Wednesday, April 09, 2014

9/30 Strike 3,I'm Out

In the land of no expectation 
there are no surprises 
no wishful thinking 
no I should have, would have 
no love lost 
you can never lose what you never had 
and lies by omission have no weight 
or maybe the same weight as obligatory face time 
what was owed was never owed 
and what was believed was never true 

I am always weary of the word best 
three times it's been thrown in my direction 
three times it meant goodbye 
some goodbyes hurt worse than others 
thank the goddess this was only three years 
not two decades 
that one still fucks with me 
but less and less 
with each chance encounter 
she drifts a specter 
showing up when 
I'm second guessing myself 
out of the blue 
offering change for the meter 
the only other love of my progeny 
growing like weeds up up and away 
believed in and probably alway will

I was surprised by what wasn't felt 
maybe I knew this was some twisted duty thing 
it was difficult to hold your eyes 
because I once loved them so much 
know I can never love them again 
a disappointment of a different kind 
same kind 
I have learned so much 
about myself this last year of last chances 
and test of true 
not liking all the answers 
but trusting the results 
as you offered no better 
my appetite not accustomed to crumbs 
and I am far to polite to stay 
where I am not wanted  

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