My life with Zion, the love of my life!!

Zion in the middle of a flashback of the one month he went to day care when he was four, at the end of the, "We need to go there and if those women are still alive, we need to save the children because if they (the adults) are any thing like they were when I was there, a child is being spanked right now!"

Then he says, "Hey mom, did any black people die in Wolverine?"
"No Zion. A black bear bought it though."
Silence
"Mom, you know my favorite part of Wolverine?"
"No black people died?"
"So that was you're favorite part too! That proves it. I'm your son!"

So, I'll tell you if I haven't already, about when Zion walked out of the last last X-Men movie because the black character named Darwin, who is supposed to be able to adapt to his surroundings was killed. I believe the declaration as he stomped out of the theater was, "HOW THE HECK YOU GOING TO CALL THE BLACK CHARACTER DARWIN AND HIS POWER IS TO ADAPT TO HIS SURROUNDINGS AND HE DIES BECAUSE HE CAN'T ADAPT TO HIS SURROUNDING!!THAT'S IT!! I'M MAKING MY OWN MOVE AND GUESS WHAT MOM? EVERYBODY IN IT WILL BE BLACK MOM. AND GUESS WHAT MOM? NO ONES GONNA DIES!"

It was a very proud moment for me. I get all teary just thinking about it... That's my baby. Hercules, Hercules!!

Phone Date FAIL!!!####

The first one went well. Discovery, similar interests, closer to my age. This one started off fine. I told her how I just had dinner with my best boy friend The Ken of J, how I wanted to kidnap him to Savannah but he couldn't but it's in the plans for the future. She told me about her day and her plans for the rest of the weekend and we chat about plans to meet face to face next week.

She says, " Let's play a game. I am going to ask you a random question and you answer it then you can ask me one."
I think, great!Let's play.
The question is , " What is a reason you might give your partner flowers?"
I say, "Saturday. I am a romantic any day is a reason to give flowers or office products or whatever thing I am looking at that makes me think of my partner and that my partner should have it."
She says, "Awww, that's beautiful. You know I can count on my hands and not use all of the fingers the number of times my EX gave me flowers."
Then she documents the times. A lot!
I say, " Well, situations change and so do people. When would you give flowers or the like?"
She says, " Well, I have so little experience with that because my EX....."
I'm not sure how it happened but suddenly we are talking about her ex, and when I say we I mean she. For over an hour.

Now several things occur to me as I zone out of the conversation.

1 - I am tired of seeing/dating/fucking folks still hung up on their EX's.
2 - Internet dating kinda sucks.
3 - Why isn't there a class or something for this?
4 - I should paint this room.
5 - Is it that I am having some insecurity about breathing on the neck of fifty, that I think I will not be desirable and this is why I have put myself in this place?

I try to redirect. "What's the last movie you saw?"
"Well, my EX and I saw......"

?
?
?

Done.

I am lonely. But not this lonely.

Encounter #5

I pretend you don't exist sometimes
place your image in a box next to my heart
I pull you from my chest every once in a while
to be dazzled by your smile
resist the urge to sink
because you could drown me beautiful.

When you called today
I felt the shimmy under my ribs
heard the want in your voice
decided it might be safe to call you real
that my old-fashioned heart could
forget a decade plus and maybe
one day you'll call me cougar.

What I notice first is my need to write
make you etched and hope
push the "R" harder on this keyboard
so I know how Real this could be
and maybe I need these words
to remind myself not to be afraid
not to move too fast a known flaw
because you could drown me beautiful.

~Encounter #2

when she asks what I am feeling
I don't tell her
she doesn't really want to know
the question is so vague and my answer
could be unwanted shrapnel
lodged between breast bone
instead I ask for specifics
about the what and why
she smiles
asks for a kiss instead
that answer
I give freely
without question

sigh

The problem with falling for a friend
is that you won't know if it is love
till the moment you are about to lose her
forever.

Taher Shakir

Common Sense

I always find it interesting when people target groups of people having no idea what they are talking about. Like just because they say a thing, it is so! It’s pathetic really the amount of time spent spinning old yarns like if I spin it the right way it will somehow make sense this time. I won’t. The sweater is still too tight, too ugly and smells of lies, lied so long ago they just get more pungent in the re-telling.

It seems that the more we evolve (some of us), the more we de-evolve. I get that the idea of someone living their lives on their own terms is frightening but shouldn’t it be more frightening to the one living that life, not the one fantasizing on how other’s live their lives? I mean I don’t worry about how you are going to pay your bill. Those are YOUR bills. I am certainly not going to worry about what is happening (or not) in your bedroom. That’s YOUR bedroom!

So, unless respect for self and others has been out sourced with oh so many jobs, I’m thinking it’s your job to mind your business, not anyone else’s.