18/30 Sweet

when my children find joy in a thing

I want to bask in their happiness

as long as I can

my son has this way

of making me laugh

at unexpected times

asking for snacks

celebrating the little things

I cleaned my room without being told

he says

this seems like a great time for cake!

the way he explains how cake

is the perfect food and if it's carrot cake

it's even better

he is not over exposed to sweets

but when it comes to cake he

can not stop himself

a self proclaimed cake connoisseur

he takes every slice seriously

thinking deeply over each bite

helpful suggestions on how

cake

can be done better

it has become a thing we do

at least once a month

where we seek out new cake

to try

over conversations

about

being a teenage boy

and girls

my favorite cake with him

was the double chocolate raspberry

after the first bite he put his fork down

looked at me seriously

there were tears in his eyes

he said this is probably

the most delicious cake

I have ever eaten

all I heard was

mom I love you so much

and thank you

we indulge on our cake dates

because we enjoy

the prolonged

exposure

to sweet

Everyone Tells The Truth.?

There is a conversation happening on the book of face that I want to comment on but I won't because there seems to be this whole I'm right culture happening there. I know I am not always right I kind of assume others know this as well. They don't.

I remember when I was 17, there was this guy I had an on again off again thing with. It was strange. We kind of hated each other and argued constantly but then would find ourselves making wild crazy love on someone’s floor, or kitchen counter, or in the driveway. The relationship confused us both but, well, there we were. I tried really hard not to sleep with him when he and his girlfriend were together, but they broke up and got together again a lot, sometimes there was crossover.

As we approached spring break that year I was about to turn 18, they broke up again. This time it felt like it was for good. He said he was sick of the back and forth and I said I didn't care because we were not friends. We were just two people who fought a lot and had sex occasionally and sometimes a lot. They got back together after a day or two and were supposed to take this trip together over spring break.

She went with someone else. Now, to say that my not friend was pissed, would be an understatement. He paid for the trip and he wanted his money back. He fumed for days. At some time during the course of the week my dad talked to him, my friend Bridget's dad talked to him, and his dad talked to him. Basically they said, this was a sign to let that go. Let her, the money and everything go.

When school started back he ignored her. A few days in she apologized and suggested they start over. He said he wasn’t interested. She made a scene in the cafeteria, which was humiliating and embarrassing for everyone who was forced to witness it. Then she cried and begged and a host of other equally embarrassing things. That weekend there were several parties. We saw each other at one and left because we could feel drama trying to happening. We ended up back at my house. We drank Milwaukee’s Best (worst idea ever) to the point that my people were like you should stay on the couch tonight call your mom. When he called home, (this is before cell phones), his mother told him that the police were looking for him. His on again off again had called the police and said he beat and raped her at the party. We left the party before she even got there.

All that to say I never question in my heart when anyone says they have been assaulted, raped or attacked in any way. No one has the right to harm another.

I also can’t UN-know his story and I shudder to think what would have happened to this boy I barely liked had he not had an alibi that night.

November 30/30 #1

  Saturday Night Live
 
 
We often squatted there.
 
The bed just a queen but we all fit so it feels king sized.
 
Family time in the room with the biggest television
happened nearly every Saturday night.
 
Tonight, Michael Jackson and Diana Ross will be singing to us.
A special night. We get to stay up late.
 
My sister worries a loose tooth.
It is so loose that it moves whenever she takes a breath.
In and out it wiggles there like a threat.
 
My brothers play checkers on one edge of the bed.
The younger brother lives for the triple jump.
"King me!" he yells wanting everyone to know of his victory.
They've been playing all day.
He hasn't won a single game.
He wears hope like a Boy Scout badge.
His eyes are glazed, he will fall asleep before the game is over.
 
The boyfriend soon to be father begs the younger daughter
with the loose tooth to let him pull it out.
She screams like she is on fire.
 
The older daughter reads Tiger Beat magazine
waiting for her future husband Michael
to smile at her from the glow of the television screen.
Soon she will be old enough to marry.
He will see her and fall in love.
He will, as long as Diana is not around.
 
The older brother leaves the room for a potty break.
When he returns the younger brother has fallen asleep fingers on his king.
 
The younger daughter with the loose tooth has also fallen asleep.
The boyfriend soon to be father taps the older sister on the shoulder.
Places a finger across his lips, points at the sleeping girl.
He pulls the tooth so easily the girl never moves.
The older daughter, older brother, mom and boyfriend soon to be father
giggle behind their palms.
 
Michael and Diana are singing now.
The older daughter has tears in her eyes.
She wishes Diana would stop touching her one day husband.
 
The younger daughter stirs. She wakes.
She staggers to the bathroom for a potty break.
The toilet flushes she turns on the faucet to wash her hands.
She screams like she is on fire.
Grabs at her throat.
Says she swallowed her tooth and now the tooth fairy won't come
and she thinks she's going to die.
 
The younger brother jerks awake.
Fingers still clutched around the checkers.
He takes a triple jump.
Declares himself the winner and falls back asleep.
 
The boyfriend soon to be father grabs up the younger sister.
Shows her her tooth.
She smiles a shaky smile. Thanks god she is not going to die.
Demands to be tucked in for bed.
She doesn't want to piss the tooth fairy off by making her wait.
 
The older boy puts the checkers in the box. He puts the game away.
He wakes the younger brother. He will deposit him on the lower bunk
Before he climbs to the top.
 
The older daughter kisses Michael goodnight.
There are six posters of him on the walls of her bedroom.
His face is kissing level on each.
She sleeps with Tiger Beat under her pillow.
Thoughts of MJ dancing in her head.
 
The mother and the boyfriend soon to be father
tidy up and ready themselves to do what grown folks do in the dark.
The house is quiet again.
Another Saturday night put to bed.

On the Tooth Fairy and Other Highly Sensitive Subjects

This is an article I wrote for a school publication back in the 90’s.
as i am a terrible typist... there are errors;-)

On the Tooth Fairy and Other Highly Sensitive Subjects

While working with the young minds of the future some of their questions have filled me with hope. Other comments have scared me to death. Watching them imitate life, assume ideas, change their minds, wet their pants make friends and pick their noses has changed the way I see some things.

Many issues are raised and questions asked about the mysteries and wonders of life in my classroom. Deep profound questions like “Why does poop stink?” That was an easy one, and I was glad to answer it. I grossed them out so bad the question didn’t reappear for many years.

Occasionally, I get that one question that I know the answer to, but to answer would lead to other uncomfortable questions that maybe a parent should answer like: “Where do babies come from?” fortunately for me I have been blessed to have in my classroom that one child, who while is much younger than I, has lived and knows everything.

“Where do babies come from? You don’t know that?” This is the usual first response, which usually gets a “Yeah,” or “Please, I knew that since I was four” comment. The asker of the question still waits for an answer, while the know-it-all decides whether he or she is too learned to answer such juvenile questions. After all he or she is a second grader and could be to busy to deal with such drivel. I fade into the background to hear their theories of the world.

One year when this particular question came up they came close to the right answer. Someone knew there was an egg. While I squirmed in my seat hoping and praying they wouldn’t ask me where it was, the know-it-all of that year went on to say, “When the menstruation doesn’t happen, the egg is laid.” Her hand on what would one day be a hip.

I giggled mostly in fear, because I had no idea what would come out of her mouth next. “The mommy doesn’t have a menstruation for a lot of months, I think it’s like thirty-six, then she goes to the doctor and has her baby.” A little off but very well done I thought to myself hoping again the ball wouldn’t land in my court. “My mom says you can take it back if it’s not the right one.” Another student says and before I can interject the little miss know-it-all pipes in, “Your mother lied to you!”

Listening carefully I realize the proverbial cat is about to be let out of the bag.

“She did not! My mother doesn’t lie to me!” he shouts back at her.

“Please.” Preached Little Miss Know-It-All, “Adults lie to children all the time. Lie telling you if you eat your vegetables you’ll grow up big and strong, when all the vegetarians I know are skinny and scrawny. Like when they say the shot won’t hurt? It does!”

She paused, and I thought now would be a good time to go outside for some fresh air, but she wasn’t finished. “I bet you still believe in Santa Clause, don’t you?” Faces throughout the room looked shocked and shattered.

I stood up and spoke, “People have a right to believe what they believe, respect and don’t mess with that.” A sigh of relief seemed to flow through the room. That’s when I realized that I have exposed myself, and watching Little Miss Know-It-All, I see that she sees it too. I am now standing on that spot some of us don’t like to be standing on.

“Have you ever lied to you children Mrs. Theresa?”

I broke out in a small, but not to obvious sweat. “About what?” I recovered, but I wasn’t out of the woods yet.

“Do your children think that there is a Santa Clause, Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy?”

My eyes widened as I prepared to be exposed like all of the other parents who were not there to witness our demise at the hands of a seven, I mean seven-and-a-half year old. Just as I was about to respond, not exactly sure of what I was going to say. My daughter, who had been sitting quietly, spoke up.

“My mother doesn’t lie to us! We don’t celebrate Christmas we celebrate Kwanzaa our ancestors bring us gifts. And if I am sitting there dying eggs, why would I believe a big rabbit brings them to me?”

A series of, “Yeah! See you don’t know everything rises from the crowd of second and third graders.

“Line up.” I say sending the class scrambling to be the first in line to go outside. Little Miss Know-It-All turned to look at me, her head cocked to the side, then turned to my daughter and said, “What about the Tooth Fairy?”

The hairs on the back of my neck did a dance. My daughter stood up, looked her right in the eyes and said, “When I lose a tooth, my mom puts it in an envelope, and the next day I have two dollars. Of course I believe in the Tooth Fairy!” Then she bounced away to line up with her friends.

Just then I felt a tug on my jacket. A very reassured Little Miss Know-It-All wearing an evil little grin looked at me and said, “I told you. Adults lie to children.”