In the land of no expectation
there are no surprises
no wishful thinking
no I should have, would have
no love lost
you can never lose what you never had
and lies by omission have no weight
or maybe the same weight as obligatory face time
what was owed was never owed
and what was believed was never true
I am always weary of the word best
three times it's been thrown in my direction
three times it meant goodbye
some goodbyes hurt worse than others
thank the goddess this was only three years
not two decades
that one still fucks with me
but less and less
with each chance encounter
she drifts a specter
showing up when
I'm second guessing myself
out of the blue
offering change for the meter
the only other love of my progeny
growing like weeds up up and away
believed in and probably alway will
I was surprised by what wasn't felt
maybe I knew this was some twisted duty thing
it was difficult to hold your eyes
because I once loved them so much
know I can never love them again
a disappointment of a different kind
same kind
I have learned so much
about myself this last year of last chances
and test of true
not liking all the answers
but trusting the results
as you offered no better
my appetite not accustomed to crumbs
and I am far to polite to stay
where I am not wanted
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