reality

My school year thus far has been a hot mess. So much so that I was forced to remove my rose tinted glasses. I know that the support from my administration has been less and less in the last ten years but even knowing this it still feels like a slap. I follow the rules and procedure but with all of my years experience with classroom management when there is no accountability eventually the sickness will trickle down and infect. I despise apathy. I despise even more than apathy undermining, and yet, I find myself caught in the muck and mire of both. I can't even be mad at the student, whose behavior was so far off the fucking chain, for taking advantage of the advantages given to him. If I could break all the rules, add some violence, and very scary behavior, get sent to the office and watch as nothing happened. I too, would feel the power in that and exploit it. Why not? I mean if folks are just giving power away, hell yes, I want mine. But this is not how you empower children, not in any productive way. And while it gave him a false sense of power it showed me how little administration respected me as a teacher, a woman and a human. I knew I'd learn the most in my last year.

So now I have to reign in the others who think that as long as they don't do what he did they can do whatever. Really? My in-house discipline will teach them otherwise. I will have my last year and enjoy it, and it will be the last thing I do in my current employment.

What happens next?
I have no Idea. But I am unafraid and excited to see myself on the other side.