I am tired.
My body is betraying me and trying to act 40.
I didn't sleep last night.
Not at all.
I thought I was sleep but ...No I wasn't.
I woke feeling like I had been dusted with pollen and run over by a truck.
It's not unlike other mornings when I haven't slept the night before.
I was thinking about it and in the last month I think I may have slept a total of 6 days.
Probably not good.
I am expecting a psychotic episode any minute now.
Ooooh, but when I snap, I want it to be good!
I want phrases like, "We didn't see that coming'"
and " You know, I knew her ass was crazy"
and my favorite, "She did what!!!"
I go in and out of interrupted sleep cycles.
There was once this time a couple years ago I had insomnia for almost three months.
No sleep at all!
I was hanging like a thread.
People would stay in my classroom waiting for me to break or pass out.
I would lie in bed an cry myself to exhaustion. My body would shut down.
I would lie there eyes closed, but no REM cycle would happen for me.
When I finally broke, I was hanging out on a Friday with Sally, my best friend in the whole wide world, when I ran home to get something. When I didn't come back someone came to look for me . I was passed out on the bed. I was told my pulse was checked. The mirror placed under my nose to make sure I was still breathing. and Sally stayed with me the first night, I think. I slept for three days straight. I didn't eat or drink without someone rousing me and making me.
I don't want to do that again.
I am afraid that soon it is going to affect my performances. I don't want to take a sleeping pill, and I won't. I am trying to think of activities that tire me out.
I would say sex, but I can be a bit insatiable at times so I technically am not the one tuckered out. Maybe the tour will do it.
I leave Saturday for D.C./ Baltimore!
I love performing out of town.
I could totally fuck up and they won't know!