Friday, December 09, 2005

She's not listening

I spent all day on Saturn....I wish the planet, felt like I was on another planet.
I didn't lose my shit today, and that's good.
I do believe I am to pretty to go to jail.
They fixed my car and caught themselves before they completely uttered $700.00, because I was on the edge. You all know I have an issue with things being hauled and falling off trucks and all I could think of while my Baby Orange was being hauled on a truck was how fucked up it would be if it fell off. And if I were driving, I would so not be behind this truck hauling a car.
So I get out of Saturn and go to the QT.
Cause that's what you do after a marathon day at Saturn.
I have been drinking coffee all day and yes at 4pm wanted more.
This woman.
This very light skin woman.
This very, very, light skinned woman, says very loudly "WHAT BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS!"
I don't respond because I don't know she's talking to me because clearly I don't wear braids.
She gets close to me as I am stirring a coffee concoction.

Note to reader: It is very tempting while at the QT to mix that fake coffee shit to make a cool and interesting flavor. It's a bad idea. Only makes it taste like many different kinds of shit.

She gets closer.
So close that instinctively I step back thinking I've somehow stepped into her personal space. Even louder than before she say"IT MUST HAVE TAKEN THEM HOURS TO MAKE ALL THOSE WONDERFUL BRAIDS. THEY ARE SIMPLY WONDERFUL, REALLY WONDERFUL."
I look around again then realize she's talking to me.
"Locks, not braids," I said.
"IT MUST HAVE TAKEN HOURS...HOW MANY HOURS DID IT TAKE."
"They aren't braids my hair grows like this."
"DID YOU GET IT DONE HERE? ARE YOU FROM HERE?"
"Not braids."
"I THINK ITS AMAZING HOW THEY DO THAT MAKE THOSE BRAIDS SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE THAT. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST FOR THEM TO BRAID IT AND DECORATE IT LIKE THAT."
This whole thing seems funny, then I feel like she's ignoring me, then I think she's an idiot, and I can't figure out why she's yelling.
"I did it myself, not braids locks."
"SOME OF THEM LOOKS SO FAKE BUT YOURS LOOKS SO NATURAL."
I want to say,"They look natural you freak because it is my hair. Not braids, not extentions, can I please stir my nasty ass coffee without you yelling at me. Can I QT in peace!?"
What I actually do is stare at her.
"CAN I TOUCH IT?"
"NO!"
"WELL IT SURE IS BEAUTIFUL, HOW LONG DID YOU SAY IT TOOK FOR THEM TO DO IT, TO MAKE THESE BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS."
Who is THEM?
I say," 12 years."
Her jaw drops, then I notice the ear piece. The crazy loud woman is on the phone. She's talking so loud to drown out the voice in her ear who is probably saying leave that person alone you crazy batty freak!
"THAT IS A LONG TIME. IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL."
Crazy seems to be able to find me in strange places.
And I know she's going to tell somebody that she met this black women who had a braid haistyle that took 12 years to complete, "AND IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL!"

3 comments:

M. Ru Pere said...

That was side-splittin' funny, gurlfriend - I could just see you mumbling back to her - reminds me of when, as a hippie, I could tell, from about a block away, when somebody was zeroing in on me to say I looked "just like Jesus!" and I would say - well, I'm not Jesus, ok?

Kirkrrt said...

That Saturn is an evil place. I go there as rarely as possible and always feel violated when I leave.
The inhabitants have no shame when it comes to trying to rip you off.

nolapoet said...

You are SOOOOO beeYOOteefulllll!!!!...

Can I please touch your exotic blackness and see if any rubs off?!.....

Some of my best friends are black people!!!...

Do tell me more about your exotic cultural BRAIDS!!!!...

Laffin' my ass off,
Robin
(next time we'll discuss your heroic limp)