Friday, April 18, 2014

14 And the Cranberries Lead the Way

what you refuse to understand 
is my desires have nothing to do with you 
but I have entertained this train wreck interaction 
believing the conversation would be 
well, not this 

not this simple 

not this you trying to degrade me 
make me feel less than
but what you don't seem to get 
is that in order for your words to sting 
for your teeth to make purchase 
you have to bite harder and mean it  
plunging you blade of stupid in my back 
only works if you are sharp 
which you are not 
but you think you are 
which is sad 

but there you are standing there 
wrapped in cluelessness 
trying to school me on shit you don't know 
your thrift store psychology fails you 
and as you lose confidence in your own brand 
of bat shyt crazy 
you decide to go to the bottom of your dumb bucket 
attempt to crab barrel drag me to your level 

And your only come back is 
"only lazy women become lesbians 
it takes work to find a man"

my first thought was 
what the fuck is wrong with this person 
my next fuck this person 

when I stare this time I am imaging 
the exhausted hamster wheeling in your brain 
you know what you've said makes no sense
but you hold on to it like an ugly baby 
trying to protect it from those who might call it what it is
I tell you more than I should 
two marriages three kids a leap from the closet 
later and I am oddly pleased and not surprised 
to learn that I am no longer as lazy, 
like that, 
but the men I found were not good men 
grinning in the direction of the man who talks down to you, 
cheats on you and whose wardrobe is the definition of misogyny 
the same man who hit on me 
then showed his entire ass 
when I suggested he introduce me to his sister 
she'd have a better chance

When I grow bored of the no longer 
even slightly entertaining conversation about nothing 
I tell you I'm done going to take my lazy ass 
to the dyke bar 
a little karaoke and beer 
you gush tell me how you've always wanted 
to go to a gay bar grinning at me like I just issued an invitation

so you want to be lazy with me?

I lie 
tell her it's like a club  
there are secret handshakes and shit 
and I decide to not have conversations 
about sexuality with people who don't 
even know what that is 


a cold beer in my hand
I sing my favorite Cranberries song 
thinking how I spent most of my evening 
then it hits me
the zombie apocalypse isn't the eating of brains
it's the people who don't use theirs 
and the Cranberries had been saying this for years
it is in your head
in your head
zombie, zombie, zombie, ie, ie

well played Cranberries

well played

*insert guitar solo*


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