juxtaposition

this constant movement
shifting spaces
retracing paths carved in the dark
everything has changed
including my mind
i thought this time would be different
i was wrong as usual
picking myself up from
a foundation that cracked in the settling
a fault line that broke something in me
something i thought was stable
i break under the strain
of unknown expectations
keeping afloat by sheer will
my motivation dwindles
and dawns
in this darkness that
shades my thoughts
and hardens a heart once
so malleable it could fold into anyone
i'm afraid now
a fear that grips me
leaves a smile on my lips and a feeling of emptiness
that seems like it could
go on forever
it makes me think i'm sick
fevers that come from nowhere
dry heaves that bring up nothing
but this overwhelming emptiness
i constantly try to fill with other things
to no avail
it seems again i've chosen a path
not suited for me
wrapped my faith in the unfaithful
tossed my tongue at the feet of one
who knows me but pretends not to
tramples my words
and in all this change i end up in my past
knocking on doors that refused to open
the first time
attempting to fling open soulful windows
nailed down like they were
the last time
a glimmer is all it would take to dispel the darkness
a glimmer
unseen by eyes that refuse to open for fear of what she'll find
shifting spaces
where my matter won't fit
changing to remain the same
locked in my head
locked out of my heart
constantly moving
going nowhere
fast