I got a call from bio-dad yesterday.
He never calls me on purpose so I knew something had happened.
Last time he called me on purpose, it was to inform me that his step-son had been released from prison. Like the event would change my life. He was convicted of robbery, drug possession and all the other shit crackheads do when they need a fix.
He was supposed to go to jail.
This time.
His wife died.
Another event that doesn't change my life.
He wanted me to know when the funeral would be.
Now, this woman hated me.
No more or less than I hated her.
I was the one they used to help cover the affair.
He (bio-dad) would tell my mom he was going to spend the day with the kiddies (all 4 of us), then take us to her house, lock us up in the basement with snacks, TV and toys, with her son, while they bumped uglies. Sometimes we'd be shuffled off to his mom's house. Again locked up in the basement or in the back yard forbidden to enter the house, until given permission.
He met her in church.
So in his head it wasn't an affair.
It's who god wanted him to be with.
God wanted him to leave his wife and children.
God wanted him to use his children as camouflage.
God, I suppose also had a hand in his inability to be honest with his wife about the plan.
So domestic abuse became the tool and the reason he would use to force my mom to leave for all our safety.
Like no one would know he had a church lady on the side.
She's been in bad health for years.
I remember years ago when he finally brought his ass to GA. to meet grandchildren he'll never really know. He brought his fucking mistress with him. How tacky is that? Tried to hide her. When I deduced who she was he asks me not to tell my mother. Like she would give a fuck. I said wow it's true. He said what's true. I told him,"Tell your wife she should have been careful how she got her's seems she's losing hers the same way."
He didn't think that was funny.
I simply said it was true.
Needless to say we aren't close.
My sister wants to know if I'm driving to St. Louis for the funeral.
What do you think?
She thinks I should forget and forgive.
I think I'm bored.
She passed away the day before her birthday.
That's the most interesting thing about this woman.
And possibly the only thing I'll remember about her.
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
HHHHHMMM
I have been limping so long that now that my burn has healed I keep limping.
I think my friends were right though I would never tell them this, but days off my feet did the trick. I still get the occasional stabbing pain that makes me stop and take a breath and some tender times when I have to walk gingerly but for the most part , much, much better.
I finally got my shit moved and I can not believe how much shit I have.
The house we moved from is half the size of this one and this one is full to popping.
I am hoping to be able to have some folks over soon so I've been cleaning like a mad woman.
If I get it together I will have a get together.
Just thought I'd share that!
Happy Wednesday!
I think my friends were right though I would never tell them this, but days off my feet did the trick. I still get the occasional stabbing pain that makes me stop and take a breath and some tender times when I have to walk gingerly but for the most part , much, much better.
I finally got my shit moved and I can not believe how much shit I have.
The house we moved from is half the size of this one and this one is full to popping.
I am hoping to be able to have some folks over soon so I've been cleaning like a mad woman.
If I get it together I will have a get together.
Just thought I'd share that!
Happy Wednesday!
Monday, December 26, 2005
Wrap
This has been an amazing year!
I have done so many things that were exciting, unintended, and insane.
So far, So good, I've survived it. Well I will have if I am here to update come the 1st.
The one thing I might not do that I wanted to this year is wear my hair for a shirt.
My daughters have informed me that they will be mortified if I do this. To them it is the equivalent of a nudie spread in a girlie magazine. I explained that that is what you do before three children not after. They ask me daily if I am going to do it wearing faces of pending doom. I don't know...still on the fence about it. To mortify or not to mortify? That is the question.
Last year this time I found out I had to have surgery and this blog was born.
Minor surgery in January
Major surgery in February
First out of town college campus gig in March
Several more cool gigs in April
Turned the big 40 in May
Hang out in New Orleans,
buy a cool ass hat,
first erotic photo shoot,
have my first one night stand
Sautee Nachoochee in June
3 features in July
My poetry is Choreographed ( and rocks!!!)
National Poetry Slam in New Mexico in August
and Poetic Heart is born (my page in Labrys)
Tattoo in September ( hurt like hell)
Flaming fan on October (hurt like hell)
divorce finalized,
emergency room visit with Z,
Show at Kennesaw State
New house in November
dental issues in December and now I ponder wearing my hair for a shirt.
In between all this time I have met some of the coolest people on the planet.
I am slightly disturbed by the fact that I've only had sex once this year......
shit it's like I was married again.
I will strive to do better in the new year.
I have done so many things that were exciting, unintended, and insane.
So far, So good, I've survived it. Well I will have if I am here to update come the 1st.
The one thing I might not do that I wanted to this year is wear my hair for a shirt.
My daughters have informed me that they will be mortified if I do this. To them it is the equivalent of a nudie spread in a girlie magazine. I explained that that is what you do before three children not after. They ask me daily if I am going to do it wearing faces of pending doom. I don't know...still on the fence about it. To mortify or not to mortify? That is the question.
Last year this time I found out I had to have surgery and this blog was born.
Minor surgery in January
Major surgery in February
First out of town college campus gig in March
Several more cool gigs in April
Turned the big 40 in May
Hang out in New Orleans,
buy a cool ass hat,
first erotic photo shoot,
have my first one night stand
Sautee Nachoochee in June
3 features in July
My poetry is Choreographed ( and rocks!!!)
National Poetry Slam in New Mexico in August
and Poetic Heart is born (my page in Labrys)
Tattoo in September ( hurt like hell)
Flaming fan on October (hurt like hell)
divorce finalized,
emergency room visit with Z,
Show at Kennesaw State
New house in November
dental issues in December and now I ponder wearing my hair for a shirt.
In between all this time I have met some of the coolest people on the planet.
I am slightly disturbed by the fact that I've only had sex once this year......
shit it's like I was married again.
I will strive to do better in the new year.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
So Fast
So Fast
Theresa Davis 2005
It happened so fast
so fast it was like I wasn't there
one minute I was me
the next moment
I was me in love with you
suffering lustful whiplash
that began to turn into something real
something wanted
something I don't think I can live without
it happened so fast
my mantra
I'm not the type to settle down
I'll never fall in love again
comes back on ,me
stuck on replay
taunting me with an unspoken
I told you so
as I try to catch up
try to take it all in
it just happened so damn fast
I can't remember the days when I never thought about you
cause I can't get you off of my mind
your image disturbs my sleep
memories of you burned into my retina
you reflected in every surface
you face floats in my coffee
32 oz a day
so I see you often
I wonder if you feel it too
or did it happen so fast
that I left you behind
my heart in overdrive
pounding in my ears
drowning out your words
I wonder if you feel it too
it feels like you feel it too
drawn like magnets
sliding down smooth surfaces
I'd ask
but I'm afraid of what you might say
traveling this fast
if you stop me in my tracks
it could break my heart
Theresa Davis 2005
It happened so fast
so fast it was like I wasn't there
one minute I was me
the next moment
I was me in love with you
suffering lustful whiplash
that began to turn into something real
something wanted
something I don't think I can live without
it happened so fast
my mantra
I'm not the type to settle down
I'll never fall in love again
comes back on ,me
stuck on replay
taunting me with an unspoken
I told you so
as I try to catch up
try to take it all in
it just happened so damn fast
I can't remember the days when I never thought about you
cause I can't get you off of my mind
your image disturbs my sleep
memories of you burned into my retina
you reflected in every surface
you face floats in my coffee
32 oz a day
so I see you often
I wonder if you feel it too
or did it happen so fast
that I left you behind
my heart in overdrive
pounding in my ears
drowning out your words
I wonder if you feel it too
it feels like you feel it too
drawn like magnets
sliding down smooth surfaces
I'd ask
but I'm afraid of what you might say
traveling this fast
if you stop me in my tracks
it could break my heart
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Tuesday
Who cares if it's bad for you, as long as it's good!" says Josh middleschooler extraordinaire!
I can't help but think he's right I am digging my class today in all their strangeness.
Today the father of the kidnapped twins still doesn’t have his report on child safety.
Another child left home alone.
And yet another mauled by a dog.
She wants a do-over? I told her reality not reincarnation math.
One kid has taken the diaper off his sugar baby and is funneling the sugar deposited in the diaper into his mouth.
That's gross!
I know its sugar but the idea of eating out of your baby's diaper is gross.
He said he didn't want the sugar to be wasted; I said in the diaper it represents waste.
GROSS!!!
The girl sitting next to him picked up her baby and walked away, very funny.
I am ending the baby thing on Friday. Only 3 students have kept up with their children consistently.
More Later!
I can't help but think he's right I am digging my class today in all their strangeness.
Today the father of the kidnapped twins still doesn’t have his report on child safety.
Another child left home alone.
And yet another mauled by a dog.
She wants a do-over? I told her reality not reincarnation math.
One kid has taken the diaper off his sugar baby and is funneling the sugar deposited in the diaper into his mouth.
That's gross!
I know its sugar but the idea of eating out of your baby's diaper is gross.
He said he didn't want the sugar to be wasted; I said in the diaper it represents waste.
GROSS!!!
The girl sitting next to him picked up her baby and walked away, very funny.
I am ending the baby thing on Friday. Only 3 students have kept up with their children consistently.
More Later!
Friday, December 09, 2005
She's not listening
I spent all day on Saturn....I wish the planet, felt like I was on another planet.
I didn't lose my shit today, and that's good.
I do believe I am to pretty to go to jail.
They fixed my car and caught themselves before they completely uttered $700.00, because I was on the edge. You all know I have an issue with things being hauled and falling off trucks and all I could think of while my Baby Orange was being hauled on a truck was how fucked up it would be if it fell off. And if I were driving, I would so not be behind this truck hauling a car.
So I get out of Saturn and go to the QT.
Cause that's what you do after a marathon day at Saturn.
I have been drinking coffee all day and yes at 4pm wanted more.
This woman.
This very light skin woman.
This very, very, light skinned woman, says very loudly "WHAT BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS!"
I don't respond because I don't know she's talking to me because clearly I don't wear braids.
She gets close to me as I am stirring a coffee concoction.
Note to reader: It is very tempting while at the QT to mix that fake coffee shit to make a cool and interesting flavor. It's a bad idea. Only makes it taste like many different kinds of shit.
She gets closer.
So close that instinctively I step back thinking I've somehow stepped into her personal space. Even louder than before she say"IT MUST HAVE TAKEN THEM HOURS TO MAKE ALL THOSE WONDERFUL BRAIDS. THEY ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL, REALLY WONDERFUL."
I look around again then realize she's talking to me.
"Locks, not braids," I said.
"IT MUST HAVE TAKEN HOURS...HOW MANY HOURS DID IT TAKE."
"They aren't braids my hair grows like this."
"DID YOU GET IT DONE HERE? ARE YOU FROM HERE?"
"Not braids."
"I THINK ITS AMAZING HOW THEY DO THAT MAKE THOSE BRAIDS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE THAT. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST FOR THEM TO BRAID IT AND DECORATE IT LIKE THAT."
This whole thing seems funny, then I feel like she's ignoring me, then I think she's an idiot, and I can't figure out why she's yelling.
"I did it myself, not braids locks."
"SOME OF THEM LOOKS SO FAKE BUT YOURS LOOKS SO NATURAL."
I want to say,"They look natural you freak because it is my hair. Not braids, not extentions, can I please stir my nasty ass coffee without you yelling at me. Can I QT in peace!?"
What I actually do is stare at her.
"CAN I TOUCH IT?"
"NO!"
"WELL IT SURE IS BEAUTIFUL, HOW LONG DID YOU SAY IT TOOK FOR THEM TO DO IT, TO MAKE THESE BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS."
Who is THEM?
I say," 12 years."
Her jaw drops, then I notice the ear piece. The crazy loud woman is on the phone. She's talking so loud to drown out the voice in her ear who is probably saying leave that person alone you crazy batty freak!
"THAT IS A LONG TIME. IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL."
Crazy seems to be able to find me in strange places.
And I know she's going to tell somebody that she met this black women who had a braid haistyle that took 12 years to complete, "AND IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL!"
I didn't lose my shit today, and that's good.
I do believe I am to pretty to go to jail.
They fixed my car and caught themselves before they completely uttered $700.00, because I was on the edge. You all know I have an issue with things being hauled and falling off trucks and all I could think of while my Baby Orange was being hauled on a truck was how fucked up it would be if it fell off. And if I were driving, I would so not be behind this truck hauling a car.
So I get out of Saturn and go to the QT.
Cause that's what you do after a marathon day at Saturn.
I have been drinking coffee all day and yes at 4pm wanted more.
This woman.
This very light skin woman.
This very, very, light skinned woman, says very loudly "WHAT BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS!"
I don't respond because I don't know she's talking to me because clearly I don't wear braids.
She gets close to me as I am stirring a coffee concoction.
Note to reader: It is very tempting while at the QT to mix that fake coffee shit to make a cool and interesting flavor. It's a bad idea. Only makes it taste like many different kinds of shit.
She gets closer.
So close that instinctively I step back thinking I've somehow stepped into her personal space. Even louder than before she say"IT MUST HAVE TAKEN THEM HOURS TO MAKE ALL THOSE WONDERFUL BRAIDS. THEY ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL, REALLY WONDERFUL."
I look around again then realize she's talking to me.
"Locks, not braids," I said.
"IT MUST HAVE TAKEN HOURS...HOW MANY HOURS DID IT TAKE."
"They aren't braids my hair grows like this."
"DID YOU GET IT DONE HERE? ARE YOU FROM HERE?"
"Not braids."
"I THINK ITS AMAZING HOW THEY DO THAT MAKE THOSE BRAIDS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE THAT. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST FOR THEM TO BRAID IT AND DECORATE IT LIKE THAT."
This whole thing seems funny, then I feel like she's ignoring me, then I think she's an idiot, and I can't figure out why she's yelling.
"I did it myself, not braids locks."
"SOME OF THEM LOOKS SO FAKE BUT YOURS LOOKS SO NATURAL."
I want to say,"They look natural you freak because it is my hair. Not braids, not extentions, can I please stir my nasty ass coffee without you yelling at me. Can I QT in peace!?"
What I actually do is stare at her.
"CAN I TOUCH IT?"
"NO!"
"WELL IT SURE IS BEAUTIFUL, HOW LONG DID YOU SAY IT TOOK FOR THEM TO DO IT, TO MAKE THESE BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS."
Who is THEM?
I say," 12 years."
Her jaw drops, then I notice the ear piece. The crazy loud woman is on the phone. She's talking so loud to drown out the voice in her ear who is probably saying leave that person alone you crazy batty freak!
"THAT IS A LONG TIME. IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL."
Crazy seems to be able to find me in strange places.
And I know she's going to tell somebody that she met this black women who had a braid haistyle that took 12 years to complete, "AND IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL!"
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Ahhhhhh!
I am beginning to think that I have pissed someone off in the cosmos.
Did I cut someone off in traffic,
in the middle of a conversation?
How the fuck did I manage to piss off the the flaming god of fans, dentistry and automotives at the same time? However I did it, they are grinning and sending all kinds of shit my way.
I barely made it home tonight.
My car, I love her dearly, but she is not cooperating.
I don't blame her though.
She know the shit I've been going through.
She's been their through flying Christmas trees and potential port-o-potty deaths.
She's saved me with her never failing breaks and has kept me out of several accidents.
I blame the fucking mechanics who claimed to have fixed her ailment last week.
We both blame them, they lied to us.
They touched her inner parts under the guise of fixing her.
But did they fix her?
No...they touched her goodies and put her in a position to leave me stranded.
Just like a... dare I say....MAN!
She wouldn't allow it however, she puttered me back to the safety of my very cute house.
I have mentioned how cute my house is, haven't I?
She got me home and allowed me to come in out of the rain and have a fucking fit.
I am soooooo going to tear Saturn a new one.
You'd think they'd have learned the last time
I showed up in their showroom and showed half my ass
because they abused and lied to me and my Baby Orange.
Apparently, I am going to have to show my whole ass
in order to get satisfaction.
One more fucking thing.
Which will no doubt turn into two more fucking things.
My Orange, they violated her by tweaking and probing and now she is powerless.
Damn mechanics...they have no idea who the fuck they have pissed off now.
Look for me on the news if I don't get my way!
And tomorrow's field trip day too!
Ahhhhhh!
Did I cut someone off in traffic,
in the middle of a conversation?
How the fuck did I manage to piss off the the flaming god of fans, dentistry and automotives at the same time? However I did it, they are grinning and sending all kinds of shit my way.
I barely made it home tonight.
My car, I love her dearly, but she is not cooperating.
I don't blame her though.
She know the shit I've been going through.
She's been their through flying Christmas trees and potential port-o-potty deaths.
She's saved me with her never failing breaks and has kept me out of several accidents.
I blame the fucking mechanics who claimed to have fixed her ailment last week.
We both blame them, they lied to us.
They touched her inner parts under the guise of fixing her.
But did they fix her?
No...they touched her goodies and put her in a position to leave me stranded.
Just like a... dare I say....MAN!
She wouldn't allow it however, she puttered me back to the safety of my very cute house.
I have mentioned how cute my house is, haven't I?
She got me home and allowed me to come in out of the rain and have a fucking fit.
I am soooooo going to tear Saturn a new one.
You'd think they'd have learned the last time
I showed up in their showroom and showed half my ass
because they abused and lied to me and my Baby Orange.
Apparently, I am going to have to show my whole ass
in order to get satisfaction.
One more fucking thing.
Which will no doubt turn into two more fucking things.
My Orange, they violated her by tweaking and probing and now she is powerless.
Damn mechanics...they have no idea who the fuck they have pissed off now.
Look for me on the news if I don't get my way!
And tomorrow's field trip day too!
Ahhhhhh!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Tonight, get off your ass and come out!
I think I go on fairly early, come out come out, right now dammitt!
A GIFT OF WORDS
an evening with
Atlanta GLBTQ Poets and Writers
Ponce De Leon Library
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7th
8 PM
Robin White
Robin Kemp
Collin Kelley
Vimal Jairath
Theresa Davis
Stan D
C. Cleo Creech
Melinda Kingsley
and host
Franklin Abbott
Please join us for an evening of readings and refreshments at the Ponce De Leon Branch
of the Atlanta Fulton Public Library,
980 Ponce de Leon Avenue.
The Ponce Branch is home of Atlanta's GLBTQ collection
of books, movies and music curated by Cal Gough.
Donations of books, cd's and dvd's are welcome.
This event is free and open to all.
an evening with
Atlanta GLBTQ Poets and Writers
Ponce De Leon Library
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 7th
8 PM
Robin White
Robin Kemp
Collin Kelley
Vimal Jairath
Theresa Davis
Stan D
C. Cleo Creech
Melinda Kingsley
and host
Franklin Abbott
Please join us for an evening of readings and refreshments at the Ponce De Leon Branch
of the Atlanta Fulton Public Library,
980 Ponce de Leon Avenue.
The Ponce Branch is home of Atlanta's GLBTQ collection
of books, movies and music curated by Cal Gough.
Donations of books, cd's and dvd's are welcome.
This event is free and open to all.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Criminal
I guess it had to happen.
I mean it was only a matter of time.
Hanging out with those kinds of people.
Those unsure,
all about taking chances not consequences.
I should have known that one of them would do it.
Leave their five pound sugar baby unattended,
hell, let's be honest left the sugary bundle of joy outside in the rain,
twins,
can it get any worst.
They had to be taken so my class has made me a kidnapper.
The ransom is a loss of 30 parent points per kid and a paper on child safety.
Enough of that.
I am bored.
Out of my fucking mind but have no desire to go out to meet people.
I am wearing this undatable thing like a fucking medal and it's starting to bug me.
This week end I went out briefly but mostly I was a home body.
I am in a degree of pain but sitting in my bed sipping wine and reading a book I thought nice! Could be nicer with some special someone
should I get up off my ass and look for someone,
but again that would defeat the purpose for if
you have to look for them they are not special they were stalked.
So this is me not looking but sipping my wine reading the new
James Patterson mystery with kidnapped sugar babies,
a pained foot ( damn flaming fan of death, i will be in pain for at least a year, just because I didn't want my family to burn up. Limping in and out of pain for a year...how fucked up is that)
and facial swelling.
The warranty is definitely up and my ass is falling apart.
But the book is good, so far and the wine is tasty.
And if the sugar babies ransom isn't made
the sugar cookies I am sure will be tasty as well.....
it's criminal!
I mean it was only a matter of time.
Hanging out with those kinds of people.
Those unsure,
all about taking chances not consequences.
I should have known that one of them would do it.
Leave their five pound sugar baby unattended,
hell, let's be honest left the sugary bundle of joy outside in the rain,
twins,
can it get any worst.
They had to be taken so my class has made me a kidnapper.
The ransom is a loss of 30 parent points per kid and a paper on child safety.
Enough of that.
I am bored.
Out of my fucking mind but have no desire to go out to meet people.
I am wearing this undatable thing like a fucking medal and it's starting to bug me.
This week end I went out briefly but mostly I was a home body.
I am in a degree of pain but sitting in my bed sipping wine and reading a book I thought nice! Could be nicer with some special someone
should I get up off my ass and look for someone,
but again that would defeat the purpose for if
you have to look for them they are not special they were stalked.
So this is me not looking but sipping my wine reading the new
James Patterson mystery with kidnapped sugar babies,
a pained foot ( damn flaming fan of death, i will be in pain for at least a year, just because I didn't want my family to burn up. Limping in and out of pain for a year...how fucked up is that)
and facial swelling.
The warranty is definitely up and my ass is falling apart.
But the book is good, so far and the wine is tasty.
And if the sugar babies ransom isn't made
the sugar cookies I am sure will be tasty as well.....
it's criminal!
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Reality
It's that time of year again and reality math has begun!
Reality math is something I do during that awkward time from Thanksgiving Break to Winter Break. Not really enough time to get into new things so we concentrate for the most part on life skills.
So each middle schooler will give birth to a five pound sugar baby tomorrow!
A few of them will be premies as now sugar comes in a 4lb bag and I really hadn't noticed. It's just about the same price we are being ripped off left and right, less for more and all that.
Well anyway, two kids will have twins....Oh joy.
I considered letting them be couples but then it could become more real with all the squabbling that already exists. I mean could you imagine being saddled with twins and a spouse who loses their job, they would end up really hating each other rather that the pure animosity they hold for each other.
Plus as it was brought to my attention by one of my female students,
"None of the boys are cute our baby would be ugly!"
I reminded her that no matter how her spouse looked her baby would still look like a five pound bag of sugar. She said I didn't get it.
The boys remarked tha none of the girls were cute and most of them had chicken legs.
Again I assured them that there baby wouldn't have chicken legs for it is still a bag of sugar. Again I didn't get it.
What they don't know is that I totally get it.
They don't want it to appear like they are boyfriend and girlfriend and they also don't want to make request because then I'd know who liked who.
Also my number ratios boy to girl are off so one couple would have to be gay.
They kinda liked that idea.
I told them I don't think that they are as open minded as they think they are and surely their parents might protest.
Where more parents were outted.
I love my job.
My boys were the first to bring in their intended bundles of sugary joy.
I found that interesting.
Most of them were dressed...
badly and very insulated in case of accidental dropping.
One asked if he could wrap his baby in duct tape.
My response was simple,"If you wrap a real baby in duct tape, you will go to jail."
No the only thing they can wrap their babies in are their loving arms.
There was some wretching at this comment.
I told them I would be embossing a birthmark on their babies at bith.
"Why?"
"So if you try to replace the baby should he or she be dropped or exploded, I'll know."
One confused kid says,"How are you going to embalm the baby?"
"Your baby is a bag of sugar, it would have to have been alive for me to embalm it."
Then I had to explain embossing.
"Will it hurt the baby?"
"It's not alive!" Then I said,"Think of it as a circumcision."
They looked perplexed and then after I explained that one I though the boys were going to throw up and some kept their legs crossed most of the day.
There will be some interesting conversations at dinner tonight.
They chose their careers, not very realistic.
I explained that they start off at a base pay and if they draw a card where they continue their education or get a Master's degree or a raise then they make more money. They get to keep a budget, write checks and pull life cards.
Some say things like,"Hey lead foot that policeman got you on radar. Pay a 200.00 ticket"
or " You find a wallet and return it to the owner. $50.00 reward"
It will be fun.
Already two of my boys children have band-aids.
Then one thought to ask me what happens if their babies don't weigh the same after 3 weeks.
I told them I also double as the Department of Family and Children Services. They start off with 100 parent points and can lose or gain them as they handle and care for their baby. I also have ransome note for those parents who leave their child at school when they leave. They will have to pay big to get them back.
Hey, I've got to have some fun!
Reality math is something I do during that awkward time from Thanksgiving Break to Winter Break. Not really enough time to get into new things so we concentrate for the most part on life skills.
So each middle schooler will give birth to a five pound sugar baby tomorrow!
A few of them will be premies as now sugar comes in a 4lb bag and I really hadn't noticed. It's just about the same price we are being ripped off left and right, less for more and all that.
Well anyway, two kids will have twins....Oh joy.
I considered letting them be couples but then it could become more real with all the squabbling that already exists. I mean could you imagine being saddled with twins and a spouse who loses their job, they would end up really hating each other rather that the pure animosity they hold for each other.
Plus as it was brought to my attention by one of my female students,
"None of the boys are cute our baby would be ugly!"
I reminded her that no matter how her spouse looked her baby would still look like a five pound bag of sugar. She said I didn't get it.
The boys remarked tha none of the girls were cute and most of them had chicken legs.
Again I assured them that there baby wouldn't have chicken legs for it is still a bag of sugar. Again I didn't get it.
What they don't know is that I totally get it.
They don't want it to appear like they are boyfriend and girlfriend and they also don't want to make request because then I'd know who liked who.
Also my number ratios boy to girl are off so one couple would have to be gay.
They kinda liked that idea.
I told them I don't think that they are as open minded as they think they are and surely their parents might protest.
Where more parents were outted.
I love my job.
My boys were the first to bring in their intended bundles of sugary joy.
I found that interesting.
Most of them were dressed...
badly and very insulated in case of accidental dropping.
One asked if he could wrap his baby in duct tape.
My response was simple,"If you wrap a real baby in duct tape, you will go to jail."
No the only thing they can wrap their babies in are their loving arms.
There was some wretching at this comment.
I told them I would be embossing a birthmark on their babies at bith.
"Why?"
"So if you try to replace the baby should he or she be dropped or exploded, I'll know."
One confused kid says,"How are you going to embalm the baby?"
"Your baby is a bag of sugar, it would have to have been alive for me to embalm it."
Then I had to explain embossing.
"Will it hurt the baby?"
"It's not alive!" Then I said,"Think of it as a circumcision."
They looked perplexed and then after I explained that one I though the boys were going to throw up and some kept their legs crossed most of the day.
There will be some interesting conversations at dinner tonight.
They chose their careers, not very realistic.
I explained that they start off at a base pay and if they draw a card where they continue their education or get a Master's degree or a raise then they make more money. They get to keep a budget, write checks and pull life cards.
Some say things like,"Hey lead foot that policeman got you on radar. Pay a 200.00 ticket"
or " You find a wallet and return it to the owner. $50.00 reward"
It will be fun.
Already two of my boys children have band-aids.
Then one thought to ask me what happens if their babies don't weigh the same after 3 weeks.
I told them I also double as the Department of Family and Children Services. They start off with 100 parent points and can lose or gain them as they handle and care for their baby. I also have ransome note for those parents who leave their child at school when they leave. They will have to pay big to get them back.
Hey, I've got to have some fun!
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