arrrghhh

it's like sleep walking backwards...
everything you react to is off cause you didn't see that shit coming??? not sure if that makes sense but i think you get it. i've felt very light the last week or two a foreign feeling and i realize how taxing some of the situations time has allowed me to extricate myself from really were.

and then there is she, we may actually be too smart for each other... lots of thinking, nah... that's not it. second date jitters no doubt is what it is.

you know how every relationship/acquaintance/alliance/shipwreck you've had since you came out has been flirt, kiss, fuck and all before the first date? sometimes before the last name? and definitely before the first orgasm?? yeah, i don't want this to be that. and that's what i'm used too. hummm, i think i'm good since we managed to stay on our feet through the first date, and i know i don't want anything similar to what i've had in the past, with her or any other person i might get involved with, besides it's been a minute and i'm almost positive i've forgotten how. being interesting and ignoring sexual tension is proving difficult, but oddly stimulating which feeds back into that tension thing. so as you can see it's a big sexy mess. i want us to go dancing tonight.... but whatever we do it will be fun i am sure.