Sunday, April 16, 2006

I am listening to ME

I have been in my head for several weeks now.
I know you're probably thinking, better in your head than out of your mind.
I give you that, but being so far in your head is not good for me.
If I'm in my head how is all the good shit going to get out?
It's not.
I have had an amazing two months.
Almost all of it positive.
I made the Art Amok Slam team!
Hell, yes!
I can't wait to go to Austin and shake some shit up.
I finally think I am at the level where I can compete and not completely suck.
I don't take myself to seriously.
I don't have fits when I fuck up...
on stage...
meaning I don't have the fit on stage...
I usually give my self a good non-verbal mental tongue lashing....then buy myself a drink to make up with me.
Oh yeah, and I give myself a hug.
A big one.
Two in fact a mental one and a physical one.
I and me we have a cool relationship like that.
See, I sees me fucking up and ME says," Damn that was fucked up, I, don't do that shit again you embarrass us both." Then I listens to ME and stops talking in case I is saying something fucked up, or I stops in her tracks in case she is doing something fucked up.
It's probably a Gemini Thing, and that's all the more reason to perfect the art of an I, ME
You should know how to recognize I and ME.
I am usually up on stage reaming a politician, cursing out an ex-husband or lover,
pretending to never want to fall in love again, and really wanting to fall in love, again.
She usually professes all these things and more in front of a mic.
Or when hanging with friends.
Or when hanging with family.
Or pretty much anytime I opens her mouth.
ME is the one who after a show is over stimulated and a little stand off-ish right off stage, at first. But she usually calms down and talks and always forgets to promote I's merchandise. And gets really strange mixed emotions when spotted at QT and reminded of lines from I's poems, or is photographed while out with digital cameras or camera phones ( I will be venting on camera phones in the near future).
After a reading, ME can't calm down she has to go somewhere surround herself with anything that may bring her down. Because I's poetry makes ME kinda high, in that non-narcotic kind of way.
Me is not as expressive as I.
She gets tongue-tied, especially when the topic is anything to do with herself in a non-mom, non-poet, non-performer kind of way. When ME has to talk about herself, I, chills in the background. She doesn't help find the words or explain themselves until she can't take ME's stammering and then she helps a sister out.
I can be a bitch like that.
But ME, doesn't hold a grudge.
The one thing that they have in common is that both I, and ME have completely lost the ability to bullshit.
Makes us kinda unpredictable in that predictable kind of way.
Me is trying to break out a little bit not be so afraid to open herself up.
I is having some issue with the whole thing.
She thinks we should control everything the same way we have been for years.
When ME and I had a lunch date to discuss the matter.
I stood her up.
I can be a bitch like that, but ME took it as a sign.
So she's sharing more personally so I's writing is changing.
I's a little shaken by this, actually frustrated and pissed off might better describe it, but she'll get over it.
All in all what I am tying to say is that for ME, listening to your inner dialogue is a good thing. Make your I, ME relationship work.
And remember, an inner dialogue is different than voices in your head.
Be careful listening to other voices in you head...those can be bad.

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