10/30 Check Out

i’m done library lending
myself to disinterested readers
who want a story
but not the truth
not the cobwebs spinning
not the tears and bruise
they want to be entertained
and anything other
than that thing they want
they break my spine
re-shelf me crooked
call me liar and spent
hold expectation over my head
watch me jump
but not high and mighty enough
not good enough
to forestall the great waves
of disappointment left behind
above
in front of
it’s all very interesting
until it’s not
until it’s same shit different day
and my arms pinwheel
like I’m trying to hold the reader’s attention
trying to safe land, harbor home them
but my vocabulary strains the tongue
my geography lost on the pages
dog eared never to be revisited

I think I’m done with that
I think my branches have tried too hard
to reach the one who dare not be touched
dare not be this
you
why you try so hard
when you watch those reader
choose horror and chaos comic book
why you gotta be so not that
why do you care?

is it because that is how you are shaped
built
bred
because caring is how you navigate this world
built on other and destruction
so you destroy yourself in understanding
or trying to be understood
when you should care less
because if you did
they’d care more
cherish what’s not there
a quick read saying nothing
maybe you can be best seller
if you said nothing
think about it
what can they learn from you
when you've already been
cliff noted by you cover
why should they read
when they can just watch

tell them a story
one they can believe
one where no truth is evident
footnote the truths
no one reads those
the footnotes
no one cares where you come from