again

i have fucked up for sure. i have never acknowledged a crush til now, and i should never do it again. i am miserable. i have never felt so helpless as i feel right now. and all could have been avoided. should have been avoided. you are friends. just friends. the sooner you acknowledge this the sooner you can stop crying yourself to sleep at night, the sooner you can stop inserting yourself... remember that time when you didn't care. if you could just get back to when you didn't care. then you never cried yourself to sleep, never felt so small. remember that! i know. we worked at being soft, open, and it hurts. can we close ourself off again? then you can just be a friend. people like you better when you are just a friend. i am tired of feeling like i don't know myself. i am tired of being sad. so tired.