Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Kaiser Permanete...... and Patient Care.. that shit don't go together....!

So what am I paying for? I am not sure most days. I called in the prescription and as usual I went to pick it up the next day. The irony that it is the eve of my father’s death from the same condition I have and that he was also a Kaiser victim isn’t lost on me. So I get there and they tell me that my prescription will not be filled the doctor said I have to have an appointment before they refill my prescription. I ask “Why didn’t someone call me to tell me this?” They shrug; I go to make an appointment. They tell me the soonest appointment is next Wednesday. They give me an appointment card. I take it to the pharmacy and they give me three pills. I tell them that my appointment is a week away and I’m pretty sure that’s seven days. How exactly are three pills supposed to cover that? The pharmacy chick says she has to talk to her manager. Then she tells me that I have to get an “emergency prescription” for the other days.

I go back to the appointment desk relay the message and she tells me they don’t do that. I go back to the pharmacist and they say “well there’s nothing we can do.” I go back to the appointment desk, relay yet another message and I say. “Maybe I’m confused. You say I have to take this everyday. I have an appointment a week away, four of those days I will not take a pill so if I stroke out on day, let’s say five can I get the rest of my prescription then. Or how about, if this conversation keeps going the way it is an my pressure shoots up right now can I get a prescription then or will it work better for you if I died tomorrow, that way my dad and I can both have the same death day anniversary proud Kaiser Permente patience heightened by the fact that we both went out the same way.” She picks up a phone and calls somebody. My phone rings. I answer. It’s my sister I say loudly in the crowded waiting room, “ Let me call you back, Kaiser is trying to kill me right now.” I hang up.

Then the woman says, and, pay attention because if it makes sense to you maybe you can explain it to me. She says, “We can’t give you an appointment until Wednesday, but if you call in the morning they can give you an appointment the same day.” I say,”Then why can’t you just give me an appointment for in the morning?” She said, and I quote, “We can’t do that.” I say,” That makes absolutely no sense. You can’t give me a prescription to last until my appointment, and you can’t make me an appointment tomorrow but if I call tomorrow I can get one tomorrow and the three pills should last me until then because giving me the medication you prescribed would ensure that I can indeed make it to the appointment on Wednesday but you can’t do that.” My phone rings. It’s my friend. I say, “ Let me try to call you back. I am at Kaiser where they are planning my death and depending on how this goes I may or may not call you back.” Yes I say it loudly. She, the woman picks up a phone and calls somebody.

Then she says, “ A doctor will see you right now.” I glare at her tell her though my pressure is up I will do my best not to stroke out in the waiting room.” Then she reminds me that I need to pay 35 bucks….
When they asked me did I have a pleasant visit at Kaiser today I said, “No. It was fucked up and felt a little like pre-meditated murder, but thanks for asking.”

I don’t understand how you can keep a straight face while spewing complete bullshit. I mean I do know it is done I hear it weekly at an open mic here or there , but I still don’t understand it and this just seemed extra dumbass.. This has been a bad customer service week for me let’s just hope the muses have had their fun and I get a scathing, bad ass poem out of it. It could happen.

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