Thursday, May 09, 2013

Bully Culture Alive And Well And on a Television or Facebook Status Near You!

We live in a world where we celebrate the bad and tear down the good. It teaches it's citizens to vilify and pigeon hole and hate. It pushes lies an almost fact until we are all full and we can't see the good in people. There are no perfect humans. They are going to churn this man who did something good until he is as bad as the man who held these women captive. And the other humans with the bad things in their backyards that no one has discovered because their good hasn't made the little big screen will help smear this muck around until that is all there is. He's a hero and only the most fucked of the human race would get off on circumventing the good to glorify the bad.
I haven't slept much or well in a few days so the filters are loose.

This is the shyt that makes people not want to help each other and it's fucking bullying. When a society actively publicly bullies why the fuck is the same society shocked that it is a popular thing with the kids they have taught so well. It's the equivalent to the boy who slapped me in middle schools because he said I was too smart for my own good always getting A's and shit. The only difference he was one guy, what do you do when it's a nation bullying you? When it's one guy you can ambush his ass later try some of the tricks you learned in martial arts and threaten to cut off his goody parts and stuff them down his throat if he ever even thinks about touching you again. He won't be able to use my tactics on the nation. I personally am only going to share the positive. There is too much negative in this world I refuse to contribute. Now I get to add this to the other sad, thanks America.

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

32/30 Ethereal

There is a place inside of me unreachable by normal means
but normal hasn’t lived here in many years
so you may not recognize that objects
are not as close as they appear
and you are not as close as I thought
could be I need a stronger prescription
or my vision suffers from acute rose colored tint.

There was a time when I zombied my way through my existence
believing rejection was an anagram of my name
regardless of the lack of similar letters
I would write poems
hang them around my room
pretend they were mirrors
every once in a while I’d glimpse my own reflection
I’d wave and sometimes I waved back.

There was a winter when I felt less myself than usual
I took a walk without a coat
shivered myself calmer
held myself like a lover and in that instance
I wasn’t alone in my loneliness
I have never been truly warm since.

There is a place inside of me sometimes I scream in there
the echoes feel like pulse
so loud I cover my ears
but I am the only one who feels the terror of it
the only one who hears
this is probably a good thing.

31/30 Transparent

back in the bad old dark days
when I wore invisible
like forgotten in the margins
like a fancy shiny party dress
perfect for dancing
with a plunging neckline
to show off my self-esteem
slits up to my thigh
make-up thick like war paint
or the undertakings of undertakers
dead in my flesh
but hoping to catch your eye
you never remembered me
when I wore it
so I threw the dress away

every once in a while
like a haunting
someone else wearing your eyes
does not remember me
standing right there
and I feel that dress
the plunging neckline
a noose choking the breath
out of me
it does not fit the way it used to
something I cannot afford to be comfortable in

no one dances anymore

Friday, May 03, 2013

30/30 Do you have morals

my reaction
was not so much about the question
more about what you wanted to ask
but didn't

you were not concerned about my principles
or the distinction between right and wrong
you were calling me wrong
hoping my response would make you right

and it's sad really
me expressing conveying my truth
you judging
have I mentioned
I love the way you judge
the way you know wrong and right
because of the mere fact that
you are male and straight
quoting scriptures with that drink in your hand
Looking all sinful but with soul

but me
I'm too classy
won't ask if you've ever cheated on you wife
driven while high or imbibed
have you ever made a move
on someone young enough
to be your daughter
or fudged on your taxes
cut someone off in traffic
ever lied stole or gambled
because if i asked those
would be real questions
unlike the one you posed to me
I might be over reacting the way females do
and those lesbians they all radical and fringe

Now had you asked
do I conduct myself in such a way
that hundreds of parents entrusted
me with co-parenting privileges
or does anyone see me beyond my sexuality
or if the children I birthed and raised
hold my name in their hearts tight
or is it a fact that I can conform but choose not to
mostly because I refuse to be vague
in my existence

so excuse me
if I don't answer you question
but when you get brave enough
to ask the one lodged in you throat
the one tangled in your homophobia
when you ask the right question
trust me
I will have the right answer

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

29/30 What Some See As Hopeless

the problem with being a romantic
is that even though the siren song
blares it's warnings all ten decibels
a sound that clearly means
danger is ahead and you should run the fuck away
and on the faint of heart it works
they actually heed the warning
they avoid the sharp rock action
they head for calmer seas

but we romantic types
we run towards the sound
look for the storm clouds a smile
wrapped around sharp edges
we get just a little bit closer
closer, closer to the edge look over it
size up the fall decide well,
it isn't that far and besides our love
is so pure powerful
we feel a little indestructible
believe we can survive the rocks
choke our way through the waves
endure the storm
hell, we are lightning strike proof
and if we get destroyed
the more fanciful of us know
that at least we will look poetic
broken body strewn about the beach and
I'm so in love with you
spelled out in the sand in blood
seeping from our opened mouth
the same color of our hearts

i mean
we know we won't die
but there is just something
it's the color of you
the shape of your smile
that flutter kick stutter
thing that happens when our eyes meet
and the world tips
that's what does it
kills us every time

28/30 Digging For Lost Gold

so much of what happened
could have been avoided
a simple no
a withdrawal of eye contact
removal of the cables
before they attempt to
jump start old business
not accepting your friend request
that is what I should have done
had i done that actually listened
to my shoulder angels
both of them screaming
you know fucking better
with their flares and sirens
had i listened
so much of this could have been ignored

but honestly,
i don't think it could be avoided
i don't think i wanted to avoid it
i know i wanted to jump in
knew it was the deep end
but i was a fucking lifeguard once
and if i can save others surely
i can save myself plus
i wanted to see if for who it was in real time
wanted to touch it make it say my name again
hold it close again whisper in its ear
hands on my hips strapped in pleasure
breaking beds and climbing walls

i didn't avoid it because i
wondered if i sprawl under her
all X marks the spot my geography
all its boarders wide open
if she would remembered where
my treasure was buried
and plunder

she did