damn

so, self reflection is probably
not what you want to do
when what you want to do
is pretend it didn't happen
that you aren't your own worst enemy
and your insecurity is baffling
even to yourself so it quite
possibly stumps the rest
punctuation has no place here
because i just keep running and ruining
i had a pep talk with my kid last night
i was so worried i'd do something wrong
that i wouldn't control myself
she told me what not to do
and guess what
i could not control myself
i won't tell them how fucked up i have made things
it's the first time they were happy with my choices
they will hate me for sure when i tell them
so the girl with issues about being alone
fearful of it in fact
has the uncanny skill of pushing people away

i gotta get busy
i gotta get going
i gotta stop hurting the people i love
i gotta stop hurting myself

when exactly do the tears run out
and what the fuck am i going to do with this headache

i wanna smoke, i'm not going to
my new bedroom is so dark
like a little cave
ill stay here until the kids start to worry
then i'll pretend everything is fine