I have tried everything. Well not everything. I am sure there is something out there I haven't tried that would wipe me out. You know exhaust me completely. But I haven't done that in so long I'm afraid I won't remember how. I have not had a full night sleep, in MANY, MANY days. Last night I think I might have slept 20 minutes. I have a lot to do this weekend. I can't afford an episode. I am feeling very touchy and edgy. Not on the verge of tears touchy, but the scary touchy. The one where I open my mouth and verbally jack you.
I've gotten better.
I've only officially gone of face to face once.
By e-mail possibly twice.
I stop and think, did this person say this to piss me off , is this a real question worth answering, can slapping the shit out of someone, get back that loving feeling?
I will not hit.
Hitting is bad.
I'm a lover (not lately), not a fighter (any more).
It helps to write the insane shit I think and feel here, see this way nobody gets hurt!
1 comment:
maybe you could get a tape-loop of Kodac's opening repeating, never-ending, boring-as-shit, ramble-mumble at java - "And I see the men are in the lead 6 to 4 inm the first section, Boooo . . . where you get to read 2 poems, but after our feature, in the 2nd section, I generally go in the order . . . " zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
ps - that Ex thing a few entries back is a poem/piece waiting to happen
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