On Being in LA 3/30

I am here without you.
I am here without you and I am not surprised.
I am here without you and I am not surprised
because when I was with you, it was like I was not.
Why should this be any different?

There were so many plans made those last
months with you. So many plans that sounded like
movement like next level. That sounded like I want you
to go to LA for the first time with me. I am here without you.
I am here without you and I am not surprised.
I am here without you and I am not surprised
because when I was with you, it was like I was not.
Why should this be any different?

We will travel together so I can show you my past.
Too late I remembered I was also your past
trying to force fit into a future a false fantasy of tomorrow.
The lies lulled us past the other lies and I am here without you.
I am not surprised.

That time you said you didn't know how to deserve me
all I heard was you will see LA without me. What I felt was,
she is so full in love with me, instead of the push out
of your life you meant. I believe and still do, that love
in whatever form, can grow inside itself.
Why should this be any different?

I am in LA without you. In a place where we could
have landed safely, held time hostage and doubt at bay.
I am here without you because we were a conclusion
we were both too ill informed to jump to. The way we fell
away from each other before the embers burned themselves
to ash. I am here without you
and I want to be surprised.

I am here without you and I want to be surprised
because when I was with you, it was like I was not.
Why could't this be different?

Knowing the answers does not stop my heart from beating
to the tune of, I wish you were here.