seniors

This show is mind-blowing and beautiful!
Hope to see you all out and about!

There Are No Mosquitoes In Albuquerque!

Blue skies, warm, dry air
Nationals rocked
and I wish you were there
every where you turned poetic words flowed
over 75 teams competing
who would win no one could know!
Oh My Deity!
Amazing! 75 Teams,
poetry everywhere!
They were all so kind and considerate...Up until the end but I'll get into that later.
The bouts were amazing. I was almost a sacrificial poet for Atlanta's bout until they found out I was from Atlanta. I told them I was from Earth, then John said hey and gave me a hug.
Then, as a volunteer mind you ,I was fired from that position,
and fired from time keeping because I was from Atlanta,
and again fired from score keeping because I was from Atlanta.
The idiot who fired the school teacher, who can add thank you very much, took on drunk score keepers. Poor Karen G she didn't lose her temper, but the word asshole came up when we recapped the evening.
The team from Del Ray had an incredible group peace that rocked! I was a judge for their bout and damn! And Hawaii Oh My Damn, they did a piece called The Americans Are Coming! Breathtaking and in your face!
They had several smaller readings ( still in front of anywhere from 50 the 150 folks) that I attended. My performance were very well received and even leaving for the air port folks were telling me how much they loved the Butterfly piece. I think it's a hit, I took it on the road and they liked it! They had Queer readings, African American readings, Grief and Remembrance, Geek Slam , and World Peace readings! There were many others that I didn't qualify for like, Hispanic Reading, Idigenous, and Asian to name a few! Amazing!!!!!!!!
ABQ won the Nationals.
In the runnings was, Fort Worth, Hollywood, Charlotte and ABQ.
Everybody was awesome.
The Guy from Hollywood did a piece where he took a line from every poet he performed with and every poem performed that night and worked it into this masterpiece, with the ending line " I may not be the best poet, but I am the best Listener!"
Incredible!
There was boooooing in the audience during the show.
I heard a lot of it and some was from Locals the others however were from other teams.
Now, In my opinion when you make anything a kinda spectator sport that kind of thing is par for the course. When Charlotte went to get their second place trophy, one of the poets took it upon herself to reprimand all of ABQ saying that they needed to teach their people some home training, because it was ABQ who was boooing the other poets. Mind you ABQ Team is on the stage waiting to get their first place. She ruined it for them in my opinion. Then to further protest she proceeded to take this completely defensive stand while one of ABQ youngest poets ( who was not allowed to compete) did her piece. She refused to leave the stage, when they finally got her off she yelled and screamed at people back stage, interrupting ABQ'S poet and their win in my opinion.
It all came out like sour grapes and ego.
My momma has always said," you can't walk up into someone else's house and tell them how to raise their children." It was embarrassing, everything was all good and great, the town was incredibly nice and the police looked the other way on so much illegal shit. She fucked up everybody's mood. The head organizer who worked his ass off and probably kissed a lot of ass had to apologize for her outburst. It was a truly fucked up ending to a beautiful thing!
Next year, I am so going to be there! And compete and manage to not be a bitch about anything so's I don't ruin it for others.

The whole time I was their not one mosquito, but those bastards were waiting for me at the airport!

Icing on the Cake

The good times just keep on rolling along.
The IRS came through.
How many times have you been able to say, Yea IRS!
I know me neither.
But, here it is.
My brother got me a flight to Albuquerque with sky miles for my Birthday.
My pals Karen G and Stacie got me a room, for my birthday.
All I had to do was worry about food, venue fees, and drinking, not necessarily in that order.
I was trying to juggle my car note and even asked my mom for money.
Who wants to do that?
I mean she's the coolest mom in the cosmos, but her interest rates could be like....Damn!
Not only was I able to pay my credit card to a zero balance,
I also paid all my doctor bills from my surgery,
all the household bills... Now sport a zero balance,
back to school clothes for the kiddies,
some swanky very inappropriate T-shirts for me,
new jeans ( as my ass is getting wider, and it's all because light beer sucks),
and I will have a no sweat time(except for the heat in NM).
And I can rest assured, and I think that my finances will not be hampered in the future by a deadbeat,
dad that is!
My oldest turns 17 next week and my 4 year old will turn 5, five days later.
I am diggin the upswing, and I do not take it for granted,
for I know that things can change,
in the blink of an eye!!!!
What an INCREDIBLE summer!
Thanks to all of you who made it possible!
I love you madly,
with icing and a cherry on top!
Now if I get laid on top of all this, I may explode!!!!!!
And I have a room by myself with a king size bed so.....It could happen?
So step back, I wouldn't want you to get any on ya.......That is unless you like that sort of thing?

If Loving This is Wrong I Don't Want to be Right

It seems wrong to be this happy.
I said at the beginning of the summer that if I couldn't cut it with this poetry thing,
that I'd have to give it considerably less of my time.
Cut back on everything and stick to the writing aspects.
Never in a million years could I have dreamed the summer I have had!
You get to a point in your life where you don't necessarily expect the worst but it happens.
It occurred to me tonight that I haven't been this happy with myself in a very long time.
My children are supportive and healthy,
and I am starting my 15th school year,
(mind you this is the only job I've had for more than two years),
My ex and Dubya are fucking up royally, but they make for great writing subjects,
I'm traveling,
and in the same week, I do my first internet radio interview,
I get my own poetry page in Labrys Magazine,
and Word Diversity collective Kicks Off!
In addition, a new dance company will premier and two of my poems are a part of the choreography,
I posed naked earlier this summer( with my fat ass),
and managed to make my mother proud at the same time!

And I can't help but think of Jikki!
I love and miss him so much,
and I know in my soul he's proud of me
and I am grateful,
that before he left this world physically
he gave me the verbal kick in the ass
I needed to realize and understand that
I got in the way of my own happiness,
that I deserve to be happy,
and that I am the only one who could do it for me.
He knew he couldn't hand it to me,
but he released me nonetheless.
Thank you, Jikki!
Now I have to go wash my face,
bawling like an idiot will only result in puffy eyes and a major headache.
I couldn't sleep through the thoughts swimming in my brain, now I think I can.
Good morning!

The Business of Words

I have had a very exciting summer! I have had all kinds of firsts.
And today I added another. This afternoon I met with Collin Kelley, who interviewed me for his internet radio show. Alice was interviewed as well and they will be available at the following times.
Leisure Talk Radio
The Business of Words
Theresa: Aug. 9 - Aug. 20 every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 10, 2 and 6 p.m. and a.m.
Alice: Aug. 23 - Sept. 4. Same days and times as above.
Check it out!!!!

Last night I finally had my 40th birthday celebration.
Not a big gathering but a very cool one.
About 10 of us including Malika and Dion!
And yes naked in the hot tub did happen those of you who missed it.....
I'd like to say too bad you missed an opportunity, but we all know that if there is a chance for me to get naked in a hot tub.... Well, color me naked!
I leave next week for New Mexico, I have no idea how or what to pack.
My next party hopefully will happen soon, and involve fire.

Wrinkles

i thought i was computer stupid.
turns out i am just computer special.
what i needed was collin to teach me how to do some shit on my blog.
i think my picture might actually show up now. and i learned how to link.
i'm tired as hell, feeling cool as hell cause my buddy taught me something new today.
when you learn something new you get a wrinkle in your brain.
i'm feeling really wrinkly right now.
but if the side effect of a new wrinkle is a gray hair ........
damn, like i don't have enough of them.
i am considering coloring my hair next month.
you know how it is you look 40 in the face and you start trying to camouflaged.
what color should i go with?
whole head or tips?
imput goddammit,
i need input!!!!
help a poor, gray haired, old as hell sista out, why don't cha!!!

Stay away from CRAZY!!!

Have you ever heard that saying, "If you see crazy coming, you'd better cross the street."
Why do we not listen?
Why do we mistake crazy for something cute, or rational?
Why can't we just see crazy for the for the insane fuck up that it is?
Why do we marry it?
Have children with it?
Talk to it on the phone where bullshit flows freely and you reach all new levels of pissed!
And then are surprised when we fantasize crazy being struck by lightning, or hit by multiple vehicles, or maybe even abducted by aliens and probed often.
If only had I listened, not only would I have crossed the street, I would have crossed the state line!


Wishing I'd have crossed the damn street!

damn

have you ever walked past a chair
and had one of your locks catch in between the space on the back of it,
and have it snatch your ass back with a force
that leaves you sprawled on the floor laughing your ass off
despite the pain in your hips?
add 2 pitchers of beer,
makes it twice as funny,
has that ever happened to you???

me neither....ouch!

i'm too old for this shit!
i could break a hip, then what?
i can hear me now screaming,
" help i've fallen and i cant get up!"
and hearing crickets.
bad.
who will come to my rescue...
you...
i don't think so.
house of poets was cool despite the fact that there were only 6 people in the audience,
one of them kinda scary, very scary, fucking horrifically scary.
thanks friends,
it occurred to me that you folks have seen way too much of me.
so august i will hit it hard and then fade away until the recording of my CD.
it will be all the way live..........
live audience,
i've found the perfect place.
and i'd invite you but you wouldn't come...as usual.
i won't sweat you with the details,
i'll stick with my tried and true,
you know who you are!!!!
wired as always after sex
i mean poetry....
you know what i mean!

House of Poets

Great week!
My sister got married yesterday, despite me reminding her how evil that institution is.
It's like prison with sexual privileges.
She doesn't believe me, she believes she's found her soul mate.
She might be right lord knows they have been through enough.
I had to leave before the drink kicked in.
My daughter called me saying, " Mom, I think your sister's traumatizing me. She's......she's....Well, I think she's (whispering) drunk."
I said." Is she in the same room that you're in? "
"Yes."
"Can everybody else in the room see her?"
"Yes."
"Then why are you whispering?"
"Cause' if she hears my voice she going to start hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am."
"That traumatizes you?"
"Yes."
"Get over it dude you are beautiful. Don't let her hit her head if she passes out, that would not make for a nice Wedding night, and is likely to really traumatize you."

Dawn Axam-Hocker is incredible!! Last night was a sneak preview of a show she has coming up on August 19, 20, &21. Two of my poems are being performed by dancers!
Very exciting!!!!!
Warning Signs, will be performed by 5 dancers and performed in August.
Thief a new piece written for cancer survivors was rehearsed with a woman, last night she became ill and a new dancer and I were introduced.
His name is Jule, he's beautiful.
We had a whole ten minutes for me to run the poem twice and he get a feel on how he could improv it. He danced behind me, thank god for I have some attention issues, so I couldn't see him. But the response of the audience was great. My buddy Stacie videotaped it and it looks so good.
So needless to say those of you who know me it took till 3 or 4 am for me to calm down.

I am featuring at House of Poets August 1, 2005 @ 8pm!!!

House of Poets takes place at The Red Light Cafe on Amsterdam.
I just found out so I have not had time to advertise. Please, Please, Please if you can come out and support HOP (House of Poets) and me tomorrow!!!
Pretty please with sugar on top!
I'll be your Friend.
Your special friend!
Yes, I will consider putting out if you come to my show??????
There are however stipulations...

Karaoke...The New Crack!

So if some of you don't know, Turner and Bear rock my world.
They had a reading and discussion last night at Charis about gender, gender roles, trans and other terms and shared some of their personal experiences.
I love them.......
Really I do!

After Turner was all like " So let's go to My Sister's Room?"

I was like,"It's Karaoke Night.?"

Bear was all like, " I Love Karaoke."

Melissa was like," I will come but I'm leaving at 11." She didn't leave til after 1. Not her fault it was the Karaoke Crack.

We go to Karaoke night.
Bear and Turner very excitedly hunting for songs to sing, me nursing my Corona.

Then there was lots of singing
it ranged from good to oh my god I'm so embarrassed for you.

Some how Melissa and I get caught up in Karaoke hell and submit songs to sing.
If I have not mentioned it, I can do a lot of things,
singing,
not so much.
So I turned in our songs.
I have never done this before.
Correction, I felt fairly sure that I would never do this in my fucking life.
I karaoke in the shower where only the people in the house at the time have to suffer.
Or in my car windows down so the gushing wing carries my bad tunes up, up, and away.

They call Melissa, who sings 9 to 5, she kicked ass.
Then I realized I could be next!
At the same time I realized that I was no where near enough drunk to do this.
Bear noting my dismay promptly bought me a shot of Tequila.
Still not drunk enough but the smell of tequila on my breath may convince some that I am.

I sing (if in all honesty we can call it that) Lenny Kravits "Fly Away".
I took off my head scarf so the Locks could distract from my actual singing if that is what we agree to call it. Apparently I was better than I thought, because while Turner took Photo's of Melissa (damn camera phones), they got caught up watching and there are no incriminating photos of me in a karaoke induced fit of what I believe we agreed to call singing.

We, Melissa and I actually contemplate singing, (again a questionable description of what we did) another song. But then I did it. There I was having successfully done this embarrassing thing and came out of it with no evidence that it had taken place.
Next thing I know,
and in my defense were just going to say the Tequila kicked in ,
I am on stage with Keisha (who really can sing),
Jocelynn and Turner singing Proud Mary.
When the song gets faster I jump off the stage doing my Tina Turner impersonation.
Lots of jerking motions and gyrations, I'm pretty good at that, next thing I know, the bartender is pulling me on the stage saying "those white girls need to get down, you need to be up there." Coming from a white girl I took this as a compliment. Now, low and behold, there is a video account of that slip, that downward spiral into the scary world of Karaoke. Damn camera phone with video capability!
I think if I stop now I can beat this thing.
It's just like crack.....you know ......Help!!!!!

Hot as hell !!!

I think I am dehydrated.
Not to the point of falling out but enough to make my head foggy.
I often forget to drink water. I must fix that. I always have water in the car.
Right now I have about 5 bottles most half full. I have got to do so much better.

You know how you meet people and you tell them what's going on,
what you're doing,
and they tell you they're going to come and see you?
But basically, they are lying to you, as they are not interested and have no intention to...Whoa big time digression, sorry.
Well, I had a conversation with someone last Friday
in between being confronted by someone who thought
I was competition and accosted by someone else who tried to eat my face
(people should ask before they try to check if you still have tonsils).
In the midst of all that madness and there was more madness that I can't even get into, needless to say if I had actually wanted that much attention,
it most certainly would not have happened,
I had a conversation with someone about what I was doing.
She said she was going to come and come she did!
Not like that, boy I tell you some folks just keep their minds dirty on purpose.

The reading at Outwrite was great.
I was so nervous.
Headgames was a big hit believe it or not I am not the only one who has had to deal with that. Go figure. A lot of people came to support me.
SOVO was out interviewing people about gender roles.
I don't get why people are so focused and distracted by this.
I thought long ago when women braved to get the fuck out of the kitchen and men got in touch with their inner woman, we learned that your gender is just that, it doesn't predetermine you for any role in this jacked world.
People are people.
They live their lives and just because some people aren't afraid to be the person they want to be, those who are get to ask these kinds of questions so that they can judge.
I mean because you are male and church going, wearing your suit and tie, singing your soul out for Jesus, because you do these things does this make you a good man or father?
Or, is it possible for you to be a deadbeat dad, hypocrite, asshole?
And If you were a woman who did the same thing,
Guess What?
You Would Still Be An Asshole!
So it isn't gender we should be fearing or judging...
it's ASSHOLISM!

I am blogging in the nude again,
sitting directly under a fan,
watching Constantine (which is pretty good) and sweating like fiend.
I don't want to move from this spot as uncomfortable as it is.
I have so much shit that needs to,
the phone is ringing...goddammit that means I've got to move, hold on.

It was Sautee Nacooche,
say it three times fast, it will make you smile.
They want me to come back on October 15th!
Yeah!!! Of course I have to check dates but it sounds right.
Very cool.
I have to put on clothes now walk out to my car and get my planner so I can be doing something and feeling productive. When all I really want to do is go to an air conditioned movie theater and eat nachos.
Resist the urge to slack off.....
Resist the urge to slack off..........
Resist...
I wonder when Charlie and the Chocolate Factory starts..........mmmmmmm canned cheese;-)

Rock Star

So......It seems I shall have to reconsider my staunch opposition to exercise.
My baby keg,
I call her Honey,
is out of control and trying to come between me and my feel good pants.
Can't have that.
I prefer exercise of a more close, horizontal, sweating, touchy, feely, tasting kind of way.
Since that shits not happening anytime soon, I may have to go back to my regiments of the long ago days when I was cheering and doing the pageant's.
Dammit,
I was really trying not to go back their,
the flashbacks are awful,
the pyramids and constant clapping,
the smearing of Vaseline on teeth to make a smooth smile,
pivot, wave, turn.
I think I see therapy on my horizon.
That is unless we( me and Honey, that is) find an eager participant to reignite my preferred form of exercise.
I'm not giving up on my mission,
o look good in the feel good pants and find a real exercise partner,
but in the mean time Honey will not be happy with the sit-ups and lite beer,
and neither am I!

Java Monkey was so good last night.
The host, Kodac, always breaks the list down in to gender.
Last night two gender-jammers were there.
Fucked up the method to the madness of Java demographics.
All I could think was Collin would love this!
The gender benders only eluded to their true gender and I believe Kodac loved it!
I have never seen him smile so much!
Turner and Bear Rock my world!

I wrote a new piece called Interview for the Position of Rock Star Poet.
I know the title is long as hell I'll work on it.
I like the piece it makes me laugh.
But we Gemini's have this belief that we have an excellent sense of humor,
and we do,
it's just that occasionally we find that particularly humorous thing,
that oddly is only funny to us.
Go figure.
So I thought that this might be one of my Gemini moments.
I tried it out and wasn't completely happy with my delivery.
I got my buddy Melissa to direct me in the performing of it.
Felt kinda a little stupid in the big theater on the stage reciting a poem that has the word spam in it, it was kinda hard to stay focused,
but I did it.
Her help made all the difference, she has been deemed the Director of Poetry!
I really liked the piece and it was very well received.
Fun, Fun, Fun, you folks need to come to some of these events!!!!
You are truely missing all the goddamn fun!
All work and no play.....You know!

Saute Nacooche

What a week! I traveled to Saute Nacooche.
Not as sexual as it sounds, but it was very fun.
I had several revelations the main one being I have no DAR whatsoever!
I can't tell gay from straight, young from old enough, luckily I can tell boy from girl, but lately that seems about it.

The performance was at a center in Saute Nacooche, I just like typing those words and saying them. They sounds so dirty!!! Say it three times fast. It will make you smile, I promise!

Picture this......... me in WHITE county,
performing in front of about 100 or so WHITE people,
when in the middle of my very political set I realized I am probably standing in BUSH hell!
But I knew my friend Lisa had my back. I made what I hope are a lot of new friends there.

All was well, although, the video dude was so enraged by my performance that he went off on the organizer and said a little something like this," What the fuck is she going on about! You call this Art, you call this Poetry! This is bullshit and she is full of shit!" It made my heart swell with pride! My Daddy would have been proud!!!
They put me up in this beautiful bed and breakfast which could have been so much nicer with a Friend.
Know what I mean?
They want me to come back in October, any takers?
Guess who is on the first page of Labrys?
I don't know who she is but she is fine!!!!

With Every Beat of My Heart!

28,000 pace makers recalled?
28,000 pacemakers recalled?
Models between 1997 and 2000!
How the fuck do you check your model number?
They are offering free replacements.
I beg to differ there is no way that could be free.
Okay they may Lego there way into giving you a pacemaker that will actually work,
they may even be able to hire a Mc Surgeon to put the goddamn thing in,
but this will not be free.
How many people wake up and say to themselves,
" It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, but it's a little hot. I think I'll check myself into a well air conditioned hospital and while I'm there I think I'll get a pacemaker."
No body does that shit!
You can best believe the majority of those people were sick as shit
when they HAD to have it done!
Everytime you open your body up you risk something, the risk makes this shit absofuckinglutely
(since this is not a word it matters not that I spelled it wrong) not free
Free, this country fucks with my head daily,
reminder buy more mental condoms!

28,000, not 50, not 5,000, but 28,000!
I wonder if Bush would fire anyone who had anything to do with this,
has he fired the one who had to do with that other thing?????????????

I want to see the article titled,
28,000 MIND FUCKS RECALLED BUSH FIRED AS A RESULT,
that would make me happy!

Completely unrelated, Is anybody else extremely horny, or is it just me. Cause it could be just me, I was just askin'?

New Poem

I'm Not
c Theresa Davis 2005

Am I the salt in your tears?
The age in your years
The spark in your flame
The ache in your pain

The beginning of your end
The right you defend
The hope in your dream
I’m not at all what I seem

The voice in your ear
The root of your fear
The beat of your heart
The stop of your start

The in to your out
The scream in your shout
The blood in your veins
The dice in your game

The rhythm that moves your feet
The stare your eyes can’t meet
You don’t doubt me at all
Think I’ll catch you when you fall

I’m an enigma, a dream
Not at all what I seem
I’m the lie to what is true
Not the right girl for you

I’m not

Blogging in the Buff

I am blogging in the nude.
It's very liberating I feel a sense of freedom that I don't feel when I blog with clothes on.
I feel like if I want type an x for no apparent reason I can just type an x. Watch x.
Now that's freedom.
I did poetry in Little 5 yesterday.
What an interesting thing. I am not a PG poet and I think folks realized that.
Some happily so, some surprisingly so, those who were surprised also left.
There were several people with picture phones taking my picture, makes me nervous. Especially the one who snapped me calling Bush an Asshole.
Oh well, If I go down for my poetry, I'll go down calling that egomaniac, self-absorbed, world dominator wanna be, fucked-up, liar, cheat who needs to go out on a man date ( get it mandate, man date, like a date with a man...get it). I'll go down for calling him the asshole that he is.

It looks like one of my boobs is slightly higher than the other?
I'll fix it by moving the lap top.
Okay, feeling weird now blogging in the nude,
going to put my clothes on now.
See you!

Alex thanks so much for helping out yesterday!!!

My New Dream

I think I want to be a Fanta girl! I'm thinking mint green. I think I have a good chance the have no dreads represented. Yes, a Fanta girl, it's all so clear to me now. Everything I've done up to this point has been leading up to me as a Fanta chick! Yes, imangine the girl talk, the parties, yes, I am destined to be the Lemon Lime Fanta babe!

It is bovine appreciation day today. This means you must appreciate the cow! Have a burger, have a shake, go out and buy that fine ass leather coat you've been lusting after. Go out be obnoxious claim it's all because of the mad cows of the world!!!

Hypothetically Speaking

So, say you know this person who has been pretty damn patient. She filed all the proper paper work to reclaim her freedom. Then say the other party in this, this, hypothetical situation, drug the paper work out as long as it possibly could. Then say the pretty damn patient one, finally got the attorney of that other person to get off his hypothetical ass and take care of business, and things looked as if they were almost settled. Then hypothetically, say the attorney started dragging her ass, pissing the patient one off in ways that could be dangerous. My hypothetically speaking, my question is this, if the other party was I don't know hit by a bus and the attorney was hit by a bus while standing in a puddle of water that was simultaneously struck by lightning, do you think my paper work would go through faster?
Hypothetically speaking that is.

I forgot?

I forgot to post to tell you if I remembered what I forgot.
I didn't.
I have a lot to do and not really sure how to do it.
Such is life I suppose.
I can not wait to go to New Mexico!
I am so sure that a change of scenery will lighten my mood, I am just giddy with the thought.
Some of you are wondering what a giddy Theresa looks like.
I don't know but I'm sure it's scary!
I saw The Fantastic Four today. Very well done, they tried very hard to stick to the comic and strayed very slightly but all in all, a good job! Thought about sneaking into another movie but that's more fun when you are with someone, sneaking by yourself is unfulfilling cause there's nobody to say" remember when we snuck into like five movies that day!" to,
I mean you could in theory have that conversation with yourself, but if you have it aloud you may insure that you forever go to the movies by yourself! I don't want that for me so I declined sneaking into another movie! I am rebeading my hair. This is the act of replacing or reinserting beads that flew off in the last few months. I may have gone to far as my head is very heavy, very pretty, but very heavy. I never would have thought that I would be into my hair like this. It's not like I look for my reflection in every shiny surface I see, but I really get into decorating it and it makes me feel good when people who know the real me ( not the scary, intimidating, aloof made up me) say "that's new!" I love it when people are aware and observant, it's sexy!
I may however, need a neck brace to accent my artsy hair in the future!

ahhh

The more I clean my classroom the messier it gets.
My Feng shui whatever it's called and spelled is broken.
I have to make a dent in the mess or I will start school crazy,
no one wants that.
I am working hard to stop cursing and more work needs to be done.
I am also trying to quit smoking, now here we have a slight problem.
I am still fighting this funk and my mood is already kinda......whats the word.......
shitty! So quiting vices may be a bad thing.
Cutting back... yes!
Cold Turkey may end up with me on the news.
Think I finally figured out this tax bullshit.
I went to the Sumit Building today and handed them three years worth of taxes.
I am hopeful they the go in order but if they don't more forms will be in order.
It's all crap!
State is another issue, I have to mail it and I know people who filed a month before the deadline who still don't have their returns. Oh well, just do it!
I think I am supposed to do something tonight, but for the life of me I can not remember what it is. If you know what it is please call me and tell me so I won't be late. I gotta start writing stuff down! My mind is not as sharp as it once was, back in the olden days.
I will probably post again tonight when I remember what it was I forgot that I was supposed to do or after I did it?
My spell check isn't working so work it out!

I'm Not Really a Doctor..

I just play one on TV. So I am hormonally phucked up meaning I am all over the place.
Doc says I was supposed to be taking a multi vitamin this whole time...oooops.
I'm on it, should be regulated or regulating as we speeak, or as I type and you read.
I'm not good at routine things like taking a pill the same time every day. Plus it's boring, and predictable. But my Scary Spice impersonation minus the shoes, was starting to scare me.
I shall try to do it . Take the pills not be scary (unless you like that sort of thing).
The IRS refused my claim as an innocent spouse, I filled out the wrong form seems I'm an injured spouse which means I may be able to recoup some of my money taken to pay someone elses debt. Do not marry someone who is in bad with the IRS once they attach you ss# what's his becomes yours and they don't need a form to take you dollars, but you have to file a shit load of them to get it back. Going to read poetry at Barnes and Nobles w/ Collin and after going to go watch women boxing, just cause it seems like a good idea.

Off Balance

by Seve Adigun
It has suddenly occurred to me that, I may not be losing my mind. That this emotional rollercoaster has a source that is merely compounded by the fact that people are trying to make me crazy. Forgot about the surgery. Hormonal stuff has to be missing. The lack of sleep, fitful sleep, and the waking from sleep sobbing uncontrollably has got to go. Calling the doctor in the am, hoping I'm right and there is something I can do about this. If not, we could all be in serious trouble!

OKAY NOW I'M PISSED

I know I have been known to man-bash from time to time.
I am hopeful that the men in my life who I consider to be friends,
have intergrity and are honest beings, know this is not directed at them.
So they really don't have to continue to read this, 'cause I'm 'bout to go the fuck off!!!

How is it that you can share a chunk of your life,
with someone and not notice that they are an incredibly large
ASSHOLE!?
How is it possible to live with someone and not see the body snatcher when they come,
and take away the person you thought you knew
and turned them into an incredibly large Asshole.?
Has anybody heard of Quikstar?
It's Amway cyber crack style.
MY CHILDREN'S daddy is a part of this pyramid scheme for the stupid.
He expected me to spend twice sometimes three times as much for food,
clothing and furniture and make my puchases from the cyber crack joint, telling me that we would get the money back, and be financially free in a year or two.
Not understanding that the only money you get back is a small portion of the amout you over-paid, after those assholes on the top of the pyramid get theirs!
It's been five years, and all he is free to do is kiss my Ass!
He can't, sorry, won't pay child support because there is no paper trail.
He expected me to trail my paper dollars behind this get rich quick pyramid scheme,
but he can't do the same for his own children.
This Asshole is supposed to pay for the kids insurance.
He won't because there will be no paper trail.
He has held up the process that would create a paper trail for more than a year.
To the insurance dilemma he gives this advice,
"They should try not to get sick or anything for a couple months."
What the fuck, exactly does that mean!
Help a sister out because I don't speak Asshole as a second language.
It confuses me how someone who seemed smart,
can turn into an incredibly large, stupid, dumb fuck, Asshole.
I mean do they give special classes?
Is it some secret organization?
Is there a cure for Assholism?!!!
Cause dude needs some help.

A support group maybe?
While he changed and made the leap to Asshole extrodinaire.
I have changed into that crazy bitch who will run over your ass repeatedly with her car!
I know it's outburst like this that make me seem scary and intimidating.
No worries, you are completely safe, as long as you are not a man who is an incredibly large, stupid, ASSHOLE! Then you should be scared!

Sadly, if my son starts to show symptoms of oncoming assaholic behavior,
he may have to be put down.
I will dedicate my life, my love and my good sense, to make sure that the Z-Man, does not contract a fatal case of Assholism!
May the force be with me,
before this Asshole forces me to get Bitchy.
Oh wait,
damn!

Whew!

What a week end!
It was all poetry all the time! I loved it!
I still haven't slept much but,
who needs sleep. Obviously, not me.
Bags under my eyes add character, charm, the look of a psycho.
Which I am sure makes me look more intimidating.
I've been hearing what some folks have been saying about me.
bizarre?
It's truly amazing that the unknown about someone
can be filled in by people who barely know you or don't know you at all.
And it gets taken as fact.
Part of my funk.
I usually don't care what things are said about me,
because I believe that people in general are insightful
enough to make up their own minds about a person.
Not always true.
And now I meet people wondering what they've heard or think they know about me,
and mentally I'm trying to figure out how to do damage control.
Well, I just had to get tough with myself.
Gave myself a thorough mental ass kicking.
Two to make sure I got it,
I can be hardheaded sometimes.
And have decided that if a person or people want to know, really know me.
They will have to be brave enough to venture into the bizarro world of me.
There they will learn that I don't bite
( unless you like that sort of thing)
I don't eat children
( I teach them, they sound similar but they are very different)
I'm not a player
(unless there is a scrabble game involved then yes I'm playing and a kickin' your ass)
I don't look down on anybody
( the vertically challenged will have to forgive me for looking at the top of your heads when I talk to you from now on)
And I'm not unapproachable.
I love meeting new people, sharing ideas, having fun
and I am a normal human being
( given the definition of normal should be loose).
I don't take advantage of people.
If anything just the opposite, I have been known to drive myself crazy trying to please others.
All that said, I now have a gauge on part of what's bothering me.
And now I am hopeful that the funk will start to fade.

Sleep Deprivation

I have tried everything. Well not everything. I am sure there is something out there I haven't tried that would wipe me out. You know exhaust me completely. But I haven't done that in so long I'm afraid I won't remember how. I have not had a full night sleep, in MANY, MANY days. Last night I think I might have slept 20 minutes. I have a lot to do this weekend. I can't afford an episode. I am feeling very touchy and edgy. Not on the verge of tears touchy, but the scary touchy. The one where I open my mouth and verbally jack you.
I've gotten better.
I've only officially gone of face to face once.
By e-mail possibly twice.
I stop and think, did this person say this to piss me off , is this a real question worth answering, can slapping the shit out of someone, get back that loving feeling?
I will not hit.
Hitting is bad.
I'm a lover (not lately), not a fighter (any more).
It helps to write the insane shit I think and feel here, see this way nobody gets hurt!

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the hell is wrong with me?!
I feel crazy, inside.
Stark, raving out of my motherfucking mind!
I need help.
Everybody thinks I'm ok because in public I'm not a blithering idiot, I am so not!
I can't even put a gauge or finger on what precisely is bugging me. Probably a collection of things. I wish I could get away, maybe being truly alone, this lonely feeling can identify itself and I can regroup. Not going to happen for a while.
I do not like feeling like this.

The Ex- Factor

It's amazing how many folks are struggling with their ex's.
They are pushed to all kinds of peculiar self-destructive behaviors.
last night I met a young lady who agreed to go out with her ex (knowing she still has very deep feelings). I watched her drink three jager (jager bad!) shots in less than 15 minutues.
This concerned me so I asked her what the problem was. She said she was fine. I said no one who drinks three jager shots (jager bad!) in that amount of time is fine.
She proceded to tell me that her she was hanging out with her ex so she needed to loosen up.
I explained that if by loosen up she means pass out, she's well on her way.
What is this obsession that your ex has to be your friend?
When I have an EXterminator come to spray my house, I don't call him later demanding the return of the bugs!
When I have need of an EXorcist.. I don't later demand the return of the evil spirits!
If you get EXcommunicate you can be damn sure they request your return!
EX, done over ! If you can mutually agree to co-exist the do that.
But if you put yourself in a situation where you miserable hanging around hoping to rekindle what is lost, you are asking to be used.
If my EX suddenly burst in to flames,
would I stop drop and roll his ass? Yes, I would right off a fucking cliff.
I believe some EX's have a right to exist.
I also believe that there are those rare occurrences people who should be together ( for a little bit longer, before they break up) get over their differences and can reconnect.
However, if you thought for any reason you should have not been together, the EX Factor is still hovering in the background of your relationship.

Strange Muse

I have not suffered from writer's block in a long time.
When it comes, as I am sure it will, watch out!
Theresa will not be a happy camper.
As it is I am not a happy camper, feeling quite unhappy in fact,
but my brain is buzzing and zooming along like a freight train.
I actually have not been able to capture the words for days.
They are coming so fast and strong and in the strangest places.
While washing my hair in mid-sud ( not a quick thing washing my hair it takes a very long time)
I can't jump out of the shower or even start the voice recorder.
By the time I'm done it's gone.
Only to be recited in a dream where I become aware that this is the missing piece
( sorry Shel for quipping your book title). I wake in a fog scribble it down in low light as not to wake the Z-Man. Wake up. Hung over from lack of sleep, (four days now expecting a psychotic episode any day now) only to read what I've written.
"What the fuck does that say? Is that English?"
Is all I can say.
But today in a flood a weeks worth of glibs, lines, half connected thoughts came together.
I felt this tingling.
I am not exaggerating, it is my only release and sometimes it makes me feel...
well....
sexy in that literary way. The present two books I am writing in stay in the car, like condoms in the wallet of a virgin boy who can't wait to use them.
This afternoon, I met a friend at Java. I was trying to write a Sestina.
But my friend showed and needed to talk. So the tingle was ignored.
I do not advocate the ignoring of tingles! You could go blind!
I left there to see my mother, we had a nice talk and she showed me the crapped out article in the Oafing (I know it's Loafing). It was about the Java Anthology and it seems to me that a lot of crackheads are gainfully employed, continuing their habit, and loafing while they hate.
But I digress.
This is a long one so get comfy.
I left Mom's headed home and only got as far as the Brewhouse when the tingle would not be ingnored. I finished the Sestina, finished a beer, wrote another Rondeau, finished a beer, and "Touched" was born.
As you may have seen, I occasionally put some of the pictures from my photo shoot on this page. When I did the shoot the photographer the fabulous Seve Adigun, took one of the photo's and made it into my soon to be CD cover. It's an amazing photo, if I do say so myself, and I did.
He titled it "Touched" because of the image, you will so get it when you see it.
I told him I didn't have a poem with that title. He said he was just focused on the image and that's what came to him. I could call it anything I want.
Damn skippy I can call it what I want it's my CD, holler!
The image so struck me that I knew it would have to be called that. In the beginning I tried to force the poem.
Note to poets:
Under no circumstance do you try to force a poem. The resulting injury could seriously have your work called a piece of shit!
The poem flowed like water.
My waiter must have thought I was having seizures and small bouts of turrets.
And remarkably no curse words appear in any of the poems.
I think I am fucking cured from potty mouth.
Okay, Maybe not.
I have never had a waiter check on me so often. At one point I zoned back in to where I was and the whole patio was looking at me as if I stood there stupid and naked.
They were only half right!
It was great!
I'd like to say that my funk is over or that the sad feelings have left me for the moment.
The mini breakdown in the car on the way back to Java says it's alive and well and still pressing.
The words aren't running so fast in my head now. They have slowed and I can catch them.
I still feel heavy, and again find myself typing at risk of electrocution.

Sorry I had to leave the Monkey before the show was over. Congratulations to all the poets!

Sleep

Okay, I should be asleep.
I'm not, and I'm not happy about that.
It's all apart of this mode I am in.
I have been writing and I'm happy about that even if it some depressing shit.
I have this propensity to swear. I have been writing in traditional form tonight so there is virtually no cursing in my poems.
I know unfucking believable!
Here is the first one. I'll do the others later, I think I might be sleepy.
Go figure.
It's in the French form it's called a Rondeau.
I actually had fun trying this form.
The depressing words will say otherwise.
I have trouble punctuating poetry.
Bear with me goddammit I'm sleep deprived among other things.

Alone
French Form Rondeau
Theresa Davis 2005

Here alone at night I sit and cry
My pain and misery multiply
This time on earth has made me feel old
If honesty and truth be told

I secretly wish of a clear blue sky
To push out the sadness and solidify
That my meaning and worth should signify
The potential for the love I hold
Here alone at night

My dreams set free on the wing of a butterfly
In reality I constantly try to identify
Ever searching on a lonely road
When will my happiness unfold?
Or will this pain and misery intensify?
Here alone at night

I'm Losing It

It's official, I am depressed.
I didn't recognize it at first.
I knew I was in a funk but I thought I could throw it.
I had an awesome time at the reading on Wednesday.
Left feeling very up and the next day everything crashed.
I have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and thought if I went out last night and danced a bit surround myself with people I wouldn't feel so lonely.
The entire time I was there I was on the verge of tears.
I remember this.
The last time this happened like this, I was not right for a long time.
I have several things to do today.
What I want to do is curl up in a dark room.
Maybe it's the real mid life crisis.
I don't know what they look like as this is my first one.
I feel old, unattractive and like I am destined to be alone.
I thought if I got it out I'd feel better.
I don't.
And I'm afraid that if I continue I'm going to electrocute myself.
Tears and technology not a good mix.
I can't let it grip me like last time.
Last time I scared myself.
And I don't scare so easy.

What Now?

You ever have that feeling where you think you just might lose your mind, up in here, up in here.
Welcome to my world. How many fucking times do you have to sign a get out of my life agreement before it sticks. I am feeling so pulled in so many directions I may have to scream.
I am tired of being pulled in many directions at once. My writing is my only release and it's getting angry again. No wonder people are intimidated by me, the angry shit I imagine makes me seem quit frightening. And I am sure readers and listeners are glad it's a poem and not a damn gun.


Much lighter note!
I did a television interview today for Connect With Kids Network.
Very cool, we talked or rather I talked about the role writing , poetry and the arts
plays in the lives of our youth. How without creative release, some of these kids get into real trouble. I think I sounded ok, and not like a babbling crackhead. I know my face broke out first thing this morning so I may have looked like a crackhead. I guess we will find out one day soon. I'll let everyone know ( of course) when it airs.

looking out for me 

Can U Relate?

Can anybody relate to the high you feel after a performance?
I so need to be sleep now but it won't happen because I am high!
High on words and vibes, just high. The marguerita has absofuckinlutly nothing to do with it!
I have an interview in hours for fucking television and I can not sleep. I will probably look like a total crackhead tomorrow and my eyes won't close. Oh well, it will be what it will be/ Thank the cosmos or the goddess that Duncan informed s about tonight. May I get laid by some one disease free and see the other side.....soon. Trying to sleep now!
Look a picture of me watching my own back, from the erotic shoot.

Beat it!

So M J is innocent or found not guilty.
There is a difference.
Something is not quite right about this.
I don't know exactly what it is.
He is looking creepier by the day.
If he had been convicted he would have
taken himself out. I am sure about that.
And they had Manson's old digs set up for him.
Oh Darn!

Well, Well, Well

Okay, enough already! How intimidating can I be?
I'm going to let it go in a minute, maybe. I'm sure my harping on it
only further intimidates you. Done.

I am getting a weird kinda restless.
I feel like there is something else I am supposed to do.
Things are going well, but something is missing.
It's like I'm disconnected but plugged in. I'm wearing myself out.
Moving, moving, moving, like if I'm not doing something I'll forget what I'm supposed to be doing. Which is what? Feel my pain.

Well, enough of that!
I've got to get back in my own head.

Java Monkey was great tonight.
Kemi Bennings, very cool.
Lots of new readers and great words.
Next week the Java Monkey Anthology will be released and the readers will be from the anthology. Should be very cool.

Haiku thy name is bi@##@!

Why can't I write a fucking Haiku!? I mean it's simple write? (I did that on purpose, homonyms you know write, right... sense of humor please. Whitout that this post will only piss ewe or you off! Are you at least smiling?) Back to the rant!
Follow the damn formula and you get a goddamn poem out of it!
Shit, this process has knocked me down 4 steps of my twelve step stop the potty mouth program.
I keep this up and I'll be in the fucking basement. 5steps

What an exciting weekend of poetry, family and friends!
Java allways a good time. I e-mailed a lot of folks who actually showed up. I'm wearing them down. All a part of my plan to take over the world. Red Light was great! Very nice crowd lots of good poetry. I heard poems from folks I've been hanging out with lately and there were Kodak moments all over the joint! Hasan enjoyed Rupert so much I thought the himelick( why is that a fucking word that I spelled totally wrong. Shit 7 steps). Listening to funny poetry and eating wings not a good combo. Collin Kelley kicks ass!(8) I love his new stuff. If you didn't make then I guess you're going to have to wait till he feels like sharing. Just know that Rupert and I will be saying," Oh yes, we've heard this poem of Collin's, he's our pal!"
You Poetry junkies who don't go out to hear poetry have got to get off your ass! (9 steps, dammit, 10)
OK, I have calmed a bit.
So I will again attempt to strangle hold this Haiku bitch and show her who's the top!
(11, son of a .... 11 1/2)
Haiku Time.....

not a Holler Back Girl 

What???

What exactly is a Holler Back Girl?
I have heard many explanations of what it is, I am not convinced.
One explanation is that Gwen was called a cheerleader and insists that she is not one by making this song with banana cheer included. Having once been a cheerleader this doesn't sit well with me cause it means I may possibly be a Holler Back Girl and need a support group to stop being one.
The other is that it's a respond to the Holler back song and she will not respond to being hollered at or call your ass back cause some guy says so. I like this better because that means I am most certainly not a Holler Back Girl no support group or twelve step program needed.
What's your definition of a Holler Back Girl?

Hasan is here......Yeah!!!!!!!
I love my brother. My mom got the Lifetime Achievement Award last night and it was great.
I like the ideas of an award being functional. The award is a beautiful crystal looking fruit bowl. Talk about functionality. Have bowl, will fill it with fruit.
I have another dilemma.
I have been told that I am a bit intimidating.
What the hell does that mean?
Is being confident intimidating?
Is being somewhat secure intimidating?
Is being a dreadlocked African goddess intimidating?
If these things make me intimidating I have no defense and trying to meet people is going to be harder than I ever expected. Trying to get back into the dating scene is already a nightmare, and if I am going to be further hampered by my personality, I'm phucked.
See how I did that. I cursed without it being a four letter word. Cursing phonetically changed it.
This is step three in the in the twelve step program on how not to be a complete potty mouth.
Mom will be proud. Not sure what the other steps are as I am making this shit up as I go along.
Goddammit I said shit!
Back to step one....Admitting you have a problem!

She's Back!!!!!!

Yeah! Alice is back from South Africa!
She had a blast, and is very jet-lagged.
She shopped like a champ and brought back lots of loot.
MoDaSo will be in town at the same time. Such a rarity we should have scheduled a performance. But alas the world will just have to settle from a poetic assault from three directions. It's going to be great and I can't wait!!!!

I went to the room last night and watched what had to be the most god awful movie in the world. It was called Undertow or something. It should have been called Crap but it did succeed in sucking the energy out of us. Thank god for two dollar drink specials. I told Tasha she should return the movie to Blockbuster and demand an apology or kick someone's ass for labeling that dull ass, boring, bass ackwards, slow moving piece of crap as action packed thriller. Who ever gave it those alcollades was definitely a high octane crackhead. We did however enjoy the hell out of ourselves talking back to the screen. We shall make it a weekly event, Join us. There were only eight or ten folks there but we had a great time!