THE NIGHT BEFORE FITZMAS

This is some funny shit and I wish I wrote it!!!!!


THE NIGHT BEFORE FITZMAS
Anonymously submitted to Portside

'Twas the night before Fitzmas, and in the White House
Every one was scared shitless, and Bush was quite soused.
The indictments were hanging like Damocles' sword
As verminous oxen prepared to be gored.

The perps were all sleepless, curled fetal in bed,
While visions of prison cells loomed in each head.
And Dick in his jammies and George in his lap
Were sweating and swearing and looking like crap.

When out on the web there arose such a clatter,
The blogs and the forums were buzzing with chatter.
Away to the PC Rove ran like a flash;
He booted his browser and cleared out his cache.

The rumors that flew through the cold autumn air
Made Dubya shiver with angry despair.
When what to his horror-filled eyes did he spy?
A bespectacled man with a brown suit and tie!

With an impartial manner that gave Bush the shits,
He knew in a moment it must be St. Fitz!
With unwavering voice, his indictments they came.
He cleared out his throat and he called them by name:

Now Scooter, Now Libby,
Now Blossoming Turd,
Now Cheney, dear Cheney,
Yes, you are the third.
To the bench of the court,
Up the steps, down the hall,
Now come along, come along,
Come along, all!

He then became silent and went right to work.
He filed the indictments and turned with a jerk
And, pointing his finger at justice's scale,
Said, "The people be served, and let fairness prevail."
He then left the room, to his team gave a nod,
And the sound could be heard of a crumbling facade.
And we all did exclaim, as he faded from sight
"Merry Fitzmas to all, and to all a good
night!"


_______________________________________________________portside (the left side in nautical parlance) is a news,discussion and debate service of the Committees ofCorrespondence for Democracy and Socialism. It aims toprovide varied material of interest to people on the left.

Done!!

The fat lady has sung,
the war has been won,
the goddamn cakes done
T can go have some fun

The ship has sailed,
the felon made bail,

the chips have fallen where they may
freedom came in the light of day

I am so happy I could hit the ceiling
the deed is done
Elvis has left the building

really bad poetry for a really good day!!!!!
and yes I know it sounds cliche
but shut up and get off your ass
join me at the brew house for a giant Bass
Ale that is............

Too Much Stuff

Wow! Where to begin. This has been and continues to be a very strange month. I had my show in Sautee this past weekend and it was GREAT! Gypsee Yo came down and knocked their socks off! If it wasn't for that straight married thing I'd be so in love with her for different reasons, for now she is one of the most together under thirties I know! And I LOVE THAT!! It's such a rare thing! The show was great!
I came home on Sunday and when I got my son back from his dad he had a fever and was struggling with his breathing.
I thought he's coming down with a cold.
I went to the pharmacy to get Motrin to do the Tylenol and Motrin molotalf cocktail, the sure fire way to reduce a fever quickly.
When I returned his breathing was extremely shallow.
I made a phone call and then off we went to the emergency room.
His dad showed and it was not a pleasant experience for me, to say the least.
How can the phrase "DON'T TALK TO ME!" Translate to talk to me often about shit!
They gave my baby 6 Abuterol treatments in less than 24 hours.
He was running around like a baby crackhead!
Heart buzzing and going, going, going!
They ended up admitting him.
More steroids and breathing treatments.
It's pneumonia, it's asthma, no it's pneumonia, we think it's asthma!
They don't fucking know what it is!
He was treated for both!
Doctors are idiots with licenses.
Z doesn't have insurance because someone (whom I shall be divorced from with the quickness next week! Yeah!) refused to pay the forty bucks a month I requested.
Well I guess he much preferred the more than TWO- THOUSAND dollars he will be charged, because yes, I told them he would be responsible for the bill.
Take all his info including and especially his social security number!
Marriage is almost as big a joke as medicine!
NEITHER of which to me are funny!
And I have a great sense of humor!
Ask me and I will tell you how funny I am DAMMITT!!!!!
I cannot wait until next Tuesday!
I will be seeing you at the BREWHOUSE @9PM to Celebrate!!!!!!!!!
We will be drinking to me never making this mistake again,
Marriage is evil!!!
EVIL!!!
EVIL!!!!!

How the World Turns or My Stomach

no capitalization this is a rant.
so with all the insanely odd things that have been happening to me lately, i have had to take a step back and try to get a fix on it. because as strange as it has been cool things have happened in between and around all the crazy.
so getting ripped off at church...... deep meaning
"don't drop your guard even in those places where it would seem you'd be the safest, shit happens and it can happen to you!"
near death by port o potty.........deep meaning
"don't follow shit that's carrying shit, cause shit happens and it can happen to you!"
possible attempted robbery.........deep meaning
"there are people who look at every one as a victim, they believe they can create victims and they are often right. don't underestimate the mean in people be wacthful so that when shit happens it doesn't have to involve you being robbed, shot, raped or some other fucked up shitty situation!"
possible death by flaming fan.......deep meaning
" when you buy shit made by people there is a good chance the workmanship will also be shitty and that shit may one day burst into flames at some ungodly hour and when shit like that happens you can't have a shit fit and freak you just have to handle your shit!"
Divorce becoming final on Oct. 25.......deep meaning
"freedom from all the other shit!"

Freedom

Join me for a drink to toast my official freedom!
It's about goddamn time!!!

The Brewhouse October 25th @ 9pm!!!!!!
If you can make it please do, The home of The Big Ass Beer, cause this is a Big Ass Deal!
Hope to see you there!!!!!
Theresa Davis
Single woman

OH MY GODDESS

My whole class is suffering from some kind of adolescent reflux crossed with kiddy alsheimer, add a touch of rainman. Definitely, definitely strange. They just keep yelling out random crazy shit. I have no idea what they are saying. One actually had the nerve to answer his cell phone during a math lesson. I came so close to cursing.
instead I said
"Do you have a problem?"
" I thought it was my dad?"
"why would your dad call you at school?"
"his car might have broken down?"
"what kind of sense does that make? If it did break down what could you do?"
"he could pick me up and I could help him." (in a whinning voice)
" are you injured?"
"huh"
"are you injured? Did you hit your head or ingest some mind numbing substance?"
"huh"
"if your dad's car broke down how could he come to pick you up? And what mechanical skills do you have that would make your help more important than say.... A mechanic?"
"huh"
"answer the phone again in school and it becomes an archeological artifact buried in the bottom of my desk never to be found again."
"huh"
the entire class,"TURN OFF THE PHONE, STUPID!"
"Huh"
Never a dull moment in middle school.

What's Going on!!?

Pirate Pic

I made a damn good PIRATE if I do say so myself!
We couldn't plunder on an empty gullet....arrrr So we cast off to Steak a Shake me harty!