Saturday, June 18, 2005

I'm Losing It

It's official, I am depressed.
I didn't recognize it at first.
I knew I was in a funk but I thought I could throw it.
I had an awesome time at the reading on Wednesday.
Left feeling very up and the next day everything crashed.
I have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness and thought if I went out last night and danced a bit surround myself with people I wouldn't feel so lonely.
The entire time I was there I was on the verge of tears.
I remember this.
The last time this happened like this, I was not right for a long time.
I have several things to do today.
What I want to do is curl up in a dark room.
Maybe it's the real mid life crisis.
I don't know what they look like as this is my first one.
I feel old, unattractive and like I am destined to be alone.
I thought if I got it out I'd feel better.
I don't.
And I'm afraid that if I continue I'm going to electrocute myself.
Tears and technology not a good mix.
I can't let it grip me like last time.
Last time I scared myself.
And I don't scare so easy.

No comments: