Randomness

funny, i didn't realize how many Rolodex i have in my head. whenever someone approaches me grinning broadly i instantly try to get context, rarely obtained. kids throw me, school, camp, rally, was i at your school, or do you know my kids? based on the wideness of the grin it helps narrow it down. the i get the do you remember me?

dude, i want to say, i've been teaching and working with kids for over 20 years?

I don't say that.

i say, of course i know you???

no i don't say that either, that would be a lie.


instead i smile and say where did we meet. she says you performed at my school with a guy named heath i think. ayodele i remember. yes i remember you, i say. she grins then runs and points me out to her mother, sister, possibly a cousin....and i realize...


i am the zoo;-)

hats

funny how once you get over the fear of your own success you can see that fear in others. trippy

my son's allergies are really out of whack. i let him go on the trip with his grandma Alice but i am bugging the shyt out of them calling every couple hours to check on him. as the mom i expect to be fully held accountable for the plants blooming, the mold growing or whatever other allergen is out there attacking my baby. it will be a rough week waiting, then i will only see him for a few hours before the advance on Florida.... too many hats sometimes, i'll wear them. they are not always on straight (god forbid), sometimes they don't match, and sometimes they make my brain sweat. but i will wear them till my head falls off..

consequences

i'm sorry if i saw a man looking like he was breaking into a house i would call the police and if i was the police who responded and checked it out then walked way and you decided it was a good idea to call me names and be an asshole i would arrest you. yes we do have the freedom of speech, yes you can speak your own mind, but when in your entire life has talking back to authority figures not brought consequences?
and if I am a professor a teacher what exactly am i teaching, in that moment?

i think we've arrived at that crux. that tit for tat crux where any and everything done by a white person to a person of color depending on the level of negativity will be racist. And now that black is the new presidential, we've all been upgraded to potential racist based on that bullshyt of position of power, so anything done by a person of color to a white person will be deemed the same.

we also, not all of us, but a general us, seem to think that bad taste, rudeness, and disrespect are acceptable forms of communication. this is how and why derogatory cartoons make the new york times. how a man at a town hall meeting can fix his mouth to call any woman a bitch, let alone the first lady.
these times will get a whole lot more interesting, and worse before they are over.

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Moments

number 116 Moments



there a moments within moments
times locked away
no safer than when first born
they beckon
willing truth to rise like cream
scratching at eyes once veiled
in melancholy
smoothing memories once too close to touch
an unspoken presence
as tangible as removing shoes
willing ourselves to walk on the water of tears
collected in the worn wells
of tarnished souls
those moments show themselves
buried like treasure
unearthed in the remembering
acknowledged in the living
anger released
jaws unclenched
some windows aren’t windows
just reflections of what we close
away from ourselves
no vertical hold
our perceptions lurch
laughing becomes hard
when realization crashes
against the privacy of our own ears
when the whole world is bad reception
those moments
if embraced can realign hopes
cushion the throb behind temples
allow us to pray to personal gods that we can again
make our beds out of self respect
stop hiding from our own skin
lift the fog clouding our truths
clear our throats
embrace the emotional hangover
the mental roadblocks
focus on the space beyond our fears
our literal truths
they reside in those moments
our purist definition
no matter what the moon says

sorry

it seems my pc is under some strange attack where in no pictures at all are displayed. including the ones you have to click on in order to advance.then no internet at all without a long ago assigned password an attempt to reboot or whatever they call it the system... i called the att rep for tech support. he seemed shocked that i couldn't remember the password assigned to me years ago, then he told me that he would send me an email with my password..? when i asked him how exactly i retrieved email without the internet, he seemed stunned. speechless. then agreed it made no sense (reluctantly I might add)and set me a temporary password.. it still wouldn't work...so thank the goddess for my trusty MAC!