Monday, August 08, 2005
If Loving This is Wrong I Don't Want to be Right
It seems wrong to be this happy.
I said at the beginning of the summer that if I couldn't cut it with this poetry thing,
that I'd have to give it considerably less of my time.
Cut back on everything and stick to the writing aspects.
Never in a million years could I have dreamed the summer I have had!
You get to a point in your life where you don't necessarily expect the worst but it happens.
It occurred to me tonight that I haven't been this happy with myself in a very long time.
My children are supportive and healthy,
and I am starting my 15th school year,
(mind you this is the only job I've had for more than two years),
My ex and Dubya are fucking up royally, but they make for great writing subjects,
and in the same week, I do my first internet radio interview,
I get my own poetry page in Labrys Magazine,
and Word Diversity collective Kicks Off!
In addition, a new dance company will premier and two of my poems are a part of the choreography,
I posed naked earlier this summer( with my fat ass),
and managed to make my mother proud at the same time!
And I can't help but think of Jikki!
I love and miss him so much,
and I know in my soul he's proud of me
and I am grateful,
that before he left this world physically
he gave me the verbal kick in the ass
I needed to realize and understand that
I got in the way of my own happiness,
that I deserve to be happy,
and that I am the only one who could do it for me.
He knew he couldn't hand it to me,
but he released me nonetheless.
Thank you, Jikki!
Now I have to go wash my face,
bawling like an idiot will only result in puffy eyes and a major headache.
I couldn't sleep through the thoughts swimming in my brain, now I think I can.