therapy

i'm in a strange head these days
fogged over with doubt and neglect
i'm not taking care
and no ones taking care of me
feeling lack luster
and transparent
i don't think i'm happy
not really
not depressed per say
but who knows i could be
feeling out of sorts and out of control
people i thought i knew
forcing me to edit them in my life
not out of my life but in a different place
far away from me
very cool things are happening in some places
but in other places there's a pulling away
that i can't control
wanting to hear i love you
from those who have a choice in the matter
wanting to utter the words myself
holding my tongue for fear the phrase can't or won't be returned
my life has too many
tugs and pulls in different directions
and i like it for the most part
keeps me on my toes
besides
i've never been selfish
i'm the sleep deprived one who will do whatever, whenever
but i find my self wanting to be selfish
but resisting the urge to do it
it's not me
but i don't feel much like me lately
so maybe it's ok
feeling wounded and dazed
like the big hurt is waiting on the edges
tired and can't sleep
thoughtful
but i can't think
or maybe i can and i'm just not paying attention
and not making much sense
whew....free therapy rocks!