wishes

i wish i'd never met you
never allowed the walls carefully crafted
around myself to crumble in pieces at your feet
allowed myself to care
i wish i'd never met you

the years it took to rebuild me
the effort put in to righting myself
the years now default because i met you and
i wish i never had

how easy it would be
if the reasons for the failure
were mine
i didn't share my life's work
my friends my family
how easy it would be if we'd never met the woman
who could not pronounce the letter s
as we moked and miled at the wonder
and
i still wish i'd never met you
cause sharing the part of me
that i wanted you and only you to see
from a perspective of sharing
components not to be compartmentalized
into bullshit
but that is what it was
bullshit
and you knew it all along
and while i thought i was building a friendship
i was actually tearing it down and
i wish i'd never met you

never traveled state to state
when i thought you wanted to know me
not just date
cause that's so so much deeper

i traverse the distance and measure out the time
i divide and add then subtract
it all equals to this fact
i wish i'd never met you
then my old haunts wouldn't haunt me
my memories wouldn't be in print
my hope for a friendship i valued
would might
may
could still be in tact
i long for the day that you glared at me
i retreated
but dejected girl scout that i am
when the chance came to meet you again......
i wish i'd never met you
if we had never met
because maybe
maybe
you would have actually
gotten to meet
me
but instead
i met you