Thursday, December 01, 2005


It's that time of year again and reality math has begun!
Reality math is something I do during that awkward time from Thanksgiving Break to Winter Break. Not really enough time to get into new things so we concentrate for the most part on life skills.
So each middle schooler will give birth to a five pound sugar baby tomorrow!
A few of them will be premies as now sugar comes in a 4lb bag and I really hadn't noticed. It's just about the same price we are being ripped off left and right, less for more and all that.
Well anyway, two kids will have twins....Oh joy.
I considered letting them be couples but then it could become more real with all the squabbling that already exists. I mean could you imagine being saddled with twins and a spouse who loses their job, they would end up really hating each other rather that the pure animosity they hold for each other.
Plus as it was brought to my attention by one of my female students,
"None of the boys are cute our baby would be ugly!"
I reminded her that no matter how her spouse looked her baby would still look like a five pound bag of sugar. She said I didn't get it.
The boys remarked tha none of the girls were cute and most of them had chicken legs.
Again I assured them that there baby wouldn't have chicken legs for it is still a bag of sugar. Again I didn't get it.
What they don't know is that I totally get it.
They don't want it to appear like they are boyfriend and girlfriend and they also don't want to make request because then I'd know who liked who.
Also my number ratios boy to girl are off so one couple would have to be gay.
They kinda liked that idea.
I told them I don't think that they are as open minded as they think they are and surely their parents might protest.
Where more parents were outted.
I love my job.
My boys were the first to bring in their intended bundles of sugary joy.
I found that interesting.
Most of them were dressed...
badly and very insulated in case of accidental dropping.
One asked if he could wrap his baby in duct tape.
My response was simple,"If you wrap a real baby in duct tape, you will go to jail."
No the only thing they can wrap their babies in are their loving arms.
There was some wretching at this comment.
I told them I would be embossing a birthmark on their babies at bith.
"So if you try to replace the baby should he or she be dropped or exploded, I'll know."
One confused kid says,"How are you going to embalm the baby?"
"Your baby is a bag of sugar, it would have to have been alive for me to embalm it."
Then I had to explain embossing.
"Will it hurt the baby?"
"It's not alive!" Then I said,"Think of it as a circumcision."
They looked perplexed and then after I explained that one I though the boys were going to throw up and some kept their legs crossed most of the day.
There will be some interesting conversations at dinner tonight.
They chose their careers, not very realistic.
I explained that they start off at a base pay and if they draw a card where they continue their education or get a Master's degree or a raise then they make more money. They get to keep a budget, write checks and pull life cards.
Some say things like,"Hey lead foot that policeman got you on radar. Pay a 200.00 ticket"
or " You find a wallet and return it to the owner. $50.00 reward"
It will be fun.
Already two of my boys children have band-aids.
Then one thought to ask me what happens if their babies don't weigh the same after 3 weeks.
I told them I also double as the Department of Family and Children Services. They start off with 100 parent points and can lose or gain them as they handle and care for their baby. I also have ransome note for those parents who leave their child at school when they leave. They will have to pay big to get them back.
Hey, I've got to have some fun!

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