Sunday, October 09, 2011

in the future

You would think I'd be all freaked out about leaving, or being asked to leave, a job I have worked for over twenty years but I'm not. I have never been willing to jump through the hoops and ever since I received the email where I was told I was being insubordinate for taking a community issue to the community my view on this matter has become quite clear.

I was hired to empower children. You don't empower a child by not being completely honest with the child and the parents about the services you can or cannot provide. I have had to argue this issue with the powers that be and have been left in the past to think I was off? I think in my secret heart I kept hoping that the program would get back on track but at this point without a complete restructuring from the top down, it won't every get back on track.

Things are moving on though. I am finally back on track in my classroom. The weeks of disrespect and undermining are almost behind me. And my students finally get that,"why yes consequences exists and they exists for everyone." I hate that they had to go through that. It was most disturbing. The disruptor literally put his hands on everyone of them in an act of violence and were basically shown that they weren't important enough for something to be done about it. That is not cool and to add insult to injury he is still on campus. I am not at all surprised I mean the person in charge is the same person who told me, when one of his employees put her hands on my child, that I should get over it and let it go. I actually had to threaten to press charges and have her arrested on campus before anything was done. Fuckery. Right?

In my dreams, my last year was going to be all fun and no drama.....ooops. But I have seven months to to fill and I plan to fill it with fun.

My family has started a business. So even when I leave the classroom I will still be working in the arena of education. Very exciting times these are and I am so ready for it. Just environment where children's needs are met, no one dies, and no one with a DUI is driving them around town.... And there are no llamas and chickens and ducks..oh my!


The damn of it all

I don't get it. I mean I know what it is to be hurt. I even know what it is to expect to be hurt. What I don't get is making something out of nothing then not being willing to adit that you are wrong. I am wrong a lot. I tell my students constantly don't be afraid to make mistakes, but then learn from them, and try not to make the same mistake twice and keep it pushing.

Now don't get me wrong I can be as self righteous as the next guy, but come on. When it comes down to it if I'm wrong I'm wrong and I will admit to it. Eating crow from time to time is a part of being human. Wrap that shit in bacon and add some sauce, call it dinner or a light snack and keep on going.

I'm not sure I can keep doing this on again off again bullshit. I'm not too keen on being called a liar to my face especially when being quite honest. She accuses me of cheating. I stopped cheating when I stopped getting married. I honestly don't have time to work in more extra, extra curricular activities and gave up one night stands many years ago.

I don't work well with insecure people, in relationships. I am not quiet or closeted and I get a lot of attention from other people. If you are thinking that I have slept with every person who greets me, hugs me, or tags me in a picture on Face Crack then you are doing too much and I'm good. But I am not that damn good even on my best day. I am not into conquests and respect women far too much to become a womanizing woman.I can appreciate that she has trust issues but I don't appreciate the attempt to make those issues mine.

The suck of it is that I was finally starting to relax the walls carefully placed to protect my heart and damn if they aren't flying up again. And part of me wonders if that is it. Is it easier to pursue someone who you think might reject you as opposed to someone who really might want to make a life with you? Do you destroy it so that you can tell yourself that it would have happened anyway?

Fuckery I tell you!